Am I Out of Line?

[Persephone]

I've got a set of siblings that I'm watching for the summer (ages 5 and 9)
The mom called me this morning with some issues. Am I out of line with these things? I'm not doing anything anyone else wouldn't do right?

1. Last week they were fighting over who got to sit next to them on the couch. They didn't want my son J to sit next to them...which of course MADE him want to sit by them. Then they jumped up and ran to the chair which of course my son went running to the chair. What ever happened my son (age 3) fell over the side of the chair crying. They said they just moved their leg and he fell. But I find that hard to believe.

Then the next day they (siblings) were rough housing around on the couch and so I told them that they could not sit on the couch or chair unless it was quite time. That was Friday and I told them yesterday too.

While they were crying to their mom last night about it and now she questioning about it. I told her how they were rough housing and she agreed that they couldn't do it, nor can they at home.

She wanted to know when they could sit on the couch again, since she didn't think it was nice not too.

2. Outside food for breakfast. My son has food allergies and I'd rather outside food not be bought in the house. Last week they bought powered doughnuts and toaster pastries. The girl wanted me to put the pastries in the toaster but I told her that I wouldn't since I didn't want the allergen on my toaster. That night I left a note asking for no outside food.

The mom didn't understand since my son would not be eating them. I told her it's not fair to him, since my son LOVED doughnuts before and he can't eat them now and then to have someone eating them right in front of them in his home.

Plus you just never know if that sugar is going to drop on the floor and my son plays there and then he puts his fingers in his mouth and has a reaction.

I told her how bad his allergy was.

Plus I know most sitters won't let other food in their home.

3. Meal time! These kids are SO picky. They don't like most veggies and fruits(almost all). I don't feel like I should cook around their pickyness. I'm already cooking around a food allergy. Which again, they don't like since sometimes my son gets foods they don't.

I told them that they needed to at least try the foods on their plate. The 9 year old doesn't like peas and she had to try them yesterday. The 5 year old ate his and ate them last time and he says "I like these peas, their good!" And the 9 year old replied "You don't like peas...you never eat them at home" I told her "Why would you tell him that...he's eating them right now and says he likes them" She does a lot of thinking for HIM.

So the mom had to tell me today that she doesn't like peas and they don't eat them at home.

I have it listed in the handbook that I don't make them clean their plate but I do think they can try what they are offered.

From what I've gathered from the kids, they can eat what they want at home and if it's a meal they don't like they get something different. One day the 9 year old couldn't believe that the 5 year old was eating something because again he doesn't eat it at home. I told her because he doesn't have a choice here. It's eat or be hungry. I think the one day that they didn't eat because 'they didn't like it' was enough for him!



Things were okay the first 2 1/2 weeks. Then the 9 year old started fussing about having to play where ever they were playing, outside or in the playroom in the basement. She'd send my son to tell me he didn't want to do it anymore. When I heard her say it, I knew it was her.

I don't feel it's too much to ask that they play outside in the mornings before it's 80 outside. And it's not like there's nothing out there. We have a yard full of toys...too many almost!

I'm having my own little issues with them in the first place...mostly listed above. I don't want to let them go because I'm saving the money from this to cover my son's preschool this fall. But with the kid puking in my car last week I'm at the end of my rope right now. Thank goodness that they are on vacation next week!!

[momofboys]

I've got a set of siblings that I'm watching for the summer (ages 5 and 9)
The mom called me this morning with some issues. Am I out of line with these things? I'm not doing anything anyone else wouldn't do right?

1. Last week they were fighting over who got to sit next to them on the couch. They didn't want my son J to sit next to them...which of course MADE him want to sit by them. Then they jumped up and ran to the chair which of course my son went running to the chair. What ever happened my son (age 3) fell over the side of the chair crying. They said they just moved their leg and he fell. But I find that hard to believe.

Then the next day they (siblings) were rough housing around on the couch and so I told them that they could not sit on the couch or chair unless it was quite time. That was Friday and I told them yesterday too.

While they were crying to their mom last night about it and now she questioning about it. I told her how they were rough housing and she agreed that they couldn't do it, nor can they at home.

She wanted to know when they could sit on the couch again, since she didn't think it was nice not too.

2. Outside food for breakfast. My son has food allergies and I'd rather outside food not be bought in the house. Last week they bought powered doughnuts and toaster pastries. The girl wanted me to put the pastries in the toaster but I told her that I wouldn't since I didn't want the allergen on my toaster. That night I left a note asking for no outside food.

