How Long Can You Put a Child in a Time Out

[HeatherB]

I am fairly new here on this site....however I have plenty of years experience in childcare PLUS training and classes for foster care license. My county would frown against time out for 45 minutes.... BUT if you choose to remove the child to play by himself would be better. They will see this as displine for 45 minutes.. and not tolerated. I cannot imagine what else happend in those homes that are not shared. Will be praying for the child!

[fctjc1979]

With ALL due respect to my fellow colleagues: I totally agree with you Crystal. There are certain members on this forum, not naming names as there are a few, that are on here that I often wonder how they even stay in business with some of the views and beliefs they have.

I just sometimes sit back and keep things to myself

Childcare providers with various views and beliefs can be successful because parents have various views and beliefs. Parents tend to take their children to providers that have silimar views and beliefs as they do.

People are different; that's why there needs to be many methods of disciplining children. Children are not all the same, their parents are not all the same, and the providers are not all the same. And there is no reason why all these different people can't get along and be successful if everyone is willing to do so. I think that discipline is one of those issues that gets people heated because someone in their past used a discipline method with them that did not work with their personality and so they were determined to never see that happen to another child - not realizing that for some children, it might be exactly what they need.

The important thing is to know yourself, the parents, and the children to the best of your ability. Use what works for you and the child. And when someone presents you with a new method, try it out unless it conflicts with your fundamental beliefs - or the beliefs of the parent.

[judytrickett]

I am fairly new here on this site....however I have plenty of years experience in childcare PLUS training and classes for foster care license. My county would frown against time out for 45 minutes.... BUT if you choose to remove the child to play by himself would be better. They will see this as displine for 45 minutes.. and not tolerated. I cannot imagine what else happend in those homes that are not shared. Will be praying for the child!

Okay, I'm gonna assume you are being serious here. If not, then I apologize in advance.......

So, you wanna know what else is happening in "those homes that are not shared". Oh, terrible things, awful things. Like being made to clean up after yourself, showing empathy for your friends, taking personal responsibility.

You wanna know what REALLY happens in "those homes"? Just to to my blog. I'm pretty upfront. And you know what? I have NO behavioural problems - NONE. And the kids need to be hauled out of here at the end of the day because they don't wanna leave Miss Judy's house. They like it here because I take care of them - I set boundaries to keep them safe, to teach them life lessons and the Kids love that. They thrive on that.

THAT is what goes on in "those homes that are not shared".

[fctjc1979]

It's so strange that here in the US, we let the minority beliefs control the majority because the minority (I'm not talking race - just the minority belief system) groups use fear to control the majority. If you are in the majority, stand up, get a backbone, or this country will go to h*** in a hand basket. Who do you want changing YOUR diapers when your 80 and in a nursing home? The child who never had REAL consequences for his actions and thinks changing your Depends is gross and beneath him OR the child who learned about respect for elders, control over his own our impulses, and has a sense of duty to others?

FYI - There are extremes in any case or any topic. When it comes to discipline of children, you can be too extreme (abusive - which I would beat the tar out of anyone who ABUSED a child!) to too lenient, which only teaches them to continue in their delusional, ego-centric world of instant gratification at the expense of all other people and without any sympathy or empathy. Our prisons are crowded with people from both extremes. We need the middle ground. It's not always so black and white. There are many shades of gray and we need to understand that gray is not evil. There is a compromise somewhere in the middle and we need to find it.

Why is it that you always say what I mean better than I do?!?!? ::::

[HeatherB]

Like being made to clean up after yourself, showing empathy for your friends, taking personal responsibility.

That is also being taught in my home too! But come on a 6yo in time out for 45 minutes.... i dare you since you are so up front... ask all your parents if they would agree with this? I bet they wont!

[fctjc1979]

He's six. Time outs won't work for him. IMO, time outs in the typical fashion don't work for any kid. Big deal, so they have to sit there for a big old 3 or 4 or 5 minutes. Whopee. A kid is more inclined to sit in time out and find something fascinating to play with in their toes then they are to actually feel like they are being punished. That's why time out kids don't improve - the punishment does not fit the crime.

He's six. What he is doing is ridiculous. He KNOWS better. Personally, a child like this should be terminated for this behaviour. Not acceptable at all.

You need to get on kids while they are young. You observe and hover and the FIRST time they do it you get on their butts faster than they know what hit them. The learn early on from your attitude and very mean demenour that it is NOT acceptable. They don't do it anymore because there are expectations that they don't do it. It's amazing how different kids will act when you give them the opportunity to act in a reasonable manner.

Don't accept less and they will live up to the expectations.

