Issues With Going Outdoors With Almost-20-Month-Old. Wearing Me Thin!

[MizzCheryl]

I kept a girl that had the same issue but she was older and had been diagnosed with sensory dysfunction. Mom had forewarned me and if anyone ran a lawn mower, chainsaw or something like that we all went inside. I also did no vaccuming or using loud appliances. She still would overload at times because she had a wide spectrum of sensory issues. It is very sad that this little fellow is struggling. You are a blessing to him. I think it is wonderful that you are looking for ways to help him.

http://incrediblehorizons.com/sensory-integration.htm

[Country Kids]

I know of an older child that has to wear ear muffs at anything where there will be loud noises. Any type of sport games-inside or out, I believe P.E., the fair, things like that. He is very noise sensitive I believe and it is just to much for him.

[Mommy2One]

Around the same age my daughter was terrified of the blender at our provider's house (her husband made a smoothie before he left for work, which was about the same as our arrival time). She also didn't care for the vacuum at home. We would explain what was making the noise, let her know it was safe, etc. I think for the vacuum I even left it off and unplugged and coaxed her into touching it to prove it was loud but not harmful. I also warned her before turning on loud appliances whenever possible. It lasted a few months and she outgrew it.

For slightly older kids, I've heard of giving them a spray bottle filled with water or a special flashlight to "protect" themselves or a special "protective" toy (like the scare-me-not monsters) for when they're nervous about things that aren't really harmful (like the dark, monsters, etc.). Maybe something like that would help? What about getting him a toy bubble mower so he starts to think mowers are fun instead of scary?

[My3cents]

If it is not medical, or a from of Autism

then.......

the kid is playing you. Some kids are stubborn. You can feel that you gave him enough time to adjust, but he is going to tell you when he has had enough time to adjust. I say go about your normal and keep redirecting him in. Move the play house and keep busy and have things for him to do. He has had his mom all to himself for his first year. His adjustment is going to be hard. He is also a relative so you feel you have to do a bit more. Don't. Treat him the same way you would the other children. Bless your heart in the process. Keep showing him what he can do and he will get it. Use a time away, or thinking spot for crying fits. Tell him that when he stops crying he may get up. Don't leave him in the house to watch you have fun outside. Not safe. Another idea is to walk around having him hold your hand until he figures out how boring that can be. If you can't hold his hand have him stay next to you. I don't suggest this unless you try everything else first and with anything you do keep at it for some time. He is a stubborn one. Smart actually. He knows how to manipulate you. It is amazing how kids so young can master this. Best-

[e.j.]

I agree about the hearing test, but I suspect this is a sensory thing for him because he does freak out with other loud noises.

A child his age does not have the capacity to realize that these things can't hurt him. Just like another child may fear going down the drain because they don't understand relative size.

Until he gets to the age where he CAN comprehend it, he is not being "naughty". He is genuinely scared and cannot understand it. The only thing you can do is protect him as much as possible. Since never going outside is not a good option, I suggest some noise-cancelling headphones. It's worth a try at least. I know they are often used with people with Autism, so it might work.

http://www.amazon.com/s?ie=UTF8&keywords=Kids%20headphones&page=1&rh=n%3A172541%2Ck%3AKids%20headphones%2Cp_n_feature_two_browse-bin%3A509318

I had a girl years ago that age who was TERRIFIED of anything circling overhead or being hemmed in, such as a helicopter, kites nearby, or a parking garage. I had her in KMART once and they had some toy helicopters attached to cords flying around, and she FREAKED.

She is 23 now and highly intelligent, and has no irrational fears. She just grew out of it.

The first thing I though of was an auditory sensory integration disorder. As a young child, my son couldn't stand the slight pinging sound of the forced hot water heat coming up through the baseboard heating units, the sound of a toilet flushing, smoke/fire alarms, etc. His hearing is much more accute than most people's hearing. He used to ask me if I could hear a train whistle from the train that would go by about a mile away from our house. I never could until almost 5-10 minutes after he had heard it! I would suggest that his mom speak with his pediatrician about testing. Not just a hearing test but an evaluation for Sensory Integration Disorder.

[SilverSabre25]

It sounds sensory to me too--does he show any other signs of sensory issues, either aversions or seeking? How is he about being touched, cuddled, etc? About his clothes and tickly things like tags or the toe seam on socks? How is he about eating and different textures? How does he relate to other kids (does he do a lot of slamming into people or things, etc)?

[countrymom]

I don't think its sensory because he suddenly started doing this and she said the minute he sees outdoor clothes he freaks. I would just block the house and go about my day. Also, if it was sensory then why is he going into this weird body thing then crying, don't you think he would cover his ears or start crying right away (my dd would cry right away when there was loud noise) just curious, does he allow others in the house, or does he scream. Have the children tried to bang on the house, what was his reaction. I'm wondering if its a control thing too.

