Michael-Are There Rules For The Forum?

[small_steps]

I also changed my user name recently - anyone who I was "friends" with knows its still me but when I found this board silly me thought I should use my daycare name as my user name. I really don't have many complaints about my daycare but even the little ones I don't want someone searching my daycare name and coming up with my posts on this board. It was just poor judgement on my part when joining here but since I was listing my daycare in the listings I thought it was "normal" to use that name in here.

I've been on message boards since the mid-90's - have seen it all and really just don't get involved in the drama. There are people on here (and every board I'm on) that just really rub me the wrong way and I just ignore their posts. I love when boards have the "ignore" option - don't think this one does though.

I did this too...used my daycare name. I keep meaning to have Michael change it and I keep forgetting.

[nannyde]

It was definitely the sprinkler thread…

I just looked back and the heated posts were deleted. I clearly remember a post where you said that we could never be friends because we were too different, another post where you tried to embarrass me by bringing up my tax questions/problems from a completely different thread, a post where you talked down to me because I was a new provider (which I wasn’t), etc. Oh, and all of the posts where people were attacking me for standing up to you were deleted. Ironically, the posts that were NOT deleted were the ones that made it appear as if I were picking on you for no apparent reason. Interesting...

Anyhoo… It’s all water under the bridge now and that is why I didn’t single you out in my opinion on how (I feel) these boards could improve.

I don't remember any posts getting pulled in the sprinkler thread. The other things you are speaking of are still here in the archives if you care to search or I can link you to them. I spent yesterday reading all of our exchanges and they are still here just a different thread. What you believe has been deleted is just in another thread.

It's pretty rare for posts to get pulled here. Happens now and then but most of the interchanges remain unchanged. I think it's a good idea to go through old posts whenever an exchange like this occurs. Learn from it and see the sum total of experiences the other person had.

I wanted to address the "friends" thing with you because it's something that just dawned on me yesterday and you brought it up here so it's obviously on your mind a bit too.

You said: I clearly remember a post where you said that we could never be friends because we were too different

What I said in the old exchange is that I could never earn your respect because we are so different. I didn't use the word friend or friendship at all in the exchange. Not once.

In a post in this thread you said: I was only stating that when I disagreed with a well-known poster – her and her friends jumped on me like gangbusters.

I think there is a very common misconception on this board that I have a posse of friends to be there to support my viewpoints. As I said above, I only know Cathearder, BlackCat, and WDMMom. I have done consulting work for some of the daycare.com members but that has primarily been a paid service.

BlackCat and I speak on the phone every three or four months. She would never spend a minute here agreeing with me for the sake of agreement. We disagree on a lot... maybe as much as we agree upon. Cathearder and I talk whenever she has the time for me... and that's more for my sake. She's my go to guy when I need help. She is definitely my friend and my mentor and would be more likely to come behind if she thought I was in a bad spot. WDMMom is a former client of two years and is the only one here who has met me IRL. She's my friend and we agree on most things. We talk every day, sometimes multiple times. We text and complain about our own kids pretty much daily.

Other than those friendships... I don't have any other on this site. I don't even private message people unless they ask something of me or I think there is a real life safety thing going on that I can help in.

When someone comes along to support they are just as random as someone coming along to oppose. I don't have any way of monitoring or even knowing who is going to be who in a particular thread. I don't engage the other posters in real life. I don't call them on the phone. I don't Facebook with them. I don't do chat. I don't endear them to myself or my viewpoints in any way.

I have great friends in the daycare world who I HAVE been in a friendship with for fourteen years. Vet providers who met me back in the day in the Rainbow Room and Parentsplace. We've stayed together as a group and most are my age. We have our own board and have been talking child care for fourteen years.

I've only been here for two years. I don't have friendships with the posters because we are all still very new to each other.

So please... when you feel ganged up on by posters who agree with my posts... you must know they are not personal friends of mine nor do they have any stake in my outcome on this board. I don't have a say in their feelings or their responses.

All I'm asking is for you to realize that when they feel differently than you do and it appears as if they feel the same as me... that you take their difference as THEIR difference with you and not as a rallying for my "side". They have no dog in the fight. They are the same to me as the dissenters are to me.... women with their OWN oppinion that just happens to be the same as mine on this thread at this time.

