Seriously Contemplating Being On This Board Anymore

[WImom]

I've been feeling that way lately too which has made me just not post much. Hopefully it's just that it's spring/summer and it's slow.

[My3cents]

I don't know what it is with posters lately but for the past month or so, I've noticed that either there is less and less traffic or people just go past my posts.

I thought I had some friends on here and could ask for advice but lately, I notice that either people don't respond or and the ones that do usually don't "get" what I'm even seeking advice for.

I put a lot of thought into my posts and they are real life things that have come up. I come to the board for help and most of the time I get more attitude than I do help.

Is it really that hard to be nice and offer advice or ask questions before coming up with an answer that isn't relevant?!

What I try to do is post a few starters when it is dull- try to get the conversations rolling a bit. This is my outlet and I check it off and on all day, mostly at nap time. I forget about the chat room. I like the forum because I can stop and think, maybe stop and come back if I need to and think out my answers before responding (at least I try) Maybe someone could put up the hot topics of the day that are conversation in the chat room if you think that is taking away from the forum. I know everyone can't find time to spend in the chat room but see that some people are missing the interactions. Just a thought-

I respond to what interest me or what I feel I can be a help to someone else- I don't purposely single someone out. Sorry you have felt this way. My advice is not to take it personally and try starting up some new post. Another thing is if someone already wrote what I would have, I often don't bother to put it out there again. I figured it has been said. I might chime in that I agree with so and so.

Happy Tuesday everyone-

[Blackcat31]

I don't know what it is with posters lately but for the past month or so, I've noticed that either there is less and less traffic or people just go past my posts.

I thought I had some friends on here and could ask for advice but lately, I notice that either people don't respond or and the ones that do usually don't "get" what I'm even seeking advice for.

I put a lot of thought into my posts and they are real life things that have come up. I come to the board for help and most of the time I get more attitude than I do help.

Is it really that hard to be nice and offer advice or ask questions before coming up with an answer that isn't relevant?!

I sat on this for a while as I didn't want to post based on my immediate reaction but I have to say that now that I go back and actually do a bit of back reading, I am kind of offended by this whole post.

I tend to stay away from commenting when someone is simply venting as the venting posts by members simply seem to be a way to let off steam and require no advice or ideas to be added. However, when I answer your posts looking for advice I am either not "getting it" as you put it or not always responded back to or heck, even thanked for my attempted efforts to offer advice/support.

I am NOT saying that this is ALWAYS the case (for me) but to many members in general. I dont always see you going back and either trying to explain or further expand on what you mean so others CAN "get it" or thanking members for trying to help and offer advice. I guess I just feel like by saying that posters here aren't "getting it" is kind of insulting. I mean we all come from different walks of life and run vastly different programs and businesses so if the general population to which you are posting to isn't "getting it", it may have more to do with how "it" is being worded or presented....kwim?

I also feel that as members of this forum, we have an obligation to thank or atleast acknowledge people for trying to be helpful and supportive in offering advice....even when the advice isn't what we want to do. After all the advice given here is free so a little gratefulness goes a long ways.

I also went back and read all your threads and I don't see where no one is responding to you. Most of your threads have replies/comments in the double digits with the exception of a few venting or simple statement threads where there were only 5 or 6 responses, so I guess I am not seeing how you are feeling like no one is responding to you. As a matter of fact I did notice that the one person who almost always responds to you is someone you kind of went off on as she was apparently not "getting it" which I think is kind of a not so nice thing to do since she was only trying to help you out.

I also want to point out that you average 4.5 posts per day. We have far more posts/threads than that made everyday here and there is no way that you could possibly respond or offer advice to others with only having an average of 4.5 posts per day so this feeling of not being responded to goes both ways. Are you responding to others and offering advice to them on a regular basis? I don't mean posting how you do things or simply commenting but actually offering them advice or support for their situation? I mean, you kind of can't complain about people not supporting/advising you if you arent supporting/advising them.

Anyways, I am NOT trying to offend you or start a debate or argument but what I am trying to say to you and others who feel similar is that there are 100's of different personalities and styles on this forum and if I feel like people aren't listening or supporting me, I look at what I can do differently or what I am be doing wrong. I can't change others but I can definitely change myself.

If I am looking for advice here, than I need to give it. If I am looking for support, I better be willing to be supportive and if I am looking for friendship then I have to be friendly.....and that I DO get and that is how I personally see it.

Kind of like the saying "you get out of life what you put into it."

