What Would You Do?

**saved4always** · 08-30-2012, 02:05 PM

If I had a child that was that destructive, I would term. It is not worth my while to watch a child who is going to cost me money by destroying things and causing me so much aggravation that I would want to quarantine him/her.

**familyschoolcare** · 08-30-2012, 02:07 PM

Can you do that here in Cal. we can not do that it is against regulations.

Could you shaddow him and when you can not make him follow you.

**daycare** · 08-30-2012, 02:20 PM

Originally posted by brookeroo

So I have one of these in my playroom. The same child who has all his teeth and chews up my house as well as himself creating hickeys on his arms and all my toys has progressively gotten more destructive by scratching at my carpet and furniture to create lint that he can eat. We have had issues with him throwing which has gotten a little better but the chewing persists and has increased despite having gotten toys for him to redirect him with (which is a full time job in it's own) and now that he is getting closer to 2 years old we are having a lot more issues with him not listening all together.

Today, he decided to dump all of my duplo legos (two big bins) as well as pull the toy bins (that you see above) completely over 3 times while I was in the kitchen making lunch...spilling all of the toys out and now I cannot trust that he won't pull it over on another child. SO as a last resort... I was going to get a superyard and keep him quarantined in it with toys he is allowed to chew on and that way I don't have to be concerned with him hurting one of the other kids.

HOWEVER, I'm completely sure that his mother is going to flip out (which I'm fine with at this point) that I'm not letting him be free. Her response whenever he does stuff like this is a chuckle and says "boys will be boys, sorry he was a little butt for you". If I make a big deal out of things she always throws her hands up in the air and says "well I don't know what to do, I can't stop it. What do you want me to do?". Uhm... at least take your kid to the freakin doctor and be honest with them! There is a start! I could deal with these issues if she was genuinely concerned with fixing them but they aren't interested in early intervention.

Since I can't get her to get real about this child's state of various problems I pretty much am fine with her leaving but I just want to know... am I out of line for keeping an almost 2 year old child quarantined all day or even most of it? I'm sure he will begin throwing again once I do this... I am just at the point where I cannot continue with things the way that they are and they have made it clear they are not interested in confronting these problems.

all day you want to separate this child?

also maybe I am slow, but why does the child need to go to the doctor?

**sharlan** · 08-30-2012, 02:21 PM

Originally posted by familyschoolcare

Can you do that here in Cal. we can not do that it is against regulations.

Could you shaddow him and when you can not make him follow you.

Why can't we keep a child in a superyard? It's not restraining him in anyway.

I would use the superyard when you can't keep eye contact on him.

**brookeroo** · 08-30-2012, 02:21 PM

The only reason I'm keeping him right now is because I'm trying to fill two spots. I need at least one new child in order to term him because I just had one go part time. So frustrating....

**daycare** · 08-30-2012, 02:23 PM

Originally posted by familyschoolcare

Can you do that here in Cal. we can not do that it is against regulations.

Could you shaddow him and when you can not make him follow you.

we can have a child in a super yard. What they mean in confined in some way that the child is not free to move about on their own.

However, I don't think that it would be wise or nice to leave a child of any age in one to play alone all day long by one self. We need touch and communication.

**Blackcat31** · 08-30-2012, 02:25 PM

Originally posted by brookeroo

So I have one of these in my playroom. The same child who has all his teeth and chews up my house as well as himself creating hickeys on his arms and all my toys has progressively gotten more destructive by scratching at my carpet and furniture to create lint that he can eat. We have had issues with him throwing which has gotten a little better but the chewing persists and has increased despite having gotten toys for him to redirect him with (which is a full time job in it's own) and now that he is getting closer to 2 years old we are having a lot more issues with him not listening all together.

Today, he decided to dump all of my duplo legos (two big bins) as well as pull the toy bins (that you see above) completely over 3 times while I was in the kitchen making lunch...spilling all of the toys out and now I cannot trust that he won't pull it over on another child. SO as a last resort... I was going to get a superyard and keep him quarantined in it with toys he is allowed to chew on and that way I don't have to be concerned with him hurting one of the other kids.

HOWEVER, I'm completely sure that his mother is going to flip out (which I'm fine with at this point) that I'm not letting him be free. Her response whenever he does stuff like this is a chuckle and says "boys will be boys, sorry he was a little butt for you". If I make a big deal out of things she always throws her hands up in the air and says "well I don't know what to do, I can't stop it. What do you want me to do?". Uhm... at least take your kid to the freakin doctor and be honest with them! There is a start! I could deal with these issues if she was genuinely concerned with fixing them but they aren't interested in early intervention.

Since I can't get her to get real about this child's state of various problems I pretty much am fine with her leaving but I just want to know... am I out of line for keeping an almost 2 year old child quarantined all day or even most of it? I'm sure he will begin throwing again once I do this... I am just at the point where I cannot continue with things the way that they are and they have made it clear they are not interested in confronting these problems.

