Issues With Going Outdoors With Almost-20-Month-Old. Wearing Me Thin!

[MaritimeMummy]

This is about my cousin's little guy. He's almost 20 months old now. He's been coming to me since he turned a year old in January. When he came to me, he had never been away from his mother, even for babysitting.

His adjustment was really hard. He followed me from room to room, screaming crying...yes, he was a screamer...an all-day screamer. When he'd cry, he'd make my then 7-month-old son cry, too. It was a hard few weeks, and if it had been anyone else's child I would have termed. But because it was my cousin's son, I stuck it out.

Around mid-February he started coming around. He started napping (very well!). He started smiling more when he played, becoming more light-hearted. He'd still cry from the time his mother turned to come down my driveway until about 2 seconds after she'd leave, but then he'd be absolutely fine the rest of the day.

One day, back in June, we were outside (he loved it outside!) and a neighour (specifically, my in-laws, who live next door) began mowing their lawn when we were outside.

That was enough to break him. Seriously. The poor kid is now terrified of being outside when he's here. He's apparently fine when he is outside at home, and still loves it at home. But even now, 3 months after the day that we were outside and the mower scared him, he still completely looses his mind when anyone suggests going outside, or if he sees the sunscreen or any other clothing for outdoors. He even knows the time of day it is when we go outside because he'll just start wailing and go hide in a corner.

He screams and cries during the entire process of getting 5 kids sunscreened, pottied, diapers changed, etc to go outside. Then when we do get outside, he makes a beeline for the playhouse, crouches down, and hides the entire time we're outside. if a plane goes overhead or a car drives down the main road (which is very far away...a good football field's length away), he begins screaming even harder. Heaven forbid if any of the neighbours have to do outdoor work. It's just...tiresome. I have talked with my cousin about it...while she seems concerned and somewhat embarrassed, she doesn't seem to be helping in finding out what I can do other than telling me, "he's going to have to get over it".

I've tried so much...giving him a favorite stuffed animal while outdoors, involving him in getting the other kids ready, cuddles and hugs and extra security while outside...I've even just pretended like he wasn't acting like that at all and tried involving him ("Hey DCB, wouldn't you like to come on over here and play in this sandbox? I've got some water and we can make lots of gucky stuff!" Nothing works.

Obviously he was traumatized but I don't know where to go from here...

[Heidi]

How about some ear muffs and sun glasses? Seriously, maybe that would muffle things a bit.

He doesn't cry from the car to the house in the morning or when he leaves, right? Just when YOU take him out?

Could you change your routine for a while and do a neighborhood walk (him in a stroller) for a while, then walk back to the yard for playing.

I'm just thinking a change in routine may also break the cycle.

BTW, does he freak out over the vacuum?

[countrymom]

Sometimes you need to have him face his fears I know some don't agree but if you don't do it know it's going to get worse. Every kid goes thru the noise faze but I have never heard of a kid screaming at the site of sunscreen. Also I would take his hand and make him play I wouldn't allow the hiding and yes I'm mean

[MaritimeMummy]

How about some ear muffs and sun glasses? Seriously, maybe that would muffle things a bit.

He doesn't cry from the car to the house in the morning or when he leaves, right? Just when YOU take him out?

Could you change your routine for a while and do a neighborhood walk (him in a stroller) for a while, then walk back to the yard for playing.

I'm just thinking a change in routine may also break the cycle.

BTW, does he freak out over the vacuum?

He still cries from the car to the house but not from the house to the car. And he's so happy and carefree during the day, while we're inside.

Yes, he freaks out over the vacuum, not that I really vacuum here while kids are here, I use a silent carpet sweeper, but his mother has told me that he''s been terrified of blenders, vacuums, toilet flushing, dryers, etc. Terrified of tractors and anything that makes a loud noise that is outdoors even if they are not running.

I don't know how much a change of routine would help but it's worth a shot I guess. Right now we walk in the morning and play in the yard in the afternoon because the morning sun is too hot in the play area.

[MaritimeMummy]

Sometimes you need to have him face his fears I know some don't agree but if you don't do it know it's going to get worse. Every kid goes thru the noise faze but I have never heard of a kid screaming at the site of sunscreen. Also I would take his hand and make him play I wouldn't allow the hiding and yes I'm mean

I haven't stopped going outside, we still go out. I do hold his hand while going out and going off the doorstep, then he breaks free of my hand and goes running for that playhouse. I've thought about blocking the door to the playhouse but unsure...I don't want to break him more. Over the months I have made very slight progress, but it's very minimal.

[Meyou]

I kinda think he's being dramatic. If he was scared of outside I think he'd be scared at home too, you know? Personally, if I would try making him sit in a not so fun (but safe) spot doing nothing and engaging with noone unless he stops screaming. I would make the spot "safe" for him, maybe a lawn chair near the house so he has the wall on one side but I would not let him go and chose his screaming area and disrupt other kids.

Maybe I'm totally wrong but I just don't think a 20 month old has it in them to be really and truly fearful of something as sizable as outside in one place and totally fine in another.

[Willow]

I would ignore him.

Completely.

If he throws a ridiculous fit while others are getting ready to go outside tell him he can go do it alone in another room. You absolutely don't want to hear or see it and neither does anyone else.

Offer to let him stay inside alone and go out and do something AWESOMELY fun with the others outside. Tell him he needs to stand right at the window or door so you can make sure he's ok (with the real motivation behind that being that he'll have to watch all the fun that's being had without him), then go out and "ignore" him.

