Learned something sad about DCB today

[cheerfuldom]

I agree with Country Kids. I often see posts about how children need the sleep, yet here is a post contradicting that.

Personally, I wouldn't judge the parents. Perhaps this is what they recognize that their child needs, on an individual level? My own daughter (19 years ago) NEEDED the sleep.....even at almost 2 years old. Before I became a child care provider, and I worked outside of the home, my daughter got up around 6, had a light snack, and then, based on her own INDIVIDUAL needs, she laid down and went to sleep while I got ready for work. Evry night, like clockwork, she was out after dinner, sleeping soundly in her bed....by 7:00. Now, a 19 year old University student, she STILL sleeps very similiarly. ::

Perhaps that is the case with dck? Perhaps the parents KNOW their child and this is what he needs?

Now, if the child is laying there crying and fussing because he doesn't want to sleep....that's a different story. But, if he is falling asleep when he is laid down then the sleep is what he needs.

well he may be falling asleep just because he knows that no one is going to come get him no matter what he does.....

anyway, there are issues with this child at daycare (right?) and I cant imagine that the routine with mom and dad are not a part of that.

As for those of you with sleep issues and youngsters, just wanted to throw out an idea for you all. I highly recommend the Baby Whisperer books (there are 3 if I remember right). Much of what I was doing with my older kids matched her techniques before I ever heard about her but the books have helped even more with my kids and my daycare kids. Not going to lie....I am pretty good at getting kids on great routines and sleeping well this is essential for me to be able to continue doing daycare seeing as how I have 3 kids under 5, with another on the way. My new daycare girl is 4 months and already sleeping 12 hours at night and two consistent naps of 2 hours each after only being with me for 2 weeks! Of course, mom and provider have to be consistent together but I have had really good success with these techniques.

[Crystal]

I agree I definitely didn't screen this family very well but they were my first family to sign up and when they came to interview he hadn't even been born yet so we didn't discuss routines, etc. Also, they are first generation citizens and there is definitely a language barrier and some cultural differences to deal with.

And this might be where the issue really lies. Is this more about cultural differences/beliefs? This may very well be cultural for them. I would consider that before anything else. And, so long as they are not HARMING their child, I would learn to adjust my own beliefs to value and respect theirs.

[Country Kids]

This is something I found on the internet:

Typical sleep at this age

By age 6 months, most babies sleep a total of 14 hours a day (between nighttime sleep and naps) and are capable of sleeping for long stretches at a time.

Between the ages of 6 and 9 months, many babies consolidate their daytime sleep into several naps, one in the morning, one in the afternoon, and one in the early evening.

Don't be concerned, though, if your baby continues to take more than three naps a day. Keeping consistent times for bedtime and naps will help regulate his sleep patterns.

Sleeping through the night
If your baby now sleeps for nine or ten hours at night, it means he's figured out how to settle back to sleep – a sign that you're raising a good sleeper.

[Country Kids]

well he may be falling asleep just because he knows that no one is going to come get him no matter what he does.....

anyway, there are issues with this child at daycare (right?) and I cant imagine that the routine with mom and dad are not a part of that.

As for those of you with sleep issues and youngsters, just wanted to throw out an idea for you all. I highly recommend the Baby Whisperer books (there are 3 if I remember right). Much of what I was doing with my older kids matched her techniques before I ever heard about her but the books have helped even more with my kids and my daycare kids. Not going to lie....I am pretty good at getting kids on great routines and sleeping well this is essential for me to be able to continue doing daycare seeing as how I have 3 kids under 5, with another on the way. My new daycare girl is 4 months and already sleeping 12 hours at night and two consistent naps of 2 hours each after only being with me for 2 weeks! Of course, mom and provider have to be consistent together but I have had really good success with these techniques.

Wondering how much time does your 4 month olds parents spend with her. Wouldn't it break down to also not much time?

[Hunni Bee]

Our kids napped pretty late today (we had an outing this morning and didn't get back quite on time, so nap was late - and plus it was Monday ).

I was wondering if I was disrupting their sleep for tonight, and then I thought about the only parent in five years who raised concerns to me about how long their kid napped. She had a 4 year old boy with some PPD issues - he went to specialized pre-k in the mornings, got off the bus to us around one and napped until four. This kid would NOT wake up before four - I'd try to wake him up earlier, and find him sleeping on the bathroom floor beside the toilet .

She wanted him to only take an hour nap, so he'd go straight to sleep at home. She'd get him up at 5:30, be in the daycare parking lot by 6, sign him in as soon as the door opened. She wouldn't pick him up til 15 minutes before closing time, and he'd eat Hot Pockets in the front of the TV til he fell asleep. She spent zero time with him - she'd give him uncooked hot dogs for breakfast, and he'd frequently be dirty and unkempt, and always wearing a sopping overnight pullup. We'd often have to clean him up and change his clothes before school. Her main concern seemed to be getting an SSI check for him.

She eventually refused to pay and he stopped coming. These types of parents make me really sad too.

[Crystal]

Our kids napped pretty today (we had an outing this morning and didn't get back quite on time, so nap was late - and plus it was Monday ).