The mom didn't understand since my son would not be eating them. I told her it's not fair to him, since my son LOVED doughnuts before and he can't eat them now and then to have someone eating them right in front of them in his home.

Plus you just never know if that sugar is going to drop on the floor and my son plays there and then he puts his fingers in his mouth and has a reaction.

I told her how bad his allergy was.

Plus I know most sitters won't let other food in their home.

3. Meal time! These kids are SO picky. They don't like most veggies and fruits(almost all). I don't feel like I should cook around their pickyness. I'm already cooking around a food allergy. Which again, they don't like since sometimes my son gets foods they don't.

I told them that they needed to at least try the foods on their plate. The 9 year old doesn't like peas and she had to try them yesterday. The 5 year old ate his and ate them last time and he says "I like these peas, their good!" And the 9 year old replied "You don't like peas...you never eat them at home" I told her "Why would you tell him that...he's eating them right now and says he likes them" She does a lot of thinking for HIM.

So the mom had to tell me today that she doesn't like peas and they don't eat them at home.

I have it listed in the handbook that I don't make them clean their plate but I do think they can try what they are offered.

From what I've gathered from the kids, they can eat what they want at home and if it's a meal they don't like they get something different. One day the 9 year old couldn't believe that the 5 year old was eating something because again he doesn't eat it at home. I told her because he doesn't have a choice here. It's eat or be hungry. I think the one day that they didn't eat because 'they didn't like it' was enough for him!



Things were okay the first 2 1/2 weeks. Then the 9 year old started fussing about having to play where ever they were playing, outside or in the playroom in the basement. She'd send my son to tell me he didn't want to do it anymore. When I heard her say it, I knew it was her.

I don't feel it's too much to ask that they play outside in the mornings before it's 80 outside. And it's not like there's nothing out there. We have a yard full of toys...too many almost!

I'm having my own little issues with them in the first place...mostly listed above. I don't want to let them go because I'm saving the money from this to cover my son's preschool this fall. But with the kid puking in my car last week I'm at the end of my rope right now. Thank goodness that they are on vacation next week!!

It sounds like the older one is going home & complaining about infractions that really aren't problems. You are NOT out of line. I don't think it's ridiculous to not allow outside food, sounds like it's junk food that they don't need. And you can't be a short order cook, you have to cook ONE meal & if they don't like it too bad. I learned that pretty quick! I can't believe the mom is questioning you about such ridiculous things.

[Persephone]

It sounds like the older one is going home & complaining about infractions that really aren't problems. You are NOT out of line. I don't think it's ridiculous to not allow outside food, sounds like it's junk food that they don't need. And you can't be a short order cook, you have to cook ONE meal & if they don't like it too bad. I learned that pretty quick! I can't believe the mom is questioning you about such ridiculous things.

While that's what I figured! Everything I wrote is stuff that I know I read others here have done or did or do.

Very true about the food! We have very little junk food in the house. They didn't like it the first day at breakfast they asked for fruity pebbles. I told them that I don't buy that sugary cereal. If I bought it I'd eat it all before the next day!! LOL

[momofboys]

How did you react to the mom's "concerns"? Did she agree with your responses? I'd try to buck it up if you can. Do you have them everyday? Take their vacation week & REALLY enjoy yourself & get some relaxation in. I hope it gets better.

[jen]

Eww...sorry, what I read here is SPOILED BRATS.

You are so not out of line. Mom is tho!

[professionalmom]

#1 – So DCM thinks it’s not nice for them to lose the privilege of sitting on the couch? It’s YOUR couch and they were misusing it! It’s not like you are telling them that they can’t sit on some other piece of furniture or the floor. Heck, I’m pregnant with twins and I am constantly sitting on the floor and trying to haul myself and my rapidly growing belly off the floor. I love how DC parents agree that their child’s behavior is inappropriate, but don’t think we are being fair when we take away a privilege. I would tell her, “fine, if you think I am being so unreasonable, I am willing to let them use my couch as they see fit. However, I will charge you for any and ALL damage that they do to my couch.” I’m sure she’ll see that you are only protecting your couch and her wallet by taking away this one privilege.

#2 – Explain to her what you explained to us. Plus, powdered doughnuts and toaster pastries! Are you kidding me!? If I let any of my DC kids eat that for breakfast, I would be setting myself up for a day from h***! I do not serve anything with that kind of sugar content. And I would tell her that. I have actually gotten into it with a parent who wanted her 1 year old to drink more juice and less milk. Your house, your business, your rules. By the way, she wants to argue over you NOT giving her children unhealthy, sugar-laden, cavity-making food, instead of the healthy, nutritious food you want and intend to serve? *Sigh* Seriously, we need to implement a mandatory Parenting 101 for all high schoolers.

