Do You Think I Did Something Wrong...My Husband Thinks So

[cheerfuldom]

Okay so this situation is with my newest family who just started last week. I know they thought my contract was strict but we did talk about it during the interview. They had numerous questions about my "no junk food in the sack lunch rule" and were like "what about this item....what about that?" I knew it was going to be at least something of an issue but there is always something with every parent and I was willing to give it a shot. I again explained my lunch rules, the main idea being that I do not appreciate parents sugaring up kids right before nap.

Both days she was here, lunch from home included a few okay items but also little debbie snacks, chips, squeeze juices and other clearly identified "junk foods". I dont think anyone can debate that a little debbie snack is not junk food, you know?

So I offered this girl the healthiest options first from her lunch. I gave her water instead of the juice. I put the junk food back in the lunch box to be sent home.

My husband says I should not be "dictating" what other people feed their kids. I was livid about this comment. He was acting like I was being abusive or something in not allowing this girl to have the sugary drink that mom and dad sent with her.

I have already talked to both parents about the lunch issue and now will just be sending home any super junky foods and offering the better options. It was already addressed the first day but they still sent a similar lunch the second. For me, everything else is going really well with this new child and I see no reason to keep harping on the same issue over and over. I feel that sending home the junky options is a good compromise and I have no desire to lose this family over one issue. I am not giving her sugar for lunch so if the parents want to still send it, whatever. To me, its the same thing as previous parents continually sending pacis, blankies, toys from home and other items that are just put in to the diaper bag and sent home day after day. I talk to these parents and then after that, I just send it home.

I am very annoyed though because my husband is always the one telling me to do things that I would never do with the kids like "just put them in a pnp and let them cry", "just put a movie on for them" and that type of thing. I am not opposed to CIO or occasional movies but his solution for everything is either let the kids watch TV or put them in a room by themselves. So apparently, in his view, these two things ARE okay but giving a child water is not?

On a side note, the parents said her naps are usually one hour. She's been sleeping 3 to 3.5 here! I feel strongly that a better diet for the day (I provide snacks) is helping her calm for nap times.

[EchoMom]

Just my opinion, but if the parents agreed to it in your policies/contract then I suppose you do have the right to not give it because they agreed to that.

However, if I were the parent, I would chose a different provider. Sorry but I agree with your husband that you don't have the right to enforce your own parenting on this family. Yes a Little Debbie is junk, but that's fine in moderation. If she's eating a healthy lunch and has a dessert with it that's fine, but again, that's my parenting.

Also, she could be napping longer partly because she's exhausted from the new stimulation at daycare, that in itself is exhausting and causes my dckids to all sleep much longer here than at home, regardless of diet.

[EchoMom]

Sorry, not to harp on it, but I also forgot to say that my 5 kids all pack lunches from home too. They sometimes bring healthy stuff, and sometimes it's hot dogs, mac n cheese, juice, prepackaged stuff, etc. One family in particular has a teeny tiny 2 year old and he always drinks juice and occasionally they send skim milk for him. I mentioned that whole milk was best for him but they have not made the change. While I disagree with it, I don't think it's up to me to force anyone to feed their child differently.

[cheerfuldom]

I don't "force" anything. I offer the healthy stuff first (which she did not even completely finish) and I see no issue with holding off on the junk till the end of the meal or not offering at all.

Lunch for a two year old included a little debbie snack, sandwhich bag stuffed with chips, and sugary juice ALL in the same lunch.....is it weird that I think that this is too much junk for a 2 year old? Especially when she eats the healthy stuff and is perfectly satisfied with that?

I guess I disagree because I dont think this is about my parenting style. I am not trying to parent these kids. I dont care in the slightest what other parents do....but at my daycare, I dont offer junk food to kids because it gets them sugared up (with a crash later) and it can cause fights amongst the kids ("She got a cupcake and I didnt!"). Am I mistaken in thinking that as a business owner, I do have a right to say what my food policies are with the kids in care? We talked about this at the interview and they signed a contract agreeing to my policies....so what would it be surprising to them when I start enforcing them? Like I said, the parents said nothing about the junk being sent home the first OR second day. I know they used the same lunch box and saw what I sent home. So far, they dont care enough to address the issue again either. It was just my husband piping in with the comment that annoyed me.

As for your skim milk issue, if the parents sent skim and you dont require whole then yes, its not for you to then say anything about it. But what if the parents SIGNED your food policy saying that whole milk would be provided? Isnt that a different situation where you would have the right to require whole be provided? Why would I even take the time to write out and discuss my food policies if I was then not going to enforce them? Maybe you will feel differently glen when you have been in business longer. After numerous years of caring for kids, I know my contract has unfortunately gotten longer. The food policy started because parents were sending candy and gum for lunch and that definitely had to be stopped!

I do not say ANYTHING about what kids eat or do at home except for the rare instance where the thing being done is affecting behavior or something at daycare. I think it is only my business when it affects my business...and having a sugared up hyper kid right before nap time does affect all of us!

[Hunni Bee]

No I dont think you're doing anything wrong. Your daycare, your rules.

And I agree with that rule. The parents shouldn't be able to fill the kid with junk and sugar on your time. If you provided meals, you wouldn't make a bunch of junk foods. Just because the parents provide meals doesn't mean there can't be a guideline for them.

I have this issue everytime we go on a big field trip and need sack lunches. There's soda, candy, cookies, cake and a sandwich. I let them have one of the snacks from the bag, and then I substitute with my healthier stuff.

[MizzCheryl]

The thing about working at home is our DHs get to see alot about our job sometimes and it seems they always have a nice opinion even if we don't really want it right then. Men are fixers and sometimes when we just wanna talk... they wanna fix or tell us how we should do it.

