How Do You Know If You're Burnt Out?

[MizzCheryl]

Great. I am glad your day is going better.
I read some things on Nannyde's site that helped me with a crying toddler. Depending on th age maybe that could help there. Baby steps! That's what flyladys motto is too.

[MarinaVanessa]

This is amazing and great news. I don't know about you but sometimes I feel better just being able to voice my emotions and from feeling like I was heard. I'm glad that your DH listened to you and has even taken the initiative to try to lighten your load happyface. That's great.

[My3cents]

If you would like to pm me, I will keep your identity to myself. I would like to talk more to you on this. I totally understand how you feel and more than happy to talk to you privately on the matter.

I think it is very nice that you are offering to do this for the poster. BUT..... I want to hear this advise too. I think we all have these days, maybe not as bad, maybe worse.

[Breezy]

Great. I am glad your day is going better.
I read some things on Nannyde's site that helped me with a crying toddler. Depending on th age maybe that could help there. Baby steps! That's what flyladys motto is too.

I was reading on her site this morning. Do you do the dressed down to your shoes thing? If so have you noticed a difference?

[My3cents]

Last night DH and I talked a lot. Nothing too deep and certainly not near enough but its a start. We talked about how he talks to me, the pressure I feel, the money, etc. I told him something that one of the posters on this thread said about being a housewife, mother, and daycare provider are three separate full time jobs. He didn't say much but he took it all in and seemed to understand what I was saying.

I told him that I was never satisfied because I am unhappy living in this state away from my family and that I think that the way I am feeling is so strong right now because we just got back from a vacation seeing them all recently.

So, last night we picked up fast food for dinner (yuck but it was nice not to cook!) And we watched a show together. He wrote his own paper for school and I went to bed at exactly 10:00 after our DS went to bed. My husband took it upon himself to get up in the middle of the night last night to comfort DS and give him his pacifier so I didn't need to get up. This morning he announced that next week he is going to take some days off to help out at daycare and any day that I don't have kids (my teachers kids are on spring break next week so won't be coming full week) he will take DS out with him somewhere so I can get things done around here that I have not been able to do with DS here!

I took a shower this morning instead of last night and I feel refreshed and amazing. I am well rested and have a whole different attitude so far. Hopefully that will continue once my crying baby gets here. Oh and when Dh left this morning for work he actually gave me a meaningful kiss instead of the normal habitual peck. He also said that he hopes I have a great day.

So a bunch of tiny baby steps in the right direction and we will see where things go from here. I am so happy I had the courage to admit how I was feeling on this forum and that wonderful people like you all could come on here not even knowing me and help me see things that I didn't even realize were upsetting me.

I thought you were going to say he is taking some time off work to spend with you and your son. Get you away from the daycare for a bit and have some family time away from the video games too. I was let down...... sorry but how nice of him to help you out so you can work .......eeehhhhk.

I see some tiny baby steps here but if you want things to change you need to speak up for yourself and not fear your husband. After work get out of the house and go make some friends......find something that interest you so that you can feel connected to your new location and home.

I have a "real" friend that is mentally abused as you are being. I can talk until I am blue in the face and I have.........but nothing changes. I........and I say I............I hate seeing this go on with her, and feeling helpless. Most of the time its crappy, she is crying, upset and truly believes its all her, because he makes her feels this way. but.......then this little one percent moment of goodness will happen and its like everything was hunky wonderful. Hurts me to see my friend live this way. Hurts. I feel powerless, because she won't do anything about it. Then........ I feel like I am the bad guy for telling her she should not put up with this, when everything is better that little tiny one percent of the time. Have any of you, ever been in this situation and how do you handle it? It's my best friend...

I would take the advice of whoever said a while ago, to mark your calender with a date and if things were not drastically changed by then, then it would be your best interest to make the changes. I would hate to see you end up like my friend, still putting up with it 12-15 years down the road and your son.....thinking its ok, and being molded to be another abuser. My friends, son thinks its ok to treat his mother like crap- guess what.......he learned this from Dad. Sock some money away so you can travel back you your family.

I wrote this out longer and then had to go back and take a lot of what I wanted to say to you out, for fear of my friend being revealed. I don't know why I fear that, it's not like everyone doesn't know-

lovethis

[MizzCheryl]

I was reading on her site this morning. Do you do the dressed down to your shoes thing? If so have you noticed a difference?

Oh yes. If I do nothing else I do that. I have been for years and years. I can't do a thing without my sneakers anymore.:: I also do my face and put on any makeup I might wear that day. But most importantly I put on a smile. if I don't feel like smiling I fake it till I make it.

I am a flybaby and I slip up sometimes but the routines help me just like they help the kiddies we keep.

Hope your day is Great.

[renodeb]

Ok from what I understand you are holdin down multiple jobs at your husbands request. You need to have a serious talk with your husband and soon!
Dont take this the wrong way but I would never just hand my hard earned money over only to have it disappear into a bank acct. You really need to be in the know about that stuff.
I can tell you that at the end of my day I have pretty much zero energy for anything else. If the laundry bothers him then he can do it. He needs to pitch in a little more and lay off the video games. And he really needs to do his own school work. Seriously! Daycare is a hard job, and it can be very isolating. I have to really put thought into things I can do outside of daycare. (going to lunch with a friend for example) its so important to have an outlet. I dont think that its really a case of burn out as much as it is stress brought on by what seems to be your husband. Is he gonna watch the dc so you can go to the gym? I highly doubt it. He has very high expectations of you I think. Way to many tasks. You need to take care of yourself and let him take care of himself. Im sorry you feel this way.I pray that you find a little piece somehow.
Debbie

[greenhouse]

I'm so grateful to my DH for letting me quit. It took a few days home with the daycare to see what my day was really like and he said " this is horrible, I don't know how you do it." We do things based on what's best for the whole family. We will struggle a bit financially, but life is too short to be miserable.

[Sprouts]

glad things are looking up.

We also did Dave Ramsey and are only 3 years from being completely debt free (including the house!). We will be able to private school all of our kids and still me be a SAHM.....its amazing what getting your finances straight will change. Right now we are about a year into the course and I am down to 2 full timers and a part timer with the daycare and should be dropping the part timer in the next few months as we get our van paid off.

That's awesome! Maybe u can be on his videos I am halfway through the course and we decided to sell our house! Lol good luck to u