Michael-Are There Rules For The Forum?

[dEHmom]

it absolutely makes sense! Look how many times a member has said something along the lines of their dh or so or bff makes fun or makes a comment about their sentences starting with "well on the daycare.com forum.....". we are naturally drawn to others who have shared interests or common ground.

We definitely place a value on our friends (even virtual ones) because it is human nature to seek others out who "understand" or know where we are coming from. Even our family members don't always "get it".

We place alot of value on the opinions of members here because in an essence everyone here is a co-worker of mine. I have never met anyone on this board in person, i have talked to a few on the phone and i know what many of you actually look like but i wouldn't recognize anyone if i was standing in line next to them in target...but some how, you are all my friends. Valued friends.

Friends i look forward to talking to every day.

amen sistah!

[Meeko]

I had this conversation with Cathearder on the phone a few months ago and she explained this to me in a way I could really get it.

She said that in the daycare world that we are so isolated that the adult contact we have on a day to day basis WEIGHS more to our brains and our hearts than normal people who work out in the real world and deal with adults all the time. She said after years of doing this business that we adapt to having little adult contact BUT the heaviness on our minds of the adults that DO talk to us daily gets higher and higher the longer you do the business.

So I keep this in mind with my daycare parents first. I have even HAD this convo with a daycare parent when we had a long convo about something that came up. When I explained it to her she readily understood. She said she felt that way for the few weeks she was on maternity leave and that was nuttin compared to doing childcare for 18 years.

To me, it makes sense.

We are a bit more hypersensitive because we naturally crave age mates or work mates in some capacity... so when we GET that here it matters to us a lot more than it would if we were all each one of forty work mates in an office.

That make sense?

SOOOOO makes sense! Thanks for this!

[jen2651]

I just think we all need to remember that looking at printed text (as in emails, forums, and text messages) we don't know the person's tone. I am a really sarcastic person and always have to add smiley faces or something like that after text messages or my friends think I am being rude.

I know we all take this seriously as it is our profession and our job, but not everyone agrees. I think if we all work hard on disagreeing 'nicely' we will be fine. I do feel as though sometimes we may be too sensitive to something someone has posted...perhaps before posting back (kind of like yelling) we should take a step back before we just fire off a response. There are times I look at this and think, "Jeez, can't we all just get along?!". I know there are times I have disagreed with people, and them with me....and I sure there are times people think I am a moron. But meh, it is life...I keep coming back, and I know this has been a great resource for me. But then again, I am not the one to take things personally.

Although I did receive an email from an old HS classmate telling me she was unfriending me on facebook because I did nothing to benefit our relationship....excuse me?! You have 653 friends...are they all benefitting you? Just unfriend me, don't tell me you did it. I would have even noticed. It reminded me of the commercial when the teen girl calls the boy to tell him she is giving him the silent treatment. I was mad about that!

[Blackcat31]

Although I did receive an email from an old HS classmate telling me she was unfriending me on facebook because I did nothing to benefit our relationship....excuse me?! You have 653 friends...are they all benefitting you? Just unfriend me, don't tell me you did it. I would have even noticed. It reminded me of the commercial when the teen girl calls the boy to tell him she is giving him the silent treatment. I was mad about that!

I have a 4.5 yr old DCB who will tattle on his friends and I will usually respond that if he doesn't like what they are saying to ignore them.

He will march right over to them and say "Guess what? I am ignoring you." ::

[nannyde]

SOOOOO makes sense! Thanks for this!

Cathearder is brilliant. She teaches much.

I think one more aspect of this board that complicates things is that it draws every kind of child care. There are professional child care providers, teachers, center staff workers, sometimes nannies, and babysitters like me. Those are all VERY different jobs. We get in here together but sometimes I think there isn't enough distinction with our positions on what we actually DO every day and what kind of business we offer.

I can relate to being a nanny and a babysitter. I can't really fully understand what it is like to be a professional child care provider, center worker, or a teacher. I don't have the experience in the latter. I can understand SOME of the day to day of a center worker... pro child care provider... or a teacher.. but my understanding is limited.

[saved4always]

I've been on daycare and adoption boards since 98. Fourteen years and a number of forums and this board is very similiar to the ones back in 98. I met some of my good day care friends way back when and we STILL talk to each other every day. Fourteen years is a long time to talk child care.

For every person who I've seen say they will leave the board maybe one in ten or so actually do. Usually when people leave it's because life happens, they quit child care, or they get bored with talking about child care. A couple of years on one board and you see the same convo's over and over. It's pretty rare that something new actually comes up.

