Hard Time Explaining The Difference To DCB

[temom]

DCB and my son are best friends, same school, same class since jk and he has been coming to my DC since last year. the back ground is that the dcm is 6 months preggo n because of health issues is on complete bed rest DCD works insane hours, they are the most amazing and understanding DCP i have ever had. so i volunteered to pick up her kids from home and then drop them off in the evening. I love both the kids very much. the older one now is getting way too attached, Whatever i do for my kids,he is expecting i do it for him as well. for eg. Today i dropped off DH to the station and then bought my son a breakfast sandwich he has been asking for a while. we ate most of it before we picked up the DCB, he was very offended that i didn't bring one for him. I try and do the same stuff for the DCK that i do for my own but i am not ashamed to admit i tend to do a bit more for my own. How do i explain this to the DCB. am i wrong to be doing this?
Thanking you all in advance for your advice and opinions.

[DaisyMamma]

That is tough. I run into similar situations too, but in this particular case it sounds like your son was eating in front of the DCB, that isn't really fair. He should've finished first.
As for advice, I'm afraid I have none. I explain to DCK's until I'm blue in the face that when my DD goes across the street to visit her friend that they can't go. They say it's not fair, I say, #1 you can't go without me and #2 you don't bring DD on your playdates to your friend's houses. They just don't get it, they still say it isn't fair.

[temom]

[QUOTE=DaisyMamma;229745]That is tough. I run into similar situations too, but in this particular case it sounds like your son was eating in front of the DCB, that isn't really fair. He should've finished first.
As for advice, I'm afraid I have none. I explain to DCK's until I'm blue in the face that when my DD goes across the street to visit her friend that they can't go. They say it's not fair, I say, #1 you can't go without me and #2 you don't bring DD on your playdates to your friend's houses. They just don't get it, they still say it isn't fair.[/QUOT

My son saved some of his sandwich for later, he knew because he saw the wrapper. And i have tried explaining to them that when their mum buys them the same thing in the morning she doesn't get it for my kids as well, but then he make that sad puppy dog face and that breaks my heart.

[AfterSchoolMom]

That is tough. I run into similar situations too, but in this particular case it sounds like your son was eating in front of the DCB, that isn't really fair. He should've finished first.

I disagree, but that's because I'm in the group that believes that our own children didn't ask to be part of the DC and so shouldn't be treated as DCK's. IMO it's completely "fair", because he's your own child.

[cheerfuldom]

I disagree, but that's because I'm in the group that believes that our own children didn't ask to be part of the DC and so shouldn't be treated as DCK's. IMO it's completely "fair", because he's your own child.

Agreed. I let my kids eat in front of the daycare kids if need be. And sometimes the daycare kids get time or activities that my kids dont get. Life isnt always fair. I would have no problem telling this DCB in a nice way that he doesnt get everything my son gets because he is our friend and not my son. I would repeat the same thing every time he asks. He is not suffering by not getting a breakfast sandwich and if he complains and his mom is bothered by the scenario, she can drive her own kids to school

[Blackcat31]

Agreed. I let my kids eat in front of the daycare kids if need be. And sometimes the daycare kids get time or activities that my kids dont get. Life isnt always fair. I would have no problem telling this DCB in a nice way that he doesnt get everything my son gets because he is our friend and not my son. I would repeat the same thing every time he asks. He is not suffering by not getting a breakfast sandwich and if he complains and his mom is bothered by the scenario, she can drive her own kids to school

I agree that the more important lesson here is that life is NOT fair and to teach a child it is or feel badly enough to try and make it fair is doing a terrible injustice to the child. Children (especially now days) NEED to learn how to deal with situations they deem unfair. They need to learn that life is full of disappointments and other people who get to say, do and think things that they don't get to.

Coping skills are a loooong forgotten trait and IMPO, needs to be one of the first thing a child learns.....right up there with self-help skills and manners.

[AfterSchoolMom]

I agree that the more important lesson here is that life is NOT fair and to teach a child it is or feel badly enough to try and make it fair is doing a terrible injustice to the child. Children (especially now days) NEED to learn how to deal with situations they deem unfair. They need to learn that life is full of disappointments and other people who get to say, do and think things that they don't get to.

