Co-Sleeping

[Blackcat31]

Too bad I don't like popcorn.

Typing 1 handed, but I've read the rate of SIDS is lower in cosleeping infants .

This was something mentioned at our SIDS training recently. As well as giving the infant a pacifier.

I have ZERO opinions on co-sleeping as I feel each parent is entitled to parent as they choose.

HOWEVER, I can see how co-sleeping with a child and then having that child as a fulltime child care child can be full of unwanted issues.

I think it is important for parents who co-sleep AND use child care to teach their child to sleep in a crib/PNP also.

[cheerfuldom]

Now back to the original post.....co-sleepers have a hard time at daycare, usually. I personally do not have an issue with parents that choose to co-sleep HOWEVER I dont think it is fair to set your child up with a sleep routine that cannot be replicated at daycare. I have taken care of several co-sleeping children at my daycare and they were ALL horrible nappers. Either the parents quickly take them out of daycare after finally realizing that their child is not happy at daycare due to being exhausted OR the kids end up having to CIO hard core to get used to napping on their own. In the first scenario, usually co-sleeping parents are anti-CIO and do not want their child to cry to sleep but have to face the fact that most providers cannot hold during naptime, co-sleep with one child, or do long bouts of rocking/walking/soothing. In the second, the parents are forced to accept that in most cases, the providers will just have to let the child cry until they give up and start napping.

I have told this to many parents (I know a lot of AP parents IRL and online)...for your child to adjust happily to daycare, you MUST do the hard work of transitioning them to what the daycare environment will be. I do this with my own children. We co-slept at night when they were babies but I always had them on a nap routine and they did know how to sleep on their own in their own space without nursing to sleep. That is what I have to do with them during the day so for them to be happy at daycare (even though they are at home), I have to help them learn to nap happily on their own. I can't nurse to sleep, sleep with them or spend huge amounts of time getting them to sleep just as any provider would not be able to provide this either. You CAN co-sleep at night and nap in a PNP or crib. I did it with three kids! and other parents I know have made it work.

It is NOT right for parents to expect a provider to adjust to their parenting choices. If you want your child to co-sleep, want them soothed to bed with no crying and dont want them forced to sleep at any particular time (because they might cry), then hire a nanny that is willing to provide care similar to how you parent. Hire a SAHM willing to put in the extra time and attention if needed. Go with a rare program that does not have a firm napping routine and will just let your kid pass out whenever they want. It is not fair to expect a co-sleeping, no CIO, lots of physical attention like rocking, baby to happily adjust to a center or large daycare where they will be expected to sleep regardless of noise, sleep in their own space with minimal to no attention in order to get to sleep.

[cheerfuldom]

This is a very touchy subject!

I did my college thesis on Co-sleeping. Now, I cringe when anyone says they co-sleep. I actually talked to a couple that lost their baby from co-sleeping. It was so heartbreaking. They felt so guilty because if they would have put their baby in a crib or a bassinet by their bed they would still have her.

We lose enough babies from SIDS that we can't do anything about but we can do something about losing babies from co-sleeping.

The ironic thing about my thesis was I did it after I had my children and I also was guilty of co-sleeping!

Thats interesting....goes to show that people will do what they are going to do and most will not change their mind based on something like one person's story. I am amazed that you would even type the bolded knowing that you didnt even follow your own advice.

[Hunni Bee]

Thats interesting....goes to show that people will do what they are going to do and most will not change their mind based on something like one person's story. I am amazed that you would even type the bolded knowing that you didnt even follow your own advice.

in her defense, she did say she wrote the thesis AFTER she had her children.

[cheerfuldom]

in her defense, she did say she wrote the thesis AFTER she had her children.

OHHH!! I thought it was BEFORE. sorry about that, you can see why I was confused about the post

[JennyBear]

It's my personal opinon too that co-sleeping is dangerous.

However...I do co-sleep with my 10 month old, four legged baby because he insists on it.....::

SOOOO CUTE!!! We often allow our dog (golden retriever/****er spaniel mix) bunk with us....she squeeze's her tush right in the middle (under covers of course!). We now also have a 14 week old Golden Retriever puppy...I think once he is fully trained we might need to venture out and get that king size bed I always wanted

[Soupyszoo]

OHHH!! I thought it was BEFORE. sorry about that, you can see why I was confused about the post

I was confused too until I slowed down and read it again! ::

[Sugar Magnolia]

Ok if I was a baby, I bet co sleeping would be awesome. Warm, snugly, breast milk close by. But if I was a daddy, I bet it would not be awesome. Do co sleeping parents just never have sex? Sorry to be so blunt, but how is it possible with a baby, toddler, child right next to you? Do marriages suffer I wonder? I think it is not totally safe either, but adults need adult time, kwim?

