Destructive 3 yr old and Ignorant DCM

[Crystal]

I'll rephrase this, since you all took it to the extreme and now have this kid sitting on a blanket square for 9/10 hours a day.............Whenever there would be opportunity for free play, this child would be sitting on a small blanket with unbreakable toys. Still part of the group, but limited in play items. Wait, that is what is called discipline, and golly gees we can't do that now can we.

How did anyone "take it to the extreme" ?

YOU said, "but he would be having a week of his own "private" play spot, on a small blanket folded about 3' x 4', with very limited toys, unbreakable ones, and that is where he would be while in care. And while he was outside, he would have a "private" play spot outside too"

Sounds to me like that would be all day, every day for a week. So, if you didn't mean all day, you should have clarified that and nobody would have "taken it to the extreme"

Of course, once again, you will say you are being bullied here, but for the record, it is how you state things that gets people to be in disagreement with you.

[Crystal]

I agree with you mac. What is the reasoning for billing the parents, what will this accomplish. NOTHING. Well if the people think the child is sitting on a mat for 10 hours a day then those providers are doing nothing with the children, because this thought should never have crossed anyones mind.

I agree that billing the parents is useless. The provider needs to deal with the behavior and move on, otherwise the provider appears to be unable to do her job (to the parents - not me)

FYI - mac is the one that said put the kid on a blanket with liited toys, so your final remark there should really be directed at her, not the others on this thread.

[countrymom]

crystal, I want to point out that what mac said is nothing out of the ordinary on this board. She said she would use a blanket, but there are so many on this board who would use a play pen instead or a highchair so centering her out is kinda mean. I read posts over and over again how kids are even seperated by baby gates for their behavior so thats the same thing too. Also, I think for saftey reasons I would also put him on a blanket to play, because even thou what he is doing may be small stuff, whats not to say that he is escalating to something bigger, like pushing a child down, or trying to rip clothes off a child (my neice did this on tues and I made her go home) I would think the op would like to nip it in the butt before it got out of control and someone got hurt.
what would you do then to help this provider.

[itlw8]

My oldest ds is ADD what worked for him was making it better.

He often did things with out thinking ( still does as an adult. ) But we stopped and thought how to make it better. if he broke a toy on purpose he would be expected to choose one of his to relace it... Which is why we have a badmitton set with 3 rackets.


use his allowence to help cover the cost.

We also worked on control before it happened... step back. take a deep breath.

step back and count... or jump.... it did help eventually but then so did the diagnoses at 10 the confirmed our suspisions...

[Crystal]

crystal, I want to point out that what mac said is nothing out of the ordinary on this board. She said she would use a blanket, but there are so many on this board who would use a play pen instead or a highchair so centering her out is kinda mean. I read posts over and over again how kids are even seperated by baby gates for their behavior so thats the same thing too. Also, I think for saftey reasons I would also put him on a blanket to play, because even thou what he is doing may be small stuff, whats not to say that he is escalating to something bigger, like pushing a child down, or trying to rip clothes off a child (my neice did this on tues and I made her go home) I would think the op would like to nip it in the butt before it got out of control and someone got hurt.
what would you do then to help this provider.

hey, I hear ya. I don't agree with any of that either, and typically, if I see someone advising it, I "argue" it. Just as I disagree with putting a kid on a blanket for extended periods I am HIGHLY against playpens, gates, etc.

Children learn absolutely NOTHING from being secluded/excluded/confined. They learn from being a part of the group, and from a consistent and knowledgeable adult guiding them to proper behavior.

[mac60]

Oh yea, and on the days the kid is on the "blanket restrictions", he is not getting fed, no potty time, no preschool, just 9/10 hours of "doing time". REALLY? Somethings should just be common sense. Nothing new, always expected.

[Crystal]

I don't consider feeding, potty etc. to be time for play, so I would still consider it as "doing time" on the blanket. Even prisoners get to eat and go potty.


Ya know, instead of getting defensive every time someone comments on your posts, why don't you consider the way you say things and be more thoughtful when you respond to people? I myself have struggled with it and have attempted to change the way I say things so that people hear what I mean instead of what THEY read it to mean because I said it "wrong"

If you post more clearly EXACTLY what you mean, it wouldn't be misconstrued. Although, I do believe that most of your first responses ARE what you mean and then you feel the need to back track and defend yourself, even when you are wrong.

[mac60]

Think whatever you want, quite frankly I don't care what you think about me. Excuse me Crystal, Be more thoughtful how I respond to people. I don't belittle people, I don't criticize people, I simply made a statement. I don't backtrack, but when people put their "theories" into what is posted, yes, I will defend myself. You don't agree with it, so what. Your way is not the only way. Just don't go putting words into my post and making them out to be more than they are. I take it upon myself to assume that people here have some common sense when they read the post, I guess I assumed that people would "understand" that putting a child in a spot to play for the time they were in care because they were destructive, that people would "understand" it would be during free play, or times when the child would have opportunity to do their own thing and get into trouble. If you want to assume I meant for 9/10 hours a day, then that is your problem, not mine.

And for me being wrong.....I am sure you would be the first one to tell me, as you seem to know everything about everybody and everything here. And for some sick reason, you seem to enjoy your time belittling me. Why? Not sure.

[PitterPatter]

Sorry there was such a dispute over this I just wanted some help since nothing I have been doing is working. Stubborn streak maybe. DCB tried to break a golf club by beating it against the fence today. I asked why he was doing it in hopes I could try to understand. he said "cuz" I asked again and sat him on my leg "why are you hitting the fence like that?" He said HULK SMASH! And hit it again. Purposly trying to smash but obviously he had watched the movie and maybe just acting out parts. I took him aside again and took the club. I told him we use clubs to putt the ball into the cup. He said NO HULK SMASH! I told him he was not to play with the golf club anymore today because he has to be nice and use it right. He got mad ran and picked up the sand shovel and threw it. I told him again we don't do that. He then ran and got another club and threw it. I had to make him sit. I dont know any other way and I'm not going to keep chasing after him as he throws toy after toy. Nothing as broke, just 1 of those days he's mad because I took something away so his 1st thought was to breaks something else.