[Heidi]

http://www.babycenter.com/0_easing-your-toddlers-fears_1503644.bc

Toddlers and fear

It's normal for your toddler to be fearful. After all, anxiety is a natural condition that helps us cope with new experiences and protects us from danger.

Some toddlers are frightened of very specific things: bugs, dogs, the dark, or loud noises, like the vacuum cleaner. Others are afraid of new situations or meeting new people. Most of your toddler's fears will fade as she becomes more secure in herself and her environment.



What scares your toddler the most? Animals? Water? The dark? Take our poll.



What you can do to ease your toddler's fears

The following strategies may help, but don't expect your toddler to overcome her fears right away. It can take months — even up to a year — before a child gets over a fear. In the meantime, it's normal for your toddler to obsess over the thing that frightens her by showing fascination with it, modeling it in play, drawing pictures of it, or talking about it incessantly. It's her way of working through the issue.

Don't make light of her fears. They may seem silly and irrational, but they're very real and serious to her. Try not to smile or be dismissive when she reacts with fright to, say, a flushing toilet or a siren. Let her know you understand how it feels to be afraid of something. If you're reassuring and comforting, she'll learn that it's okay to feel afraid and it's best to deal with her fears.

Trying to convince your toddler that there isn't any reason to be afraid will only backfire. You'll probably just make her more upset if you say, "Don't worry, there's no reason to be afraid of the dog." Instead, offer security and reassurance: "I understand that the dog frightens you. Let's walk past him together. If you don't want to do that, I'll hold you while he walks past us."

Use a "lovey." A so-called comfort object — a raggedy baby blanket, perhaps, or a well-worn teddy bear — can help some children with their fears. An object like this can offer an anxious child familiarity and reassurance, especially at times when you need to leave her, such as when you drop her off at daycare or tuck her in for the night.

A lovey can also make it easier for a child to do potentially scary things like meet new people, attend a play group, or visit the doctor. So allow your toddler to hold on to her special toy or blanket. She's likely to stop carrying around that mangy-looking monkey by the time she turns 4. By then, she'll have learned other ways to soothe herself when she's frightened.

Explain, expose, and explore. A scared toddler can sometimes get over a fright if you provide a simple, rational explanation for what's worrying her. You may put an end to her fear of being ****ed down the drain along with the bathwater by saying, "Water and bubbles can go down the drain, but rubber duckies and children can't." Or explain that an ambulance has to make a really loud noise so that other cars know to get out of the way.

For some toddlers, a demonstration can be reassuring. Your child may be relieved to see that while a vacuum cleaner can **** up crumbs, sand, and dirt, it can't inhale her toy train or Daddy's toes. A walk at dusk can help make nighttime seem more magical than scary. Or if your toddler's trembling at the thought of getting a hair cut, let the hairdresser snip a strand or two of your own hair to show that it doesn't hurt.

If past experiences are fueling your child's fears — previous vaccinations, for instance, making her panicky about a trip to the doctor's office — don't sugarcoat things. But don't dwell on the bad stuff, either. Gently tell her that while the shot may sting at first, it'll be over quickly, and that the two of you will do something fun afterward. The promise of a reward can help to distract her from the scary event.

You can help your child learn about frightening things from a safe distance, too. She may get over her fear of Halloween characters if she sees a picture book or video about good witches, kind ghosts, and friendly black cats. If she's scared of animals, a trip to a petting zoo, where the creatures can be stroked and fed, may help.

Another way to reassure your toddler is to tell her an uplifting story about another child who does what he's afraid to do and survives the experience unscathed. Make up something off the top of your head, or browse the library for books on the subject.

Problem-solve together. If your toddler's afraid of the dark, get a nightlight for her room. Other tactics you can use to banish bedtime fears include a designated guard (a beloved stuffed animal), "monster spray" (water in a spray-bottle), or a magic phrase that wards off unwelcome visitors.

Through trial and error, you and your toddler will figure out together what helps to increase her sense of power and control over things that frighten her.

Practice through pretend play. If your child is terrified of the doctor, she may benefit from role-playing what happens at the doctor's office (a toy doctor's kit can help). Some toddlers feel more confident when they actually visit the doctor if they come with their kit in tow.

If your toddler shrinks at the sight of strangers, she may feel less frightened if she acts out such encounters using dolls or stuffed animals. If people in costumes scare her, dress up together to help ease her fears.

Don't share your own fears. If your toddler sees you break out in a sweat because there's a spider in the bedroom or cringe when you walk into the dentist's office, then she's likely to feel scared of these things, too. So try to work through your own anxieties or at least try to downplay them.

It's okay, however, to confess that you didn't like going to the dentist as a kid, but you went to keep your teeth healthy. It helps a child to know she's not alone, and that you, too, learned to overcome something scary.

Seek advice. Talk to other parents about your toddler's particular fears and how to handle them.



