Washing Machine Tragedy

[JenNJ]

Jen-please don't think I'm being snarky. It's a bit of a hot spot, since our family has lived through this. Beleive me, they charge people (sometime unfairly) if they suspect anything. When a child dies of unnatural causes, they always investigate, and there is always a trail of clues to follow, usually signs of previous abuse.

My sister held her baby girl for HOURS after she died at the hospital. The nurses kept bringing warming blankets to keep her warm as long as possible. Anyone who witnessed the way the family acted KNEW there was no reason to press charges.

I don't think you are being snarky. I completely understand. Your sister's loss also sounds like a horrific accident. I am so very sorry for your entire family.

Our family suffered a child loss as well which is probably the reason I am *for* criminal charges. We had a mother in our family who was being abused by her boyfriend. Several criminal charges and time in jail for domestic battery. She chose to leave her child with this man while she went to a friend's house for the evening. This man beat her daughter into a coma and then tucked her into bed before her mother returned. She died the next day at the hospital.

This man was convicted and spent just 3 years in jail. The mother never had charges filed against her. So yeah, "innocent" isn't how I feel about her either. I think she is equally responsible for her child's death.

[Heidi]

I don't think you are being snarky. I completely understand. Your sister's loss also sounds like a horrific accident. I am so very sorry for your entire family.

Our family suffered a child loss as well which is probably the reason I am *for* criminal charges. We had a mother in our family who was being abused by her boyfriend. Several criminal charges and time in jail for domestic battery. She chose to leave her child with this man while she went to a friend's house for the evening. This man beat her daughter into a coma and then tucked her into bed before her mother returned. She died the next day at the hospital.

This man was convicted and spent just 3 years in jail. The mother never had charges filed against her. So yeah, "innocent" isn't how I feel about her either. I think she is equally responsible for her child's death.

UGH!

Yeah...sometimes it's all about perspective. I agree, leaving her child with someone who smacked her around sounds like criminal neglect.

[Nellie]

thats what I'm trying to figure out, how did this child manage to climb into the washer, he had to have done it before. My ydd has always been a climber, but she never ever climbed my washer. I agree nanny, I think parents need to be punished when stupid accidents like this could have been prevented. This makes me angry that as a provider I can be charged, but a parent being stupid doesn't get charged, yes I know they lost a child but they should be punished also, makes them think twice.

My own children are climbers and the way they climbed onto the washer at 15/16 months creeping up the wall and the washer. By the time they were 20 months they could just pull themselves up. Takes less than 3 seconds from them to go from floor to top.

[familyschoolcare]

I have a little different take on this. Speaking from experience.

9 years ago I had 3 children they were ages 4 (DD), 2 (DS), and 8 mos (DD). I worked days and my ex worked nights. So he watched them at my house during the day while I was at work.

One summer day in July my ex was playing with the kids in the backyard with the hose and water balloons. It was time for lunch so they came into eat. After lunch he got the boys out of their highchairs and took the 2 year old upstairs to change him and go down for a nap. When he came downstairs (about 5 minutes) the 8 month old was no where to be found. He ended up finding him in the backyard upside down in a bucket of water. He rescusitated him and called 911. After 5 days in the hospital my DD died.

After investigation it was found that when they came in from playing outside my 4 yr DD had shut the sliding screen and the verticle blinds but not the glass door. My 8 mos old son had crawled through a hole in the screen.

Yes it was an aweful tragedy and the worst thing I have ever gone through. But I never in a million years had dreamed that my ex should be punished criminally for this. We went through many therapy sessions. Especially for my daughter because she had kept saying that she killed her brother, her knowing she didnt shut the sliding door only the screen. We explained to her that it was our responsibility to watch him and keep him safe, not hers.

My belief is that punishment by the court system is for rehabilitation or to show the person that they have consequences for their actions. My ex got real life consequences. There would have been no benefit to him or anyone else for him to be punished criminally. He has to live with this every day of his life. After seeing him go through this, I know he would have rather wanted to be thrown in solitary confinement and never be seen or heard from again.

I am one of the most conciencess people I know as far as childrens safety and I cant say that this would never have happened on my watch.

As far as providers liability, I do think that we are held to a higher standard than parents. I wouldn't want it any other way. I usually have many more safety measures in place than parents because I know all the risks involved and know what kind of mayhem children can get into. Parents niavety, for lack of a better word, is not negligence. I also think in some cases accidents that happened to providers, the providers shouldn't be prosecuted anymore than the parents should.

My feeling is that sometimes we need to take all factors into consideration and that yes accidents can happen and okay maybe you didnt have EVERY safety measure in place but in the case that Nannyde linked I dont see negligence or ill intent involved. We can't put our kids in a bubble. We are humans and we make mistakes. Sometimes natural consequences are far worse than any consequence a court system can impose on someone.

Just my take anyway for what its worth.

Sorry for your loss.

Thank you for sharing your story.

I understand what you are saying about not criminaly charging parents during this kind of tradegy if there is no other signs of abuse ect. I do however think

that the "system" needs to recogonize that in some of the case that are declared a tradgic actident where preventable by an adult and is certainly

the case in this washing machine story. For me accountablility does not necesarily mean criminial charges.

[Country Kids]

What I'm going to ask, I want everyone to truly think about.

If this mom happened to be one of us and told her story here, would everyone tell her they feel she should be punished through the courts? Would you say you were negligent and killed your child? Would you let her know what a horrible mother she was?

Now, we have had three stories on here about providers either own children dying or a family member. The only one that even needed to go through the courts was the boyfriend that beat the little girl. Everyone agreed on that!

