Helicopter Parenting

[littlemissmuffet]

This might be a question more about your OWN kids than Daycare kids, as I know things are different when you're caring for Daycare kids.

So... when you go to the park, and let's say your kids are 3 and over, do you hover over them as they make their way from one thing to another? I ask, because I just took my Daycare kids to the park, and I observed 3 different moms who just wouldn't leave their kids alone. They had to help them up the steps to the slide (and this was not one of those tall slides - it was all part of a climbing structure with different levels of platforms and such - so not really any danger of falling off), they stood next to them as they bounced on the springy rocking horse thingey, they followed them over to the 4-sided teeter-totter and bounced one side of it with their foot, etc., etc.

I don't even do this with my younger daycare kids. They need to learn and explore on their own. I'm there to supervise and help, and intervene when needed - but that's not very often. All my daycare kids are fine climbing, going down the slide, etc at 16-18 months.

[Heidi]

I don't help kids....


I was taught in my safety class that if they can't get on the play equipment (or whatever it is) on their own, then they should not be on it. I agree with this 100%. If I let the kids get on this that were not really capable of doing themselves, I am sure it would end bad or I would have to be there to hover over them and I can't and won't do it.

Yep...my sister ended up having to block off her rainbow climber because one dcp encouraged 10 yo dcb to help little brother, 11 mo dcb onto the equipment at the playground. Now 11 mo has a taste for it...and has figured out how to get up on the highest slide. NOT SAFE, since he does not have the cognitive skills judge the danger. It wouldn't even have occurred to him yet had big brother not "helped" him....

[youretooloud]

No..I'm of the "just try, if you fall, try again" mentality.

Obviously within reason. But, I'm all for kids climbing higher and longer until they can do it the way they want.

In the 60s, we had playgrounds with a steep, wide, slide, with no ladder... you just had to keep trying to get up it by yourself. The only way to get up it was to keep practicing. 45 years later, I can still remember the pride I felt when I finally got up there by myself. My brother had been doing it forever, but it took me at least a year of trying.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/7776581...n/photostream/ <--doesn't that look hard? Can you imagine your three year olds trying to do this?

It's even called an "earn a slide".

[Heidi]

No..I'm of the "just try, if you fall, try again" mentality.

Obviously within reason. But, I'm all for kids climbing higher and longer until they can do it the way they want.

In the 60s, we had playgrounds with a steep, wide, slide, with no ladder... you just had to keep trying to get up it by yourself. The only way to get up it was to keep practicing. 45 years later, I can still remember the pride I felt when I finally got up there by myself. My brother had been doing it forever, but it took me at least a year of trying.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/7776581...n/photostream/ <--doesn't that look hard? Can you imagine your three year olds trying to do this?

It's even called an "earn a slide".

That's cool! I want one! It looks safer than the narrow, low-sided things we climbed on...you can't really fall off the edge of it. In fact, I see one of those in the picture behind the cool one.

[EntropyControlSpecialist]

No..I'm of the "just try, if you fall, try again" mentality.

Obviously within reason. But, I'm all for kids climbing higher and longer until they can do it the way they want.

In the 60s, we had playgrounds with a steep, wide, slide, with no ladder... you just had to keep trying to get up it by yourself. The only way to get up it was to keep practicing. 45 years later, I can still remember the pride I felt when I finally got up there by myself. My brother had been doing it forever, but it took me at least a year of trying.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/7776581...n/photostream/ <--doesn't that look hard? Can you imagine your three year olds trying to do this?

It's even called an "earn a slide".

I'm in my early 20s and wouldn't be able to earn it. ::

[countrymom]

the above poster hit it dead on, helicopter parents want to prove to people that they are the best parents, kind of like showing off kwim. I can't stand it when they start asking their kids a million questions, do you think the kids care, nope.

[Lucy]

I don't even do this with my younger daycare kids. They need to learn and explore on their own. I'm there to supervise and help, and intervene when needed - but that's not very often. All my daycare kids are fine climbing, going down the slide, etc at 16-18 months.