I dont make parents replace everything that gets broke. Matter of fact it's rare but some things like my personal items (not toys) I am going to make DCM pay for especially when she stands there watching him reach for the flag blowing trying to pull on it and says "he should work in demolition when he grows up"

Again thanks for the help and support sorry this thread caused an issue. Have a great day everyone!

[Blackcat31]

Ok, I am going to jump in here and say that I had this same problem last week. It had actually been going on for a while and I was tired of redirecting this same kid (new 4 yr old) and I am sure his parents were getting tired of paying for stuff too so I decided to separate him.

I don;t know if separation is the right word, but I basically did what I think Mac is trying to say. I gave him his own place to paly that was separated from the other kids. It was a small space in the corner of the room where he was still in sight of the others. Part of my point in doing that was I wanted him to SEE everyone else playing appropriately with things which is how he should have been playing and normally did.

His mom and I tried all sorts of things and none of them worked. He was apparently going through some sort of phase and basically was a great kid but had developed some destructive tendancies. (I kind of believe he liked the attention he was getting for doing these things...but I don't know...) So anyways, after he pretty much had to give me some of his toys from home, his mom had to replace/pay for some things and he was learning nothing from time outs....I decided to put him in the corner.

He stayed in the space, thinking spot or whatever you want to call it all day (*-4:30) and was not allowed to play with anything except the few toys I did give him (non-destructive things). He FULLY participated in lunch, group activites and outside time but none of the "free-play" choices that he was used to.

This went on for two days. Yes, two WHOLE days. At the end of the second day, he came ot me and apologized for breaking my things and said he wanted to play with the other kids and toys and he promised he would be nice to the toys and books. He hugged me and I agreed that we would start over the next day.

He has been out of his "thinking spot" now for 3 full weeks and has NOT once broke a single toy. As a matter of fact, he reminds others to be gentle now.

So I don't know if this is what Mac was talking about or not but I did this and it worked. I had tried all the other redirecting, shadowing and time outs and a few other things but nothing worked. It almost seemed like the more I tried, the more he broke! Finally, I had enough and basically put him "on a blanket without anything breakable" and he did learn. He is back to being the great little guy he always was.

Basically, I think that any type of "fix" we are going to use needs to be discussed with parents, and we need to work together to find a solution. I don't normally use that type of behavioral modification but in this case, I saw some awesoem results. DIfferent kids need different things and some of the things we are now taught in the ECE field are kind of rediculous IMHO. I am all for child-led things and stuff but he77 if I will allow a child to be destructive without some sort of consequence, punishment, redirections, guidance...call it what you want.

We figured it out and we are all happy now.

[mac60]

Thank you. Yes, I feel that I said the very thing you just did, only in less words. I think I said Private Play spot and Private Thinking spot.....not sure how all the other assumptions came in to play.

[Greenplasticwateringcans]

Thank you. Yes, I feel that I said the very thing you just did, only in less words. I think I said Private Play spot and Private Thinking spot.....not sure how all the other assumptions came in to play.

Your post is pretty clear that it would be a week.

[Greenplasticwateringcans]

Won't comment too much here, but he would be having a week of his own "private" play spot, on a small blanket folded about 3' x 4', with very limited toys, unbreakable ones, and that is where he would be while in care. And while he was outside, he would have a "private" play spot outside too. You can call it his "Thinking SPot". It doesn't matter if the board would have came from trash pickup, the issue is his destructive behavior and mom not wanting to address it.

1) A week.

2) That's we're the child would be while in care.

Your words.

If I knew, irl, that a provider was doing that I would call licensing on them.

[Crystal]

Think whatever you want, quite frankly I don't care what you think about me. Excuse me Crystal, Be more thoughtful how I respond to people. I don't belittle people, I don't criticize people, I simply made a statement. I don't backtrack, but when people put their "theories" into what is posted, yes, I will defend myself. You don't agree with it, so what. Your way is not the only way. Just don't go putting words into my post and making them out to be more than they are. I take it upon myself to assume that people here have some common sense when they read the post, I guess I assumed that people would "understand" that putting a child in a spot to play for the time they were in care because they were destructive, that people would "understand" it would be during free play, or times when the child would have opportunity to do their own thing and get into trouble. If you want to assume I meant for 9/10 hours a day, then that is your problem, not mine.

And for me being wrong.....I am sure you would be the first one to tell me, as you seem to know everything about everybody and everything here. And for some sick reason, you seem to enjoy your time belittling me. Why? Not sure.

How am I belittling you? I tried to give you some helpful advice so that you are not misunderstood. If you do not want us to take your posts the wrong way, then be more clear. You expect us to decipher your posts so that we understand what you mean???? Wouldn't it be easier to say what you mean and mean what you say so that we don't "belittle" you??????:confused::confused::confused:

In my post I said " I myself have struggled with it and have attempted to change the way I say things so that people hear what I mean instead of what THEY read it to mean because I said it "wrong"

I didn't say YOU, I said I because there were alot of time I was misunderstood and got defensive instead of choosing to be more clear in my verbiage. It's alot easier to be clear the first time than it is to come back and argue my point.

[Crystal]

1) A week.

2) That's we're the child would be while in care.

Your words.

If I knew, irl, that a provider was doing that I would call licensing on them.

Yeah, that.