DCG Refuses To Talk To Me

[Heidi]

Oh I almost cracked about every 15 minutes. Then I realized I was not punishing her. To go out to play we need shoes on. I gave her 2 choices. Put the shoes on herself or say please if she needed my assitance. The rest of it was on her.

By the way, our conversation at outdoor play time today.

Her - I dont think I need the thinking chair today. Will you help me put my shoes on
Me - I'd be happy to help if you ask please
Her - Pretty Please
Me - Yes I will. High 5. Your choices today make me smile! We really missed you playing with us yesterday!

Then she let out that lovely kid giggle they do when they are tickled with themselves.happyface

awesome! You should meet my G (dck) she is awesome, but SOOOO stubborn! Too bad mom doesn't see how she enables it, because this little girl is so smart, and such a pain in the tookis sometimes!

[Meyou]

Another meanie here!!

I had an interview last night and when we were discussing disipline I went over the various techniques I use but then summed it up by saying that the kids learn very quickly that if they listen they have a super fun day but if they chose not to listen....not so much. I even used outside and shoes as an example which is too funny! ::

[nannyde]

I don't like investing too much energy into stuff like this.

I have five here that talk all the time. I would gladly trade for one who refused to talk to me. ::

I don't do "please" and "thank you" so I don't expect that of them.

I would require her to hang up her jacket. If she said get me a drink I would get a small glass of warm water.

With every rude statement I would do :confused: "you talkin to ME?" and then turn away from her and go about my business.

Then I would make a big deal of the other kids talking to me and how nice they said this or that.

It sounds like she's marking her spot with you and showing you who is in charge. She just needs to learn that she's not. I would meet her with sterness in my body language... direct eye contact that didn't give up until she looked away... and I would say what I needed to her and then turn and walk away from her. I would boss her around a good portion of the day on the little things that don't matter. I would also have her do a good bit of cleaning and organizing. I would serve her last at every meal and have her remain until last to get up. I would offer new toys to the others and have her sit and watch them... again she gets them last. I would have the youngest walker be her main play mate.

I would do this for a week or so until I saw her soften. She needs to come to YOU with requests for her to join the group with you as the leader. In order to be in my group and reap the benefits of my group you have to respect the leader. Putting her at the very very back of the pack gives her the experience of watching those ahead of her. That posistion will teach her how to behave towards you better than your words ever could.

[Kaddidle Care]

haha! NannyDe, you remind me of the NILIF method in dog training. "Nothing in life is free"

It works and I use a lot of the same things when training.

I work similarly with our children. No manners? "I'm sorry, I can't HEAR you." No manners again - "Did you leave your manners at home?"

"Gimme" and "I want" gives you nothing in my book. It's amazing how many children are not taught proper manners but they learn it very quickly.

Like in dog training, the child that's ignoring you and being disrespectful doesn't get the attention that they are so seeking. You keep an eye on them with a sideways glance to make sure they aren't getting into trouble and then fawn over the ones behaving nicely. They catch on.

I may not be #1 favorite Teacher but when they behave, we have loads of fun! happyface

[Blackcat31]

Ok I am loving BOTH Nan and Kadiddle's posts but I think I need one of you to walk me through the actual script I need to use with one of my DCB's. Here is the daily convo at lunch;

DCB: I want more noodles
Me: What do ou say?
DCB: more noodles
Me: What is the magic word?
DCB: Please

Now, I HATE that whole conversation but I don't really know the right words to say. I HATE saying what's the "magic word"? I feel like that teaches the kids nothing about manners....just the "cue" word so they know what to say. I want then to know what they are suppose to say without me having to cue them all the time. Shouldn't "Please" and "thank you" be something they learn once and use on their own without continuous prompting all the time?

Now this DCB I am referring to has been here with me his entire life ALL day M-F and I have been cueing him the whole time.....

