Do You Think I Did Something Wrong...My Husband Thinks So

[sharlan]

Tell your dh that if he wants to run your business, you'll be happy to get a job outside of the home.

There's a very simple solution to your problem - no food from home. I have always fed my kids from the beginning. I never wanted to hassle with Johnny got a cupcake and Susie got carrot sticks.

Any food from home has to be enough for all the kids. I have a mother who's brought donuts twice this year. We had her donuts for breakfast with milk. I guarantee you, it didn't harm anyone. Now, had her son come in with a donut for himself, it would have gone straight into his backpack.

I have a SA who liked to save his chips or snack from his lunch and eat it here for snack. I didn't say anything the first couple of times. The next time he did it, I pulled out ice cream for the others. No, you can't have ice cream, you just had chips. You can have apple slices or carrots. After that, he saved his fruit for his snack. (Yes, I know that was mean. But that's the only way I can get my point across to him.)

[akpayne]

I dont know maybe Im in the minority here but if you are requiring parents to pack a lunch it seems a little hypocritical to then turn around and make a decision about what is or is not appropriate. Do I think that is a healthy lunch for a child that age? No. However, if you have made the choice to not provide lunch I dont really think it is any of your concern.

[Kaddidle Care]

I'm in a Center and we pull the sweet treats from lunches and serve them after naptime as a snack. Then they go outside to burn it off. They are allowed 1 sweet treat. If they have multiples they get a choice and the rest goes home. We've never had a parent complain that their child didn't get to eat their sweets.

Does your hubby work with you? If he does then schedule an errand after lunch for yourself and let him feed them the sweets and deal with the chaos that ensues when it's time to get them down for nap.

If it is totally your business then that's what it is. I don't tell my husband how to do his work and he doesn't tell me how to do mine. It's worked out pretty well for 27 years now so this isn't a trial thing for me.

Best wishes getting him to butt out and let you do what you need to do.

[saltmom75]

I don't think you did anything wrong, per se, but what I have found hard is what I would do for own children isn't what other people do for their children. I would never put my kids to bed with a bottle (or even give them a bottle), but if a mom says to do it I do it. I would never give my kids nothing but milk all day to drink, but if a dad says to do it I mostly do it. But those things are not in the contract. So this is where the gray area comes in. Do you want to stick to your guns and your contract, or to you like the child/parents and want to let it slide?

[Former Teacher]

I dont know maybe Im in the minority here but if you are requiring parents to pack a lunch it seems a little hypocritical to then turn around and make a decision about what is or is not appropriate. Do I think that is a healthy lunch for a child that age? No. However, if you have made the choice to not provide lunch I dont really think it is any of your concern.

My point exactly. However the part that I am on the fence with is the fact that the parent agreed to follow policies. They are not agreeing to this. If you aren't going to agree, why sign?

[Kiki]

. If they wanted their child to have chips and dip at 8:00 am that's THEIR choice. Would a normal sane person do that? Of course not.

I semi agree with this, however, I semi don't. I have had several children arrive in my home at 7:00-8:00 in the morning with chips, donuts, and even a couple of times candy. Every single time they have been taken away, put in a zip lock baggie with their name on them, and put up in the closet until pick up. Sure it's the parents choice to give it to their children, however, once they enter my home it is my rules on to what food they eat, not the parents.(Unless of course it is an allergy/diet issue.) If they want to give them junk like that for breakfast they can do it before they enter my home. I also have a very strict no food from home policy though, and I can't speak for other providers.

I think what you're doing is fine, but I would tell the parents you need to talk about what junk food is. I would approach this with a letter posted for all parents just a reminder about food from home and this doesn't target any one parent.

You can include other things besides supplying healthy food, not junk food, like wash and dry lunch boxes at least weekly. Have all lunches labeled. Make sure you use spill-proof containers. Then maybe you can include a food pyramid or something educational about foods like healthy-easy-meals or snacks to make.

If that doesn't help, I would be talking to the parent after a week. Sometimes it takes a week before they get a chance to grocery shop. You could also send home a sample of two weeks worth of menu's that ARE healthy to give ideas. What would you serve? Type it up and send it home and maybe you'll start seeing some of the menu options appear in the lunch boxes! I would make sure the parent understands that it's not okay to continue sending junk food.

I would try this as well.
I don't think sending the treats home with the parents is wrong, and if the parents haven't mentioned anything about it, they might not be seeing anything wrong with it either. IMHO-do what is best for you, not what is best for your husband here, you're the one that is running this show, thank him for his opinion, and move forward with your own choice.

Do you mind if I ask why you don't participate in a food program, and why the lunches from home?

[Blackcat31]

I dont know maybe Im in the minority here but if you are requiring parents to pack a lunch it seems a little hypocritical to then turn around and make a decision about what is or is not appropriate. Do I think that is a healthy lunch for a child that age? No. However, if you have made the choice to not provide lunch I dont really think it is any of your concern.

First off, I want to say that I applaud your efforts in trying to make sure the kids in your care have a healthy diet and nutritious lunches.

However, I agree with the others that you don't provide lunches so it is the parents choice to send whatever they want...even a bag of candybars. I think that the arguement that you don't want to deal with the fights of one kid getting a cupcake and another not getting one shouldnt even play into the equation as that is just par for the course if parents HAVE to supply their own lunches.