I never suggested that I wouldn't be friends with you nor offered friendship to the average everyday poster here. I don't expect that. I truly only have three friends on this board IRL and I've explained as well as I can what I think of their participation in any given thread.

It's not that I don't LIKE the ladies on this board... the ones who come behind and agree. Of course, I'm flesh and blood and I like my ideas to be liked. I like sharing them. But the truth is... that what I like the most are the ones who don't agree. They are very interesting to me. The more you disagree... the more I like it.

So that young lady would put you in the like position because we rarely agree.

See?

[Country Kids]

Here's a tip. PM me when something like that arises. Those that first make me aware of a situation will get me involved on thier side in viewing the conversation. If I see something that seems unfair or unwarranted, on either side, I will always PM or email those that are leveraging the forum in improper ways. I have a certain climate I want for this forum and no one member is bigger than it as a whole.

I wasn't aware till the other day that we could actually PM you! It took me a little while to figure out how to do it but it was actually nice to now that you are available to us when we need you for things like this.

[CheekyChick]

Nan,

I don't remember any posts getting pulled in the sprinkler thread. The other things you are speaking of are still here in the archives if you care to search or I can link you to them. I spent yesterday reading all of our exchanges and they are still here just a different thread. What you believe has been deleted is just in another thread.

PLEASE send me a link. I do believe the sprinkler thread is where things got incredibly heated, but I could be wrong. Looking back on that thread, it looks like a one-sided debate when in reality, it was FAR from that.

I think there is a very common misconception on this board that I have a posse of friends to be there to support my viewpoints.

You may not have a posse of “friends” – but you certainly have a posse of followers. You work for this website, write a blog, and post often. You are well known and respected here. Many posters DO agree with nearly everything you say – right or wrong – and they come out in full force when people disagree with you.

All I'm asking is for you to realize that when they feel differently than you do and it appears as if they feel the same as me... that you take their difference as THEIR difference with you and not as a rallying for my "side". They have no dog in the fight. They are the same to me as the dissenters are to me.... women with their OWN oppinion that just happens to be the same as mine on this thread at this time.

Again, I do feel many posters agree with you simply because you are who you are. If you said, “I feed my DCK’s rotten egg sandwiches with fish eyes" they would ask for the recipe. BUT, I also agree with the fact that many posters agree with you, simply because they see things as you do. What I have a problem with, are those posters who attack those of us who disagree
with you.

Because we rarely agree.

We FINALLY agree on something.

[nannyde]

Nan,

I don't remember any posts getting pulled in the sprinkler thread. The other things you are speaking of are still here in the archives if you care to search or I can link you to them. I spent yesterday reading all of our exchanges and they are still here just a different thread. What you believe has been deleted is just in another thread.

PLEASE send me a link. I do believe the sprinkler thread is where things got incredibly heated, but I could be wrong. Looking back on that thread, it looks like a one-sided debate when in reality, it was FAR from that.

I think there is a very common misconception on this board that I have a posse of friends to be there to support my viewpoints.

You may not have a posse of “friends” – but you certainly have a posse of followers. You work for this website, write a blog, and post often. You are well known and respected here. Many posters DO agree with nearly everything you say – right or wrong – and they come out in full force when people disagree with you.

All I'm asking is for you to realize that when they feel differently than you do and it appears as if they feel the same as me... that you take their difference as THEIR difference with you and not as a rallying for my "side". They have no dog in the fight. They are the same to me as the dissenters are to me.... women with their OWN oppinion that just happens to be the same as mine on this thread at this time.

Again, I do feel many posters agree with you simply because you are who you are. If you said, “I feed my DCK’s rotten egg sandwiches with fish eyes" they would ask for the recipe. BUT, I also agree with the fact that many posters agree with you, simply because they see things as you do. What I have a problem with, are those posters who attack those of us who disagree
with you.

Because we rarely agree.

We FINALLY agree on something.

You wouldn't want a rotten egg sammmmwhich recipe would ya?
(that was a good one)

I'll pm you a link to the thread... don't want to rehash it here but you will see that you are combining two threads into one experience. They were time wise close to each other so I can see how you would think that.

One thing tho... it's kind of a negative to the others who have the same core philosphy I have that they don't have a complete mind of their own. I've explained to you as far as I can who I really have a relationship with and how you perceive the others involvement in my posts isn't something I can do much about.

