So What Do You Do With A Misbehaving Toddler Under 2 In California?

[Kimberli]

I know many of you read my other post about a recent licensing citation I received after a disgruntled parent with a very poorly behaved 18 month old filed a complaint on me when I had to term her son for aggressive behavior after caring for him for 5 months. (By the way, I truly thank everyone for your comments and support) <3

So - now, my question is this ... I am in the State of California where restraining a child (high-chair, pack and play, play pen, exersaucer, bouncy, etc.) is illegal - and apparently, though it is written NO WHERE, day care providers are found to be violating children's personal rights if they use the method of time out for children younger than, say, 3??? (No one at the Community Licensing Office seems to be able to give me a parameter there, but my hand was slapped by them anyway. ) And according to the Licensing Supervisor, they also told me that children at 18 months do not understand verbal expectations related to behavior ("No, no Johnny - we do NOT hit our friends.") and that perhaps I cannot "meet the needs of children under 3" if I do not understand this.

What methods have you found successful when a toddler will not stop a destructive behavior (i.e. hitting, shoving, spitting, clearing toys off of shelves and throwing them) after repeated verbal commands, redirection and placing them in other play areas using distraction? Do you just terminate them immediately?

Basically I was cited for not terming this child PRIOR to using the time-out method as a last resort. Moving forward, I am at a loss as to what is both acceptable in dealing with these behaviors (in the eyes of the State) and effective.

What do you do with unruly toddlers in your care and when do YOU term?

[Cat Herder]

I am not in CA, but our rules are the same. (Edit: We are not allowed to use time out at all. It is the most commonly abused/misused method so they just took it away.)

For discipline I expect certain behaviors before they happen, recognize the root issues/behaviors and prevent them from escalating. If they beat me to the punch and display an unwanted behavior, redirection is my only recourse.

If my redirections are not working with a particular child after I have given it my best effort, to include a signed discipline plan, a specified period of intervention time and MUCH documentation, I know I am unable to meet this childs needs.

I term when I can not meet the childs needs.

I know it sounds simplistic, but most of this is about getting rid of the emotional response, tempering it with a preplan and "professional" language.

[daycare]

I must be really lucky right now and in the past as I have never had any real issues with children, but I also only take children 20month to 5 years of age.

I however do have a child that is 18months old of a sibling. I have had to separate her from the kids when she knocks over their towers or what not, but I created a space for only her and gave her toys to play with. I guess one could call it time out, I just didn't give it a name.

Ugh I feel so bad for you......I actually had a dream about this last night that everyone from here went to boycott CA licensing because of this... then I woke up.

What has happened to you makes me feel so unsafe in my business and I have even lost a little bit of confidence. It's like we are set up to fail.

[Cat Herder]

...but Daycare, setting up that "neutral space" IS a preplan. happyface

[daycare]

...but Daycare, setting up that "neutral space" IS a preplan. happyface

NOT always.... but I know what you are saying

[Childminder]

We are taught that a 9mo old child is capable of understanding the same basic commands of a full grown dog, ie; sit, stay, no, down, etc... so why is an 18mo old incapable of understanding them? Bad parenting and government control. I'm sorry but what happen to you is bull $#!+.

We are supposed to be able to teach and nuture infants and toddlers for some of the lowest pay nationally but heaven forbid that we tell a child no in any way so that they learn to grow into a responsible adult.

When I have a "problem" child I shadow the little sweetheart. He/she Never leaves my side. Today that is acceptable, tomorrow like time outs, it won't be.

[familyschoolcare]

OP--part of your problem is calling it a time out. What I was taught to do (I know that I have not had to procatice it much as a only sub. in the 2 year

old room rarely and I currently only do scholage)was redirect and giving a new place adnd toys for the child. I was taught to talk to the child as to why

you are doing this just do not expect a result form your words.



I know that I do not have much experine with this age group so please take my advice with a grain of salt, so to speak.

[mom2many]

Honestly I haven't had too many issues with children under 2 misbehaving and very seldom do I use a time out even for older kids. Your situation was unique and I would not have been able to have a child act out so aggressively either. I wouldn't want to risk the liability of having another child in my care hurt and would have had to term him too.

I used to have a tiny little stool in our entry way for kids to sit on to put shoes on and designated that as a time out space for years. I had even showed it to licensing when they'd ask about my discipline measures and they never batted an eye. Recently I took it out when we updated our house with more contemporary furnishings...(it rarely got used & was more for decoration.)

Two years ago, I had one little girl who was about 18 mths old and put herself in "time out"! If I was in the other room and she did something she knew was wrong and I hadn't even actually seen it, she would plop down on the stool and one of the little ones who'd been hit or had a toy taken away would come and tell on her. It only happened a few times, but it clearly showed me that she knew better & also understood consequences! It was amazing to me, since I seldom resorted to having a child sit there for a minute or two and used redirection as my main course of action!

Under 2, kids are usually not very verbal and hitting/biting is a normal recourse for their frustration. They are still learning to share and taking someone else's toy is nothing out of the ordinary for them. Thankfully this phase is usually very short lived & I usually only have one little one this age at a time, so I will do as Daycare stated and separate them from the main group and have them sit with me and play, so the issue is resolved.

I feel like Daycare in that we are set up to fail...having a child that is causing harm to others is serious and it's unfortunate and horrible that his behavior is causing these repercussions for you.