Coping skills are a loooong forgotten trait and IMPO, needs to be one of the first thing a child learns.....right up there with self-help skills and manners.

I completely agree.

[temom]

I totally agree with the two of you, my son is 5 and he has a chore list to do when he gets home, so does my 3 yrs old, they whine and complain because at the time DCK are doing crafts and activties. My kids have a rotuine that they need to follow and i make them, I do crafts and activities with my kids once the DCK leave so i can pay one on one attention to my kids progress.
I never want my kids to be bubble wrapped kids and manners to me is a very important part of their up bringing. Thank you all for your guidance.

[DaisyMamma]

[QUOTE=temom;229755]

That is tough. I run into similar situations too, but in this particular case it sounds like your son was eating in front of the DCB, that isn't really fair. He should've finished first.
As for advice, I'm afraid I have none. I explain to DCK's until I'm blue in the face that when my DD goes across the street to visit her friend that they can't go. They say it's not fair, I say, #1 you can't go without me and #2 you don't bring DD on your playdates to your friend's houses. They just don't get it, they still say it isn't fair.[/QUOT

My son saved some of his sandwich for later, he knew because he saw the wrapper. And i have tried explaining to them that when their mum buys them the same thing in the morning she doesn't get it for my kids as well, but then he make that sad puppy dog face and that breaks my heart.

That makes sense!

[sharlan]

I understand, I went through that with my kids, too.

I would politely say, "Johnny, I'm sorry, but this is Jimmy's breakfast. You ate your breakfast at your home. Jimmy didn't have time so he had to eat his in the car."

[jojosmommy]

I agree that the more important lesson here is that life is NOT fair and to teach a child it is or feel badly enough to try and make it fair is doing a terrible injustice to the child. Children (especially now days) NEED to learn how to deal with situations they deem unfair. They need to learn that life is full of disappointments and other people who get to say, do and think things that they don't get to.

Coping skills are a loooong forgotten trait and IMPO, needs to be one of the first thing a child learns.....right up there with self-help skills and manners.

AGREED! Life isn't fair. If this kid brought a pop and candy with to school would you stop on the way to pick one up for your kid?

[Nellie]

To start off with I'm not in the most pleasent mood. So take this with a grain of salt. I've always felt like my kids shouldn't be treated any different than daycare kids. I have a small group. Most of the time my children let the DC kids in there room. Sometimes the 2 year old needs time to himself and I'll have him spend time in my or his room with the door shut. They share every toy with these kids(there own choice). But sometimes DC children sneak a toy in and if someone else touches it(THAT"S MINE!!) THats MY MOM or THATS MY DAD at pick up. If we are playing outside DON"T GO BY MY CAR. I have a little boy who loves to try on my older kids sandles and boots, but if someone touches his shoes. Holy hell. These kids feel like every thing should be FAIR for them, but it never works both ways.

[AmyLeigh]

I have a little boy who loves to try on my older kids sandles and boots, but if someone touches his shoes. Holy hell. These kids feel like every thing should be FAIR for them, but it never works both ways.

Yup. It's not fair when they miss out, but it's cool when they get something someone else doesn't. I've got a couple of those. One cries because my mom takes my kids out on Wednesdays when he isn't even here. Really? Not fair? Ask your grandma to take you out on Wednesday afternoons. Then it would be fair.
Children need to learn that fair doesn't always mean equal.

[MissK]

Children need to learn that fair doesn't always mean equal.

exactly!!

[daycare]

my son has to take meds every day.... he won't take them straight so I do little tricks to get him to eat them...maybe one day its a cookie and the next it in a fruit smoothie. the DCK don't get these things. I tell the kids, if you want a cookie, you will have to ask your mommy when you get home.

I don't serve treats like cookies, candy, sweets here....I do allow for my son to have them from time to time or on a holiday we get them.

I tell the DCK once, you can do whatever you want at your home and you can ask your mommy or daddy and if they tell you yes, then you can have one at your house. None of the kids ever question it..

I agree, fair does not mean equal. and I do think that kids need to learn to not always expect things just because somoene else has one....