#3 – Have you tried to “doctor” the veggies up? I use Ranch dressing or Parmesan cheese (both very sparingly) when I have a picky eater. For corn, try ketchup. I know it sounds gross, but kids LOVE ketchup and since it seems weird, they will probably like it. My DC kids do (so do I – shhh, don’t tell anyone how weird I am). But, no, you are not a short order cook. You are a daycare provider. Clarify this with the parent. Obviously, if we are talking allergy issues or religious issues, you need to make exceptions, but not just because they are picky. I tried to work around one of my daycare kids (at the parent’s request), then the parent complained that I didn’t give him a large enough variety!!! LOSE-LOSE situation when you give in to the picky eaters. Obviously, don’t serve stuff that almost no kid will eat like liver and onions, spinach, and pickled beets. But, I highly doubt you are doing that. I only require that they take a bite. If they don’t like it, fine. But you must try it. Plus, kids’ taste buds change from day to day, week to week, month to month. Just because one kid claims (s)he doesn’t like it now, doesn’t mean (s)he won’t like it the next time. So, I think the 1 bite rule is very reasonable.

It sounds like these children run their home and control their parents. Sadly, this family will probably leave in search of an enabler who will cater to them, but don’t let them control you and your family, especially since your child has a highly sensitive food allergy.

For the one who said "Spoiled Brats" - yes, yes, yes! I just don't understand why parents today don't have a backbone at all and let their children dictate everything.

[boysx5]

not out of line at all sounds like a five year old I have here I finally told the mom last week I have rules here at my house and if she doesn't want to follow them then you need to find somewhere else to send her. I use to bend backwards but I'm way too old for that now

[professionalmom]

not out of line at all sounds like a five year old I have here I finally told the mom last week I have rules here at my house and if she doesn't want to follow them then you need to find somewhere else to send her. I use to bend backwards but I'm way too old for that now

You are not too OLD. You're too WISE, now! I'm getting there too! And I am much happier for it!

[Lilbutterflie]

I definitely agree that you are not out of line with not allowing outside food! I actually think it's very rude, b/c then all of the kids are drooling over donuts they don't get to have! I allow it IF they bring enough for everyone to enjoy, but when you have a child with food allergies you just can't allow it at all. And yes, we are NOT short order cooks. You eat what you are given or you do not eat at all. There's always the next meal or snack they can eat if they don't approve of the current meal/snack.

With the couch and chair situation, I would treat it as a privilege that can be taken away if it is abused. Time-outs don't really work on 9 yr olds, so we take away privileges. If they abuse it, they don't get to do it. Plain and simple!!

I definitely think the 9 year old is the problem, but try to keep in mind that she is starting to grow up and not want to do what the little ones are doing all of the time. Maybe try to do an activity with her during the day that is especially for her to enjoy (maybe during naptime). When you win her over, she may just forget about all of the things she doesn't like about being there.

[tymaboy]

1. Last week they were fighting over who got to sit next to them on the couch. They didn't want my son J to sit next to them...which of course MADE him want to sit by them. Then they jumped up and ran to the chair which of course my son went running to the chair. What ever happened my son (age 3) fell over the side of the chair crying. They said they just moved their leg and he fell. But I find that hard to believe.

Then the next day they (siblings) were rough housing around on the couch and so I told them that they could not sit on the couch or chair unless it was quite time. That was Friday and I told them yesterday too.

While they were crying to their mom last night about it and now she questioning about it. I told her how they were rough housing and she agreed that they couldn't do it, nor can they at home.

She wanted to know when they could sit on the couch again, since she didn't think it was nice not too.

I do not let kids on my furniture. They must earn the right 1st. Most of the time I find it easy keep them off cuz it helps to keep it nice & then it does not get dirty as fast. I have it in my policy as well.

2. Outside food for breakfast. My son has food allergies and I'd rather outside food not be bought in the house. Last week they bought powered doughnuts and toaster pastries. The girl wanted me to put the pastries in the toaster but I told her that I wouldn't since I didn't want the allergen on my toaster. That night I left a note asking for no outside food.

The mom didn't understand since my son would not be eating them. I told her it's not fair to him, since my son LOVED doughnuts before and he can't eat them now and then to have someone eating them right in front of them in his home.

Plus you just never know if that sugar is going to drop on the floor and my son plays there and then he puts his fingers in his mouth and has a reaction.

I told her how bad his allergy was.

Plus I know most sitters won't let other food in their home.