[Sugar Magnolia]

"Children who have repeat incidences of violence towards other children or staff, including but not limited to; hitting, shoving, biting, hair pulling etc, will be terminated."

I read your other post. Yes, the parent was being vindictive. However, I also agree that children with no verbal skills should not be in a time out, much less multiple time outs. They don't get it. I feel that unless a child is old enough to sit still and discuss with you what happened, why it happened, what they did wrong and what to do if they feel angry, they should not be in time out. Pac n play, high chair.... should be used only for sleeping and feeding. I think of my own son being in a daycare at 18 months old and being in several time outs.....I would burst into tears, march out and never ever return.
I am sorry you got a citation. That is ugly noise they threatened you with a lawsuit. Its unfortunate it happened. But I think CA laws are not unreasonable.

[dave4him]

I am glad we dont have those rules here..

[mom2many]

"Children who have repeat incidences of violence towards other children or staff, including but not limited to; hitting, shoving, biting, hair pulling etc, will be terminated."

I read your other post. Yes, the parent was being vindictive. However, I also agree that children with no verbal skills should not be in a time out, much less multiple time outs. They don't get it. I feel that unless a child is old enough to sit still and discuss with you what happened, why it happened, what they did wrong and what to do if they feel angry, they should not be in time out. Pac n play, high chair.... should be used only for sleeping and feeding. I think of my own son being in a daycare at 18 months old and being in several time outs.....I would burst into tears, march out and never ever return.
I am sorry you got a citation. That is ugly noise they threatened you with a lawsuit. Its unfortunate it happened. But I think CA laws are not unreasonable.

I think children are way smarter than most people give them credit for and our society is enabling a generation of entitled, I can do what I want & no one has the right to tell me otherwise. At some point children need to be given guidelines and rules to follow or they will grow up thinking the laws that govern our society are for someone else to follow!

Yes, some 18 months old are too young to understand, but as I described in my previous post...I personally witnessed a child this age who totally got it!

The part that I find disturbing is that I AM in CA and there is no black and white laws governing licensing. It is totally open to interpretation from one individual to another and EVEN within the same county analysts cannot agree on simple standards. I am all about being 100% in compliance with CA licensing laws in my home daycare, but they make it impossible to know from day to day what they require in different situations. So, I do not agree with your statement that "CA laws are not unreasonable".

[Sugar Magnolia]

Mom2many, I get that the law there is vague and grayish. That is not fair to providers. Yep, kids are smart and your child in care probably did totally get it. But perhaps the OP's child did not get it. My thought was that the OP put this child in time out multiple times, so I am thinking he didn't get it. I think there is also a lot of misconception about what time out is. Can any of you ladies (and Dave) list what you define as "time out?" I will go first: time out is when a child is removed from the other chilrens play area when they are physically or emotionally out of control (tantrum) and their actions have or may have physically injured another child. When the tantrum has passed, they are then required to talk to the provider about what happened, why it happened and what they will do differently next time. But that is my opinion. Other opinions appreciated. I hope the OP will clarify exactly what she did with this child as a "time out"???

[Sunchimes]

I agree with mom2many. My just-turned-2 knows exactly what time out means. I don't call it time out, and I guess it really isn't since they can get up whenever they feel calm. It's what you guys call the crying corner-except mine is a crying quilt. I've been using it since they were under a year old. When things start escalating (whining, crying, fighting), I would take them by the hand and lead them to the quilt, always telling them they could get up when they were through crying. After a few times, all I had to say was "Go sit on the crying quilt until you feel better". By the time they were 18 months old, they were putting themselves on the quilt. The quilt is long gone, but my 25 month old still takes herself to that part of the room when she feels like she needs it. Don't tell me they don't understand.

My only 2 year old is a really good kid, so about the only time I have problems with her is when she can see I'm tied up changing the baby or giving him a bottle. If she wants into mischief, that's when she does it. I long ago started doing the 1-2-3 thing. I didn't expect a result, and it really just popped out, a remnant of my school teaching days. But, it worked. She stopped. Mom does 3-2-1 at home, and since she was about 18 mo old, she knows that if I hit 3, I will put the baby down half changed or half fed, and stop whatever she's doing. I rarely have to go past 2 though. (Today, she used it on me-I'll post in the funny thread). At her 2 year check up, the doctor told her mom that in a few months, she would be old enough to use 1-2-3 as a disciplinary measure. Mom just laughed and said we'd been doing it for months. He couldn't believe that she understood and responded to it so early.

We don't give kids nearly enough credit.

[Sugar Magnolia]

Sunchimes, I totally agree, two year olds get it, they are old enough to communicate. And your quilt was totally appropriate, even for those under two. I am not advocating letting toddlers and those under 2 run wild and have no consequences, I am simply saying redirection until they can discuss their issue.
And if redirection didn't work for the OP, she needed to simply terminate, immediately.

[Unregistered]

Timeouts would not work for one of my almost 2 year olds so I started taking her friends away to do another activity in another area. If she could not be nice to her friends her friends went to play somewhere else and I left her in the same place she was in for a while ALONE. I did this many, many times before it worked but eventually it did.

She had screaming fits, temper tantrums, threw toys (so in went ONLY the soft blocks and toys) and I just let he go at it. When she calmed down the other children returned and the toybox got put back in for all to play together again.