Am I Out of Line?

[Persephone]

Not out of line at all. If you do not treat toys, furniture or whatever right than you can't use it. Outside food is ANNOYING. The only thing I am confused about is the line I bolded above. Can't they eat the things that your son eats if they want them too. I guess it depends on what it is. My son gets Pediasure and the daycare kids want it to and I have to say no.

Sometimes I give them mac and cheese. I buy the cheap kind that may have traces of egg and nuts, since it's made in a factory with it. Most pasta is.

So I'll give my son a piece of butter bread and them pasta. Since I know my son won't eat it anyways, I feel I can control it pretty much. The chance of the allergen is pretty small since it's just a 'may contact trace' but I still don't fed it to my son.

There are days when they do get butter bread with things so it's not like they never get it.

[Persephone]

Well I just told 9 year old that she could sit on my couch but I didn't think she needed to sit there while she played. She grabs a toy gets on the couch lays back and puts her feet up. Just seems lazy to me. I don't see a reason she can't be on the floor playing with that toy.

When I was at daycare we didn't have couches. Imagine that! Kids had to sit on the floor on just in chairs at a table! I spent my days for years on the floor or in a hard wood chair.

[laundryduchess@yahoo.com]

Im a little surprised,.. all the kids can sit on my furniture, as long as they are sitting on their bottoms. No standing, or playing. But sitting nicely,.or. reading a book... no worries. My rule is,.. if you can get "on" by yourself, you can sit on it nicely. I do have a no toys on the couch rule. As far as meals,.. EVERYONE eats the same things. If my child had an allergy,.. everyone would be fed that diet. I dont do doughnuts or poptarts either. I would tell them to eat before they came. My kids who arrive after 6 am eat before coming.

[QualiTcare]

my kids went to a daycare that didn't allow outside food and they went to another where they could bring their own food. i personally liked the one where they could bring their own. the other daycare's reason was the same: other kids don't have the same food, it's not fair, etc. i think that's ridiculous. when kids start preschool or kindergarten they can pack their lunch and not everyone has the same food. when DO they start learning that they won't always have the same things as everyone else? might as well get used to it early cus someone will ALWAYS have things you don't. that's life. they wouldn't let kids bring money on field trips either because "some kids might not have money since their parents can't afford it." SOO? i was one of those kids that didn't have money on field trips. i'm not scarred because my friends got things i didn't. it just made me want to do more and have more for my own kids. besides, most parents who "can't afford it" would be able to if they'd give up a pack of cigs or a couple of pills.

you said, "I'm already cooking around a food allergy. Which again, they don't like since sometimes my son gets foods they don't."

so your son gets foods that they don't get, but they can't bring food that he doesn't get? maybe i'm reading that wrong, but that doesn't make sense to me.

[momofboys]

my kids went to a daycare that didn't allow outside food and they went to another where they could bring their own food. i personally liked the one where they could bring their own. the other daycare's reason was the same: other kids don't have the same food, it's not fair, etc. i think that's ridiculous. when kids start preschool or kindergarten they can pack their lunch and not everyone has the same food. when DO they start learning that they won't always have the same things as everyone else? might as well get used to it early cus someone will ALWAYS have things you don't. that's life. they wouldn't let kids bring money on field trips either because "some kids might not have money since their parents can't afford it." SOO? i was one of those kids that didn't have money on field trips. i'm not scarred because my friends got things i didn't. it just made me want to do more and have more for my own kids. besides, most parents who "can't afford it" would be able to if they'd give up a pack of cigs or a couple of pills.

you said, "I'm already cooking around a food allergy. Which again, they don't like since sometimes my son gets foods they don't."

so your son gets foods that they don't get, but they can't bring food that he doesn't get? maybe i'm reading that wrong, but that doesn't make sense to me.