I don't either. I just picked age 3 out of the air. I had a newly turned 2 yr old, and she was on her own today just like the other kids. I agree with the statement that if they can't get up on something by themselves, they shouldn't be on it at all.

I do have to say, though, that I don't care for the merry-go-round thing. (Is that what you call it even when it doesn't have horses??? ) Bigger kids will spin it really fast, and younger ones either get scared, or aren't holding on well enough and slide to the outside edges. I've seen kids go flying off those and roll under them. If we're one of the few people at the park, or there aren't any bigger kids hanging around, I'll let them go on it. Otherwise I tell them to stick to the other equipment. It's more MY hang up of seeing it I guess. I didn't really like them as a kid either.

[My3cents]

the above poster hit it dead on, helicopter parents want to prove to people that they are the best parents, kind of like showing off kwim. I can't stand it when they start asking their kids a million questions, do you think the kids care, nope.

Every parenting book you pick up encourages talking and communicating with your child- Show interest- Ask them questions- interact with your child- What voice to talk in- Same with when you go to trainings- Helicopter parenting is encouraged in our society.

When I am with my child that is what I am doing, engaging with the child and watching our for her clumsy safety. I don't want a trip to the emergency room.

It does drive me nuts, but I can see how I could be labeled

Drives me more nuts when a parent can't say NO or won't say No and thinks that nothing is off limits. UGH!

I am all about discovery but I am all for safety too!

[dave4him]

Most playgrounds around here are easy to get on for a one year old, that doesnt make them safe for a one year old.

Of course when i first saw this topic i thought of the kind of parents who swoop in at drop off and pick up, like a helicopter

[Kaddidle Care]

This might be a question more about your OWN kids than Daycare kids, as I know things are different when you're caring for Daycare kids.

So... when you go to the park, and let's say your kids are 3 and over, do you hover over them as they make their way from one thing to another? I ask, because I just took my Daycare kids to the park, and I observed 3 different moms who just wouldn't leave their kids alone. They had to help them up the steps to the slide (and this was not one of those tall slides - it was all part of a climbing structure with different levels of platforms and such - so not really any danger of falling off), they stood next to them as they bounced on the springy rocking horse thingey, they followed them over to the 4-sided teeter-totter and bounced one side of it with their foot, etc., etc.

Ok, I can see shadowing a 2 yr old or younger, but these kids were very capable of managing the equipment on their own. And it wasn't only shadowing, they were giving instructions and suggestions the whole time, as well as affirmation. I'm just thinking that the kids are never going to learn independence if you don't leave them alone! My philosophy is to stand back and watch, making sure they're not in danger of hurting themselves or others, and supervise from an appropriate distance. I had my mom with me, and we kept looking at each other and rolling our eyes about these moms! Sit down!!! Let the kids learn what to do and what NOT to do.

What's your take on this? Oh, and there was one mom who was the total opposite. Her 3 kids were running wild, going up the slide from the bottom, SITTING in the bowl of the water fountain, throwing bark chips, etc., while she stood and talked to a friend and never once corrected them. Sheesh!

Hmm well.. I'd rather see a parent going overboard than not paying attention at all.

I think first time parents are more prone to this and I'll admit that I was slightly guilty of this with my first as well. He was terribly uncoordinated and I do remember doing some of what you mentioned here. We all make mistakes with our first children.

10 years later with the 2nd I just watched from a distance and corrected him if he was trying to go up the slide the wrong way, etc. I was older and he was much more coordinated than my first. He was and still is the type of kid that you could bring anywhere alone and he'll find a friend to play with - very outgoing and very opposite of my first child.

[Truly Scrumptious]

I don't help kids....


I was taught in my safety class that if they can't get on the play equipment (or whatever it is) on their own, then they should not be on it. I agree with this 100%. If I let the kids get on this that were not really capable of doing themselves, I am sure it would end bad or I would have to be there to hover over them and I can't and won't do it.

Exactly....in my experience, kids will pay attention and will be more careful on their own, if they don't have that "safety net".

[countrymom]

I don't help kids....