The debates are an integral part of a successful board especially in child care. People feel very pasionately about little kids and day care is HARD done well. This board is an excellent example of ways of doing child care that are vastly different and netting a successful long run of child care, happy and healthy kids, and satisfied customers. What would work with one provider wouldn't even be considered by another. One provider can build their entire business on a philsophy that another wouldn't dream of doing. Sorting that out can get downright complicated with strong debates and disagreements. Using the written word and a few emoticons complicates it even further.

It's not perfect but it's a good deal. Daycare.com hosts this board free of charge to us and I appreciate it. The advantages far outweigh the downsides IMHO.

Yes...I totally agree that the advantages outweigh the downsides. I love being able to get other points of view and ideas that I never would have thought of if I did not come on here. And when something difficult comes up in childcare, it is wonderful to have a group of providers to "talk to" who have also been through difficulties in their business and can give perspective, advice and sympathy when needed. My dh just doesn't have the patience or interest to provide those things effectively in this part of my life.

[saved4always]

It absolutely makes sense! Look how many times a member has said something along the lines of their DH or SO or BFF makes fun or makes a comment about their sentences starting with "Well on the daycare.com forum.....". We are naturally drawn to others who have shared interests or common ground.

We definitely place a value on our friends (even virtual ones) because it is human nature to seek others out who "understand" or know where we are coming from. Even our family members don't always "get it".

We place ALOT of value on the opinions of members here because in an essence everyone here is a co-worker of mine. I have never met anyone on this board in person, I have talked to a few on the phone and I know what many of you actually look like but I wouldn't recognize anyone if I was standing in line next to them in Target...but some how, you are ALL my friends. VALUED friends.

Friends I look forward to talking to every day.

I know my bff's are probably sick of me starting my sentences with "I saw on the daycare forum that someone said....." I quote the people on this forum to them all the time...! They are both also child care providers in thier homes so I just feel the need to impart all of the gems that I get on here.

[Heidi]

Cathearder is brilliant. She teaches much.

I think one more aspect of this board that complicates things is that it draws every kind of child care. There are professional child care providers, teachers, center staff workers, sometimes nannies, and babysitters like me. Those are all VERY different jobs. We get in here together but sometimes I think there isn't enough distinction with our positions on what we actually DO every day and what kind of business we offer.

I can relate to being a nanny and a babysitter. I can't really fully understand what it is like to be a professional child care provider, center worker, or a teacher. I don't have the experience in the latter. I can understand SOME of the day to day of a center worker... pro child care provider... or a teacher.. but my understanding is limited.

Nanny De-I disagree..... You always underestimate yourself IMO. I know sometimes it's a matter of semantics, babysitter, dcp, teacher. You and I are both all 3. You feel like you don't need the title, and that's ok. I think, based on your answers, carefully thought out philosophies, blog, and website, that you are certainly a professional. I don't always agree with everything you say, but I certainly respect you as a babysitter, AND daycare provider, and as a teacher!

[MrsB]

I love the comments that this thread has brought out.

One of the number one things I get from this forum is helping me gain perspective. In this job alot of lines can become blurred. (Ie staying flexible/yet sticking to policies) This forum helps me redraw and fill in those blurred lines a little darker. KWIM?

In my own business I strive to stay on the fence. Halfway between strictly business and all fun. Sometimes I may get off the fence on one side or another but as long as I always get back on I consider myself successful.

This forum also has helped me learn that there is no 1 right way to run a successful daycare. I love the difference of opinions, and a little of the drama! I know shoot me. But hey I suppose its better than watching soaps and eating bonbons.

[sharlan]

#1 rule on being on a forum, don't take everything to heart.

It's impossible to see the body language on a monitor.

[nannyde]

Nanny De-I disagree..... You always underestimate yourself IMO. I know sometimes it's a matter of semantics, babysitter, dcp, teacher. You and I are both all 3. You feel like you don't need the title, and that's ok. I think, based on your answers, carefully thought out philosophies, blog, and website, that you are certainly a professional. I don't always agree with everything you say, but I certainly respect you as a babysitter, AND daycare provider, and as a teacher!

Well that was nice. I needed that lovethis

I'm not tho. I'm a babysitter. That's all.. no more ... no less.

I like being a babysitter. I think it's a nobel job. I do think it gets confuseled here because we have the mix of different KINDS of child care providers. When I read posts of posters I know I try to think: Okay she's a professional child care provider... she's a teacher... she's a nanny... or a center worker. They ARE so different.. the day to day is different and the responsibility and pay is COMPLETELY different. Most of us have similiar age groups but what we DO every day can be totaly different from the poster responding to what we do.

