Nan

[Country Kids]

Michael, thanks for being pro-active with this forum. I, for one, appreciate that you do not allow one person to be bigger than the forum, as you so aptly put it.

The following is not directed at any one person. Ladies, please take it simply as a pep talk. I'm not trying to be bossy, just throwing out some thoughts.

I think it's important for us to remember that sometimes it's not WHAT we say, it's HOW we say it. If you come across as condescending, or that you, of superior knowledge, must "school" us on a topic, then women, by nature, will not take it kindly.

We need to remember the true definition of OPINIONS, and that they can be vastly different from one person to the next. Also, that just because someone asks for advice, it doesn't mean they want you to get on a soapbox and proclaim that YOUR answer is the end-all, be-all because you went to college, you have umpteen years of experience, or you read countless articles on it.

We need to use words like "I feel", or "in my experience", "I have found", "it seems to me", "it works for me to...", things like that. And maybe if you feel you haven't conveyed the tone of "opinion" enough, you can end your post with something like "just my opinion", "for what it's worth", or "YMMV" (your mileage may vary).

Look up the word humility. It means having a modest opinion of your self-worth or rank. I think we could all use some of that! None of us have THE answer to ANYTHING. We can just say what is time-tested and works for US. And know that not ONE single person needs to adopt your suggestion, or even agree with it, and that's FINE. Put it out there as a SUGGESTION, and leave it at that. We need to check our egos at the door.

I, too, have been guilty of engaging in disagreements. However, I no longer feel it's worth the time or effort to prove anything to anybody. There's nothing to prove anyway. I'm me, you are you. End of story. If someone says something outrageous, roll your eyes and move on.

Ok, speaking of soapboxes, I'll step off mine now. Just my opinion. YMMV.

I agree 100% whole heartly with this! Way to go Lucy-happyface

[CheekyChick]

Michael, thanks for being pro-active with this forum. I, for one, appreciate that you do not allow one person to be bigger than the forum, as you so aptly put it.

The following is not directed at any one person. Ladies, please take it simply as a pep talk. I'm not trying to be bossy, just throwing out some thoughts.

I think it's important for us to remember that sometimes it's not WHAT we say, it's HOW we say it. If you come across as condescending, or that you, of superior knowledge, must "school" us on a topic, then women, by nature, will not take it kindly.

We need to remember the true definition of OPINIONS, and that they can be vastly different from one person to the next. Also, that just because someone asks for advice, it doesn't mean they want you to get on a soapbox and proclaim that YOUR answer is the end-all, be-all because you went to college, you have umpteen years of experience, or you read countless articles on it.

We need to use words like "I feel", or "in my experience", "I have found", "it seems to me", "it works for me to...", things like that. And maybe if you feel you haven't conveyed the tone of "opinion" enough, you can end your post with something like "just my opinion", "for what it's worth", or "YMMV" (your mileage may vary).

Look up the word humility. It means having a modest opinion of your self-worth or rank. I think we could all use some of that! None of us have THE answer to ANYTHING. We can just say what is time-tested and works for US. And know that not ONE single person needs to adopt your suggestion, or even agree with it, and that's FINE. Put it out there as a SUGGESTION, and leave it at that. We need to check our egos at the door.

I, too, have been guilty of engaging in disagreements. However, I no longer feel it's worth the time or effort to prove anything to anybody. There's nothing to prove anyway. I'm me, you are you. End of story. If someone says something outrageous, roll your eyes and move on.

Ok, speaking of soapboxes, I'll step off mine now. Just my opinion. YMMV.

Excellent post.

[Childminder]

It's just for a day. She and Crystal were spending more time going after each other and the forum climate starteds to get dark with a forecast of rain. Figured we'd let the have some say. If I start to get lots of PM's I know the mood has changed.

Thank You Michael, I agree with you and appreciate what you did. I tend to avoid the forum when everything is in "Siberia". I'd much rather exist in the "tropics".

