A Parent's Perspective

[Crystal]

I hesitated responding because my story has made a few moms decide not to return to work over the years. I still tell it to all my prospective parents since, in my view, that is not a bad outcome. Sure it costs me income for a few more days while I interview the next person on my waiting list, but over-all I am happy for another mom whom "found a way to stay" and often sign on as a back-up.

When I was a first time mom I "had" to send my son to daycare to complete my education. I "had to", in my own mind, give up some time with him, I felt he would not remember anyway, to give him a better future. I had him after less than a year of marriage, a bit earlier than I had planned, and I thought I was making the best choice for our family.

I had to be back in class in 6 weeks or risk failing out, so I had him in care at 6 weeks old. When he was 6 months he died in his crib, in daycare. No warning, no symptoms, just gone, forever. SIDS. I had only been given 6 months with him and I gave it away, without even trying another plan. I live with that every day. I had been so confident that it was for him so I rationalized he would "be fine", that "everyone does it"..... That was what our culture had taught me, that was what I believed.

I know there are people that must go to work, that is why I am in business, but if I change one mind every so often I feel like I am helping a bit. Being in home daycare has made it possible for me to be home with my children while still earning an income to provide them a future.

Thank you for sharing your story. I cannot imagine the pain of losing my child and my heart goes out to you. Thank you for your dedication and comittment to providing loving, quality care for families that must work.

[Golden Rule]

Thank you for sharing your story. I cannot imagine the pain of losing my child and my heart goes out to you. Thank you for your dedication and comittment to providing loving, quality care for families that must work.

Thanks, Crystal I love what I do.... I know you do, too.

[originalkat]

Golden Rule--
Man that was a very important post and I appreciate you sharing your story. I completely agree with you. I think our culture does "teach" moms that they HAVE to go to work. We sometimes do not think to look at the options. I know some moms do HAVE to work and do not have any other choice and like you said, that is why we are in business. I made that hard choice 2 weeks after my first was born and have been home ever since. I often feel like I provide a service that I don't support myself. I truly believe that the best place for young children is at home learning from their first teacher(parents). When I "sell" a parent on my environment and social interaction etc... I feel like I should be saying "This environment is second best...to being home with YOU." I hope this does not sound bad. I am not saying moms should not work when they have young children if they HAVE to. But if there is ANY way for them to be home with their little ones I believe there is no better alternative.

[Janet]

Golden Rule...

I hesitated responding because my story has made a few moms decide not to return to work over the years. I still tell it to all my prospective parents since, in my view, that is not a bad outcome. Sure it costs me income for a few more days while I interview the next person on my waiting list, but over-all I am happy for another mom whom "found a way to stay" and often sign on as a back-up.

When I was a first time mom I "had" to send my son to daycare to complete my education. I "had to", in my own mind, give up some time with him, I felt he would not remember anyway, to give him a better future. I had him after less than a year of marriage, a bit earlier than I had planned, and I thought I was making the best choice for our family.

I had to be back in class in 6 weeks or risk failing out, so I had him in care at 6 weeks old. When he was 6 months he died in his crib, in daycare. No warning, no symptoms, just gone, forever. SIDS. I had only been given 6 months with him and I gave it away, without even trying another plan. I live with that every day. I had been so confident that it was for him so I rationalized he would "be fine", that "everyone does it"..... That was what our culture had taught me, that was what I believed.

I know there are people that must go to work, that is why I am in business, but if I change one mind every so often I feel like I am helping a bit. Being in home daycare has made it possible for me to be home with my children while still earning an income to provide them a future.

I'm sorry for your loss. I can't even imagine what you went through SIDS makes me crazy because I don't understand why it happens. I think that it's a good service that you provide by letting the potential daycare parents know that there ARE other possibilities aside from daycare. Thank you for sharing with us, I can't imagine how difficult it must be to relive the memory.

[momma2girls]

Thank you for sharing your story. I cannot imagine the pain of losing my child and my heart goes out to you. Thank you for your dedication and comittment to providing loving, quality care for families that must work.

SO sorry for your loss!! WOW!!! That is awful!!!! I just wish they knew more out there on SIDS!!! I have been thru alot of SIDS trainings, and I found out so much on each and every one of them. I pray to GOd nothing like that every happens to any of us!!