[Blackcat31]

Well that was nice. I needed that lovethis

I'm not tho. I'm a babysitter. That's all.. no more ... no less.

I like being a babysitter. I think it's a nobel job. I do think it gets confuseled here because we have the mix of different KINDS of child care providers. When I read posts of posters I know I try to think: Okay she's a professional child care provider... she's a teacher... she's a nanny... or a center worker. They ARE so different.. the day to day is different and the responsibility and pay is COMPLETELY different. Most of us have similiar age groups but what we DO every day can be totaly different from the poster responding to what we do.

Not only do we have different titles, views and ways of running a child care, a majority of us are parents too and we have to consider our own parenting philophies in this too!

Some are old school, some are AP, some are blended, some are single, some are new, some are older and some are a mixture of a bunch of it all rolled together.

We also have to consider geopgraphical locations too....what is the norm in one area is unheard of in another. In my community, transporting child care children is absolutely not the norm. I don't think many parents here would be ok with that but I know in other areas, it is not only the norm but expected.

Same goes for licensing rules/regs in the different states. I cannot suggest to someone in Cali to use an excersaucer or swing if they aren't allowed to use them. So like every other aspect, little things have an effect on what we say, believe, feel and post.

[nannyde]

Not only do we have different titles, views and ways of running a child care, a majority of us are parents too and we have to consider our own parenting philophies in this too!

Some are old school, some are AP, some are blended, some are single, some are new, some are older and some are a mixture of a bunch of it all rolled together.

We also have to consider geopgraphical locations too....what is the norm in one area is unheard of in another. In my community, transporting child care children is absolutely not the norm. I don't think many parents here would be ok with that but I know in other areas, it is not only the norm but expected.

Same goes for licensing rules/regs in the different states. I cannot suggest to someone in Cali to use an excersaucer or swing if they aren't allowed to use them. So like every other aspect, little things have an effect on what we say, believe, feel and post.

That so true. Doing child care in California is SO very different than here. I would never open a child care there because I believe in the use of confining equipment for other than sleep or eat. I use bouncy seats, play yard baby zones, swings when they are teeny tiny and new, strollers, high chairs, etc.

Just THAT alone would make your day completely different.
What one state says is illegal... another state has no opinion on at all. Something like that can define your day pretty easily.

[CheekyChick]

Cheeky, I definitely agree about the "family feel" and I wish members weren't "afraid" to post openly. Because I do think there are many who feel that way. I do think that differeing views and perspectives are super important, especially in this job where we are often homebound and not able to get out during the day. We become isolated from outside opinions or views that differ from ours.

I sincerely hope that the regular member you had a difference of opinion with with was not me.... I know we run our programs very differently but as a regular and active member of this board, I for one value what you have to say. I run my program more on the business side where as I am pretty sure you run yours more on the family-relationship side of things and I respect you for doing so.

It wasn't you, Blackcat - and thank you for your kind words.

I have felt a bit like a pariah (here) since the incident. It’s unfortunate that I am perceived as a troublemaker, when in “real life” I am a big softie and truly the easiest person to get along with.

The only reason I continue to post here is because I am not easily intimidated AND I like to give my input – even if it isn’t always well received.

If there is one thing that would make this board more enjoyable, is the freedom to disagree (in a civil manner) without consequences.

[My3cents]

You know you are one of the main persons here that got me to go from lurker to poster. I lurked for a REALLY long time and read the entire archives before I posted. I have never posted unregistered here.

I read every post your wrote. You made me think and laugh.

I lurked for a very long time, then I posted unregistered and someone called me a brat- probably I was at the time- sorry. I got to know many of the peeps here, through what they put out for all to see. I still want my privacy- not because of all of you, but because of where I live and other providers I know in this field. I trust the few people that have my information. I am highly opinionated because I come from years of experience in many avenues. I am not always right- This field is ever growing and changing from one day to the next, so I come here to learn, share and escape and see how my friends are doing. Everyone brings something to the table. Even if I don't agree or use it in my program. What works for me doesn't have to work for the next person, work or personal life. I happen to find the providers with years of experience to be very helpful to me, because they have learned through trial and error, they are in it for the long hall as am I. Adults are just big grown up kids for the most part......that's why these little board spats happen. We all need to remember to play nice on the playground. I think our love for these kiddo's just makes us very passionate on where we stand on things.