Destructive 3 yr old and Ignorant DCM

[PitterPatter]

Just need some ideas please. I have a 3 yr old DCB who is sometimes destructive. Sometimes by accident and others on purpose. I use time out as a way to get him away from the toy he broke. He has broken a few things around the home as well. Purposly ripped off a windsock outside. Purposley threw a ceramic bird off of the porch shattering it.... Just a couple examples over the past yr.

I was so proud of the new felt board I made yesterday. It is double sided hinged, (forms a triangle when open to play) inside the backs are fabric slotted compartments to keep all the felt pieces right with the board. I introduced it and the new felt pieces I made. It was a big hit!! Until clean up. DCB was pulling on it to get it away from another child. Before I could get his hands off of it he had grabbed the back pocket and yanked ripping the new fabric which was not cheap! (I had it tacked down under the seams by a staple gun and that allowed it to tear easier I guess) I scolded him and asked why he ripped that. He shrugged his shoulders like always. He had no problem sitting in time out didnt phase him as it was clean up time anyway.

DCM comes and I talked to her about it. I told her we had to come up with something to stop his destruction. She just looks at me. I told her the effort put into that board (made on real wood BTW not cardboard like my last) She just looked around at the kids playing. Then said "boooobbbyyy" in a whining i dont want to correct my kid tone like she ALWAYS says and thats ALL she ever says is a dragged out name like they know better RIGHT! I told Bobby to come out of the yard and talk to us. He was told 4 times by me and 3 times by her. He looked up the first 2 times then went on ignoring us swinging and then running around. I had another child in the house to potty (SA) so I couldnt leave in case they got into something otherwise I would have went down and retrieved him. I don't think it was too much to expect the DCM to make her child come discuss it so we could correct him together. She just laughed it off and said he's too busy playing.

I went on with my complaint... I told her time away from the toys isnt working so what does she suggest. She just went on to tell me "thats ok he did this... and that... at home" It's not ok, so how do we fix it? She says she doesnt know and says "come one sweetie lets go" Sweetie? After he just ignored us and broke a new project? She goes gets him from the yard and I tell her we should talk to bobby together before she leaves. She looked down at him and said "stop breaking stuff" he said "k" and they left.:confused:

He doesnt cause damage every day but I'm just tired of him thinking he can do what he wants and DCM thinking it's ok! She should have at least made him come out of the yard and talk with us!

I am so fed up with the no where talks with DCM no matter the issues she just drags out the name like they know better and says don't... again. It doesn't stop! Anyone have any ideas? I didn't buy the felt but I did buy the materials and take over an hour making all of it. I wanted to tell her she has to replace the material but she will say they don't have the money. I fight to get paid pennies a day!

I welcome any thoughts to change this situation. TIA!

[mac60]

Won't comment too much here, but he would be having a week of his own "private" play spot, on a small blanket folded about 3' x 4', with very limited toys, unbreakable ones, and that is where he would be while in care. And while he was outside, he would have a "private" play spot outside too. You can call it his "Thinking SPot". It doesn't matter if the board would have came from trash pickup, the issue is his destructive behavior and mom not wanting to address it.

[bunnyslippers]

I had a little guy like this once before. His parents didn't care, so I just implemented my own consequences. He went on a plan where he had to earn toy priveleges back. Before the program, he destroyed everything - books, the roof of my swingset, my son's heavy tonka truck in the sandbox.

He started out using just board books and stuffed animals. If he went a day without ruining anything, I gave him one more option to choose from. One infraction - even one - and we went back to square one and he started all over again.

He never earned back sandbox or swingset priveleges, and I did not feel bad about it in the least.

He was a tough child, and his family was just clueless. Sometimes you have to only concern yourself with your own environment. If his parents aren't on board, you really can't change that. You can change his behavior in your environment.

[countrymom]

both suggestions are really good. Kids have to learn that they can't go thru life breaking things because they feel like it.

[Blackcat31]

Won't comment too much here, but he would be having a week of his own "private" play spot, on a small blanket folded about 3' x 4', with very limited toys, unbreakable ones, and that is where he would be while in care. And while he was outside, he would have a "private" play spot outside too. You can call it his "Thinking SPot". It doesn't matter if the board would have came from trash pickup, the issue is his destructive behavior and mom not wanting to address it.

I recently went through a period of my bigger kids being somewhat destructive. I discussed, addressed, and punished for it. Finally stopped the minute I started billing the parents for their child's destructive tendancies.

Like I said, these were my 3-4 yr olds. Old enough to know better!!

[Ariana]

I would discuss this with mom at a point other than pickup. Too much going on for her to even process what you're talking about. I'd then make some rules and let her know that if the behavior didn't improve within a certain time frame he'd be kicked out. OR like Blackcat said you'll start charging for broken toys.