Sorry Chrystal I meant to post it to GOlden Rule's - so sorry!!

[Golden Rule]

Golden Rule--
Man that was a very important post and I appreciate you sharing your story. I completely agree with you. I think our culture does "teach" moms that they HAVE to go to work. We sometimes do not think to look at the options. I know some moms do HAVE to work and do not have any other choice and like you said, that is why we are in business. I made that hard choice 2 weeks after my first was born and have been home ever since. I often feel like I provide a service that I don't support myself. I truly believe that the best place for young children is at home learning from their first teacher(parents). When I "sell" a parent on my environment and social interaction etc... I feel like I should be saying "This environment is second best...to being home with YOU." I hope this does not sound bad. I am not saying moms should not work when they have young children if they HAVE to. But if there is ANY way for them to be home with their little ones I believe there is no better alternative.

I'm sorry for your loss. I can't even imagine what you went through SIDS makes me crazy because I don't understand why it happens. I think that it's a good service that you provide by letting the potential daycare parents know that there ARE other possibilities aside from daycare. Thank you for sharing with us, I can't imagine how difficult it must be to relive the memory.

Thank you for the support!! I was afraid it might not be a popular opinion as it is a hard one to hear. I was a very difficult lesson for me and sharing it is what heals my heart the most.

My son would be 20 this year..... I now have a 13 year old daughter and two 11 year old sons (all at the public pool with my husband as we speak). My life is very blessed.

[momma2girls]

I hesitated responding because my story has made a few moms decide not to return to work over the years. I still tell it to all my prospective parents since, in my view, that is not a bad outcome. Sure it costs me income for a few more days while I interview the next person on my waiting list, but over-all I am happy for another mom whom "found a way to stay" and often sign on as a back-up.

When I was a first time mom I "had" to send my son to daycare to complete my education. I "had to", in my own mind, give up some time with him, I felt he would not remember anyway, to give him a better future. I had him after less than a year of marriage, a bit earlier than I had planned, and I thought I was making the best choice for our family.

I had to be back in class in 6 weeks or risk failing out, so I had him in care at 6 weeks old. When he was 6 months he died in his crib, in daycare. No warning, no symptoms, just gone, forever. SIDS. I had only been given 6 months with him and I gave it away, without even trying another plan. I live with that every day. I had been so confident that it was for him so I rationalized he would "be fine", that "everyone does it"..... That was what our culture had taught me, that was what I believed.

I know there are people that must go to work, that is why I am in business, but if I change one mind every so often I feel like I am helping a bit. Being in home daycare has made it possible for me to be home with my children while still earning an income to provide them a future.

Sorry Golden rule- I quoted someone else on this, instead of you- WOW!!! How awful to go thru something like that!! I pray to God none of us will ever go thru that!!!

[Golden Rule]

Sorry Golden rule- I quoted someone else on this, instead of you- WOW!!! How awful to go thru something like that!! I pray to God none of us will ever go thru that!!!

Me, too... Thank you! These are the last photos I have....

[nannyde]

Thank you for the support!! I was afraid it might not be a popular opinion as it is a hard one to hear. I was a very difficult lesson for me and sharing it is what heals my heart the most.

My son would be 20 this year..... I now have a 13 year old daughter and two 11 year old sons (all at the public pool with my husband as we speak). My life is very blessed.

Bless you Golden

[Janet]

Golden...

what a beautiful little guy! Thank you for sharing his picture with all of us.

[momofsix]

Me, too... Thank you! These are the last photos I have....

[ATTACH]55[/ATTACH]

Oh how precious. Thank you for sharing.

[misol]

Me, too... Thank you! These are the last photos I have....

[ATTACH]55[/ATTACH]

Golden Rule he was so adorable. I am sure that he has been sitting on God's knee smiling down on you and your family for the past 20 years. You are truly blessed.

[judytrickett]

I hesitated responding because my story has made a few moms decide not to return to work over the years. I still tell it to all my prospective parents since, in my view, that is not a bad outcome. Sure it costs me income for a few more days while I interview the next person on my waiting list, but over-all I am happy for another mom whom "found a way to stay" and often sign on as a back-up.