I was taught in my safety class that if they can't get on the play equipment (or whatever it is) on their own, then they should not be on it. I agree with this 100%. If I let the kids get on this that were not really capable of doing themselves, I am sure it would end bad or I would have to be there to hover over them and I can't and won't do it.

I totally agree. If they can't get up, well then they shouldn't be on it. the park across the street from me has this rope (its a pirate ship) that you have to walk across. Well one day there was a man (gpa) trying to help all my dck's across, I had to let him know that if they can't do it by themselves then they shouldn't be on it. Nothing drives me more crazy then kids who holler "help me do this, help me get across"

[SunshineMama]

This might be a question more about your OWN kids than Daycare kids, as I know things are different when you're caring for Daycare kids.

So... when you go to the park, and let's say your kids are 3 and over, do you hover over them as they make their way from one thing to another? I ask, because I just took my Daycare kids to the park, and I observed 3 different moms who just wouldn't leave their kids alone. They had to help them up the steps to the slide (and this was not one of those tall slides - it was all part of a climbing structure with different levels of platforms and such - so not really any danger of falling off), they stood next to them as they bounced on the springy rocking horse thingey, they followed them over to the 4-sided teeter-totter and bounced one side of it with their foot, etc., etc.

Ok, I can see shadowing a 2 yr old or younger, but these kids were very capable of managing the equipment on their own. And it wasn't only shadowing, they were giving instructions and suggestions the whole time, as well as affirmation. I'm just thinking that the kids are never going to learn independence if you don't leave them alone! My philosophy is to stand back and watch, making sure they're not in danger of hurting themselves or others, and supervise from an appropriate distance. I had my mom with me, and we kept looking at each other and rolling our eyes about these moms! Sit down!!! Let the kids learn what to do and what NOT to do.

What's your take on this? Oh, and there was one mom who was the total opposite. Her 3 kids were running wild, going up the slide from the bottom, SITTING in the bowl of the water fountain, throwing bark chips, etc., while she stood and talked to a friend and never once corrected them. Sheesh!

Way too much helicoptor-ing for me! I let my kids (1.5 and 4) go wherever they want in the park, and I stand back, but keep an eye on them to make sure they are playing appropriately. I think that kids learn by their mistakes. My 1 year old can climb anything at our park confidently, but she has had 1-2 falls in her life that taught her how to master her skills. I dont have to helicoptor over her, and she has a sense of autonomy. I have also seen parents hovering over their 3 year olds and it is pretty annoying.

I had an interview once and set up play doh for the 3 year old to play with my daughter at the kitchen table while we talked. The whole time the mom was on edge and freaked out that he wasn't in a booster seat. She was afraid he would fall 1 foot off of the chair Of course the child was completely fine and played happily- but I didn't accept that family into care, obviously.

[Michelle]

the above poster hit it dead on, helicopter parents want to prove to people that they are the best parents, kind of like showing off kwim. I can't stand it when they start asking their kids a million questions, do you think the kids care, nope.

Some of the kids were actually holding their ears because the moms were trying to "out do each other" ::::::

I definitely agree with open dialogues and asking leading questions to kids that need it (quiet shy kids) but I don't know any quiet kids!
::::

[EntropyControlSpecialist]

Way too much helicoptor-ing for me! I let my kids (1.5 and 4) go wherever they want in the park, and I stand back, but keep an eye on them to make sure they are playing appropriately. I think that kids learn by their mistakes. My 1 year old can climb anything at our park confidently, but she has had 1-2 falls in her life that taught her how to master her skills. I dont have to helicoptor over her, and she has a sense of autonomy. I have also seen parents hovering over their 3 year olds and it is pretty annoying.

I had an interview once and set up play doh for the 3 year old to play with my daughter at the kitchen table while we talked. The whole time the mom was on edge and freaked out that he wasn't in a booster seat. She was afraid he would fall 1 foot off of the chair Of course the child was completely fine and played happily- but I didn't accept that family into care, obviously.

I had an interview recently where a Mom said she sometimes feeds her 23-month-old Cheerios. Only sometimes, though, and "she hasn't choked YET." Nearly 2 and barely getting fed things like Cheerios due to a fear of choking ...