[daycare]

As a provider can I say how much I hate it when parents co-sleep with their children? No? Okay, then I won't. (But I really do!)

I co-sleep with my 4 yr old...... BUT I don't send him to childcare...If I did, I would stop in two seconds and teach him to sleep on his own.......

[Blackcat31]

Ok if I was a baby, I bet co sleeping would be awesome. Warm, snugly, breast milk close by. But if I was a daddy, I bet it would not be awesome. Do co sleeping parents just never have sex? Sorry to be so blunt, but how is it possible with a baby, toddler, child right next to you? Do marriages suffer I wonder? I think it is not totally safe either, but adults need adult time, kwim?

:::: I wondered this too Sugar, so I asked my AP DCM and she said her and her DH have to get really creative and sneak stuff in here and there when baby is not present or when baby is at daycare....LOL! She said they have also been known to have grandparents babysit so they can have at date night which in her definition is so they can go "park" somewhere....LOL!!

[LittleD]

I never intentionally co-slept, but while I was breastfeeding, I often brought my babies to be with me and I'd doze. I could never fall back into a deep sleep out of fear. I had never read about any dangers, but I had heard stories about the babies falling off the bed or getting smothered.

Unfortunately my 6.5 yr old often hops into my bed at night, and either I don't notice until just before I get up, or I am waaaaay too tired to get up and move him. (I'd say, I'll move him in a minute, )

I've even woke up to find him sleeping at the end of my bed at my feet because we have told him not to hop into our bed as none of us gets a good rest! ::

[SunshineMama]

I coslept with my oldest until she was too squirmy, about 18 months of age. At that time, I worked out of the home and my grandparents watched her. My grandmother held her for every nap of her life until I said at Age 2 she had to sleep in her own bed. She transitioned fine.

I coslept with my youngest for a month, and then had her in our room for the first year in her own bed. She is 18 months now and sleeps fine in her own room for naps, but I had quite a bit of difficulty with her. Had I not been the one to watch her, I guarantee another provider would have lost patience (which actually did happen with her second provider, before I started a daycare).

I think cosleeping is a personal choice, and I am all about attachment parenting, but if you choose those methods then you have to hire a personal nanny or take care of your own child. It is cruel to stick an attachment-parented child in group daycare because they will be getting mixed messages and no consistency at all.

On a side note, there are safe ways to co-sleep. They even make co-sleepers that attach to your beds. I cant remember the source, but I read about how cosleeping properly can actually prevent SIDS, because the mother's breath causes the infant to breathe in a particular manner. If you are going to do it, just be very safe about it, and be prepared to wean before putting your child in daycare.

[Heidi]

:::: I wondered this too Sugar, so I asked my AP DCM and she said her and her DH have to get really creative and sneak stuff in here and there when baby is not present or when baby is at daycare....LOL! She said they have also been known to have grandparents babysit so they can have at date night which in her definition is so they can go "park" somewhere....LOL!!

A relative of mine who does not co-sleep had an awkward "adult time" moment.

She and her dh were watching tv one night, snuggled under the covers, and well, one thing led to another. They THOUGHT all their children were asleep, so...

When they were, ah, finished, they heard a little voice from the foot of the bed. Their 6 yo poked his head up and said "so, if your'e done, can you turn up the volume on the tv? I can't hear it".

[saved4always]

Ok if I was a baby, I bet co sleeping would be awesome. Warm, snugly, breast milk close by. But if I was a daddy, I bet it would not be awesome. Do co sleeping parents just never have sex? Sorry to be so blunt, but how is it possible with a baby, toddler, child right next to you? Do marriages suffer I wonder? I think it is not totally safe either, but adults need adult time, kwim?

My daughter would love to sleep with me every night if she could...she has always been a cuddler. lovethis I always could sleep with her right next to me. My dh though, could not sleep in a crowded bed, even if she squished all the way to my side of the bed (which she did when she would sneak into our bed in the middle of the night cuz she knew I was too lazy to move her back :. He was the one to insist she stay in her own room. So, yeah, I could see some fathers not being so excited about the co-sleeping thing. I don't know how many marriages actually suffer from it but it could definitely put the damper on any kind of spontanious couple time.

[SilverSabre25]

Ok if I was a baby, I bet co sleeping would be awesome. Warm, snugly, breast milk close by. But if I was a daddy, I bet it would not be awesome. Do co sleeping parents just never have sex? Sorry to be so blunt, but how is it possible with a baby, toddler, child right next to you? Do marriages suffer I wonder? I think it is not totally safe either, but adults need adult time, kwim?

The cure for this, in my family, is that we start baby or child out in their own crib/bed and don't bring them to our bed until the first wake-up after WE go to bed. This gives plenty of "adult" time. I've been a "morning person" (if you catch my drift ) so that is not an issue.