When I was a first time mom I "had" to send my son to daycare to complete my education. I "had to", in my own mind, give up some time with him, I felt he would not remember anyway, to give him a better future. I had him after less than a year of marriage, a bit earlier than I had planned, and I thought I was making the best choice for our family.

I had to be back in class in 6 weeks or risk failing out, so I had him in care at 6 weeks old. When he was 6 months he died in his crib, in daycare. No warning, no symptoms, just gone, forever. SIDS. I had only been given 6 months with him and I gave it away, without even trying another plan. I live with that every day. I had been so confident that it was for him so I rationalized he would "be fine", that "everyone does it"..... That was what our culture had taught me, that was what I believed.

I know there are people that must go to work, that is why I am in business, but if I change one mind every so often I feel like I am helping a bit. Being in home daycare has made it possible for me to be home with my children while still earning an income to provide them a future.

Golden, how touching. Thank you for sharing a very hard story. My deepest thoughts and condolences to you.

But your story is exactly why I think most providers get upset with parents who don't seem to want to spend time with their kids. NOT the parents who honestly have to work to put food on the table but those who take excessive time off and never once spend a day with their kids.

YOUR story cements in my, and I hope other people's minds, that you just never know. And that is why we MUST take every opportunity to offer our children our TIME. They are only little (and in some cases on this earth) for such a short time. We need to embrace every single second we can with them.

[Crystal]

Golden, how touching. Thank you for sharing a very hard story. My deepest thoughts and condolences to you.

But your story is exactly why I think most providers get upset with parents who don't seem to want to spend time with their kids. NOT the parents who honestly have to work to put food on the table but those who take excessive time off and never once spend a day with their kids.

YOUR story cements in my, and I hope other people's minds, that you just never know. And that is why we MUST take every opportunity to offer our children our TIME. They are only little (and in some cases on this earth) for such a short time. We need to embrace every single second we can with them.

I totally agree with you Judy.

I know there are parents who do leave their children in care when they are taking care of personal business.....and when that is a regular occurrence, it is very disheartening to realize that a parent considers "me time" more important than being with and caring for their child. I am grateful that I do not have parents who do that....they all pick up a.s.a.p. because they value their time with their children and families.

Golden's story is a great reminder for parents that you should not waste those precious moments.....hold them, love them, BE with them every single moment possible.

Thanks again Golden for sharing, you have clearly touched us all.

[professionalmom]

Golden Rule -
I am so sorry to hear about your loss. I had a miscarriage over 17 years ago (my first child) and I still think about her all the time. You can get over most things in life, but you can never "get over" or really "heal" from losing a child. My heart goes out to you.

I think our culture does "teach" moms that they HAVE to go to work. We sometimes do not think to look at the options.

Years ago, I saw a lengthy explanation of the reality of having a second income. It cemented my stance that I would do whatever it takes to be at home with my children. Basically, once you tally up the payments on the second care, the car insurance, the gas and upkeep, the clothing expenses, the higher taxes (higher income usually equals a higher tax bracket), eating out more often (who has the energy to cook a meal from scratch working 8 hours and commuting for 1 hour and running errands for an hour, plus the lunch hour or half hour), child care costs, etc, the second income has been reduced to pennies on the dollar. You may THINK you're making $12 per hour, but after taxes and the costs of working (childcare, gas, etc.), you're only making $1 - 2 per hour. So, I don't think it is worth it for a few bucks. My time with my DD is worth more than that. But most people don't actually sit down and crunch the numbers, so they think they NEED to work.

I often feel like I provide a service that I don't support myself.

I feel the same way. And then I feel like I'm an enabler. After being in the corporate world for most of my adult life, it appeared that most women WANTED to be at-home moms, but felt they HAD to work. Then there's the whole attitude that if you aren't working outside the home, you are JUST A MOM. UGH, I hate that saying! I know there are women that claim they could not handle being with their children all day. In those situations, for Pete's sake, keep the kids in daycare with someone who can "handle" them and love them. But, I wish we would do more in this country to support mothers being home with their children for longer periods.

I just wish more women felt that they had a CHOICE and that making the choice to be at home would not open them up to ridicule for "not being productive" by having a "job" or "career". I made my choice and sometimes feel the judgment of others that I'm somehow less than what I was when I worked outside the home.

Time is our most precious resource and it slips away very quickly. I wish every mother could be home with their child all the time, if they want to.