What Would You Charge?

[jen]

I charge double my daily rate for overnights...so if your daily rate is $25/day then I would charge $50.

[QualiTcare]

50 a day is cheap.

more like 100!

[fctjc1979]

I would make sure she brings plenty of extra stuff: diapers, wipes, etc. I would also ask if there is something special to the girl at home that can be brought to your house to make her more comfortable. I would agree that doubling your normal daily rate is reasonable as long as, as you said, she's helping with groceries for the week.

[TGT09]

Oh, my gosh!! I am struggling to NOT cry for this precious little girl. Doesn't anyone (other than you) care about this little girl? From what I gathered, dad has been gone for awhile, possibly most of her little life and she has little to no knowledge of him. Mom is very young and has no qualms about leaving her 18 month old for a WEEK. Plus, mom and dad view a week-long romantic getaway as more important than spending time bonding with the little girl as a family. Seriously, is a love life more important than the parent-child relationship. Sure, every couple needs some time alone, but a whole week, especially since dad's been gone?! Then we have grandma who acts like watching DCG is a "burden" or inconvenience? My parents and in-laws beg to see my daughter more often! My FIL and bro-in-law tell us to get out and so somewhere just so they can watch her! If you don't take this little girl for a week, I will!!! She really needs lots of hugs, kisses, and attention. I can't imagine how lonely she must feel in her own family. I feel so sad for her.
My daughter is 21 months. When she was 19 months, she stayed with my MIL for 40 hours straight while I was taking care of my mom (who just had a hip replacement). Other than that 40 hours, she had been away from me a TOTAL of less than 100 hours her ENTIRE LIFE. After the 40 hours apart, she acted out, got separation anxiety, etc. for about a week. I just can't imagine a whole week away from her! Oh, and I called at least every 6-8 hours the whole time.
Seriously, I would love to take this little girl in for a week. I would want to do it for free. But these parents need to pay for this insane selfishness! So $50/day is fair in my opinion!

I have no qualms about keeping her....that isn't up for negotiation. It's the money part that I'm questioning. My husband is worried about how she will sleep here at night....she's not a great napper for me and refuses to spend one iota in a playpen (which is all I have for her to sleep in). I have a crib that was given to me for my adoption garage sale this summer so I'll probably bring it in and let her use this.

As for doubling my rate....that would be $64 a day.....which in my mind is too steep. My daily rate is $32 so I feel that $50 is fair enough. Because, I know they've had issues with their relationship AND because he's serving our country....I think I've decided with all your help that $50 is what I'll charge + grocery money. She already supplies all diapers so it won't be an issue to make sure she brings those as well.

I love this little girl dearly and she's really a good child most of the time.

I actually can't help but agree with BOTH sides of the disagreement. I understand needing time away from their child so they can focus on themselves. HOWEVER, I also think leaving as soon as he gets back is going to create some serious anxiety in an 18 month old....one that especially is missing a male father figure and has for a large portion of her life. I've had dcg since she was 9 months old and he was gone before that. He will actually have been gone longer than a year all together because he had to go to the another state to train before leaving for Iraq. :-(

[momofsix]

If dad had been gone on an extended business trip or something, I would agree that he needs to be with his daughter right away. But going off to war is a totally different kind of thing, and depending on where he's been, what he's seen and what he's had to do during his time in Iraq, going straight home to his child before he and his wife have had a chance to get "reaqquainted" could do much more harm than good. Many on this board are military families, and know the sacrifices that are made by not only our soldiers, but also their families. I don't think this couple is being selfish, I wish every soldier had the opportunity to do this after a long deployment. Sorry if this is coming off rude, but this weekend is Memorial Day, a weekend dedicated to remembering those who have given thier lives for us, and this young man could very easily have come home in a coffin, and his wife would be a widow and this little girl fatherless forever. I see absolutely nothing wrong with them going away to work on their marriage, it may pay huge dividends in their family's future and I think we just jump to judge people much too quickly now a days. Thanks for letting me vent

[Unregistered]

I think I would say 350 also but dont have her pay extra for food and maybe take 1 day maybe on a Saturday and take her to the zoo or chuck e cheese somewhere like that make it special for her as it seems no one else wants to care for her for that week poor baby.

[TGT09]

If dad had been gone on an extended business trip or something, I would agree that he needs to be with his daughter right away. But going off to war is a totally different kind of thing, and depending on where he's been, what he's seen and what he's had to do during his time in Iraq, going straight home to his child before he and his wife have had a chance to get "reaqquainted" could do much more harm than good. Many on this board are military families, and know the sacrifices that are made by not only our soldiers, but also their families. I don't think this couple is being selfish, I wish every soldier had the opportunity to do this after a long deployment. Sorry if this is coming off rude, but this weekend is Memorial Day, a weekend dedicated to remembering those who have given thier lives for us, and this young man could very easily have come home in a coffin, and his wife would be a widow and this little girl fatherless forever. I see absolutely nothing wrong with them going away to work on their marriage, it may pay huge dividends in their family's future and I think we just jump to judge people much too quickly now a days. Thanks for letting me vent

My husband went to Iraq in half of 2006 and almost all of 2007. I understand better than most that it's a good call to spend time with your wife after a deployment. We however, don't have a child. I agree that most soldiers would love this time with their wife. There are just some extreme issues with this situation that I haven't said. Soldier's 8 y.o. son's mother (from another marriage) was murdered a few months ago. I think 18 month old dcg aside....the 8 year old son needs some extra stability from dad. Grandmother just doesn't want to keep the 18 month old but she's partially raised the 8 year old even before the mother was murdered. This family has been dealt a raw end this year.