[SilverSabre25]

Ok I am loving BOTH Nan and Kadiddle's posts but I think I need one of you to walk me through the actual script I need to use with one of my DCB's. Here is the daily convo at lunch;

DCB: I want more noodles
Me: What do ou say?
DCB: more noodles
Me: What is the magic word?
DCB: Please

Now, I HATE that whole conversation but I don't really know the right words to say. I HATE saying what's the "magic word"? I feel like that teaches the kids nothing about manners....just the "cue" word so they know what to say. I want then to know what they are suppose to say without me having to cue them all the time. Shouldn't "Please" and "thank you" be something they learn once and use on their own without continuous prompting all the time?

Now this DCB I am referring to has been here with me his entire life ALL day M-F and I have been cueing him the whole time.....

Things like that, if the tone of the initial statment "I want more noodles" was okay, I will give them while saying, "I want more noodles, please!" in a cheery, happy voice. That usually results in a "please" from the child. Then, if they don't spontaneously say thank you, I say, "Thank you [Silver]!" which usually results in a thank you from the child.

If they were rude/snotty with the initial statment, I usually say, "I'm sorry, I can't hear you when you say it like that. You need to say please." This works most of the time.

I make sure to be as polite as pie to them, so they have the modelling of it. Too many people expect children to automatically have these polite scripts, but never model it to the children!

[MrsB]

I pretty much do what Silver does. Once I know they know the whole correct sentence, After the first inital "I want more noodles" I respond "try again". It usually is prompting enough to get them to say. "May I please have more noodles"

In the kitchen I have 4 aprons and 4 "alter egos". Each one has a different voice/name/apron. Each one pushes their own special kitchen manners/habits. The kids absolutely love it! I think the robot one is their favorite. One of Robots specialties is asking nicely with please and thank you. Robot doesnt work without lots of nice voices may I's, pleases, and thank-yous.

[Blackcat31]

I do it very similar to that too but really HOW long do you continuously have to model this (or say the words as cues) before the child "gets it" and starts to remember to say "Please" and "thank you" on their own...kwim?

I have never had a kid take sooooooo long to pick up on it. I mean I do it, his day friends do it, his younger sister (22 mos) does it, so unless it is simply this particular child, what else can I do?

I hate that I have to always remind him. Of course, mom SAYS he does it without reminding at home but I know better.....

I was just hoping that there was kind of an easy fix to this... This kid is simply exhausting.....

[nannyde]

Ok I am loving BOTH Nan and Kadiddle's posts but I think I need one of you to walk me through the actual script I need to use with one of my DCB's. Here is the daily convo at lunch;

DCB: I want more noodles
Me: What do ou say?
DCB: more noodles
Me: What is the magic word?
DCB: Please

Now, I HATE that whole conversation but I don't really know the right words to say. I HATE saying what's the "magic word"? I feel like that teaches the kids nothing about manners....just the "cue" word so they know what to say. I want then to know what they are suppose to say without me having to cue them all the time. Shouldn't "Please" and "thank you" be something they learn once and use on their own without continuous prompting all the time?

Now this DCB I am referring to has been here with me his entire life ALL day M-F and I have been cueing him the whole time.....

That would go more like this:

DCB: i want more noodles
Nan: That'll cost you twelve dollah dollah bills.
DCB: I don't have any money nan
Nan: Yes you do they are in your pockets
DCB: I don't have any pockets
Nan: Yes you do... I see them right there (point to invisible pockets). I see your dollah dollah bills in there too. Please hand em over. (put my hand in money receiving position)
DCB: Oh... here's twelve dollars.
Nan: Naw... you have to count them out.
DCB: One... two... three etc.
Nan: Thank you SO much for the dollah dollah bills. I'm now going to buy myself a new puppy.

Give kid more noodles and he says "thank you so much for the noodles nan"

Then I have them commit to the true fact that I'm the worlds greatest noodle maker AND the best cooker in the history of mankind.

happyface

The whole point is to show him the lightheartedness, kindness, and softness in the request. I show him what I want and he gives me a thank you.

I think it's better to turn convos like this into a light exchange and just show them day by day what you want.