[boysx5]

I come on everyday but don't always post because I don't have the time but love reading posts

[wdmmom]

I sat on this for a while as I didn't want to post based on my immediate reaction but I have to say that now that I go back and actually do a bit of back reading, I am kind of offended by this whole post.

I tend to stay away from commenting when someone is simply venting as the venting posts by members simply seem to be a way to let off steam and require no advice or ideas to be added. However, when I answer your posts looking for advice I am either not "getting it" as you put it or not always responded back to or heck, even thanked for my attempted efforts to offer advice/support.

I am NOT saying that this is ALWAYS the case (for me) but to many members in general. I dont always see you going back and either trying to explain or further expand on what you mean so others CAN "get it" or thanking members for trying to help and offer advice. I guess I just feel like by saying that posters here aren't "getting it" is kind of insulting. I mean we all come from different walks of life and run vastly different programs and businesses so if the general population to which you are posting to isn't "getting it", it may have more to do with how "it" is being worded or presented....kwim?

I also feel that as members of this forum, we have an obligation to thank or atleast acknowledge people for trying to be helpful and supportive in offering advice....even when the advice isn't what we want to do. After all the advice given here is free so a little gratefulness goes a long ways.

I also went back and read all your threads and I don't see where no one is responding to you. Most of your threads have replies/comments in the double digits with the exception of a few venting or simple statement threads where there were only 5 or 6 responses, so I guess I am not seeing how you are feeling like no one is responding to you. As a matter of fact I did notice that the one person who almost always responds to you is someone you kind of went off on as she was apparently not "getting it" which I think is kind of a not so nice thing to do since she was only trying to help you out.

I also want to point out that you average 4.5 posts per day. We have far more posts/threads than that made everyday here and there is no way that you could possibly respond or offer advice to others with only having an average of 4.5 posts per day so this feeling of not being responded to goes both ways. Are you responding to others and offering advice to them on a regular basis? I don't mean posting how you do things or simply commenting but actually offering them advice or support for their situation? I mean, you kind of can't complain about people not supporting/advising you if you arent supporting/advising them.

Anyways, I am NOT trying to offend you or start a debate or argument but what I am trying to say to you and others who feel similar is that there are 100's of different personalities and styles on this forum and if I feel like people aren't listening or supporting me, I look at what I can do differently or what I am be doing wrong. I can't change others but I can definitely change myself.

If I am looking for advice here, than I need to give it. If I am looking for support, I better be willing to be supportive and if I am looking for friendship then I have to be friendly.....and that I DO get and that is how I personally see it.

Kind of like the saying "you get out of life what you put into it."

Wowie!!! Talk about confrontational and pretty hateful! And you say you sat on this for awhile before responding?! I'd really love to know what you wanted to say because you pretty much said it all.

First and foremost, I'd like to point out in this thread alone...POST #8, where I go THANKING everyone and even went out to thank someone personally. So you aren't given personal recognition. Big deal. I've been on this board for over a year. I don't sit around waiting for thanks, gratitude or personal recognition and I don't think anyone else does either. Is this the new etiquette?! And this is an OBLIGATION?!

4.5 posts per day, huh?! Wow...that's equivalent to 31.5 posts per week. That's 15 posts in 2 days. I'd have to say that's pretty dang good! I'll take the merit even though you are wanting to demerit me.

I think I'm much more valuable than you are giving me credit for here. I've gone out of my way and offered ADVICE and SUGGESTIONS and not ALWAYS how I do things. If I don't have advice, I simply don't post and I get that others don't either and maybe that's why I'm not seeing the traffic or responses to posts.

The reason this thread was even started was because of the lack of responses to my previous thread asking for advice about cutting back hours and approaching a family about a schedule change.

Maybe there aren't enough people that have had the opportunity to cut back hours and don't have much to say in terms of the situation but it certainly wasn't a vent. It is a real life problem I am contemplating.

AND...if you review the thread, the last post states to the person you say I "went off", you will notice that I stated maybe she misinterpreted what I was trying to get through and to read the previous post.

I'd like to say more, but perhaps I should just bite my tongue?!

[cheerfuldom]

I sat on this for a while as I didn't want to post based on my immediate reaction but I have to say that now that I go back and actually do a bit of back reading, I am kind of offended by this whole post.

I tend to stay away from commenting when someone is simply venting as the venting posts by members simply seem to be a way to let off steam and require no advice or ideas to be added. However, when I answer your posts looking for advice I am either not "getting it" as you put it or not always responded back to or heck, even thanked for my attempted efforts to offer advice/support.