The food issue makes sense to me b/c the child could be bringing in a food that my child is allergic to. Some kids, not sure about persephone's, who are allergic to a certain food could have an issue just from exposure. They don't even need to ingest said item for that to happen. For my son it could be life-threatening. I know my son't Kind. class went to the zoo on a field trip. They couldn't bring $$ to buy things but it was more of a time issue. There was no time to allow 100 some Kindergarteners to pick out items to buy when you are only at the zoo for 3 hours tops.

[QualiTcare]

The food issue makes sense to me b/c the child could be bringing in a food that my child is allergic to. Some kids, not sure about persephone's, who are allergic to a certain food could have an issue just from exposure. They don't even need to ingest said item for that to happen. For my son it could be life-threatening. I know my son't Kind. class went to the zoo on a field trip. They couldn't bring $$ to buy things but it was more of a time issue. There was no time to allow 100 some Kindergarteners to pick out items to buy when you are only at the zoo for 3 hours tops.

well, she did say her son would be going to preschool. what happens when a kid with an allergy goes to school? i went to school with a kid that couldn't even smell peanut butter so he had to get his lunch before they put the PB out and go eat in a classroom. with a kid whose allergy isn't that severe, they have to watch other kids eat things they don't get. kids without allergies have to watch kids eat things they don't get. the daycare director's thoughts were it wasn't fair if one kid had an apple for snack and another kid had a little debbie cake. my thoughts are when a kid starts school, they will have to deal with it. we aren't doing the kids any favors by making them think they'll always get the same things everyone else has cus it's not true in the cafeteria at school or in life.

as for the field trips - it was solely about money at the daycare. i worked there one summer and the kids had plenty of time to be able to buy things if they wanted to. i understand the kindergarten/time factor, but the point with the daycare was - again, that people will always have something you don't have whether it's a $2 toy or a corvette.

[mainemomma]

I dont think you are out of line AT ALL!

If there is ANY rough housing on my couch's they are off for the day, and get to start over the next day. I only have one boy (my autistic one who would do headstands on them if I didn't say anything!) that I normally have to speak to on this. Before I decided to start my daycare we bought a $5,500 leather couch set (most expensive furniture purchase to date!!!) so there is not much leeway with this rule..the kids know and respect this and the parents do as well. They do nap on them, and sit if reading a book, watching TV, ect ect...they are not banned, they just know its not a jungle gym (a term I use often ).

I would suggest writing down your concerns, ask to have a face to face meeting with her and go over them. Chance's are dcg has overly exaggerated things to mom and she's misunderstanding your actions and reasoning.

Melissa

[Janet]

No, you're so NOT out of line!

I can't say it enough! You're not out of line. First off, your child has a food allergy and you don't want dck's bringing it food from home. It's not like you don't provide food. Your child's health is way more important than making sure that your spoiled brat dck's have their fricking Pop-tarts!

Also, I totally understand the couch thing. I have a couch in my daycare room but I wish I didn't. If I had somewhere else to put it, I would. When my kids start goofing around on the couch, I ban them from it. If they try to keep other kids from sitting on it, I ban the bossy one from the couch. Really, for the most part when we sit, it's either at the table for meals, snacks & art, or we sit on the floor. This includes myself.

Picky eaters are just SOL at my house because I can't and won't construct my menu around what the picky eaters will and won't eat. I offer enough choices at meal time so that there has to be at least one thing that a kid willl eat and if they don't, then they will learn that it ****s to be hungry and have to wait for something to eat until the next time a meal or snack is offered. Don't you just love how some older siblings will insist that the younger sibling doesn't like a certain food, but yet the younger child is sitting there eating that food right in front of you?