Heather, I believe Judytrickett also thought a 45 minute time out was ridiculous -- for different reasons than you, obviously, but still ridiculous. Nowhere did she advocate a 45 minute timeout.

[HeatherB]

Heather, I believe Judytrickett also thought a 45 minute time out was ridiculous -- for different reasons than you, obviously, but still ridiculous. Nowhere did she advocate a 45 minute timeout.

Thanks...my mistake with all these different handle names

[professionalmom]

Please, tell me Judy, why is it okay for you all to have YOUR opinions about how things should be done, but it's not okay for those of us with diferring ideas and views? It never fails, if I even mention the thought of alternative methods, you all get on the bandwagon and blast any point of view that's not yours.

I know you were asking Judy, but maybe I can explain. I don't think anyone is attacking your position. If it works for you - GREAT!! Go for it!! But there are some instances where is does not work. I don't think Nannyde, Judy, or I (at least I know I have never) have ever said that we spank or swat our daycare kids. The law tells me I can't, so I don't. But the law does NOT tell me what I can or cannot do when it comes to the child(ren) a gave life to. Those are MY children and I am the one (along with their dad/my hubby) charged with raising them to be productive, caring, responsible adults.

The reason some of us may sound defensive is because the people who oppose the occasional swat, like to make the rest of us out to vile, vicious, evil creatures, instead of saying, "ok, you have your way, I have mine." And with these types of people, they are trying to have any and all forms of swatting outlawed and make us criminals for trying to discipline/teach our children. Basically, it is a way to take away our fundamental right to raise and parent our children as we see fit. Now, I am NOT talking about giving a child 5 or more hits, or hitting daily (or even weekly), or using a belt/brush/board/etc, I am talking about 1 swat, on the tushie (usually through a diaper or pull-up), once in a great while. Yet, that opinion gets the "I don't understand how you could have a license" comments (not pointed at any comment made on this thread, this is quoting comments made in general). Why? Because we have a different viewpoint?

Also, I think that for the DC providers who support a parent's right to swat or spank (AGAIN, NOT ABUSE), it is because many parents are so terrified to hit in any manner, they have lost control of their kids. My though is if you don't want to spank, swat, etc - great, but you better have an alternative that is effective for the child. It sounds like you do, so great, kudos, congrats. But if the alternatives do not work for some children, don't judge us as abusive. That's all we are saying.

[professionalmom]

Childcare providers with various views and beliefs can be successful because parents have various views and beliefs. Parents tend to take their children to providers that have silimar views and beliefs as they do.

People are different; that's why there needs to be many methods of disciplining children. Children are not all the same, their parents are not all the same, and the providers are not all the same. And there is no reason why all these different people can't get along and be successful if everyone is willing to do so. I think that discipline is one of those issues that gets people heated because someone in their past used a discipline method with them that did not work with their personality and so they were determined to never see that happen to another child - not realizing that for some children, it might be exactly what they need.

The important thing is to know yourself, the parents, and the children to the best of your ability. Use what works for you and the child. And when someone presents you with a new method, try it out unless it conflicts with your fundamental beliefs - or the beliefs of the parent.

You said this, then in another post in this thread said, "Why is it that you always say what I mean better than I do?!?!?" Well, I have to say ditto to you. I think you did a FINE job getting a point across that I have been stumbling around.

Wasn't it Rodney King who said, "Why can't we all just get along?" So what if people have different views? New concept: maybe there are no right or wrong answers (except when it does become ABUSE), just answers. Can't people agree to disagree anymore?

[Former Teacher]

Oh, no, by all means, name names.

I stay in business because the kids and parents respect what I do. It's not complicated.

I am just merely stating an opinion about how some providers here run their business. There are a few members who just talk so disrespectful about their clients, if their clients only knew! Has nothing to do with the childcare aspect..just the business side. Ok maybe it does but its mainly how some members treat the parents.

Bottom line is those parents pay our salary. If we don't like them for whatever reason, there is always the next one.

[Former Teacher]

But the law does NOT tell me what I can or cannot do when it comes to the child(ren) a gave life to. Those are MY children and I am the one (along with their dad/my hubby) charged with raising them to be productive, caring, responsible adults.

Funny you should mention that haha

In TX you are not allowed to spank even your own child during daycare hours. Spanking or swatting or slapping on the hand- all no nos in the presense or earshot of a dc child.

Once there was a caregiver when state was walking around. She didn't know that the state woman was outside the doorway. Well she said in a low voice but still the state heard her-"take a chill or you are going to get it" or something like to her own daughter who was 2 years old. Yep we were written up. For threating a child in the presense of other 2 year old children

[professionalmom]

Oh, no, by all means, name names.

