Omg! I Lied....I Didn’t Know What Else To Do!!!!

[Mom&Provider]

I don't think it's any of her business who contacts you, who you take on or how you run your business, and given the circumstances, I don't think you did the wrong thing by lying since IMO these parents likely don't want or care for her to know where their child is now attending anyway. I know as a parent if I had an issue with a past provider, I wouldn't be telling her where I was planning to move my child to either and by lying you only kept their privacy.

On the other hand, maybe some advice could have been offered on how to make her business better, even if no reference was given to her about the family specifically or what they said. Menu ideas and crafts etc. can all be shared without having to give specifics. BUT what you choose to tell any provider in your area or otherwise is your own business and some providers choose to share all their efforts and others don't - it's a personal choice.

So go and buy what you need to, but be prepared again to be asked questions you might not want to answer since if she was chatty with you on the phone, the chances are she will be the same way in person too!

[My3cents]

Thank you Black Cat. I am actually a little surprised at the number of people saying that I should have just told her.....you are correct, basically all the information I know about why her clients are not staying with her are from the XYZ parents, although the providers conversation confirmed much of it. But this is a stranger, even though I feel bad for her and she seemed to be discouraged, that doesnt mean that she is open to a frank conversation about what it will take to get her daycare up to par. I do think it is important to reach out to fellow providers if possible but in this case, I feel there are several reasons why that wouldnt be the best idea at this point. She has A LOT to overcome and has already told me that if she cant find a family asap, she is going to start looking for a job outside the home. There are some people that are not a good fit for daycare and to be honest, I really feel that maybe it would be best for her to find a situation outside of childcare. Some of the things that I heard about her were very alarming....keep in mind that this is a person that thought it was okay to give a 4 month old chocolate ice cream, among several other major safety issues!

Hearing more about this it sounds like you did what was best. It is one thing to help someone that seriously is looking for help it is another thing to waste your time on someone that is flippy and flaky. I still stand on that you should have told her and that is because "I" don't like to lie- and I would even like it less if I knew she found out that I lied to her. I hate being put on the spot. I am a thinker and I need to work things out in my head before I can give an answer out to someone. Something I work on- but I really think it is just who I am.

For the record, I would let a 4 month old taste ice cream if the child was mine, but not make a meal out of it or even a snack- but...... I was so strict and by the book with my first and then I relaxed a lot with the others, but not so much that my brains fell out ::

I say go to her sale get what you need and get out and let us all know how you make outlovethis

[My3cents]

I don't think it's any of her business who contacts you, who you take on or how you run your business, and given the circumstances, I don't think you did the wrong thing by lying since IMO these parents likely don't want or care for her to know where their child is now attending anyway. I know as a parent if I had an issue with a past provider, I wouldn't be telling her where I was planning to move my child to either and by lying you only kept their privacy.

On the other hand, maybe some advice could have been offered on how to make her business better, even if no reference was given to her about the family specifically or what they said. Menu ideas and crafts etc. can all be shared without having to give specifics. BUT what you choose to tell any provider in your area or otherwise is your own business and some providers choose to share all their efforts and others don't - it's a personal choice.

So go and buy what you need to, but be prepared again to be asked questions you might not want to answer since if she was chatty with you on the phone, the chances are she will be the same way in person too!

Get in and get out, talk only about the stuff she is selling and small talk and if she brings it up again, just tell her you don't discuss your clients or much of your daycare business-blunt but nicely, or respond with O- it is kind of neutral response that says, -I am listening to you

good luck and remember we can all give our opinions but what you chose to do is up to you,you know you are in it fully. We are just reading a piece of it and we all have different views-

[countrymom]

I don't think it's any of her business who contacts you, who you take on or how you run your business, and given the circumstances, I don't think you did the wrong thing by lying since IMO these parents likely don't want or care for her to know where their child is now attending anyway. I know as a parent if I had an issue with a past provider, I wouldn't be telling her where I was planning to move my child to either and by lying you only kept their privacy.

On the other hand, maybe some advice could have been offered on how to make her business better, even if no reference was given to her about the family specifically or what they said. Menu ideas and crafts etc. can all be shared without having to give specifics. BUT what you choose to tell any provider in your area or otherwise is your own business and some providers choose to share all their efforts and others don't - it's a personal choice.

So go and buy what you need to, but be prepared again to be asked questions you might not want to answer since if she was chatty with you on the phone, the chances are she will be the same way in person too!

I agree with you. Its no ones business who you have.

[cheerfuldom]

Hearing more about this it sounds like you did what was best. It is one thing to help someone that seriously is looking for help it is another thing to waste your time on someone that is flippy and flaky. I still stand on that you should have told her and that is because "I" don't like to lie- and I would even like it less if I knew she found out that I lied to her. I hate being put on the spot. I am a thinker and I need to work things out in my head before I can give an answer out to someone. Something I work on- but I really think it is just who I am.