Over time the convo would be: Nan you are the best noodle maker... I love myself your noodles. I could eat some if you have some more.

Something like that.

[Heidi]

That would go more like this:

DCB: i want more noodles
Nan: That'll cost you twelve dollah dollah bills.
DCB: I don't have any money nan
Nan: Yes you do they are in your pockets
DCB: I don't have any pockets
Nan: Yes you do... I see them right there (point to invisible pockets). I see your dollah dollah bills in there too. Please hand em over. (put my hand in money receiving position)
DCB: Oh... here's twelve dollars.
Nan: Naw... you have to count them out.
DCB: One... two... three etc.
Nan: Thank you SO much for the dollah dollah bills. I'm now going to buy myself a new puppy.

Give kid more noodles and he says "thank you so much for the noodles nan"

Then I have them commit to the true fact that I'm the worlds greatest noodle maker AND the best cooker in the history of mankind.

happyface

The whole point is to show him the lightheartedness, kindness, and softness in the request. I show him what I want and he gives me a thank you.

I think it's better to turn convos like this into a light exchange and just show them day by day what you want.

Over time the convo would be: Nan you are the best noodle maker... I love myself your noodles. I could eat some if you have some more.

Something like that.

Wow...just wow...lovethis

Nan, sometimes you come off as quite a tough guy in your posts, but then I read this kind of thing, and I realize that although you have very strong ideas, you're really very sweet!

[Blackcat31]

Wow...just wow...lovethis

Nan, sometimes you come off as quite a tough guy in your posts, but then I read this kind of thing, and I realize that although you have very strong ideas, you're really very sweet!

I can verify this too!!! Nan might sound all tough and stuff when it comes to rules and policies but when it comes to her kiddos, she is the biggest softie in the whole wide world!!

I have spoken with Nan on the phone many many times and she is SUPER sweet, VERY caring and has the most gentle welcoming tone!

Basically, Nan rocks!!!!! happyfacehappyface

[MrsB]

I can verify this too!!! Nan might sound all tough and stuff when it comes to rules and policies but when it comes to her kiddos, she is the biggest softie in the whole wide world!!

I have spoken with Nan on the phone many many times and she is SUPER sweet, VERY caring and has the most gentle welcoming tone!

Basically, Nan rocks!!!!! happyfacehappyface

Yes! Yes! what she said! I wanna be Nan when I grow up!

[MizzCheryl]

I wanna stay at NannyDe's daycare. Sounds like you guys have a ball.

[Kaddidle Care]

DCB: I want more noodles
Me: What do ou say?
DCB: more noodles
Me: What is the magic word?
DCB: Please

Now, I HATE that whole conversation but I don't really know the right words to say. I HATE saying what's the "magic word"? I feel like that teaches the kids nothing about manners....just the "cue" word so they know what to say. I want then to know what they are suppose to say without me having to cue them all the time. Shouldn't "Please" and "thank you" be something they learn once and use on their own without continuous prompting all the time?

Now this DCB I am referring to has been here with me his entire life ALL day M-F and I have been cueing him the whole time.....

Magic word... hehe! We used to have a little boy that would respond: "Abracadabra!" :: Hard not to laugh at that one.

Maybe sing them an annoying song?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xaP-FtVf-aY

Lots of suggestions here:

http://www.preschooleducation.com/smanners.shtml

[Hunni Bee]

In the kitchen I have 4 aprons and 4 "alter egos". Each one has a different voice/name/apron. Each one pushes their own special kitchen manners/habits. The kids absolutely love it! I think the robot one is their favorite. One of Robots specialties is asking nicely with please and thank you. Robot doesnt work without lots of nice voices may I's, pleases, and thank-yous.

Please tell me more about this...it sounds adorable! And like a idea I may want to try.


I don't do a lot of forced pleases, thank-you's or sorry's either. Most of mine say it automatically, but if they say "Ms. _____, may I have some more corn?" without the "please", its good enough for me, as long as they say it in a nice tone. If they say it in a demanding way, I just say "I don't think that's the way we ask." and they change it.