I stay in business because the kids and parents respect what I do. It's not complicated.

I am just merely stating an opinion about how some providers here run their business. There are a few members who just talk so disrespectful about their clients, if their clients only knew! Has nothing to do with the childcare aspect..just the business side. Ok maybe it does but its mainly how some members treat the parents.

Bottom line is those parents pay our salary. If we don't like them for whatever reason, there is always the next one.

First, sure some people do complain about the parents a lot. But you know what, I have every right to complain about how I am being treated in MY own home when a 22 year old BRAT decides to call me a f***** B**** and a C*** in MY home in front of MY child and MY DC kids all because I handed her a written 2 weeks notice of termination (calmly, and quietly). FYI - I waited too long and took too much from this DCM because I let her intimidate me and I feared this very reaction because she was such a hostile person.

Second, sure, they pay our salary, but they do not OWN me. I am not their slave to be whipped, demeaned, demoralized, etc. Again, everyone will respect me in MY home. Period. I give respect (usually laced with a ton of sugar and sweetness). SO I expect other to respect me. If you don't, I am channeling my inner Judy and saying "Next..." (which is similar to what you said). But I also have the right to do the "OMG! You will NOT believe what someone just said to me". I helps us to not feel like we're all alone. I stared to think it was ME. Then I came on here and realized, nope, it's not me because it happens to so many others.

[nannyde]

Like being made to clean up after yourself, showing empathy for your friends, taking personal responsibility.

That is also being taught in my home too! But come on a 6yo in time out for 45 minutes.... i dare you since you are so up front... ask all your parents if they would agree with this? I bet they wont!

For pullmeting the providers kid? For hitting constantly. For putting the other kids at risk.

Ahhhh YEAH they wouldn't have a problem with a six year old bully getting a 45 minute time out. Sheesh... that'd want to know what happened AFTER that too. Whatcha got planned for him next Nan? maybe go clean the whole toy room after the kids have a dump out session.

Then a nap

Then some "private snack" time with some less desired green veggies.

Then maybe a scolding from Mom at pick up and a good ole fashioned room grounding.

Then we'll come up with a few more things the next day as he's gonna be the lone ranger for a while at my house.

Just theoretical tho cuz my kids NEVER hit. They wouldn't dare.

[fctjc1979]

[QUOTE=professionalmom;32431]

First, sure some people do complain about the parents a lot. But you know what, I have every right to complain about how I am being treated in MY own home when a 22 year old BRAT decides to call me a f***** B**** and a C*** in MY home in front of MY child and MY DC kids all because I handed her a written 2 weeks notice of termination (calmly, and quietly). FYI - I waited too long and took too much from this DCM because I let her intimidate me and I feared this very reaction because she was such a hostile person.

Second, sure, they pay our salary, but they do not OWN me. I am not their slave to be whipped, demeaned, demoralized, etc. Again, everyone will respect me in MY home. Period. I give respect (usually laced with a ton of sugar and sweetness). SO I expect other to respect me. If you don't, I am channeling my inner Judy and saying "Next..." (which is similar to what you said). But I also have the right to do the "OMG! You will NOT believe what someone just said to me". I helps us to not feel like we're all alone. I stared to think it was ME. Then I came on here and realized, nope, it's not me because it happens to so many others.

I think it's normal for people, even people who love their jobs, to complain about their job and the people they work with to other people in their field. If we were all going to work somewhere, we would all be moaning and groaning around the water cooler or at the smoking corner or in the bathroom. Since parents can be one of the biggest road blocks to having a good day, it's not surprising that they get talked about a lot. Just like I'm sure that if customers had heard the McDonalds employees that I used to work with talking to eachother out back at the smoking corner about the behavior of customers, they wouldn't like it either. That doesn't mean it's all that unusual or unexpected or that the McDonalds employees aren't excellent employees when their inside with the customers or that childcare providers aren't excellent at their jobs. Here's another one where you and I agree professionalmom. It's nice still being able to have coworkers to complain to even though I don't GO to work.

[judytrickett]

Like being made to clean up after yourself, showing empathy for your friends, taking personal responsibility.

That is also being taught in my home too! But come on a 6yo in time out for 45 minutes.... i dare you since you are so up front... ask all your parents if they would agree with this? I bet they wont!

You've not been reading my responses. I said time out's DON'T work. I said a time out for a 6 yr old is especially ridiculous. I never said I would put a 6 yr old in a time out for ANY amount of time. That would be sheer stupidity if you ask me. Why would I do something that is ineffective?

And, I also said that I don't have behavioural problems in my daycare. Why? Because what I do WORKS and I don't have to lay a hand on them.