What to watch out for

If your toddler's fears routinely interfere with her normal daily activities — if she won't wash her hair because she's afraid of water, or she resists going outside for fear of encountering a dog — talk to her doctor about the problem, especially if her fears have intensified over time. She may have a genuine phobia (an intense and persistent irrational fear) or an anxiety disorder.

It's also a good idea to seek a doctor's advice if your toddler reacts to a fear so severely that she simply can't be calmed.

[harperluu]

I had a little one that was afraid of loud noises-not to the same extent as yours, but still afraid. She was about the same age then. After one episode, I held her on my lap and told her that my job was to protect her. As long as she was outside with me, she was safe. I would never let anything hurt her. It took a few weeks and repeating the message over and over, but she got over it. I don't know if she outgrew it naturally or if she finally believed me. Now, she just looks up from what she's doing and identifies the noise, truck, motorcycle, man working.

My own dd has this same innate sensitivity to loud sounds. We have taken a similar approach, telling her that the train can't come in the backyard. The garbage truck stays on the street and won't come in the backyard. My older son is also extremely sensitive to loud sounds. Because of other issues at school we had him assessed and discovered that he is a strong visual-spatial learner and that often carries with it a tendency toward heightened sensitivities to touch/sight/sound/taste. These sensitivities can result in extremely creative, artistic people. But the sensitivities are real and they should be validated. We don't coddle our children, but say things like, "That train sounds really loud to you. But it will pass soon." Mostly the sounds are causing stress because they are LOUD and unpredicatable to a child that young. A matter-of-fact approach is best. Validation is best. And this child might become a great musician that can hear and produce delightful music someday with his acute sense of hearing.

[Heidi]

My own dd has this same innate sensitivity to loud sounds. We have taken a similar approach, telling her that the train can't come in the backyard. The garbage truck stays on the street and won't come in the backyard. My older son is also extremely sensitive to loud sounds. Because of other issues at school we had him assessed and discovered that he is a strong visual-spatial learner and that often carries with it a tendency toward heightened sensitivities to touch/sight/sound/taste. These sensitivities can result in extremely creative, artistic people. But the sensitivities are real and they should be validated. We don't coddle our children, but say things like, "That train sounds really loud to you. But it will pass soon." Mostly the sounds are causing stress because they are LOUD and unpredicatable to a child that young. A matter-of-fact approach is best. Validation is best. And this child might become a great musician that can hear and produce delightful music someday with his acute sense of hearing.

yes! My oldest son had that issue with texture and smell, specifically with eating. He was always a picky eater, although at 22, he's learned to overcome it. He'd probably make a great chef because he has such a "sensitive palate"

My 2nd one, it was fabrics. He only wanted "soft pants" and I had to cut the tags out of his shirts. He's in the Army now. I'm pretty sure they don't give a hoot if his clothes bothers him...

Some children outgrow the sensitivities, some don't. It's when it interfers with their lives on a regular basis (or yours) that it can become a problem. 22 months is really young to expect him to be able to just "get over it". He just doesn't have the capacity for that yet.

[jojosmommy]

I have one dcg who was afraid of the vacuum. Small handheld one. I ran it everyday at every meal. She doesn't cry about it anymore.

I did have one who was afraid of the garbage man. Shook all day on garbage day as we have two for each house (one recycling one garbage) and our city allows you to choose any provider so there are like 6 or so companies on rotating pick ups all day during garbage day. Mom fed into it and it continued. I never mentioned it and we took walks on garbage day. She was fine.

IMO the more you make of it the more they get from it.

Outside for everyone. No tears. Play and enjoy yourself.

[Meyou]

Is it normal for kids with sensory issues to be completely ok outside in one place (in this situation) and not ok in another at 20 months? I have a little one who doesn't like planes...but she doesn't like them anywhere, KWIM?

[SilverSabre25]

Is it normal for kids with sensory issues to be completely ok outside in one place (in this situation) and not ok in another at 20 months? I have a little one who doesn't like planes...but she doesn't like them anywhere, KWIM?

I don't think there *is* a normal with sensory issues. They just are what they are and there's usually not a rhyme or reason for it.

[Wigglesandgiggles]

Maybe its just me....but....he played fine before, still plays fine at home.....I'd be inclined to think that he is just really focussing on this one thing. Refocus his attention. Remove the playhouse so he can't do the usual run and hide. Bring out a new activity. Maybe something else he loves! An over sized box, and paint it perhaps. Reassure him calmly, but don't coddle or play into it too much. Go for a walk to the park instead of going in the backyard. sidewalk chalk, bubbles, paint the fence with water. Big distractiond (as a group....you don't want to let him think you are doing something just for him, because he is scared....

[Meyou]

I don't think there *is* a normal with sensory issues. They just are what they are and there's usually not a rhyme or reason for it.

OK, I didn't know that.