Time outs do very little to curb poor behavior. It works to remove and calm down but isn't a teaching tool. Also talking to him about his behavior more than 15 minutes after it happened is pointless. He has no idea what you're talking about! Somehow this behavior is rewarding for him and you need to find out why. It sounds to me like boredom. Is he challenged at your daycare? Do you involve him in the set up of activities and things like that. Maybe more responsibility will help him. Just throwing out ideas because it's hard to know without being in the situation myself.

[wdmmom]

Anything else that is damaged because of him and his destruction, send a bill home with the parent.

I have it specifically worded in my contract.

"
Deliberate destruction of toys and property is NOT allowed! While we do understand accidents happen, deliberate or intentional destruction is not permitted. Any toy or property broken due to deliberate misuse or willfull misconduct will be assessed to the parents. The fee will be at the discretion of the provider.

[Sugar Magnolia]

Won't comment too much here, but he would be having a week of his own "private" play spot, on a small blanket folded about 3' x 4', with very limited toys, unbreakable ones, and that is where he would be while in care. And while he was outside, he would have a "private" play spot outside too. You can call it his "Thinking SPot". It doesn't matter if the board would have came from trash pickup, the issue is his destructive behavior and mom not wanting to address it.

I think having a 3 year old sit in a 3x4 spot for a week by himself with limited toys , both inside and out is pretty harsh. All day? For a week? Really? And you think think will stop him from breaking stuff? And you think the parents would approve? Sorry, but that sounds cruel. and ineffective. As a parent, I would flip a lid if I was told my child was forced to sit on a blanket by himself for a week. As a provider, such a notion would not even remotely cross my mind. Yikes. Scary.

Pitter, I think billing the parents like wdmmom says is much more effective. Taking privileges away too.

[SunshineMama]

Just need some ideas please. I have a 3 yr old DCB who is sometimes destructive. Sometimes by accident and others on purpose. I use time out as a way to get him away from the toy he broke. He has broken a few things around the home as well. Purposly ripped off a windsock outside. Purposley threw a ceramic bird off of the porch shattering it.... Just a couple examples over the past yr.

I was so proud of the new felt board I made yesterday. It is double sided hinged, (forms a triangle when open to play) inside the backs are fabric slotted compartments to keep all the felt pieces right with the board. I introduced it and the new felt pieces I made. It was a big hit!! Until clean up. DCB was pulling on it to get it away from another child. Before I could get his hands off of it he had grabbed the back pocket and yanked ripping the new fabric which was not cheap! (I had it tacked down under the seams by a staple gun and that allowed it to tear easier I guess) I scolded him and asked why he ripped that. He shrugged his shoulders like always. He had no problem sitting in time out didnt phase him as it was clean up time anyway.

DCM comes and I talked to her about it. I told her we had to come up with something to stop his destruction. She just looks at me. I told her the effort put into that board (made on real wood BTW not cardboard like my last) She just looked around at the kids playing. Then said "boooobbbyyy" in a whining i dont want to correct my kid tone like she ALWAYS says and thats ALL she ever says is a dragged out name like they know better RIGHT! I told Bobby to come out of the yard and talk to us. He was told 4 times by me and 3 times by her. He looked up the first 2 times then went on ignoring us swinging and then running around. I had another child in the house to potty (SA) so I couldnt leave in case they got into something otherwise I would have went down and retrieved him. I don't think it was too much to expect the DCM to make her child come discuss it so we could correct him together. She just laughed it off and said he's too busy playing.

I went on with my complaint... I told her time away from the toys isnt working so what does she suggest. She just went on to tell me "thats ok he did this... and that... at home" It's not ok, so how do we fix it? She says she doesnt know and says "come one sweetie lets go" Sweetie? After he just ignored us and broke a new project? She goes gets him from the yard and I tell her we should talk to bobby together before she leaves. She looked down at him and said "stop breaking stuff" he said "k" and they left.:confused:

He doesnt cause damage every day but I'm just tired of him thinking he can do what he wants and DCM thinking it's ok! She should have at least made him come out of the yard and talk with us!

I am so fed up with the no where talks with DCM no matter the issues she just drags out the name like they know better and says don't... again. It doesn't stop! Anyone have any ideas? I didn't buy the felt but I did buy the materials and take over an hour making all of it. I wanted to tell her she has to replace the material but she will say they don't have the money. I fight to get paid pennies a day!

I welcome any thoughts to change this situation. TIA!

Yesterday I had a 3 year old continually slam one of my doors. Each time, I did a time out and then made them close the door properly over and over. (Got that idea from the thread about the old school style and making the kids go back and walk insead of run in the house).

Not a single door was slammed today! Not sure if it will last but the re-do over and over the proper way has been effective thus far. Maybe that will help?