I have had school age kids and I haven't had problems with entertaining them during naptime for the simple reason that I won't do it. Long ago I had a school age girl who had a younger brother and a younger sister and she expected me to entertain her during naptime. I gave her a ton of things that she could do quietly and independently but she wanted to be up my butt during naptime. I set up tons of arts & crafts projects and I set up a movie for her to watch. I put out books to read and I put out madel magic clay for her. She still was coming to be every few minutes asking me to play with her. This is probably going to come across badly and I'm fairly certain that I'll get flamed for this but I'm going to say it anyway. I need my time during the day to regroup and I can't do that with a school ager who talks too loud during nap and is capable of entertaining herself. I do not get paid to entertain school age kids during naptime. Naptime is a time to rest and regroup for everyone. Not just me. I interact with my kids the entire time that they are here. They get all of my attention and I an 100% tuned in to them. I very seldom get the chance to even eat lunch because I make sure to meet their needs. I don't do much cleaning throughout the day because I am more interested in interacting with them. I am present with them for the entire time that they are awake. It's not asking much to expect a school aged child to be able to entertain themselves during nap time. Maybe I'm alone in feeling that way, but I need the time for me.

The mom of these kids sounds like she has raised herself a couple of total brats. How she handles them at home is her business, but she can't expect you to give in to their every demand. I cannot stand parents like that. If they want to raise kids who feel entitled then that's their prerogative, but they can't expect their daycare providers to do things at daycare the way that they do them at home. Ugh...

[Persephone]

Im a little surprised,.. all the kids can sit on my furniture, as long as they are sitting on their bottoms. No standing, or playing. But sitting nicely,.or. reading a book... no worries. My rule is,.. if you can get "on" by yourself, you can sit on it nicely. I do have a no toys on the couch rule. As far as meals,.. EVERYONE eats the same things. If my child had an allergy,.. everyone would be fed that diet. I dont do doughnuts or poptarts either. I would tell them to eat before they came. My kids who arrive after 6 am eat before coming.

This is now my new rule. I just told the kids. They may sit on the bottoms on the couch. No toys on the couch but they may read. No rough housing around on it.

[Persephone]

I have had school age kids and I haven't had problems with entertaining them during naptime for the simple reason that I won't do it. Long ago I had a school age girl who had a younger brother and a younger sister and she expected me to entertain her during naptime. I gave her a ton of things that she could do quietly and independently but she wanted to be up my butt during naptime. I set up tons of arts & crafts projects and I set up a movie for her to watch. I put out books to read and I put out madel magic clay for her. She still was coming to be every few minutes asking me to play with her. This is probably going to come across badly and I'm fairly certain that I'll get flamed for this but I'm going to say it anyway. I need my time during the day to regroup and I can't do that with a school ager who talks too loud during nap and is capable of entertaining herself. I do not get paid to entertain school age kids during naptime. Naptime is a time to rest and regroup for everyone. Not just me. I interact with my kids the entire time that they are here. They get all of my attention and I an 100% tuned in to them. I very seldom get the chance to even eat lunch because I make sure to meet their needs. I don't do much cleaning throughout the day because I am more interested in interacting with them. I am present with them for the entire time that they are awake. It's not asking much to expect a school aged child to be able to entertain themselves during nap time. Maybe I'm alone in feeling that way, but I need the time for me.

I'm not going to flame you on the nap time! I need my time too! The mom said that they've not took naps since they turned like 2. She even at the old sitters. She told me she got on the sitters about giving them a nap. The 5 year old I had in the fall took a long nap every day.

She wants to get them workbooks to do during quite time (which is about 30-45 mins for them...which is quietly sitting to read or just sit) I just hate to tell her that I'm not going to sit there and read to the 5 year old how to do this workbook during 'my' quite time!

I love my nap times...I need the quite from my son...who never stops!

[missnikki]

While I agree with the 'spoiled brat stuff' wholehearteldly, I guess I might add one thing:
The older sister might just feel like she's 'in charge' of her younger brother. I might try to get her to be my 'assistant' whenever possible (I also liked the long- term project idea a lot) and have her help me prep, clean, etc.., especially with the food. Food always tastes better when you've had a hand in making it when you are a kid. Give her the chance to make decisions ('should we put it in this bowl, or this one?' or 'do you want to stir the mac and cheese, or help put it on the plate?'...etc...) Whatever you have going on, she may feel more useful and important if you give her the chance to participate as a big girl. Always 2 options, always offer 2 that you are ok with...and she'll be walking tall and respect you more.
Just my 2 cents.