[MyAngels]

Michael, thanks for being pro-active with this forum. I, for one, appreciate that you do not allow one person to be bigger than the forum, as you so aptly put it.

The following is not directed at any one person. Ladies, please take it simply as a pep talk. I'm not trying to be bossy, just throwing out some thoughts.

I think it's important for us to remember that sometimes it's not WHAT we say, it's HOW we say it. If you come across as condescending, or that you, of superior knowledge, must "school" us on a topic, then women, by nature, will not take it kindly.

We need to remember the true definition of OPINIONS, and that they can be vastly different from one person to the next. Also, that just because someone asks for advice, it doesn't mean they want you to get on a soapbox and proclaim that YOUR answer is the end-all, be-all because you went to college, you have umpteen years of experience, or you read countless articles on it.

We need to use words like "I feel", or "in my experience", "I have found", "it seems to me", "it works for me to...", things like that. And maybe if you feel you haven't conveyed the tone of "opinion" enough, you can end your post with something like "just my opinion", "for what it's worth", or "YMMV" (your mileage may vary).

Look up the word humility. It means having a modest opinion of your self-worth or rank. I think we could all use some of that! None of us have THE answer to ANYTHING. We can just say what is time-tested and works for US. And know that not ONE single person needs to adopt your suggestion, or even agree with it, and that's FINE. Put it out there as a SUGGESTION, and leave it at that. We need to check our egos at the door.

I, too, have been guilty of engaging in disagreements. However, I no longer feel it's worth the time or effort to prove anything to anybody. There's nothing to prove anyway. I'm me, you are you. End of story. If someone says something outrageous, roll your eyes and move on.

Ok, speaking of soapboxes, I'll step off mine now. Just my opinion. YMMV.

Agreed, excellent post. Now if I can just remember to do it .

[Countrygal]

Lucy, I do agree with your post 100%. I know sometimes my posts can come across as if I have all the answers, as do most people's on occasion, I think.

Some things I learned out of probably a couple of million when running a forum were:

Things are much harder to say AND to understand in print. I have a whole new respect for authors!

There is no tone of voice or facial expression with a post. Smilies help convey an emotion, but it's still not the same as seeing and hearing the person say the exact same words.

As well as striving to make our own posts sound "nice" and "non-confrontative", we also need to be very, very forgiving when responding to a post. I have often gone to the extra trouble to ask a poster to clarify words or thoughts, and IMO, it has saved me a whole bunch of hard feelings.

This post certainly may seem "preachy" to those reading it, but, honestly, unless you have run a forum you can't begin to imagine how hard it is to keep emotions on the board under "control".

I think a key thing that I have learned to remember is that there are all kinds of people on here - people who have just gotten a computer and have no idea of internet etiquette (ex: CAPS ARE YELLING), there are seasoned veterans who always seem to know how to convey exactly what they are thinking, I've even seen authors on boards that I've frequented. There are people who are 13 and people who are 70 and from all walks of life and even from all countries (different countries have different ways of expressing themselves).

I DO APOLOGIZE if this msg seems preachy. In a way it is sort of meant to be "teachy". Not one of us is perfect. I think we all need a "time out" at times. I know I sure do.

And if you think this post is preachy and you don't want to read it - that WORKS!! It's a forum and you can choose not to read any post you want! It's one of the great things about NOT being in person!::::::

[wdmmom]

And personally, I enjoy a good challenge. Reading opposing views can be stressful for one to read, however, take it with a grain of salt. You have every option to hit the back button. I for one, enjoy reading different approaches, opposing views and discrepancies. WHY?! Because I'm young and I want to learn. What may work for one person may not work for another. That's why when I read opposing views, I keep them in mind. If I use one approach and it doesn't work, I have a back up right up my sleeve and who knows, it may just work.

There is no need to single anyone out. If you polled every single provider on Daycare.com, you would never get the same answer to one question from us. That is what makes us unique.

