Update On The DCG Who Stole DD Toys

[Blackcat31]

This is something I had not considered Hunni Bee..and it has sealed the deal for me. I will dicuss with DCM at Pick up 2night. I will tell her that I am not uninviting the child but think that it would be a wise choice if she stayed home this weekend in order to give the girls some time to start over. But if she chooses to still allow DD to come to the party ( I can't IMAGINE allowing my child to go to a party after what she had done but that is me) she will need to stay with her DD for the entire party including coming to the movies with us and paying out of her pocket for her own ticket because I am not prepared or able to supervise her DD as she obviously requires.

NICE~! I think that is a great solution! Give it to who owns it! The DCM should have some responsibility in this and doing what you said above is awesome. Maybe it will teach BOTH mom and child something.

You also mentioned that you couldnt imagine allowing your child to go to a party after what happened and I agree, but what you are forgetting is that this DCM obviously operates within completely different set of ethics and moral guidelines than you do so for her, accompaning the child to the party is probably what she will do. After all, she couldn't possibly allow her child to have her feelings hurt

What happens though when her mom buys her anything she wants from the concession stand, will that cause a problem with the other girls you have invited?

I feel so badly for you as this is a really ****y situation to be in. I really hope it works out well for you and for your DD. Her birthday should not have to be overshadowed by the poor choices of someone who called herself a friend and the reinforcement she (DCG) is receiving from her mother.

[EntropyControlSpecialist]

This is something I had not considered Hunni Bee..and it has sealed the deal for me. I will dicuss with DCM at Pick up 2night. I will tell her that I am not uninviting the child but think that it would be a wise choice if she stayed home this weekend in order to give the girls some time to start over. But if she chooses to still allow DD to come to the party ( I can't IMAGINE allowing my child to go to a party after what she had done but that is me) she will need to stay with her DD for the entire party including coming to the movies with us and paying out of her pocket for her own ticket because I am not prepared or able to supervise her DD as she obviously requires.

Don't be surprised when Mom and daughter show up. She wouldn't want to punish Precious for such an honest mistake ....

[Cat Herder]

Did you agree to keep this secret from everyone? I don't understand that part at all. :confused: NVM, I re-read it. Can't believe DCM had the nerve.

IMHO, she should have to apologize to your DD.

[DaisyMamma]

I so completely agree wIth blackcat.
Your house, your rules.
You can tell whoever you choose to tell and you certainly can uninvited her to the party! If her own mother isn't willing to step up and punish her, then someone should.
I would even consider terming.

(((Hugs))) for dealing but I have to say I think you are making a big mistake listening to DCM and NOT talking openly about this and keeping this whole thing a secret.

I think that the reaction she (the DCG) will receive from the other kids IS necessary for her to understand the full ramifications of her actions.

She DID steal.
She DID behave as a thief
She DID steal
She SHOULD be embarrassed....maybe enough that she will never do it again.

Having mom help her cover up her "crimes" does NOONE any justice and surely isn't helping the situation. Talk about screwing your kid up by being an accomplice, which is exactly what DCM is doing by hiding her actions. That isn't love, that is just wrong on so many levels.

I would absolutely tell DCG she isn't welcome on Saturday as that should be part of the consequences of stealing! She SHOULD feel unwelcome, not trusted and ashamed of her actions but how in the world is that ever going to happen when mom is so busy covering it up.

Also NO WAY IN HE77 would I allow a daycare family tell me what I can and cannot tell my husband and/or children. NO WAY!

I would allow that DCG to be present in my home as a daycare child but NEVER in any other capacity until she can earn back my trust.

The DCM IS right, she is only 8 years old but being 8 doesn't excuse her from taking responsibilty for her actions and having to suffer the consequences. 8 is plenty old enough to know better and plenty old enough to know FULL well what she is doing.

Not intentional, my butt! She may have used that excuse to her mother who is enabling her to have repeat actions and had her mother believe her but seriously, if she doesn't start being remorseful and responsible for her actions, her mom is going to be visiting her child in juvenile detention or jail later on.

I am NOT a big fan of Dr Phil but he once said "If you are big enough to do it, be big enough to own it." And I have that sign hanging in my daycare because ALL my kiddos know that we don't use, believe, borrow or accept excuses here.

[Meeko]

I get the feeling that this mom will indeed show up with her daughter and I also feel she's the type who will go overboard to make her poor daughter feel "special" after the "trauma" she's received

Tons of goodies at the movies etc.

I would be scared of my daughters party being over-shadowed by a mother desperate to make her own daughter feel better.

I would want MY daughter to be the center of attention.

[MyAngels]

since she is new here this year and she doesn't really know anyone yet.

Kids act out in all kinds of ways when they are feeling insecure and looking for acceptance. I have to wonder if that could be a factor here? Her mother could have used this opportunity to teach her child a valuable life lesson, but unfortunately she is teaching her that there is no consequence for stealing - as long as you can come up with an excuse - and it's okay to lie to cover yourself as well . Poor kid.

[Meeko]

Did you agree to keep this secret from everyone? I don't understand that part at all. :confused: NVM, I re-read it. Can't believe DCM had the nerve.

IMHO, she should have to apologize to your DD.

No secrets.

I would tell the mom that anything that goes on in my house is openly discussed with the people who live in it.

[jojosmommy]

I stole a chapstick once when I was like 8 or 10. My sister pushed me to do it one afternoon when my mom let us walk from her work to the grocery store next door.

Imagine her embarrasment when we got taken in a police car to the police station.

She left us there the entire rest of her shift and even made my dad come with to pick us up. We were so embarrassed. Then she made each of us ride back to the store to apologize and apologize to her boss for keeping her mind preoccupied when she was to be at work. We each rode home with one parent and get our ears chewed off the whole ride.

Never stole again!

Thats how it should be

[Registered]

I'm registered here but logged out for privacy. Here's something that will make you shake your head and go "WHAT!".

There was an incident at the local high school. Very explicite threat posted against some kids that went to school there. Kids that were threatened were excorted to offices and parents came to get them.

First thing told to the parents of the kids threatened by the administrators and police "Do Not Say A Word About This To Anyone!". The parents mouths all dropped in disbelief. They were being told to keep it quiet and not to talk.

It was very hush, hush up to the point the guidance councilors weren't even told. They found out much later.

They never found out who wrote it. I think if the parents could have been able to make it public the heat would have been on and someone would have said something.

[Kaddidle Care]

This child needs to be reprimanded by her parent(s) so that this doesn't happen again. She shouldn't be coddled. Ugh! "Friend Parents"

My oldest son had a friend who's mother told me about all the money she found in a jar in his room. When I asked her "where'd he get it from?" she was like "I don't know - Birthdays I guess." HELLOOOOO! Never occurred to her that her darling might be stealing it from his friends.

Needless to say, we made sure any cash was out of sight when he was over and he was never left in a room alone. (Aside from the bathroom of course.)

I would advise you to do the same. Leave nothing valuable out and I would be so bold as to inspect her backpack each day for a while. Don't let her forget this. Once found out a liar, always considered a liar. Once found out a thief, always considered a thief.

We can all forgive but we don't have to forget.

[Crystal]

I would uninvite her from the party AND I would uninvite her from my daycare. I would NEVER condone what Mom is suggesting....IMHO she is just going to perpetuate it because she is not taking it as seriously as she should. I wouldn't want her in my home if the Mom is going to be dismissive of it.

[Crystal]

Oh, I would also make this a BIG topic of discussion at circle time with ALL of the children. It is a good life lesson for all of them and they will walk away with a firm understadning of what it means to take things that do not belong to you without asking.