[PitterPatter]

I would discuss this with mom at a point other than pickup. Too much going on for her to even process what you're talking about. I'd then make some rules and let her know that if the behavior didn't improve within a certain time frame he'd be kicked out. OR like Blackcat said you'll start charging for broken toys.

Time outs do very little to curb poor behavior. It works to remove and calm down but isn't a teaching tool. Also talking to him about his behavior more than 15 minutes after it happened is pointless. He has no idea what you're talking about! Somehow this behavior is rewarding for him and you need to find out why. It sounds to me like boredom. Is he challenged at your daycare? Do you involve him in the set up of activities and things like that. Maybe more responsibility will help him. Just throwing out ideas because it's hard to know without being in the situation myself.

He is challenged, I keep the kids very busy, boredom is not the prob. This usually comes from nowhere. I keep my eye on him extra because Iknow what he can and will do. The items on my porch is when he was leaving just reached up and ripped the windsock off. The bird they arrived early and just started throwing stuff off the railing. The toys usually when he can't have it he gets mad and yanks, grabs, shoves, throws toys. He also has broken just to break. I told him something didint bend that way and he forced it anyway. I first started with the nicey nice no no we dont break things. Then I would just take the toy out of play.... now I have been sitting him down. I will tell DCM she will have to start paying. I do have it in my contract but never enforce it. They are always pleading poverty so I know I wont get it.

Thanks for the thoughts and help!!

[queenbee]

Won't comment too much here, but he would be having a week of his own "private" play spot, on a small blanket folded about 3' x 4', with very limited toys, unbreakable ones, and that is where he would be while in care. And while he was outside, he would have a "private" play spot outside too. You can call it his "Thinking SPot". It doesn't matter if the board would have came from trash pickup, the issue is his destructive behavior and mom not wanting to address it.

Melskids,

When a child isn't responsible enough to handle "big kid" toys at our daycare, we go back to baby toys for them for a week. I've never had a child go back to baby toys more than once so it definitely works for us!

Rattles, soft rings and fabric blocks just aren't as much fun as Little People, dress up and wood blocks.

[Crystal]

I think having a 3 year old sit in a 3x4 spot for a week by himself with limited toys , both inside and out is pretty harsh. All day? For a week? Really? And you think think will stop him from breaking stuff? And you think the parents would approve? Sorry, but that sounds cruel. and ineffective. As a parent, I would flip a lid if I was told my child was forced to sit on a blanket by himself for a week. As a provider, such a notion would not even remotely cross my mind. Yikes. Scary.

Pitter, I think billing the parents like wdmmom says is much more effective. Taking privileges away too.

AMEN!!!!!!! Sing it Sister!!!!

[Greenplasticwateringcans]

I think having a 3 year old sit in a 3x4 spot for a week by himself with limited toys , both inside and out is pretty harsh. All day? For a week? Really? And you think think will stop him from breaking stuff? And you think the parents would approve? Sorry, but that sounds cruel. and ineffective. As a parent, I would flip a lid if I was told my child was forced to sit on a blanket by himself for a week. As a provider, such a notion would not even remotely cross my mind. Yikes. Scary.

Pitter, I think billing the parents like wdmmom says is much more effective. Taking privileges away too.

Agree!

That kind of "punishment" would have a child care providers license taken away in my area.

[mac60]

It makes no sense. You have a child 9/10 hours a day. The child is destructive and breaks things, you bill the parent. The parent does not have control over the kid while in your care, but you "blame" the parent on the behavior and bill them. The kid knows that nothing will be done while in your care. Billing the parent for the broken toy does nothing to curb the destructive behavior of a child while in your care. It goes back to whatever reason not disciplining a child for poor behavior.

I'll rephrase this, since you all took it to the extreme and now have this kid sitting on a blanket square for 9/10 hours a day.............Whenever there would be opportunity for free play, this child would be sitting on a small blanket with unbreakable toys. Still part of the group, but limited in play items. Wait, that is what is called discipline, and golly gees we can't do that now can we.

[countrymom]

It makes no sense. You have a child 9/10 hours a day. The child is destructive and breaks things, you bill the parent. The parent does not have control over the kid while in your care, but you "blame" the parent on the behavior and bill them. The kid knows that nothing will be done while in your care. Billing the parent for the broken toy does nothing to curb the destructive behavior of a child while in your care. It goes back to whatever reason not disciplining a child for poor behavior.

I'll rephrase this, since you all took it to the extreme and now have this kid sitting on a blanket square for 9/10 hours a day.............Whenever there would be opportunity for free play, this child would be sitting on a small blanket with unbreakable toys. Still part of the group, but limited in play items. Wait, that is what is called discipline, and golly gees we can't do that now can we.

I agree with you mac. What is the reasoning for billing the parents, what will this accomplish. NOTHING. Well if the people think the child is sitting on a mat for 10 hours a day then those providers are doing nothing with the children, because this thought should never have crossed anyones mind.