If you don't like what you are reading, get out of the thread. How hard can it be. I do it daily. You see me post one day but then again not for 3 days. Sometimes I feel I have beneficial information to share. Other times, I only agree with a previous poster. I have caused my fair share of controversy too. It is what it is people. No provider is the same, no child is the same, no daycare is run the same. And, ya know what...IT'S ALL OK!!!

People need to stop taking things so personally...JMHO. Anyone can play Bonnie Badbutt behind a keyboard. We are entitled to have opposing views. No one has to agree but if you have something to share that may be useful or beneficial to another fellow provider, than by all means, share it.

Let's all get along and be friends darnit!

[Kaddidle Care]

It's just for a day. She and Crystal were spending more time going after each other and the forum climate starteds to get dark with a forecast of rain. Figured we'd let the have some say. If I start to get lots of PM's I know the mood has changed.

Boy I miss all the fun! :: Had a busy day yesterday and didn't see any of it.

It IS the full moon ya know.. ::

[melskids]

And personally, I enjoy a good challenge. Reading opposing views can be stressful for one to read, however, take it with a grain of salt. You have every option to hit the back button. I for one, enjoy reading different approaches, opposing views and discrepancies. WHY?! Because I'm young and I want to learn. What may work for one person may not work for another. That's why when I read opposing views, I keep them in mind. If I use one approach and it doesn't work, I have a back up right up my sleeve and who knows, it may just work.

There is no need to single anyone out. If you polled every single provider on Daycare.com, you would never get the same answer to one question from us. That is what makes us unique.

If you don't like what you are reading, get out of the thread. How hard can it be. I do it daily. You see me post one day but then again not for 3 days. Sometimes I feel I have beneficial information to share. Other times, I only agree with a previous poster. I have caused my fair share of controversy too. It is what it is people. No provider is the same, no child is the same, no daycare is run the same. And, ya know what...IT'S ALL OK!!!

People need to stop taking things so personally...JMHO. Anyone can play Bonnie Badbutt behind a keyboard. We are entitled to have opposing views. No one has to agree but if you have something to share that may be useful or beneficial to another fellow provider, than by all means, share it.

Let's all get along and be friends darnit!

I agree. I often avoid many of the heated debates, but I am who I am now because of this board. I love reading different opinions, points of view, philosophies, etc. You can't ever grow within yourself if you are too closed minded, and in the early childhood field, things are always changing, and you are never "done" learning, no matter how long you've been doing this gig.

The problem for me comes in when posters who have different views begin nitpicking each other. Or when people jump all over other posters without really stepping back and looking at the bigger picture. It makes me lose respect for anything they had said of value. Just my 2 cents.

[Country Kids]

I agree. I often avoid many of the heated debates, but I am who I am now because of this board. I love reading different opinions, points of view, philosophies, etc. You can't ever grow within yourself if you are too closed minded, and in the early childhood field, things are always changing, and you are never "done" learning, no matter how long you've been doing this gig.

The problem for me comes in when posters who have different views begin nitpicking each other. Or when people jump all over other posters without really stepping back and looking at the bigger picture. It makes me lose respect for anything they had said of value. Just my 2 cents.

I want you to know Melskids, you changed my childcare today!!!! I looked at your blog and noticed where you said some ladies jumped you at a conference because you let your kids have sand in the house! The horror of it all-::

Anyway right there and then I took at stand that this was MY childcare and I'M in charge of it, NO ONE else is. I have a awesome outlook on my childcare now, I know I really love my job when I run it-no one else. Monday is going to be a new day for my childcare and I. There are going to be some major changes and if you aren't ready for it, sorry its coming.

I have learned so much from this forum and one thing I have learned is not to let anyone make me feel bad for the way I do things. Its mine and no one elses, but I do share with people everyday-

[melskids]

I want you to know Melskids, you changed my childcare today!!!! I looked at your blog and noticed where you said some ladies jumped you at a conference because you let your kids have sand in the house! The horror of it all-::

Anyway right there and then I took at stand that this was MY childcare and I"M in charge of it, NO ONE else is. I have a awesome outlook on my childcare now, I know I really love my job when I run it-no one else. Monday is going to be a new day for my childcare and I. There are going to be some major changes and if you aren't ready for it, sorry its coming.