I am NOT saying that this is ALWAYS the case (for me) but to many members in general. I dont always see you going back and either trying to explain or further expand on what you mean so others CAN "get it" or thanking members for trying to help and offer advice. I guess I just feel like by saying that posters here aren't "getting it" is kind of insulting. I mean we all come from different walks of life and run vastly different programs and businesses so if the general population to which you are posting to isn't "getting it", it may have more to do with how "it" is being worded or presented....kwim?

I also feel that as members of this forum, we have an obligation to thank or atleast acknowledge people for trying to be helpful and supportive in offering advice....even when the advice isn't what we want to do. After all the advice given here is free so a little gratefulness goes a long ways.

I also went back and read all your threads and I don't see where no one is responding to you. Most of your threads have replies/comments in the double digits with the exception of a few venting or simple statement threads where there were only 5 or 6 responses, so I guess I am not seeing how you are feeling like no one is responding to you. As a matter of fact I did notice that the one person who almost always responds to you is someone you kind of went off on as she was apparently not "getting it" which I think is kind of a not so nice thing to do since she was only trying to help you out.

I also want to point out that you average 4.5 posts per day. We have far more posts/threads than that made everyday here and there is no way that you could possibly respond or offer advice to others with only having an average of 4.5 posts per day so this feeling of not being responded to goes both ways. Are you responding to others and offering advice to them on a regular basis? I don't mean posting how you do things or simply commenting but actually offering them advice or support for their situation? I mean, you kind of can't complain about people not supporting/advising you if you arent supporting/advising them.

Anyways, I am NOT trying to offend you or start a debate or argument but what I am trying to say to you and others who feel similar is that there are 100's of different personalities and styles on this forum and if I feel like people aren't listening or supporting me, I look at what I can do differently or what I am be doing wrong. I can't change others but I can definitely change myself.

If I am looking for advice here, than I need to give it. If I am looking for support, I better be willing to be supportive and if I am looking for friendship then I have to be friendly.....and that I DO get and that is how I personally see it.

Kind of like the saying "you get out of life what you put into it."

Thank you for this post. I hesitate to post on any of the OPs threads because exactly what you described is what happened to me.....I have posted numerous times on her threads yet from my point of view, was recently harshly treated because I "didnt get it". I tried my best but apparently that was not good enough. Yes we all get snippy at times or read things in a way that was not intended but if a person feels that NO ONE understands them on the forum and there are many active users here....perhaps it is that persons issue to change, not everyone else's.

[wdmmom]

Thank you for this post. I hesitate to post on any of the OPs threads because exactly what you described is what happened to me.....I have posted numerous times on her threads yet from my point of view, was recently harshly treated because I "didnt get it". I tried my best but apparently that was not good enough. Yes we all get snippy at times or read things in a way that was not intended but if a person feels that NO ONE understands them on the forum and there are many active users here....perhaps it is that persons issue to change, not everyone else's.

I'm just curious but if you are discussing yesterdays thread, I always appreciate when you come on and offer your opinion or advice. Your suggestions yesterday weren't relevant to the particular situation. I'm not certain if you read it too quickly, misinterpreted it or if it wasn't outlined or described very well but the advice you did offer wasn't relevant to the situation. Again, I'm not sure if it was my error for not spelling it out well enough or otherwise.

[Blackcat31]

Wowie!!! Talk about confrontational and pretty hateful! And you say you sat on this for awhile before responding?! I'd really love to know what you wanted to say because you pretty much said it all.

Like I said in my post, this is how I personally see it. I wasn't trying to make YOU feel badly but you started a thread complaining about how you feel no one responds to you....how am I suppose to respond to that? I am sorry if you are offended but I am simply responding..which is what you asked for.

First and foremost, I'd like to point out in this thread alone...POST #8, where I go THANKING everyone and even went out to thank someone personally. So you aren't given personal recognition. Big deal. I've been on this board for over a year. I don't sit around waiting for thanks, gratitude or personal recognition and I don't think anyone else does either. Is this the new etiquette?! And this is an OBLIGATION?!

I didn't say you never thank anyone but I just can't see how you can complain that no one responds to you when clearly they do. If you aren't sitting around waiting for gratitude, thanks and personal recognition, what IS it you are wanting? Advice? Because like I said, there is one person who is continually responding to you and you bit her head off for not "getting it". So please, clarify, what would you like posters to say in their responses to you? I WAS offering advice. I said that we owe it to others to support and advise them as much as we want support and advice from others
....and yes, I think being a member of this board does have obligations.