[Persephone]

As far as the allergies go. I did tell her before hand that he had allergies and I wouldn't serve a lot of foods. She said something about the boy eating powdered doughnuts every morning and I said that I didn't buy those because of the allergies.

I do have an epi-pen. I've never had to use it and don't plan to use it...if I'm careful I won't have too...it's the other people I worry about.

His egg allergy is in the HIGH area. So a reaction could be big if he ate it. So far his reaction (which has been a long time now) was just hives and itching.

I do worry about preschool. But the preschool I picked seemed more then willing to work with us on it. Plus an added bonus is that my DH aunt works there and I never knew it. Over all it was a great place.

I've already got it planned out for birthdays at preschool. I found a great company that makes allergy free baked goods. (I make our own here for us) So I'll freeze a bunch of those cupcakes and ask that the school lets me know before a party (plus I live 1 block away) and I'll bring in a cupcake for him while the rest of the class has the store cupcakes.

[missnikki]

And one more thing-
If she sends the little guy to tell you that he is done playing wherever... AND she tells you he won't eat a certain thing...
it sounds like she isn't able to express HERSELF. If you think of it that way, you might head things off at the pass by addressing her concerns before they pop up... Then once your activity is underway, she'll know what is expected of her. Hope that makes sense.

[Vesta]

Your house, your rules.
If the kids mistreat my things, then they don't get to use my things, to include the couch in the daycare area. That poor thing has been shipped overseas and back with another move half way across the country on top of that. It's 13 years old and going strong, and I'll be darned if some 7 year old is going to bust it because they don't know how to sit down and act like a human on it.
They usually get my "I don't care what you do at home, you are going to do A,B, and C while you are here".

As for food, there just is no outside food allowed. End of story. They don't eat, so be it, mom and dad won't let them starve to death. I had a woman get upset with me during an interview when SHE told ME her kids would be bringing their own food because they wouldn't eat "all that healthy stuff". I told her no outside food, she told me "but they won't eat", I told her sorry and that was the end of the interview (this was an 8 and 11 year old).

Your home and business, you run it how you see fit. The nine year old is trying a power grab and it sounds like the mom is willing to throw you under the bus to keep things running smoothly at her house. Can you imagine the whining and moaning going on there?

[booroo]

well, she did say her son would be going to preschool. what happens when a kid with an allergy goes to school? i went to school with a kid that couldn't even smell peanut butter so he had to get his lunch before they put the PB out and go eat in a classroom. with a kid whose allergy isn't that severe, they have to watch other kids eat things they don't get. kids without allergies have to watch kids eat things they don't get. the daycare director's thoughts were it wasn't fair if one kid had an apple for snack and another kid had a little debbie cake. my thoughts are when a kid starts school, they will have to deal with it. we aren't doing the kids any favors by making them think they'll always get the same things everyone else has cus it's not true in the cafeteria at school or in life.

as for the field trips - it was solely about money at the daycare. i worked there one summer and the kids had plenty of time to be able to buy things if they wanted to. i understand the kindergarten/time factor, but the point with
the daycare was - again, that people will always have something you don't
have whether it's a $2 toy or a corvette.

oh gasp, some school have done nut free zones, meaning nothing with nuts are allowed on the school grounds... Also alot of school arenot allowing junk food on the grounds either, therefor snacks are healthy snacks!! My dd with the food allergy at our last school didn't care, this one us always on top if things for her, even the first few weeks of school, when they forgot a out her allergy; the principle would go out and get her something for the grocery store deli!! Food allergies are a frowning problem in schools as well as obesity, we need to take an active role in all childrens lives if we are to continue the longgevity!!