Helicopter Parenting

[Lucy]

This might be a question more about your OWN kids than Daycare kids, as I know things are different when you're caring for Daycare kids.

So... when you go to the park, and let's say your kids are 3 and over, do you hover over them as they make their way from one thing to another? I ask, because I just took my Daycare kids to the park, and I observed 3 different moms who just wouldn't leave their kids alone. They had to help them up the steps to the slide (and this was not one of those tall slides - it was all part of a climbing structure with different levels of platforms and such - so not really any danger of falling off), they stood next to them as they bounced on the springy rocking horse thingey, they followed them over to the 4-sided teeter-totter and bounced one side of it with their foot, etc., etc.

Ok, I can see shadowing a 2 yr old or younger, but these kids were very capable of managing the equipment on their own. And it wasn't only shadowing, they were giving instructions and suggestions the whole time, as well as affirmation. I'm just thinking that the kids are never going to learn independence if you don't leave them alone! My philosophy is to stand back and watch, making sure they're not in danger of hurting themselves or others, and supervise from an appropriate distance. I had my mom with me, and we kept looking at each other and rolling our eyes about these moms! Sit down!!! Let the kids learn what to do and what NOT to do.

What's your take on this? Oh, and there was one mom who was the total opposite. Her 3 kids were running wild, going up the slide from the bottom, SITTING in the bowl of the water fountain, throwing bark chips, etc., while she stood and talked to a friend and never once corrected them. Sheesh!

[EntropyControlSpecialist]

Not a fan of helicopter parenting, even for toddlers. Monitor your children, correct inappropriate/dangerous behavior, and let them explore. It does them a disservice to not allow them to entertain themselves and explore on their own.

[Lilbutterflie]

I have the same philosophy you have, sit back and watch. Make sure they are able to manage the playground safely on their own, give them help when they ask for help, but stand back and supervise.

If there is one thing I learned while being a daycare provider, is there are so MANY different types of parents out there!! I have to keep my mind open sometimes and tell myself "My way is NOT the only to parent". But sometimes it's just ridiculous the things parents will do!

I was at Chick Fil A the other day. Here in TX, they all have indoor playgrounds in a completely separate room than the restaurant. The restaurant patrons can see, but not hear, the kids playing because the walls are completely glass. After we finished eating, I let my two kids go play. I went inside to watch them, just to keep a closer eye and make sure they were behaving since there were lots of kiddos in there. I was the only parent in there with about 15 different kids using the playground!! There were boys climbing up the sides of the playground that were not meant for climbing (very dangerous). I told one he should not be climbing up that way and he said "My mommy lets me do this". Yet his sister argued back and threatened to go tell his mom what he was doing. Another group of kids started horseplaying right on the floor in front of me; kicking, hitting, punching each other hard. Not a parent in sight. We left and I told my kids they would be in BIG trouble if I ever saw one of them acting that way!!

[Heidi]

Absolutely not a helicopter parent here!

I have never lifted my child onto any piece of climbing equipment, or commented on well they did it. The reward for trying is the accomplishment, not me yelling "oooh...you're awesome". If I have to help them up there, they shouldn't be on it. I just tell them "when your body is ready, you'll be able to do it...keep trying" Some of my older dck's want to "help" their little buddies...not allowed!

They also swing (swung?) on their bellies until they could get themselves up. Well, ONE of my sons was really good at getting other mommies to push him.... They'd give me dirty looks for it, but hey, I didn't tell you to push my kid just because he has those big blue eyes!

I would sit on the park bench talking with another adult (if available) and keep and eye on safety issues (or bad manners). The only exception is some of the really old play grounds with the low-sided tall slides. Then I stand nearby to spot them. I haven't seen one of those for years, though.

[daycare]

I dont judge other peoples parenting....the fact that they are there with their kid at the park says a lot to me. We don't know their reasoning for their actions. Maybe they are first time parents or the childs first time to the park?

Sorry not trying to sound rude, and I know what you are saying, but I just would just not have labeled or judged anyone's parenting style.....

[Lucy]

absolutely not a helicopter parent here!

I have never lifted my child onto any piece of climbing equipment, or commented on well they did it. The reward for trying is the accomplishment, not me yelling "oooh...you're awesome". If i have to help them up there, they shouldn't be on it. I just tell them "when your body is ready, you'll be able to do it...keep trying" some of my older dck's want to "help" their little buddies...not allowed!

They also swing (swung?) on their bellies until they could get themselves up. Well, one of my sons was really good at getting other mommies to push him.... They'd give me dirty looks for it, but hey, i didn't tell you to push my kid just because he has those big blue eyes!:d

i would sit on the park bench talking with another adult (if available) and keep and eye on safety issues (or bad manners). The only exception is some of the really old play grounds with the low-sided tall slides. Then i stand nearby to spot them. I haven't seen one of those for years, though.

exactly!!!

[Lucy]

I dont judge other peoples parenting....the fact that they are there with their kid at the park says a lot to me. We don't know their reasoning for their actions. Maybe they are first time parents or the childs first time to the park?

Sorry not trying to sound rude, and I know what you are saying, but I just would just not have labeled or judged anyone's parenting style.....