4.5 posts per day, huh?! Wow...that's equivalent to 31.5 posts per week. That's 15 posts in 2 days. I'd have to say that's pretty dang good! I'll take the merit even though you are wanting to demerit me.

I didn't pull that number out of a hat. It is the number of average posts per day YOUR profile says you have. I have zero intentions of demeriting you...I simply re-posted what YOUR profile says so please don't kill the messenger.

I also have no interest in demeriting you....I simply think there are two sides
to everything and you shouldnt be able to post complaining without some fallout from people who dont feel the same way as you being able to respond.

I don't know maybe I once again am not "getting it" and have no idea what your original intent was at all.

I think I'm much more valuable than you are giving me credit for here. I've gone out of my way and offered ADVICE and SUGGESTIONS and not ALWAYS how I do things. If I don't have advice, I simply don't post and I get that others don't either and maybe that's why I'm not seeing the traffic or responses to posts. Why is that an ok thing for you but it isn't ok for others? I had no advice to give you on the thread about the DCM going on maternity leave so I didn't respond and I assume that is why others may not have responded as well.

The reason this thread was even started was because of the lack of responses to my previous thread asking for advice about cutting back hours and approaching a family about a schedule change.

Maybe there aren't enough people that have had the opportunity to cut back hours and don't have much to say in terms of the situation but it certainly wasn't a vent. It is a real life problem I am contemplating.
We are ALL experiencing real life problems and everything posted on here IS real life for someone...it gives no more merrit to your situation than to others.
AND...if you review the thread, the last post states to the person you say I "went off", you will notice that I stated maybe she misinterpreted what I was trying to get through and to read the previous post.

I did read that you went back and replied again to her but all you said was she apparently didnt "get it" and that you may have come across wrong....you never once apologized for coming across so harshly to her. (Which she obviously feels by her own words in this thread here.)

I'd like to say more, but perhaps I should just bite my tongue?!

I answered in bold above as well.

As I said, my response was how I personally see things. It has no meaness or hatred directed AT you, I was simply offering you a response and advice on how YOU do have the power to change things if you want to but you can't change others.

I am sorry if you are offended. The only words that offended me are where you said that you think some people don't "get it" and I think that came across as kind of rude.

Also, FWIW~ I am NOT asking for personal recognition or thanks.....I guess I just read your words as if YOU apparently are or you wouldn't have posted this thread in the first place.

I am sorry if you don't agree with how I feel about it but I answered you in regards to your original post and I guess we are two VERY different people so I will leave it at that and move along. I was trying to offer a different perspective since we all see things in so many different ways.

I apologize if I offended you in any way. Hoping you feel more responded to and supported from now on.

[MarinaVanessa]

I personally don't have a lot of time to read every thread and post on the forum much less reposnd to everything therefore I have to sort of pick and choose what I do read and respond to. I personally first hit the "New Posts" link in the upper menu and then check to see if there are any new responses to a thread that I commented to and read those first. Then I scan all of the remaining thread titles for something that looks interesting to me. An interesting title catches my attention.

Once I read the thread and if I feel that it's something that I feel isn't simply a vent, hasn't been covered numerously before, something that I can quickly respond to or if it's something that resonated with me somehow then I'll respond. If I feel that my answer would take too long to type up or would need more thought then I go on to the next thread. If I felt that I couldn't contribute in any way then I simply wouldn't respond.

Once I went through the threads and I still had time to go back to some of the other threads that I didn't get to respond to then I'd go back but the reality is that I know that I won't be able to reply to every thread so I stick to those that are interesting to me that I could respond to without having to take time to look up further info.

I also tend to avoid threads where I see that people putting others down for voicing their opinions and personal way of doing things especially when they start a thread and ask for advice or opinions. I also tend to avoid threads (or at least be extremely cautious) where the poster generally and frequently seems like a "Debbie Downer". In no way related to this particular thread or poster.

Before I start a new thread I search previous threads by using a Tag search to see if my issue has been discussed before and read those posts first. If my particular need isn't met there then I start a new thread. When I post a new thread I try to be as specific as possible in what I am looking for when I ask for advice. I try to give as much information as possible so that readers get the general idea and so that I have the best chance of getting my answer.

BTW I just want to make it clear that I am in no way referencing the OP threads or posts and that this is just a generalization of what it is that I look for and avoid in a thread.