I have learned so much from this forum and one thing I have learned is not to let anyone make me feel bad for the way I do things. Its mine and no one elses, but I do share with people everyday-

The funny thing is I never said a word to that woman. She heard through the grapevine, or maybe she found me online, who knows, about how I run my program. But right away, she felt she needed to attack me and prove why I was wrong. There was WAY more involved, not just the sand issue.

Anyway, my point is, we should all be here to lift each other up. We have the toughest job in the world, and work alone much of the time. If you don't want to do things the way I do, then fine. But If we can share and learn from each other, even better.

I just don't understand all the bickering. In the end, we all have a common goal, you know?

In the two years I have been on this board, I have learned SO much, and completely changed how I run my program, thanks to the bits and pieces of great advice I have gotten. I've taken what works for me and ran with it, and the stuff that doesn't work for me I have simply left behind.

And P.S.....I'm glad I could share with you and maybe help in some small way.

[AfterSchoolMom]

I just wanted to say that I agree that we should be respectful and supportive. With that said, I ADORE Nan and her approach to child care, and I think Crystal makes a lot of good points too (and her DC set up is one of the coolest that I've seen!). If I don't agree or if I'm offended by something, I generally just stop reading!

I hope that both have come back or will come back. It wouldn't be the same without them. happyface

[Crystal]

Hello All!

Just wanted to say that I am back from time-out and I would like to comment about a couple of things.

First, FWIW, I'd like to apologize to anyone who I might have offended or upset.

I try to bring to this forum my experience and "wisdom" from my 15 years as a provider, as well as to share knowledge that I have gained through school and working as a mentor treacher for the colleges. I know there are times that I come off as harsh and opinionated.....some times this is intentional, but more often than not, it is not intentional.

With Nan, yes, usually it is intentional. I admit it. I am very passionate about my work with children and families and when I vehemently disagree with a provider's practices, especially when that provider has a following of newer providers, I tend to speak up. I am not saying I disagree with everything Nan does, in fact there are some areas (such as meals) that I would wish to emulate, but there are, as you all know, many things that I tend to disagree with.

With that being said, I promise to do my best to step away from the forum when I get angry or have something to say that I know will result in a forum feud. And, if you have a gripe with me, please feel free to PM me any time. I am always open to discussing my "flaws".....the only way to get better is to address them and move on

[Lucy]

Like!!!!! (My mobile wont let me use the icons)

Edited to say:
Oh!! I am now looking on my desktop and see that the icon DID show up. Oops.

[Christian Mother]

Hello All!

Just wanted to say that I am back from time-out and I would like to comment about a couple of things.

First, FWIW, I'd like to apologize to anyone who I might have offended or upset.

I try to bring to this forum my experience and "wisdom" from my 15 years as a provider, as well as to share knowledge that I have gained through school and working as a mentor treacher for the colleges. I know there are times that I come off as harsh and opinionated.....some times this is intentional, but more often than not, it is not intentional.

With Nan, yes, usually it is intentional. I admit it. I am very passionate about my work with children and families and when I vehemently disagree with a provider's practices, especially when that provider has a following of newer providers, I tend to speak up. I am not saying I disagree with everything Nan does, in fact there are some areas (such as meals) that I would wish to emulate, but there are, as you all know, many things that I tend to disagree with.

With that being said, I promise to do my best to step away from the forum when I get angry or have something to say that I know will result in a forum feud. And, if you have a gripe with me, please feel free to PM me any time. I am always open to discussing my "flaws".....the only way to get better is to address them and move on

Like Button!! Welcome Back girlie and I really like what you put down!!

[CheekyChick]

I read what was said between you and Nan and it seemed mild compared to some "debates" I've seen (or been involved in) on here. :confused:

Regardless, I'm glad to see you're back.