As far as the thought of sugar making the kid all crazy before lunch, I would address that issue IF it was a problem, which for some kids it isn't a problem...kwim? If this particular little girl gets wound up and won't sleep, then I would approach the parents and talk with them from that angle but I do agree that you shouldn't dictate what a family chooses to feed their child (even if it is absolute crap!).

I also see your point about the approved list of foods and the family reading the contract and agreeing to it. I think if you want to address things from that stand point it would be well within your rights, but I kind of think it is a bit controlling to even have a list of approved foods at all. (But they did agree.)

The fact they agreed to your contract in the first place is what I have trouble getting over. The fact that they agreed kind of negates the other things I said. So I guess I am going to stay on the fence with this as I dont know what I would do since I have never been in this kind of situation. I am on the food program so...

Maybe it is time to simply have a sit down conference with these parents and go over your contract and discuss with them whether or not your program is the right fit for them or not as I am thinking it is not the right place for them.

It would be different if they were totally willing to learn and grow while taking your advice and attempts at improving their child's diet but if they are not open to that, then maybe you should let them go so they can find another provider...kwim?

Oh and as far as your DH goes, mine sometimes does the same thing. I just smile and say "thanks hun, but I got this." and do what I have always done.

[Former Teacher]

I semi agree with this, however, I semi don't. I have had several children arrive in my home at 7:00-8:00 in the morning with chips, donuts, and even a couple of times candy. Every single time they have been taken away, put in a zip lock baggie with their name on them, and put up in the closet until pick up. Sure it's the parents choice to give it to their children, however, once they enter my home it is my rules on to what food they eat, not the parents.(Unless of course it is an allergy/diet issue.) If they want to give them junk like that for breakfast they can do it before they enter my home. I also have a very strict no food from home policy though, and I can't speak for other providers.

I totally agree with your statement about your home/rules.

When the children would come into my former center (first thing in the morning) with the chips, cookies, and other crapola, yes indeed absolutely these foods would be put up until lunch or afternoon snack. However breakfast foods: pop tarts, donuts, frosted flakes etc...yes I would serve them. Regardless of their high sugar content.

Bottom line: the problem that I have with this situation is the fact that the parents agreed to a certain policy. They are not respecting the provider by following rules.

On the flip side: there is only so much the OP can do. She can talk to these parents until she is blue in the face. They will continue to send what they want.

[AnneCordelia]

I think that if you want to control the food that goes into their mouths then you need to supply it.

[MizzCheryl]

Toss the junk food and feed them whatever you said you were going to.

Simple as pie (and sweet too)!
They can eat the sweets when your not the one get the side effects.

[saved4always]

I don't think you are doing anything wrong. I always give the healthiest choices first. Once you give them the junk, they won't eat the stuff that is better for them. When I didn't provide lunches, most of my parents sent well balanced lunches. You said she totally accepts the healthy items so it is not a case of being desperate for an under-size child who refuses to eat to eat something (or anything). There is nothing wrong with sending the junk home...if the parents ask, you can just tell them that she filled up on her healthy stuff so there was no need for the junk.

[saved4always]

I thought I would add to my above (concerning controlling what the parents send for lunch): I am now working for a center and we do not supply lunches or snacks; the parents have to bring them. It is actually in the rules in the state liscensing that the kids have to have a serving of each food group in their lunches. If they are missing something, we have to supply it and it says in our handbook that the parents will be charged a fee per item. So, while I did not have "rules" about food when I did legally unliscensed care in my home, we do have to have rules at the center per liscensing.

[Sunshine44]

ok...

I personally think that if you are making parents provide a lunch from home that you should have no say in what they pack. Each person needs to jive with their provider, if they decide your rules are too much, well, they will leave. Ignore your husband, but remember you can't control their every move.

I personally wouldn't have signed up with you for the fact that it seems like you are trying to micromanage the parents. I mean, having rules and a contract is great...but sometimes things go a bit far and I personally think this is too much.

[Crazy8]

I am also one of the few providers here who does not provide lunch. It is in my contract that they are to send in a nutritious lunch for their child and it is NOT to contain chips, sweets or candy. I do NOT feel like I micromanage them - I just don't allow these foods. Not only are they unhealthy but if one kid has them then EVERYONE wants them. And only drink allowed from home is whole milk - because I only provide 2%. I don't get on their case about sending in spaghetti o's or mac n cheese even though I can argue those being nutritious lunches but I draw the line at snacks/desserts. I provide snacks, they provide the meal. If they don't like my rules they can look elsewhere for daycare. I don't know of but 1 home daycare in my area that provides meals. It just isn't done much around here and I could NEVER see it being worth the time and effort for the lousy money the food program gives you. I do not feel its my job to determine how nutritiously parents feed their child but it is my prerogative to say certain foods are not allowed.

In a case where they continually send in the stuff not allowed I would just send it home each day. Its just like the kid who comes in with a toy each day when toys from home are not allowed - it is either handed right back to the parent or left in their bag all day. Since you aren't inspecting the lunch when the parent is there I would just leave it in their bag.

[Kaddidle Care]

Just curious - do you say anything to the parent that sends their child in with those mini Chef Boyardee things EVERY DAY?

We had one child like that - I swear his Mom must have bought a case of them or something because that's all the child came with day after day. We would mention it to DCD at pick up that the child would whine and fuss because he was sick of it and the parent would just shrug and walk away or say "well he eats them at home".