[wdmmom]

As I said, my response was how I personally see things. It has no meaness or hatred directed AT you, I was simply offering you a response and advice on how YOU do have the power to change things if you want to but you can't change others.

I am sorry if you are offended. The only words that offended me are where you said that you think some people don't "get it" and I think that came across as kind of rude.

Also, FWIW~ I am NOT asking for personal recognition or thanks.....I guess I just read your words as if YOU apparently are or you wouldn't have posted this thread in the first place.

I am sorry if you don't agree with how I feel about it but I answered you in regards to your original post and I guess we are two VERY different people so I will leave it at that and move along. I was trying to offer a different perspective since we all see things in so many different ways.

I apologize if I offended you in any way. Hoping you feel more responded to and supported from now on.

I don't mean to come off as rude but the last several posts I've had where there are only 5 or 6 responses, how many of them offer any real advice. I get plenty that agree or been there done that or those that would love to know how things turn out but when advice is asked for, it seems to fall on deaf ears.

As for Cheerfuldom, she's been on the board for about as long as I have and usually offers pretty good suggestions or advice for handling specific situations. In this case however, the advice was off because it wasn't relevant to the post. Again, I'm not sure if it was misinterpreted or if I should have went into further detail trying to explain.

In the end, it is what it is. We are all real people looking for real life answers. I don't think we always are getting advice that is applicable to every situation. It's no different than the advice I provide. I don't look for instant gratification. I just put it out there. It's a take it or leave it type of deal. What may work for some may not work for others.

[Soupyszoo]

I must not get it either... I read your thread from yesterday, and wasn't cheerfuldom the first one to respond? Not only the first, but she offered real advice and you dismissed her and then "cyber" yelled at her! Lol

Honestly, if I read your thread and saw how you responded to cheerfuldom yesterday I probably wouldn't offer advice. To me your post sounded like you already knew what to do and just wanted validation...

I didn't read the rest of your posts because I honestly don't really care... This thread just seems a little narcissistic....

JUST MY OPINION!

[wdmmom]

I must not get it either... I read your thread from yesterday, and wasn't cheerfuldom the first one to respond? Not only the first, but she offered real advice and you dismissed her and then "cyber" yelled at her! Lol

Honestly, if I read your thread and saw how you responded to cheerfuldom yesterday I probably wouldn't offer advice. To me your post sounded like you already knew what to do and just wanted validation...

I didn't read the rest of your posts because I honestly don't really care... This thread just seems a little narcissistic....

JUST MY OPINION!

Had you have read the rest of the posts, you would have seen where the advice offered wasn't valid to the situation because it wasn't at all related to my vacation.

[Soupyszoo]

Had you have read the rest of the posts, you would have seen where the advice offered wasn't valid to the situation because it wasn't at all related to my vacation.

I did read the rest of the posts and in her first response she gave you great advice about your vacation and then you dismissed her and she responded accordingly.

Regardless, so sorry I didn't agree with you...

I think I see a pattern here

[Lianne]

I tend to stay away from commenting when someone is simply venting as the venting posts by members simply seem to be a way to let off steam and require no advice or ideas to be added. However, when I answer your posts looking for advice I am either not "getting it" as you put it or not always responded back to or heck, even thanked for my attempted efforts to offer advice/support.

You're kinder than me. This thread read like a toddler throwing a temper tantrum because the poster wasn't getting the attention they wanted. I don't indulge adults who act like children. I deal with enough childish behaviour working with actual children. I've seen this poster respond to many threads and they always seem to be jumping on the person offering an opinion or advice. Who wants to help just to get jumped on for it. Heck, her response to you in this thread is a perfect example of that. You'd think that if you weren't getting what you want/need from a message board and nobody ever seemed to 'get you' or understand where you're coming from, that you might want to step back and examine yourself and your own behaviour before ostracizing yourself even more by freaking out on others.. But, that's just me...

[My3cents]

I went back, found the post and put my 3 cents in. I just wanted to come back to this post and make my hopefully last comment.

My comment is....it would take a lot more then that last post for me to leave here. This is a great place to vent, get advice, help others, connect and I could go on......to leave over that seems silly to me. I am sorry your having a bad moment- If you really felt left out, I would have posted again, bolded it so it was seen. Need Advice, urgent to me, please help I seriously just think your having an off day and we all have those, pickles sometimes I have them more then once in a day. Good luck, hope you have a better outlook on all of this now-

Blackcat- EXcellent advice you gave as did others