First off..... ((((hugs)))) for dealing for as long as you have already.

Secondly..."the boys will be boys" comment..... Someone shared this on another forum and I thought it was great!

Boys will be boys
so they say
but I am raising my boy to be a man one day
Shouting is not nice and kicking hurts
Nobody likes their face in the dirt
So boys that fight, kick and shout
will be boys that sit
alot in time out!

I know it doesn't apply to the chewing and destructiveness but it does lend a bit to the whole "I am not accepting of that mentality" for an excuse.

Third: I would definitely be separating this child. If mom doesn't like it then show her the door....especially if she is really indenial about her child having any type of issues. If she really balks at her kid being separated, tell her you will gladly let him out to roam freely ONLY if she signs a statement that she will assume ALL costs associated with clean-up, repair and replacement of all toys and equiptment as well as the medical needs of any child he hurts while engaging in such destructive behavior.

Me: I would just term and give mom a dose of reality when she finds out most other people don't want to keep a child so destructive in their homes.

**familyschoolcare** · 08-30-2012, 02:27 PM

Originally posted by sharlan

Why can't we keep a child in a superyard? It's not restraining him in anyway.

I would use the superyard when you can't keep eye contact on him.

Maybe I do not understand the device being talked about. Is it not basicialy a play pen. Was told Could not keep children in them except for sleepong. On the other had I also, realize that I do not understand the regulations about children under the age of 2 a well as others since I do not take care of the age group pretty much ever.

**MyAngels** · 08-30-2012, 03:09 PM

If you're not concerned with the family leaving the first thing I would do is schedule a sit down meeting with the parents after closing time when you can really lay it all out for them. I would be completely open and honest about your feelings about the situation. I would have information and resources available that they can take home that you feel are relevant to the problems you're having. Hopefully having someone give it to them straight will prod them into doing the right thing by their child.

If that doesn't happen and you end up keeping the child I would use the superyard. If you have enough room you could even get two to use together, giving him more room to himself. I would not allow one child to endanger the others with their destructive behavior. Today he pulled down the bins, but tomorrow it could just as easily be a dresser, television or cabinet.

Good luck with this, and keep us posted.

**MyAngels** · 08-30-2012, 03:12 PM

Originally posted by familyschoolcare

Maybe I do not understand the device being talked about. Is it not basicialy a play pen. Was told Could not keep children in them except for sleepong. On the other had I also, realize that I do not understand the regulations about children under the age of 2 a well as others since I do not take care of the age group pretty much ever.

This is a superyard:

Attached Files

**familyschoolcare** · 08-30-2012, 03:14 PM

thank you!!!

**cheerfuldom** · 08-30-2012, 03:28 PM

OP, I would do exactly what you are planning to do and then term as soon as possible. At this point, its not about this boy, its about keeping the other kids safe and the destruction down to a minimum.

I HATE HATE HATE the phrase "boys will be boys" .....big fat cop out

**Willow** · 08-30-2012, 03:52 PM

I'd term immediately.

If not for the fact that mom is clueless/disrespectful/negligent and prefers to stay that way but also for liability reasons.

A child that age constantly mouthing inappropriate things and suffering from what most of us would guess is PICA is so at risk for choking it's almost unreal. Stuff that even licensing wouldn't consider a choking hazard would be for this child....think the carpet lint, toilet paper, bigger toys and blocks, heck, even stuffed animals and books!

I'd tell the mom I refused to be the one on watch when her child consumed something inappropriate and unanticipated and it killed him. Contract terminated effective immediately unless she wants to get him into see a doctor and get real about his problem literally tomorrow.

**Childminder** · 08-30-2012, 05:33 PM

I'm not at all certain what happened but this post was supposed to be a reply here in this thread and now has it's own thread. :confused:

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I have that boy in my care but he has now made it to five years old(not certain how). When he started pullin the same crap I knew that he would have to be my little shadow and is required to remain by my side at all time. I can't/won't allow a child to be destructive and or hurt others in my care. In state regulations here in Michigan it states that any child under 2 1/2 must remain under constant supervision AT ALL TIMES and you can get a violation if they are not. So yes they even go to the bathroom when I do.

We got to the point that this boy in particular was by my side every where and always, sitting in the kitchen while I cooked, going to the basement if I needed to wash a load of clothes, out to the mailbox in the middle of winter, etc… I needed the income to keep my home and pay the bills. I still have problems with the child and really dislike his behavior but we have come to an understanding and he isn't far from my side at any time.

So many people's first words of advice are to terminate. It is a big decision especially when you need his income and the calls are not coming in for care. Make the decision based on whether or not you are willing to make the sacrifices.

The same child who has all his teeth and chews up my house as well as himself creating hickeys on his arms and all my toys has progressively gotten more destructive by scratching at my carpet and furniture to create lint that he can eat.

BTW? Does he have PICA? The eating disorder?

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