For the record, I would let a 4 month old taste ice cream if the child was mine, but not make a meal out of it or even a snack- but...... I was so strict and by the book with my first and then I relaxed a lot with the others, but not so much that my brains fell out ::

I say go to her sale get what you need and get out and let us all know how you make outlovethis

you might have missed out on the original post a few weeks back but the parents werent necessarily upset about the ice cream, so much as the fact that they told the provider no-dairy, no-solid foods and she did the ice cream anyway. then they told her they were upset about her disregarding their preferences and she did not apologize, laughed at them, and would not promise to follow their food preferences in the future. when I was on the phone, the provider also laughed about this incident and said the parents were too picky about the food issues and she didnt feel she did anything wrong.

she would also put blankets and toys in the PNP with the little one and kept doing it after parents asked her not to.

she kept having the older DC kids or her own grandkids hold the baby or care for her (all these kids were 3 years old to mid-grade school age) and again, did not seem to understand why the parents did not like this

she kept having friends/neighbors/family over during daycare hours when the parents were promised by her that there would be no one over.

so you see why know I am hesitant to not offer advice. the parents have already complained about these issues and if she doesnt change for them, why would she change anything just because her and I discuss it?

[My3cents]

you might have missed out on the original post a few weeks back but the parents werent necessarily upset about the ice cream, so much as the fact that they told the provider no-dairy, no-solid foods and she did the ice cream anyway. then they told her they were upset about her disregarding their preferences and she did not apologize, laughed at them, and would not promise to follow their food preferences in the future. when I was on the phone, the provider also laughed about this incident and said the parents were too picky about the food issues and she didnt feel she did anything wrong.

she would also put blankets and toys in the PNP with the little one and kept doing it after parents asked her not to.

she kept having the older DC kids or her own grandkids hold the baby or care for her (all these kids were 3 years old to mid-grade school age) and again, did not seem to understand why the parents did not like this

she kept having friends/neighbors/family over during daycare hours when the parents were promised by her that there would be no one over.

so you see why know I am hesitant to not offer advice. the parents have already complained about these issues and if she doesnt change for them, why would she change anything just because her and I discuss it?

gotcha now...... no I don't think I saw that post. I was on vacation a few weeks ago and sometimes I just don't get to see every post.

I still would not have lied- you have done nothing wrong by taking on those clients. I bet it would have shut her up from saying more if you had or you would have had even more of an earful. I wouldn't offer advise either. She is not running daycare professionally and that gives all of us daycare's a bad rep. She will go down all on her own and she is. but.....as I said when I am put on the spot I sometimes say whatever comes out of my mouth and then try to make heads or tails of it after. I feel you were put in a bad situation by her. If you want the stuff bad enough, go get it and get out quick and if not find it elsewhere.

[My3cents]

you might have missed out on the original post a few weeks back but the parents werent necessarily upset about the ice cream, so much as the fact that they told the provider no-dairy, no-solid foods and she did the ice cream anyway.not cool, any of this is not cool. She obviously doesn't have experience or a care to have experience. Some people walk to the beat of their own tune and don't care what other people think or say- sounds like this could be the case. then they told her they were upset about her disregarding their preferences and she did not apologize, laughed at them, and would not promise to follow their food preferences in the future. when I was on the phone, the provider also laughed about this incident and said the parents were too picky about the food issues and she didnt feel she did anything wrong. not her child! It is not that hard to listen to a parents reasonable request-esp babies.

she would also put blankets and toys in the PNP with the little one and kept doing it after parents asked her not to. safety issue

she kept having the older DC kids or her own grandkids hold the baby or care for her (all these kids were 3 years old to mid-grade school age) and again, did not seem to understand why the parents did not like thisagain parents choice. I let my kids hold the babies with my supervision sitting on the floor but I wouldn't if a parent asked me not to do this. Respect.

she kept having friends/neighbors/family over during daycare hours when the parents were promised by her that there would be no one over. my regs this is not allowed and with good reason.

so you see why know I am hesitant to not offer advice. the parents have already complained about these issues and if she doesnt change for them, why would she change anything just because her and I discuss it?

I see things clearer and clearer the more you clue me in. She doesn't take her job serious. Naaaaaaa don't waste your time. Let us all know how it works out if you go back and buy things from her. I don't know if I would even want to do that. Best-

[EchoMom]

Do you have a way to contact this person again??? Why don't you tell her about this forum and she could get tons of help learning how to do daycare right??? I bet it would really help her!

[cheerfuldom]

Do you have a way to contact this person again??? Why don't you tell her about this forum and she could get tons of help learning how to do daycare right??? I bet it would really help her!

she is not tech savy at all. She said that she doesnt like online stuff, her ads are very plain with no pictures because she doesnt know how to use a computer besides getting on email. she doesnt seem interested in learning either.....read on.....


UPDATE
I met her last night to look at her daycare items. She had a garage full and I did not buy a thing because everything was WAY overpriced and she wouldnt budge on prices at all even though she had numerous people interested in items but no sales yet.