That's fine!

[cheerfuldom]

I dont do helicopter at all. Even my 14 month old is on her own and she is not even walking yet. I am all about hands off parenting. I dont carry big kids or get involved in their play. I rarely push kids on the swings or direct their play in anyway outside of making sure they are safe and appropriate with one another. But I will say that my kids are very independent. They fall and get back up and move on. They figure out how to use things on their own. I dont have to monitor them every second of the day. My 4 year old can pour her own milk and make a PB&J sandwich on her own.

I think helicopter parenting can back fire in a huge way. I have a 3 year old here that will not take the small step up into my house .....she waits for her mom to lift her and will cry in terror if someone doesnt help. She NEVER does this for me or for her dad. But mom is a helicopter mom in the extreme and does every single thing for this child and now, the child will not do anything on their own if mom is present. Its hard to watch when you know that she can do it and mom has trained her to be helpless.

I understand what the PP has said about judging. I dont think that helicopter parenting is the worst thing you can do to a kid and yes, there are many ways to parent that result in a well adjusted child. I dont feel that I am judging so much as stating my observations as I have seen it in my experience. I think a lot of parents get stuck in the "baby mode" and dont know how to transition on to the next stage in their childs life. It is usually not from bad intentions.

[Blackcat31]

Absolutely not a helicopter parent here!

I have never lifted my child onto any piece of climbing equipment, or commented on well they did it. The reward for trying is the accomplishment, not me yelling "oooh...you're awesome". If I have to help them up there, they shouldn't be on it. I just tell them "when your body is ready, you'll be able to do it...keep trying" Some of my older dck's want to "help" their little buddies...not allowed!

They also swing (swung?) on their bellies until they could get themselves up. Well, ONE of my sons was really good at getting other mommies to push him.... They'd give me dirty looks for it, but hey, I didn't tell you to push my kid just because he has those big blue eyes!

I would sit on the park bench talking with another adult (if available) and keep and eye on safety issues (or bad manners). The only exception is some of the really old play grounds with the low-sided tall slides. Then I stand nearby to spot them. I haven't seen one of those for years, though.

we were definitely separated at birth.

I think helicopter parenting can back fire in a huge way. I have a 3 year old here that will not take the small step up into my house .....she waits for her mom to lift her and will cry in terror if someone doesnt help. She NEVER does this for me or for her dad. But mom is a helicopter mom in the extreme and does every single thing for this child and now, the child will not do anything on their own if mom is present. Its hard to watch when you know that she can do it and mom has trained her to be helpless.

Have the same child here. Mom has robbed him of the ability to figure out what comes next or to have any type of self-help skills. I feel so badly for him. It wasn't a big deal when he was young but it has now come to the point that the kids younger than him have passed him up and he now appears delayed.

I have also run into issues where he can do what he wants at home and wants to climb on the counters or play with light switches because mom can't ever say no so he has no boundaries and has major tantrums here when he is told no here because that word is never used at home.

Christmas is a perfect example. I spent days teaching the kids to NOT touch the ornaments on the tree. One day this mom arrives and her kid points at the ornament hanging in the doorway and mom says "Oh, you want to touch the ornament?" and lifts him up to touch it! I was like...seriously????????? WTH? (*sigh*)

[dave4him]

If my kid falls, no matter what age, i want to be there to catch her.

[dave4him]

Absolutely not a helicopter parent here!

I have never lifted my child onto any piece of climbing equipment, or commented on well they did it. The reward for trying is the accomplishment, not me yelling "oooh...you're awesome". If I have to help them up there, they shouldn't be on it. I just tell them "when your body is ready, you'll be able to do it...keep trying" Some of my older dck's want to "help" their little buddies...not allowed!
.

I love helping my kids up on stuff so they can have fun just like their big sister. But everyone has their own way i suppose, i also have the "you're fine, walk it off" mentality too, so it goes both ways. Depends

[countrymom]

nothing bugs me more than other people who want to help my dck's (mine are older) luckily known of my dcps are helicopter parents, must be a county thing haha!

[Michelle]

I was at the Nature Center one day and they had a Mommy group there with 20 or so 3-4 year olds and the moms were nonstop rattling on and on to the kids like."Johnny, see the bird? what color is it? look at the squirrel! what do they eat? "
without even letting the kids answer, then they answered for them and they were just dragging them along the trail like this.

My kids would once in while spot an animal and asked if we can stop at the sign to read about it. I let them discover these things on their own and we are quiet to not scare the animals away.

So, yes helicopter parents drive me nuts!
and believe it or not they think they are awesome parents and they do this to kinda show off how awesome they are.

::::::::

[Meyou]

I don't lift, push or otherwise help at the playground. They get to have the fun when they can get it to work themselves! I have crawlers that can go to the top of the slide, turn around and go down on their bellies feet first so they land on their feet. They rock!

[daycare]

I don't help kids....


I was taught in my safety class that if they can't get on the play equipment (or whatever it is) on their own, then they should not be on it. I agree with this 100%. If I let the kids get on this that were not really capable of doing themselves, I am sure it would end bad or I would have to be there to hover over them and I can't and won't do it.