[MarinaVanessa]

Maybe it's just me but the way I see it and from what I have read it sounds to me that the mom is very young and so I'm just guessing but I assume that maybe he is too. There are so many things to think about here that are causing stress in the marriage ... young couple with a child, dads gone most of the time, marriage has problems and may be failing, mom works and so child spends most of her time at DC, dads coming back from Iraq (do you know how much trauma a soldier carries back with him?), Grandma for whatever reason is not an option (whether Grandma doesn't want to do it or mom doesn't feel comfortable with the idea or thinks the home is usafe) etc.

If taking a week off to re-connect can save their marriage then I think that they are thinking of the child as well as themselves. A child would rather have both parents than one anyway. My hunny and I do a weekend getaway every year and I know that one weekend just the two of us is not nearly enough. And if he is just coming back from fighting in the war as a mom I would be hesitant to have my loved one around our kids until I can see whether he has traumatic stress. My heart goes out to families that have loved ones in the war because not only do they endanger their lives for us but their family relationships and mental health as well. For a soldier the fight doesn't end as soon as they come home. If what they are doing is for a good reason then good for them. As for what you are asking for as payment, I also think that is fair.

[TGT09]

DCM told me that they'd only be gone for 5 days now but I told her $50 a day and she was shocked. She said "are you sure?"...HA! I felt like saying, "No, I meant $100 a day". No, I told her that they deserved some time. She started crying so I think she knows what she's asking. I told her there were a few stipulations and that I'd e-mail her. So all in all, I think she was pretty happy at the though.....I guess the thing that everyone takes for granted is that she's pretty much been a single parent for the past year so SHE deserves the break as well.

[MarinaVanessa]

I agree. I was a single mom for a few months until got together with my hunny and I know how much I struggled on my own. Even after we started dating (I've known him since I was in the 3rd grade) and he wanted to help it didn't feel right but I felt so thankful and relieved for the extra help. I'm blessed. I've never been in the situation that this DC mom is in but when the other half of the partership is gone for much of the marriage it can add a lot of stress to the relationship. If you are anything like me (and DC mom really is genuine) the thought of you helping someone out and being available to offer this opportunity is added payment. Good for you. Just make sure they leave authorization for you to be allowed to sign for emergency treatment, insurance information and all contact information and a basic itinerary so you can reach them if you have questions or have an emergency. Just as a thought ... maybe you should offer a nigh over to test it out for a night to make sure that she'll be comfortable in staying with you. You also don't want to traumatize the poor little thing .

[TGT09]

I agree. I was a single mom for a few months until got together with my hunny and I know how much I struggled on my own. Even after we started dating (I've known him since I was in the 3rd grade) and he wanted to help it didn't feel right but I felt so thankful and relieved for the extra help. I'm blessed. I've never been in the situation that this DC mom is in but when the other half of the partership is gone for much of the marriage it can add a lot of stress to the relationship. If you are anything like me (and DC mom really is genuine) the thought of you helping someone out and being available to offer this opportunity is added payment. Good for you. Just make sure they leave authorization for you to be allowed to sign for emergency treatment, insurance information and all contact information and a basic itinerary so you can reach them if you have questions or have an emergency. Just as a thought ... maybe you should offer a nigh over to test it out for a night to make sure that she'll be comfortable in staying with you. You also don't want to traumatize the poor little thing .

The overnight test is actually one of the stipulations of mine. I know that this DCM is truly genuine...I have not one iota in my mind that she won't truly appreciate what I'm doing. She e-mailed me the sweetest comment on Mother's day about how she knows I will be a great Mom one day (we are adopting) and that she loves that N has a "Mom" away from home. It made me cry. :-) And fortunate for me, I'm not so far out of the military that I know all the in's and out's of their insurance. And even who takes their insurance. I already have a written consent as part of my contract for emergency care but I'll just have to get social security number for dad and I may already even have that. All insurance info is already in my contract so I'll just make sure it's correct still before they leave.

[Unregistered]

Look at both sides

yes this little girl has not seen much of her father. but think of how hard him being gone has been on the mother and him. it takes a lot for a man to get back to himself after returning from the awful things he has to see while on duty. As far as choosing a love life over the parent-child...don't forget that if not for that love life the child would not be here to begin with. This child deserves a mother and a father who have a strong loving relationship that she can look upto and expect for herself when she grows up. I think it's great they are taking time right away to mend things and let him heal from what he has endured so that he can be the happy father and spouse both his girls need him to be before he jumps back into family life. I think that if more women would remember that it was their husband that they made this child with and out of love and took the time to make sure they were on track our divorce rate wouldn't be so high. Love your children absolutly...but don't forget your man needs your kisses hugs and unconditional love support and attention as well!