Its your biz and your the alpha when it comes to Daycare. Do what you need to and don't even worry about it. The little girl was fine and didn't even care or finish the healthy foods. She wasn't left hungry.

[godiva83]

No IMO you are doing nothing wrong, you are simply following your policies which were signed previously by the girls parents.
You are not with holding food, just not offering. The girl like you said is not going hungry.
I side with you 100% that is way too much junk food for a child 2 or older. Also, when parents send foods like that it does cause arguments, upset feelings,ect among the children. Perhaps, every Friday you can supply a lunch time treat for all the kids, but it is not needed to have a 'desert' type food ie. little Debbie after every meal. Fruit should be substituted.

Perhaps if it keeps coming up tell the parents again and explain that the policies in place for a number of reasons one of them being nutrition but also because it causes conflicts and upset feelings of the other children in care. What parent would want another child saddened by their actions, right

[Ariana]

Unless your hubby is running the show and taking care of the kids it's none of his business how you run it!! If the parents are ok with you sending junk back and you feel better about the kid eating better than you should keep doing what feels right to you.

[Unregistered]

kmmcgp

Please do those children a favor and serve your own lunch! Parent's will never get it.

It's just so disgusting the crap people feed their children.I for one,can't stand to watch it so I just have my rates high enough to be able to provide lunch.

Plus you could maybe join a food program. That way no one's feelings get hurt,kids get the proper nutrition and you don't have to worry another minute about it.
They can do whatever they want in their house,in mine I don't serve children junk.Period!

[Former Teacher]

I am on the fence with this one.

I agree with your DH that it's their choice what they want this child to have. They are the parent. If they wanted their child to have chips and dip at 8:00 am that's THEIR choice. Would a normal sane person do that? Of course not.

I remember at my former center this 4 year old boy brought a small package of donuts for morning snack. That is what his mother sent him so I gave it to him. My former director was FURIOUS with me. She was saying that because I overloaded him with sugar he was going to be a beast all morning/day, which he was not by the way. I only gave it to him because it was a breakfast food. If it had been cookies or a cupcake then no.

With that being said: they did sign your contract about your policies. They are well aware of them. I would just keep on doing what you are doing.

I think they are just pushing your buttons ::

[dave4him]

Toss the junk food and feed them whatever you said you were going to.

[Abigail]

I think what you're doing is fine, but I would tell the parents you need to talk about what junk food is. HONESTLY, I'm a fast food junkie and some things I eat I don't consider junk food because I know their is more junkier junk food out there, LOL. I needed to be taught what is junk food and what isn't. I would approach this with a letter posted for all parents just a reminder about food from home and this doesn't target any one parent.

You can include other things besides supplying healthy food, not junk food, like wash and dry lunch boxes at least weekly. Have all lunches labeled. Make sure you use spill-proof containers. Then maybe you can include a food pyramid or something educational about foods like healthy-easy-meals or snacks to make.

If that doesn't help, I would be talking to the parent after a week. Sometimes it takes a week before they get a chance to grocery shop. You could also send home a sample of two weeks worth of menu's that ARE healthy to give ideas. What would you serve? Type it up and send it home and maybe you'll start seeing some of the menu options appear in the lunch boxes! I would make sure the parent understands that it's not okay to continue sending junk food.

[youretooloud]

I would have a hard time letting other kids have a treat like than when the rest are eating healthy.

The parents can find a middle ground. You can too.

It's hard to learn what "healthy" meals are when you don't eat healthy. But, some people overdo "healthy" a little bit.

The Little Debbies would be a no go here....but, a cookie is fine. I make my kid's lunches, and they get a cookie every single day. (or some type of treat) The juice, I'd have let her have. The chips, I'd have let her have some of those.

There are some really awesome websites with cool lunch ideas. It can be a lot of fun to creatively pack a lunch for a child. They just need some inspiration, and maybe some helpful hints.

I would eat Peanut butter and jelly EVERY. SINGLE. DAY. if I could. Maybe they could just creatively give her some old standbys, like PBJ in different shapes, or string cheese... so many great and fun ways to make a lunch. Especially if they put it in a lunch container that's easy to open and use.

http://easylunchboxes.smugmug.com/Th...960659&k=xSuiV Maybe show them a link like this, and they will see some new ideas.

[jojosmommy]

First off, tell your husband to butt out. Your daycare, your rules.

Second, why are kids providing lunches anyway? I don't understand this deal. Can you get on the food program and offer healthy kids to everyone?

Finally, I would not like offering the kids that junk at daycare either. Especially becuase of the fighting it will cause, and because it is unecessary to feed kids that crap. I do think however if you keep sending it home the parents will move on to another place where they won't get crap for feeding their kids this junk. I personally have never fed my kids Little Debbies (NOT ONCE) and I have also never purchased juice for my kids, outside of the occassional prune for bm issues. I think people choose to be unhealthy and like most else no matter how much we tell them they will still parent their kids however they wish. Sad for the kids.

[BusyBee]

Just my opinion, but if the parents agreed to it in your policies/contract then I suppose you do have the right to not give it because they agreed to that.

However, if I were the parent, I would chose a different provider. Sorry but I agree with your husband that you don't have the right to enforce your own parenting on this family. Yes a Little Debbie is junk, but that's fine in moderation. If she's eating a healthy lunch and has a dessert with it that's fine, but again, that's my parenting.

Also, she could be napping longer partly because she's exhausted from the new stimulation at daycare, that in itself is exhausting and causes my dckids to all sleep much longer here than at home, regardless of diet.

Moderation is not everyday. Esp. at that age--it's a lot of sugar for a little one.