The other two stories just break my heart also and everyone agreed they were accidents. Now if you read about those in the paper, didn't know the person would you say they same thing or would you say they were being neglectful and something needed to be done?

Michael, just posted a great thread on "Who's on the other side of the computor." Remember know one really knows who reads this and the effect your words may have on them. I thank the those that put their stories on here, that had the courage to let us know what happened to their children. I'm so sorry for your losses and know that day you lost part of yourself with your child.

[Blackcat31]

What I'm going to ask, I want everyone to truly think about.

If this mom happened to be one of us and told her story here, would everyone tell her they feel she should be punished through the courts? Would you say you were negligent and killed your child? Would you let her know what a horrible mother she was?
Now, we have had three stories on here about providers either own children dying or a family member. The only one that even needed to go through the courts was the boyfriend that beat the little girl. Everyone agreed on that!

The other two stories just break my heart also and everyone agreed they were accidents. Now if you read about those in the paper, didn't know the person would you say they same thing or would you say they were being neglectful and something needed to be done?

Michael, just posted a great thread on "Who's on the other side of the computor." Remember know one really knows who reads this and the effect your words may have on them. I thank the those that put their stories on here, that had the courage to let us know what happened to their children. I'm so sorry for your losses and know that day you lost part of yourself with your child.

I reply and post on this board exactly as I would in real life. I don't change who I am and how I feel because I am typing vs speaking directly to someone.


Something VERY similar happened in my community a few weeks ago where a gal was watching her friends almost 2 yr old at a pool party and she lost track of him and he fell into the hot tub and drown. The gal that was babysitting this child was a former dcm of mine.

She was/is devasted and I completely understand but I still think it was her responsibility to watch this child. She failed and failed badly so do I feel for her? Absolutely! But it doesnt change the fact that she could have done things differently.

She COULD HAVE prevented what happened. Whether or not someone could have prevented something is a major factor in every type of similar situation.

[Country Kids]

I reply and post on this board exactly as I would in real life. I don't change who I am and how I feel because I am typing vs speaking directly to someone.


Something VERY similar happened in my community a few weeks ago where a gal was watching her friends almost 2 yr old at a pool party and she lost track of him and he fell into the hot tub and drown. The gal that was babysitting this child was a former dcm of mine.

She was/is devasted and I completely understand but I still think it was her responsibility to watch this child. She failed and failed badly so do I feel for her? Absolutely! But it doesnt change the fact that she could have done things differently.

She COULD HAVE prevented what happened. Whether or not someone could have prevented something is a major factor in every type of similar situation.

Did you tell her all of htis blackcat? Thats what I'm asking very seriously. If you would see her out are you going to let her know how you feel?

[Lucy]

My washer is 25 years old and can run with the lid up except for the spin cycle.

Same for me. It only has to be closed for the spin cycle. But.... if I hold the little button down, making the machine "think" the lid is closed, it will spin.

[Live and Learn]

Nan, your son is gorgeous!! lovethisThat hair!!!lovethis

No words to add to this senseless preventable tragedy.

[saved4always]

I have to say, that I feel for this mother. I can't imagine living with this for the rest of your life knowing that it could have been prevented. In my eyes that is punishment enough. It wasn't a deliberate act, it was an accident. If she had been a helicopter parent everyone would have come down on her for that also because she would have been to over bearing on her child and never let them explore.

Please don't pass judgement on this mother, we don't even know her. She just lost her precious baby in a terrible accident that she will probably rewind in her mind for a long, long time. Even though we all say we wouldn't do anything like that, other things can happen and then it becomes a reality.

I totally agree. There is nothing that the law could do to this mother that is worse than her losing her baby. Her pain has got to be so all consuming that most of us could never imagine what she is going through. I am sure she is beating herself up and reliving this over and over and over. This is an awful tragedy for this family and it is so easy for everyone on the outside to say this could never happen to them and to judge her as a bad parent. Every parent has had at least one moment where they have not used the best judgement and thier child could have suffered for it. Fortunately, those bad momentary judgments do not usually result in something like this. I, for one, am praying for this family during what is most likely the absolute worst time of thier lives.

[saved4always]

Nan~ Your son is absolutely ADORABLE!!!!!!!!! lovethis

Yes, he is soooo cute! lovethis

[nannyde]

Nan, your son is gorgeous!! lovethisThat hair!!!lovethis

Yeah that's when he had SHORT hair.

[MissK]

Wow - how sad!
I have front loaders so of course nothing will happen with the door open, but we have had older top loads where it will fill with water just won't spin if the lid is open.

Accidents like this are so scary, things that could happen to anybody...

[JenNJ]

What I'm going to ask, I want everyone to truly think about.

If this mom happened to be one of us and told her story here, would everyone tell her they feel she should be punished through the courts? Would you say you were negligent and killed your child? Would you let her know what a horrible mother she was?

I don't think a moment of neglect makes a horrible mother. So, I wouldn't say that.

Would I go out of my way to throw salt in the wound of a mourning mother? No, that would be cruel. Just because I have an opinion doesn't mean I have to share it.

My opinions don't change just because I am online. I would still have the same opinion. That negligent caretakers, no matter who they are, should be investigated and charged if the evidence deems it necessary. Accidents are accidents. Neglect is neglect. I believe that neglect deserves criminal charges.

[Live and Learn]

You have a long haired son too?

My sons are all wearing their hair short NOW but when my oldest was a 5th grader he grew his hair out and donated it too locks of love. I loved his long surfer boy curls!!