I was wondering if I was disrupting their sleep for tonight, and then I thought about the only parent in five years who raised concerns to me about how long their kid napped. She had a 4 year old boy with some PPD issues - he went to specialized pre-k in the mornings, got off the bus to us around one and napped until four. This kid would NOT wake up before four - I'd try to wake him up earlier, and find him sleeping on the bathroom floor beside the toilet .

She wanted him to only take an hour nap, so he'd go straight to sleep at home. She'd get him up at 5:30, be in the daycare parking lot by 6, sign him in as soon as the door opened. She wouldn't pick him up til 15 minutes before closing time, and he'd eat Hot Pockets in the front of the TV til he fell asleep. She spent zero time with him - she'd give him uncooked hot dogs for breakfast, and he'd frequently be dirty and unkempt, and always wearing a sopping overnight pullup. We'd often have to clean him up and change his clothes before school. Her main concern seemed to be getting an SSI check for him.

She eventually refused to pay and he stopped coming. These types of parents make me really sad too.

That is sad...but it is also neglect. From the OP, I don't get the impression that the child is neccessarily neglected?

[Hunni Bee]

That is sad...but it is also neglect. From the OP, I don't get the impression that the child is neccessarily neglected?

No, it doesn't seem that way. Her post just reminded me of this case. I was just starting when I had this child, I would recognize that as abuse now. I just thought it was really crappy parenting.

[countrymom]

yes, children need 12 hours sleep in a day, but not in a row. I have never heard of kids so young sleeping for so long and not waking up at night (now it sounds bad but I wonder if they are giving him something) kids his age usually do about 2 or 3 naps a day and then sleep for the night. Did he have a flat back head, usually those are indications of kids who are left in the same position for hours on end.

[cheerfuldom]

Wondering how much time does your 4 month olds parents spend with her. Wouldn't it break down to also not much time?

no it wouldnt because they are with her for at least an hour in the morning, several hours in the evening depending on pickup. they do juggle a bit with schedules to get her picked up asap every day.

[Crystal]

Wondering how much time does your 4 month olds parents spend with her. Wouldn't it break down to also not much time?

That's what I am thinking......If baby sleeps 12 hours at night, 4 hours during the day....thaat leaves 8 awake hours and she is in daycare for how many hours? So, seems Mom isn't having much time with baby either.

[Crystal]

FWIW.....my only point on this topic, really, is that we shouldn't judge parents like this......whether it is cultural, a need of the child or Mom's selfishness, we really don't know. And unless we KNOW then it really isn't fair to insinuate that they are just bad parents. And I feel that saying "Why on earth would you have a baby and then purposefully spend as little time as possible with him? " is calling them bad parents.

[justgettingstarted]

I never said anything about neglect or them harming DCB. I simply said I think it is sad that they let him roll around and fuss until he usually falls asleep in the mornings (yes this is what DCD said in different words) after already having slept 12+ hours overnight instead spending some time with him while getting ready for work. Instead, he stays up most of the day and spends time with ME. DCD specifically said they couldn't keep him up in the morning because DCM is too busy getting ready and he likes to sleep in - NOT that he needs extra sleep. I know its a challenge, I worked when DS was this age, but he was always up with me in the mornings after he woke up on his own so that we could spend some time together.

[Crystal]

I never said anything about neglect or them harming DCB. I simply said I think it is sad that they let him roll around and fuss until he usually falls asleep in the mornings (yes this is what DCD said in different words) after already having slept 12+ hours overnight instead spending some time with him while getting ready for work. Instead, he stays up most of the day and spends time with ME. DCD specifically said they couldn't keep him up in the morning because DCM is too busy getting ready and he likes to sleep in - NOT that he needs extra sleep. I know its a challenge, I worked when DS was this age, but he was always up with me in the mornings after he woke up on his own so that we could spend some time together.

I get what you are saying, and I understand why it bothers you. My point, however, was that just because their parenting style differs from yours, it doesn't mean that they are wrong and that does not give you the right to judge them. When you said why did they bother having a baby if they were not going to spend time with him, I considered it judgemental and unfair.

My point about the neglect/abuse was not saying that you were insinuating that, I was saying that if they are not being neglectful or abusive, but only having him sleep when it works for them as a family, then why does it bother you so much? Is it because he is awake for you all day and you want him to sleep?

It's just my opinion, that I decided to share, because you shared yours.

All that aside....maybe they are training him to be awake during the day so that they have several awake, quality hours with him on the weekends? That could be a cultural thing as well.

[Unregistered]

OP, I agree that is sad. They could put the baby in a swing or in the room while getting ready at least. The baby is supposed to play by itself or sleep after 12 hours of sleep at night (which by the way, not all babies at this age need that much sleep). I would guess they put the baby to sleep that early, again, to not have to give much attention to him/her. Unfortunately people don't need permission to have children. Why have children in the first place if all you do is let them cry in the crib and then put them in daycare the rest of the time? Ugh. Babies deserve tons of affection, not neglect- which by the way means to pay little or no attention to. Sounds like a fitting description here