I'd tell him if you're going to cry, hide and act ridiculous this is the new routine.


I get the feeling he is used to getting attention for his "insecurities" and he's playing you like a fiddle. Just you saying he was "traumatized" and "broken" by the lawn mower shows how much he's got you convinced.

[Sunchimes]

I had a little one that was afraid of loud noises-not to the same extent as yours, but still afraid. She was about the same age then. After one episode, I held her on my lap and told her that my job was to protect her. As long as she was outside with me, she was safe. I would never let anything hurt her. It took a few weeks and repeating the message over and over, but she got over it. I don't know if she outgrew it naturally or if she finally believed me. Now, she just looks up from what she's doing and identifies the noise, truck, motorcycle, man working.

[MaritimeMummy]

I would ignore him.

Completely.

If he throws a ridiculous fit while others are getting ready to go outside tell him he can go do it alone in another room. You absolutely don't want to hear or see it and neither does anyone else.

Offer to let him stay inside alone and go out and do something AWESOMELY fun with the others outside. Tell him he needs to stand right at the window or door so you can make sure he's ok (with the real motivation behind that being that he'll have to watch all the fun that's being had without him), then go out and "ignore" him.

I'd tell him if you're going to cry, hide and act ridiculous this is the new routine.


I get the feeling he is used to getting attention for his "insecurities" and he's playing you like a fiddle. Just you saying he was "traumatized" and "broken" by the lawn mower shows how much he's got you convinced.

Leaving him inside alone is not an option. If anyone were to come visit, especially my home day care agency, I would lose my approval in a heartbeat and likely be reported for neglect. I'm not saying that in your case something like that would be neglectful because I don't know the layout of your home/outdoor play area. But here, it woudl totally isolate him and I could not keep an eye on him while I'm outdoors and he's indoors. There is no place to watch from inside and even if there was, I cannot force a 20 month old to sit in one spot by himself indoors by himself.

I agree with the ignoring part but to be honest, ignoring has gotten me nowhere with him when we're outside. If he's ignored he bolts for the front door to go back inside...which is around the other side of the house so I can't safely keep an eye on both him and the rest of the kids.

I do agree he's being dramatic though, but I do know that to an extent, he is spooked by coming outside. Maybe just a little and he's playing it up? I don't know.

[MrsSteinel'sHouse]

OK This is going to sound really strange, but see if his mom will get his hearing tested. It could be that the really loud sounds startle him because he is not hearing everything else clearly. That may also be why he is a screamer. I would just want to eliminate any medical issue first.

[MizzCheryl]

Sensory overload. It can be tough for one that young. Ear muff if he would wear them. Have you tried to see if he feels safer in a stroller?

[Meeko]

OK This is going to sound really strange, but see if his mom will get his hearing tested. It could be that the really loud sounds startle him because he is not hearing everything else clearly. That may also be why he is a screamer. I would just want to eliminate any medical issue first.

I was going to suggest this too

[Heidi]

I agree about the hearing test, but I suspect this is a sensory thing for him because he does freak out with other loud noises.

A child his age does not have the capacity to realize that these things can't hurt him. Just like another child may fear going down the drain because they don't understand relative size.

Until he gets to the age where he CAN comprehend it, he is not being "naughty". He is genuinely scared and cannot understand it. The only thing you can do is protect him as much as possible. Since never going outside is not a good option, I suggest some noise-cancelling headphones. It's worth a try at least. I know they are often used with people with Autism, so it might work.

http://www.amazon.com/s?ie=UTF8&keywords=Kids%20headphones&page=1&rh=n%3A172541%2Ck%3AKids%20headphones%2Cp_n_feature_two_browse-bin%3A509318

I had a girl years ago that age who was TERRIFIED of anything circling overhead or being hemmed in, such as a helicopter, kites nearby, or a parking garage. I had her in KMART once and they had some toy helicopters attached to cords flying around, and she FREAKED.

She is 23 now and highly intelligent, and has no irrational fears. She just grew out of it.

[MaritimeMummy]

OK This is going to sound really strange, but see if his mom will get his hearing tested. It could be that the really loud sounds startle him because he is not hearing everything else clearly. That may also be why he is a screamer. I would just want to eliminate any medical issue first.

I never thought of that. Good suggestion.

For the record, he's not a screamer anymore...that was just during the transition period. He's been done with that now since February. The only time he "screams" now is when he first arrives (for like 2 seconds) and when we go outside.

Maybe I should also mention that before he starts screaming, he acts like he's having this huge internal struggle to restrain himself from crying. He arches his back, rounds his shoulders, makes this face that he's on the brink of bursting into tears...and then he starts acting frantic and THEN he starts to cry.

[Willow]

Leaving him inside alone is not an option. If anyone were to come visit, especially my home day care agency, I would lose my approval in a heartbeat and likely be reported for neglect. I'm not saying that in your case something like that would be neglectful because I don't know the layout of your home/outdoor play area. But here, it woudl totally isolate him and I could not keep an eye on him while I'm outdoors and he's indoors. There is no place to watch from inside and even if there was, I cannot force a 20 month old to sit in one spot by himself indoors by himself.

Holy buckets, I don't know why I thought he was much older. I'm sorry! Even with a suitable layout I'd never try something like that at that age.



I still believe he's been taught to behave this way though and undoing it will still take consistency in making it completely a non-issue.

Not sure what exactly is available in your area, but if you have something like Early Childhood Intervention would the parents consider getting them involved? Most have birth to three programs that can help parents deal with all kinds of issues like this. If the parents got help it would definitely help you.