I do not allow outside food either. My one DCB will come with a gramcracker in the morning (which I am OK with that) but when he comes in he will give to me right away. I think he thinks he is sharing cuz most of the time it does not have a bite taken from it but the DCP tell me that he asks for one almost every morning.

3. Meal time! These kids are SO picky. They don't like most veggies and fruits(almost all). I don't feel like I should cook around their pickyness. I'm already cooking around a food allergy. Which again, they don't like since sometimes my son gets foods they don't.

I told them that they needed to at least try the foods on their plate. The 9 year old doesn't like peas and she had to try them yesterday. The 5 year old ate his and ate them last time and he says "I like these peas, their good!" And the 9 year old replied "You don't like peas...you never eat them at home" I told her "Why would you tell him that...he's eating them right now and says he likes them" She does a lot of thinking for HIM.

So the mom had to tell me today that she doesn't like peas and they don't eat them at home.

I have it listed in the handbook that I don't make them clean their plate but I do think they can try what they are offered.

I make the same for everyone. I will not make something special for one & something different for another. I too try to get the kids to try a bite or 2 of everything on their plate. Sometimes kids will eat something that they will not eat at home. I am on the food program so I have to offer something from every food group whether they eat it or not. Kids learn to "play" their parents & it is natural for them to try it with us as well but they usualy learn that their charm does not work on us.

Things were okay the first 2 1/2 weeks. Then the 9 year old started fussing about having to play where ever they were playing, outside or in the playroom in the basement. She'd send my son to tell me he didn't want to do it anymore. When I heard her say it, I knew it was her.

I don't feel it's too much to ask that they play outside in the mornings before it's 80 outside. And it's not like there's nothing out there. We have a yard full of toys...too many almost!

They need to learn they have boundries & that they can not go where ever they please. When kids are in the house they must stay in the one room to play for the day & they know when it is nap time they go into the bedroom & there they stay until nap time is done. They are not aloud to walk all over my house & when it is time for lunch/snack they walk into the kitchen. Drinks & food stay in the kitchen- no exceptions. When we go outside we have boundries there as well. The front half they can play the back half is where the dog goes potty. They are not aloud near the steps that go up to the garage unless we are going on a walk or on a trip. If they do not want to play outside then they can either sit & watch the others play or they can go in to bed & rest while the rest enjoy their time outside. When the kids rest they know they must stay in their spot or they will be standing in time out out facing a corner.

I have had a lot of kids that know how to "play' their parents & get away with everything but when they come here will be a totally different child cuz they know they can not get away with it here. Parents have a hard time seeing how well behaved they are for me compared to for them. Parents need to realize that when they drop their child off in the mornings that it then becomes your rules & standards that they can not tell you how to do things in your home (business) that they are paying & trusting you to take care of their child & that you have more then just their child to think of.

[My4SunshineGirlsNY]

While I agree that it is natural for us moms to want our kids to be happy when at someone elses house, parents also need to realize it's not just thier kids we have to care for, therefore more strict rules need to be applied in a daycare setting. And more so when it's our personal home....kids will be kids but we need them to respect our belongings AND our rules.

I do find myself harder on the daycare kids because they have more limitations as to what they can touch or rooms they can be in....I wouldn't expect my kids to disrespect a providers rules if they were in home daycare, therefore I have the same standards for those that come to my daycare...especially school age children.

I don't feel any of your consequences are out of line, most of us would do the same thing...if they misbehave, a consequence is in order. Plus I'm the same with food...everyone eats the same thing...if they didn't, I would be in the kitchen all day long trying to please everyone..and that's not going to happen.

[booroo]

I definitely think the 9 year old is the problem, but try to keep in mind that she is starting to grow up and not want to do what the little ones are doing all of the time. Maybe try to do an activity with her during the day that is especially for her to enjoy (maybe during naptime). When you win her over, she may just forget about all of the things she doesn't like about being there.

I have to agree, do a fun craft with her...like a recycled rag rug or something fun, but will take on going days.. And then during that time the 2 of you can get know each other...

No I don't think your being unreasonable!! Spoiled little brats is right!!

[Persephone]

Well about the couch and chair I did tell her that they would be able to today. She agreed that she would talk to the about the way they were on the couch and chair.

My nephew who I watch (is older 12) said that his old sitter they could not sit on the couch either. But the sitters son would let them sit on his bed sometimes.

So I don't think I'm in the wrong here.

I have a couch in the basement that I don't care one bit if they sit on.

I'm a little bit of a germaphobe and I don't really like the idea of them laying on my pillows that I lay on too.