I've had numerous convos with providers who are on this site that I consult for and they have expressed concern that they feel like they CAN'T chime in when they agree for fear of being labeled or thought of as you have described. So the feeling does go BOTH ways. We wouldn't want the people who are in agreement with a belief or technique or supportive of a care philosophy to not be able to express themselves for fear of being seen as a member of a gang instead of their own unique individual with a mind of their own.

Check your p.m. box here in a bit and I'll send you the link.

[Michael]

I did this too...used my daycare name. I keep meaning to have Michael change it and I keep forgetting.

PM me. I'll change it.

[Crystal]

Origianlly posted by Nan: I've had numerous convos with providers who are on this site that I consult for and they have expressed concern that they feel like they CAN'T chime in when they agree for fear of being labeled or thought of as you have described. So the feeling does go BOTH ways. We wouldn't want the people who are in agreement with a belief or technique or supportive of a care philosophy to not be able to express themselves for fear of being seen as a member of a gang instead of their own unique individual with a mind of their own.

Same here.....I cannot tell you how many PM's I get asking questions or for advice because memebrs feel they cannot post it on the open forum for fear of being "ganged up on". And I can tell you, every one of them feel they will get "ganged up on" by you and your "followers".

Yeah....it does go both ways.

[Michael]

Origianlly posted by Nan: I've had numerous convos with providers who are on this site that I consult for and they have expressed concern that they feel like they CAN'T chime in when they agree for fear of being labeled or thought of as you have described. So the feeling does go BOTH ways. We wouldn't want the people who are in agreement with a belief or technique or supportive of a care philosophy to not be able to express themselves for fear of being seen as a member of a gang instead of their own unique individual with a mind of their own.

Same here.....I cannot tell you how many PM's I get asking questions or for advice because memebrs feel they cannot post it on the open forum for fear of being "ganged up on". And I can tell you, every one of them feel they will get "ganged up on" by you and your "followers".

Yeah....it does go both ways.

Crystal, you've done enough venting. Let's drop this. PM Nannyde instead.

[Crystal]

Crystal, you've done enough venting. Let's drop this. PM Nannyde instead.

Wow, really? This is my first post in this thread. I know I posted a couple of comments in other threads a couple of days ago, but I don't think they were really venting, only commenting on what was clearly unfair treatment of a couple of members.

I won't pm nannyde....that only makes it fair game for her to make more outrageous comments without it being obvious to the public..... but I will drop it.

As much as I'd like to put her on ignore.....that would chop nearly every thread in this forum up, making them hard to follow....so even that is not an option.

[nannyde]

Wow, really? This is my first post in this thread. I know I posted a couple of comments in other threads a couple of days ago, but I don't think they were really venting, only commenting on what was clearly unfair treatment of a couple of members.

I won't pm nannyde....that only makes it fair game for her to make more outrageous comments without it being obvious to the public..... but I will drop it.

As much as I'd like to put her on ignore.....that would chop nearly every thread in this forum up, making them hard to follow....so even that is not an option.

Crystal, I've posted on about six of the threads today out of about forty and two of them have my name on the title line. There are SO many threads on this board that could use your good advice.

I have only p.m.'d you a hand full of times and I've never disclosed publicly or privately anything you and I have ever talked about. I never discuss p.m.'s publicly.

[Crystal]

Hey Nan....I've been asked to drop it, so I will decline any further comments. Have a BEAUTIFUL day

[Live and Learn]

Michael, isn't it true that you can not "ignore" Nannyde and other moderators/administrators?

Not that I want to ignore you Nanny!!!....but I have wanted to ignore another moderator/administrator but the program would not let me

[Michael]

Michael, isn't it true that you can not "ignore" Nannyde and other moderators/administrators?

Not that I want to ignore you Nanny!!!....but I have wanted to ignore another moderator/administrator but the program would not let me

I did not know that. I will see if I can change it. There is still 80% of what this forum can do that I have no clue to. I didn't even know what invisible was.

[MyAngels]

I did not know that. I will see if I can change it. There is still 80% of what this forum can do that I have no clue to. I didn't even know what invisible was.

Now I'm curious - what is "invisible?"

[Michael]

Now I'm curious - what is "invisible?"

I think it allows a user to be present but not show up on the members list. There are some great How To instructions in the FAQ section: https://www.daycare.com/forum/faq.ph...b3_board_usage

I also allowed the Invisible option for registered members. It wasn't available before but is now.