She tried to talk about a few things but it was just like the XYZ parents said....she is set in her ways and wont consider anything else. She seemed like a nice person but no clue how to run a business and not interested in catering to parents at all. She said she needs four full timers to make her mortgage but is down to one full timer and two part timers and has had so much turnover in 18 months since she started. she doesnt want to spend any time and money on her ads but is upset that a plain CL ad with no pictures is not generating interest, she is overpriced (the highest of anyone I know in the area) but will not consider lowering at all to get some families started because this is what her friend charges....a friend that has A LOT of experience, a curriculum, an amazing set up....all things that she doesnt have. She was one small room for the playroom which is nice but tiny and she readily says that she does as much equipment/restraining as possible with the kids, moving the babies from PNP to bouncer to swing all day because she doesnt know what to do when they start crawling. The rest of her house is very nice but completely not kid friendly. Anything I suggested, she completely disregarded so while I tried to help, she really just wanted to do it her way and complained about the kids and parents a lot. She said the ice cream baby cried all day....I have had this baby for two weeks and have not even heard her cry one time! She is interviewing for jobs and will be selling the rest of her daycare items if she doesnt get more kids started within about 8 weeks, which she wont, I can tell.

[Blackcat31]

Ugh....sounds like she requires a complete overhaul and transformation!!

NOT worth even trying to help her when it doesn't sound like a few tips and friendly bits of advice is going to make any difference....also sounds like she has a hearing issue and only hears what she wants to hear.

Smile and walk away.......

Call her back in a couple months and you will probably get her stuff for half of what she is asking now.

[cheerfuldom]

Ugh....sounds like she requires a complete overhaul and transformation!!

NOT worth even trying to help her when it doesn't sound like a few tips and friendly bits of advice is going to make any difference....also sounds like she has a hearing issue and only hears what she wants to hear.

Smile and walk away.......

Call her back in a couple months and you will probably get her stuff for half of what she is asking now.

yeah I was nice because I wanted her to contact me when her daycare closes, LOL. she was saying "help" with her words but her actions and attitude showed that she didnt want to change anything so theres no point in trying to help someone like that. she hates daycare, I can tell, so its best that she just move on, for the sake of these kids especially.

[DaisyMamma]

I wouldn't have lied. I'd want to be told if someone knew vital info to how I could be doing better, it's a matter of integrity, we daycare providers shouldn't. Be competitors

I agree. And who is to say that the parent wasn't at fault somehow too, or even lying themselves. You just never know. There are two sides of every story.

[cheerfuldom]

I agree. And who is to say that the parent wasn't at fault somehow too, or even lying themselves. You just never know. There are two sides of every story.

This is usually true.

However, in this case, I have talked to the provider several times and found her to be exactly what the parents described so I do believe that their side of the story was accurate. I do think that there are two sides to every story....but I have heard the provider's side and that did not make her look any better in my eyes. She outed herself as someone that is hard to work with and not providing quality service. I would have seen that on my own even if I didnt hear the parents side first. I am very glad now that I choose to not tell her that this family was now coming to my daycare. That information would not have helped her, the parents or me at all....it just would have caused unnecessary drama. This isnt about being competitive because I absolutely offered feedback and ideas about several of her complaints....between my phone calls to set up a time to view her daycare items and the actual visit, I talked to her for well over an hour. She wasnt interested in a single idea I provided. She has been doing daycare for just over a year and if she isnt open to hearing suggestions from someone that has been successfully doing this for five years and caring for children on a regular basis for another 10 years on top of that, then I dont know what more I could have done.

[Countrygal]

I definitely agree about the confidentiality thing. I would have tried to say it without lying, but I know how hard it is when you are put on the spot.

As for the rest - her asking why she isn't doing better - I'd be honest with her. Maybe she is sincere! You said she's nice. Why don't you help her? Give her some suggestions, some free advice. You can always say "it's just my opinion, but...."

Someone here in daycare has been VERY helpful for me. I was out of daycare for many years and so much has changed!!! It is so nice to have someone who is honest and will give you honest answers and suggestions! So refreshing! You could be that person for her!

[Sprouts]

you might have missed out on the original post a few weeks back but the parents werent necessarily upset about the ice cream, so much as the fact that they told the provider no-dairy, no-solid foods and she did the ice cream anyway. then they told her they were upset about her disregarding their preferences and she did not apologize, laughed at them, and would not promise to follow their food preferences in the future. when I was on the phone, the provider also laughed about this incident and said the parents were too picky about the food issues and she didnt feel she did anything wrong.

she would also put blankets and toys in the PNP with the little one and kept doing it after parents asked her not to.

she kept having the older DC kids or her own grandkids hold the baby or care for her (all these kids were 3 years old to mid-grade school age) and again, did not seem to understand why the parents did not like this

she kept having friends/neighbors/family over during daycare hours when the parents were promised by her that there would be no one over.

so you see why know I am hesitant to not offer advice. the parents have already complained about these issues and if she doesnt change for them, why would she change anything just because her and I discuss it?

This provider sounds clueless and sounds like a person set in her ways so no matter what advice you would have given her i doubt it would have made a difference. The only suggestion I would have told her to do would be to create a questionare for current and past clients and ask them questions about what they like and what they could see improvement in. Since no one is there 24/7 except her, then there is no way we would know what is going on.