I'm trying to think about how I want to handle this. I had told them that they could sit on the couch at quite time. But this morning I told the mom that it wouldn't be a problem. I just don't see a need for them to be on the couch during play time.

I'm thinking I'm going to just tell her that after talking to my husband that we agreed that they don't need to be on it during play time in the main living room.

[My Daycare]

I've got a set of siblings that I'm watching for the summer (ages 5 and 9)
The mom called me this morning with some issues. Am I out of line with these things? I'm not doing anything anyone else wouldn't do right?

1. Last week they were fighting over who got to sit next to them on the couch. They didn't want my son J to sit next to them...which of course MADE him want to sit by them. Then they jumped up and ran to the chair which of course my son went running to the chair. What ever happened my son (age 3) fell over the side of the chair crying. They said they just moved their leg and he fell. But I find that hard to believe.

Then the next day they (siblings) were rough housing around on the couch and so I told them that they could not sit on the couch or chair unless it was quite time. That was Friday and I told them yesterday too.

While they were crying to their mom last night about it and now she questioning about it. I told her how they were rough housing and she agreed that they couldn't do it, nor can they at home.

She wanted to know when they could sit on the couch again, since she didn't think it was nice not too.

2. Outside food for breakfast. My son has food allergies and I'd rather outside food not be bought in the house. Last week they bought powered doughnuts and toaster pastries. The girl wanted me to put the pastries in the toaster but I told her that I wouldn't since I didn't want the allergen on my toaster. That night I left a note asking for no outside food.

The mom didn't understand since my son would not be eating them. I told her it's not fair to him, since my son LOVED doughnuts before and he can't eat them now and then to have someone eating them right in front of them in his home.

Plus you just never know if that sugar is going to drop on the floor and my son plays there and then he puts his fingers in his mouth and has a reaction.

I told her how bad his allergy was.

Plus I know most sitters won't let other food in their home.

3. Meal time! These kids are SO picky. They don't like most veggies and fruits(almost all). I don't feel like I should cook around their pickyness. I'm already cooking around a food allergy. Which again, they don't like since sometimes my son gets foods they don't.

I told them that they needed to at least try the foods on their plate. The 9 year old doesn't like peas and she had to try them yesterday. The 5 year old ate his and ate them last time and he says "I like these peas, their good!" And the 9 year old replied "You don't like peas...you never eat them at home" I told her "Why would you tell him that...he's eating them right now and says he likes them" She does a lot of thinking for HIM.

So the mom had to tell me today that she doesn't like peas and they don't eat them at home.

I have it listed in the handbook that I don't make them clean their plate but I do think they can try what they are offered.

From what I've gathered from the kids, they can eat what they want at home and if it's a meal they don't like they get something different. One day the 9 year old couldn't believe that the 5 year old was eating something because again he doesn't eat it at home. I told her because he doesn't have a choice here. It's eat or be hungry. I think the one day that they didn't eat because 'they didn't like it' was enough for him!



Things were okay the first 2 1/2 weeks. Then the 9 year old started fussing about having to play where ever they were playing, outside or in the playroom in the basement. She'd send my son to tell me he didn't want to do it anymore. When I heard her say it, I knew it was her.

I don't feel it's too much to ask that they play outside in the mornings before it's 80 outside. And it's not like there's nothing out there. We have a yard full of toys...too many almost!

I'm having my own little issues with them in the first place...mostly listed above. I don't want to let them go because I'm saving the money from this to cover my son's preschool this fall. But with the kid puking in my car last week I'm at the end of my rope right now. Thank goodness that they are on vacation next week!!

Not out of line at all. If you do not treat toys, furniture or whatever right than you can't use it. Outside food is ANNOYING. The only thing I am confused about is the line I bolded above. Can't they eat the things that your son eats if they want too? I guess it depends on what it is. My son gets Pediasure and the daycare kids want it to and I have to say no.

[TGT09]

I got lucky in this retrospect last week. 8 year old dcg is normally really good for me but I allowed her bff to start coming to my daycare thinking she would still obey...NOPE. I wrote dcm like a 4 paragraph e-mail on Wednesday saying that she was being completely disrespectful and sassy...that that is not acceptable nor will it be tolerated at my house. She said I will completely back you on any punishment you give her and I will make sure it's followed through at home too. She ALSO says make them sit and do nothing all day! OHHHH, how I loved hearing her say that...not that I would ever do it but still it was nice to have a parent tell me to do that to their child.

I agree with pp's....you are absolutely not out of line! I think you stood up for yourself and I wouldn't let this mom bully you into changing YOUR rules!