Same Mom, Do You Find this Rude??

[momma2girls]

I have a question about parents that have lost control of their 2-5 year old children. If you can't get them to obey you in minor situations like this and you have lost control, what will you do when the child becomes a rebellious teen who's bigger and stronger than you? After all, when they are still this small, you just pick them up and carry them to where you need for them to go. You are bigger and stronger. No anger. No roughness. No hostility. Just pick them up and go. Quick and simple. You don't need to talk to them and convince them to comply. Just pick them up and carry on. Will they kick and scream? You BET! They are testing you and they have little to no impulse control. But you are teaching them that they will not always get their way and that you cannot negotiate everything in life. Milk cost $2.83 (or whatever). Period. You can't argue that. The boss expects you at 8:00, not 8:01. Period. It's non-negotiable. That's a part of life. We all have to do things we don't like, but you **** it up and do it. Why is it that so many people think that teaching that to children from an early age is so horrible? I think it just prepares them for the real world.
I'm not trying to start something on here. I just find it odd that I had one parent like this and he (DCD) just shrugged his defeat (toward me) because his 2 yr old son didn't agree with dad. Just pick him up and go. How hard is that?

I totally agree with you!! I once had a 4 yr. old boy, only had about 6 months til grandparents returned in the Spring- there were countless times, where he didn't have a nap, because of preschool 3 days a week, and he would be terrible towards mom at pick up, he ran all around the house, until I told him to stop, we do not do this, he would kick his Mom , hit her, etc. etc.... UGH!!!! These days pickups would drag out sometimes 10 min. or longer. Please just pick up your 4 yr. old and go!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[MarinaVanessa]

How do you/would you enforce this?

I just have discussions with the parent about responsibility and how it's theirs to keep them safe. If they say that they can't or have trouble controling their kids then I tell them that they need to hold their child's hand or carry their child out to the car. If they don't want to then I remind them again and add that they must if they want to continue to come here (mention this to the child also).

My fiance told me about a case they were trying about a prego woman and how she had her sons hand but he wiggled away and ran into the street and he was hit by a car and died. Not only did she have to grieve for her son but she was also held and charged for being responsible for the death of her child. Judge said it was her responsibility as a parent to keep him under control and safe. I just know that I wouldn't want that hanging over my head whether it's a DC kid or one of my own. I sometimes tell this story to the parents that have trouble restraining their children.

In the case of the flowers I had a DC boy (no longer here for other reasons) that stomped on my flowers in front and she did nothing. I was PO'd. I gave her a written notice with my policy that reads that if I incur any charges from HOA by any family that they are responsible for paying it. I never did get one but it was enough to scare her into walking him up by the hand everyday. In your case I would add a policy about intentional damages (I also have one ) and charge them if you needed to replant some or some flowers died or something. Or just say "Next time it happens ..." Most parents don't want to pay extra for anything so maybe it will work.

[professionalmom]

Judge said it was her responsibility as a parent to keep him under control and safe.

Exactly. You have 2 choices: step up and be your child's parent OR risk losing your child to death or prison (just so you can be his/her friend and have him/her LIKE you). I can promise anyone and everyone, judges are not going to worry about hurting your feelings (or your child's) and they will not be swayed if you (or the child) kick and scream. Personally, I would rather pick up my screaming, tantruming (is that a word?) DD and calmly removed her from the place I don't want her to be and teach her that I am mom and I AM the boss, when I say no I mean no, and I DO mean business. I would rather teach her this respect than make a judge have to teach her later or teach me because I failed to BE a parent to her.

This quote really drives it home. The Judge said it was HER (not someone else's) RESPONSIBILITY (not right, not choice, her DUTY, her OBLIGATION) as a parent to KEEP HIM UNDER CONTROL (not his fault, not his choice, he is not responsible for controlling himself, SHE has to CONTROL HIM) and SAFE (by controlling your child, you can keep him/her safe, control = safe, lack of control = unsafe).

[QualiTcare]

I have a question about parents that have lost control of their 2-5 year old children. If you can't get them to obey you in minor situations like this and you have lost control, what will you do when the child becomes a rebellious teen who's bigger and stronger than you? After all, when they are still this small, you just pick them up and carry them to where you need for them to go. You are bigger and stronger. No anger. No roughness. No hostility. Just pick them up and go. Quick and simple. You don't need to talk to them and convince them to comply. Just pick them up and carry on. Will they kick and scream? You BET! They are testing you and they have little to no impulse control. But you are teaching them that they will not always get their way and that you cannot negotiate everything in life. Milk cost $2.83 (or whatever). Period. You can't argue that. The boss expects you at 8:00, not 8:01. Period. It's non-negotiable. That's a part of life. We all have to do things we don't like, but you **** it up and do it. Why is it that so many people think that teaching that to children from an early age is so horrible? I think it just prepares them for the real world.
I'm not trying to start something on here. I just find it odd that I had one parent like this and he (DCD) just shrugged his defeat (toward me) because his 2 yr old son didn't agree with dad. Just pick him up and go. How hard is that?

i've never picked mine up - they'd like that too much. out in public, i'd just say, "bye," and keep on walking - that always worked 100% of the time. if they're outside and don't come when i call, i say, "okay. i'm locking the door. bye!" and they come running. you'd think i've ACTUALLY left them somewhere before if you see the way they come running.

[MarinaVanessa]

i've never picked mine up - they'd like that too much. out in public, i'd just say, "bye," and keep on walking - that always worked 100% of the time. if they're outside and don't come when i call, i say, "okay. i'm locking the door. bye!" and they come running. you'd think i've ACTUALLY left them somewhere before if you see the way they come running.

I have to admit that I've done this in stores . I don't know that I'd do this outdoors but when I did it in the store to my own child she never walked/ran away from me again. She's very curious and active and likes to go between the clothes racks etc which is a total peeve of mine. I have a saying (yes another one) "If I can't see you, you're too far". Solution= I waited until she wasn't looking and hid from her. I had a constant visual on her and I followed her for a few aisles while she asked for "Mommy" while curious customers gave me the evil eye as I stalked her through the store. She didn't cry (she's fearless) but she had begun to get panicked (remember she's 5) and I stood up and acted like I was looking at clothes and let her notice me and Oh hell she ran over and grabbed my leg and didn't let go the rest of the shopping trip. Problem solved. She doesn't get more than 5 feet away from me. Again, I don't know that I'd do it in the outdoors but if parents want to try it great. Just don't do it at my house.

[QualiTcare]

i don't know what you mean when you say you wouldn't try it in the outdoors.

what i meant was when i'm standing in my doorway and telling my OWN children to come inside and they don't want to, i TELL them i'm shutting the door and locking it.

maybe you mean you wouldn't do it cus it's mean? i dunno. i wouldn't REALLY lock them out of the house, but the threat of locking the door brings them running. well, actually, i probably would shut the door and let them knock for a minute if they didn't obey, but i haven't had to.

it's the same concept....telling them bye and keeping on walking and telling them if they don't come in you're locking the door. maybe i'm misunderstanding?