How Do You Know If You're Burnt Out?

[Unregistered]

I am a registered user but logged out for privacy.

How do you know when you're burnt out? Is it one of those things that if you're asking you probably are? Is there coming back from it or is it time to close doors? My hours aren't too bad, group is small. I just feel no joy in it right now...

The constant wear and tear on my home. The crying. The fact that I have no room for anything and feel so cluttered. My whole guest bedroom is full of pack and plays. I feel like I can't keep my home clean because of the exhaustion at the end of the day and even during the day.

I've been looking for jobs outside of the home but I don't want to put my child in DC as I feel that would be selfish of me. But, in order to find a part time job outside of the home I would need to work opposite my husbands hours.

I WANT to just be a stay at home mom, do some college classes, go on outings with my child during the day. Be able to spend the day cleaning if I need to. Meet my husband for lunch. Just have the flexibility during the day to be MOM.

My husband would not be on board with it though and we need my income because he's not willing to give up luxuries. He is on me to lose weight to be healthier and happier and to go to the gym but when would I have time for that? He is upset when the laundry doesn't get folded for days after washing it but I am just so tired by the time my child goes to bed that I can't bring myself to stay up to do it.

In the past when I didn't have DC kids and was trying to fill spots he was always stressed about money and thought I was lazy and not contributing to anything. He said he felt like I was just leaching off of his earnings.

He sounds awful but he's not except when it comes to money......

So I'm stuck in a rut doing something I used to love but now loathe. Losing my identity in the process. I sometimes don't even know how to socialize with adults because I've been such a hermit the last few years. I used to be so socialable.

Sorry this became so long, it was just going to be a short paragraph but I'm feeling all emotional.

[Country Kids]

I am a registered user but logged out for privacy.

How do you know when you're burnt out? Is it one of those things that if you're asking you probably are? Is there coming back from it or is it time to close doors? My hours aren't too bad, group is small. I just feel no joy in it right now...

The constant wear and tear on my home. The crying. The fact that I have no room for anything and feel so cluttered. My whole guest bedroom is full of pack and plays. I feel like I can't keep my home clean because of the exhaustion at the end of the day and even during the day.

I've been looking for jobs outside of the home but I don't want to put my child in DC as I feel that would be selfish of me. But, in order to find a part time job outside of the home I would need to work opposite my husbands hours.

I WANT to just be a stay at home mom, do some college classes, go on outings with my child during the day. Be able to spend the day cleaning if I need to. Meet my husband for lunch. Just have the flexibility during the day to be MOM.

My husband would not be on board with it though and we need my income because he's not willing to give up luxuries. He is on me to lose weight to be healthier and happier and to go to the gym but when would I have time for that? He is upset when the laundry doesn't get folded for days after washing it but I am just so tired by the time my child goes to bed that I can't bring myself to stay up to do it.

In the past when I didn't have DC kids and was trying to fill spots he was always stressed about money and thought I was lazy and not contributing to anything. He said he felt like I was just leaching off of his earnings.

He sounds awful but he's not except when it comes to money......

So I'm stuck in a rut doing something I used to love but now loathe. Losing my identity in the process. I sometimes don't even know how to socialize with adults because I've been such a hermit the last few years. I used to be so socialable.

Sorry this became so long, it was just going to be a short paragraph but I'm feeling all emotional.

If you would like to pm me, I will keep your identity to myself. I would like to talk more to you on this. I totally understand how you feel and more than happy to talk to you privately on the matter.

[JenNJ]

I am a registered user but logged out for privacy.

How do you know when you're burnt out? Is it one of those things that if you're asking you probably are? Is there coming back from it or is it time to close doors? My hours aren't too bad, group is small. I just feel no joy in it right now...

The constant wear and tear on my home. The crying. The fact that I have no room for anything and feel so cluttered. My whole guest bedroom is full of pack and plays. I feel like I can't keep my home clean because of the exhaustion at the end of the day and even during the day.

I've been looking for jobs outside of the home but I don't want to put my child in DC as I feel that would be selfish of me. But, in order to find a part time job outside of the home I would need to work opposite my husbands hours.

I WANT to just be a stay at home mom, do some college classes, go on outings with my child during the day. Be able to spend the day cleaning if I need to. Meet my husband for lunch. Just have the flexibility during the day to be MOM.

My husband would not be on board with it though and we need my income because he's not willing to give up luxuries. He is on me to lose weight to be healthier and happier and to go to the gym but when would I have time for that? He is upset when the laundry doesn't get folded for days after washing it but I am just so tired by the time my child goes to bed that I can't bring myself to stay up to do it.

In the past when I didn't have DC kids and was trying to fill spots he was always stressed about money and thought I was lazy and not contributing to anything. He said he felt like I was just leaching off of his earnings.

He sounds awful but he's not except when it comes to money......

So I'm stuck in a rut doing something I used to love but now loathe. Losing my identity in the process. I sometimes don't even know how to socialize with adults because I've been such a hermit the last few years. I used to be so socialable.

Sorry this became so long, it was just going to be a short paragraph but I'm feeling all emotional.

I'm sorry you are dealing with this, but I think that you need to really step back and look at WHO is making you unhappy. You don't mention daycare clients irritating you, no terror daycare kids, not that you are unhappy with your job. The recurring theme throughout your post is that YOUR HUSBAND has issues with you/your job.

IMO, you have identified the source of the problem and it needs to be dealt with. You should lay it out for him. You BOTH need to agree on a budget, not just him. Any luxuries should be agreed upon beforehand. I think you may need to consider the possibility of a counselor to help you both sort through these issues. He seems to be controlling you financially and that is not healthy.

[laundrymom]

I don't know where you are but winter sometimes gets me down too.
Personally, wouldn't take that from dh. If you don't get laundry folded, he should.
If he got on to me about money ONE time he would not like my response. In fact he may fear it. We are partners, hell or high water. Partners share, they don't keep tabs.

[Country Kids]

I'm sorry you are dealing with this, but I think that you need to really step back and look at WHO is making you unhappy. You don't mention daycare clients irritating you, no terror daycare kids, not that you are unhappy with your job. The recurring theme throughout your post is that YOUR HUSBAND has issues with you/your job.

IMO, you have identified the source of the problem and it needs to be dealt with. You should lay it out for him. You BOTH need to agree on a budget, not just him. Any luxuries should be agreed upon beforehand. I think you may need to consider the possibility of a counselor to help you both sort through these issues. He seems to be controlling you financially and that is not healthy.

The first part of this post says they are tired of the crying, wear and tear, clutter, no time for them, child, hubby, constant cleaning, etc. that daycare isn't allowing for her to do. The second part is about the hubby and its sounds like the daycare is wearing them both down.

[MrsB]

I am a registered user but logged out for privacy.

How do you know when you're burnt out? Is it one of those things that if you're asking you probably are? Is there coming back from it or is it time to close doors? My hours aren't too bad, group is small. I just feel no joy in it right now...

The constant wear and tear on my home. The crying. The fact that I have no room for anything and feel so cluttered. My whole guest bedroom is full of pack and plays. I feel like I can't keep my home clean because of the exhaustion at the end of the day and even during the day.

I've been looking for jobs outside of the home but I don't want to put my child in DC as I feel that would be selfish of me. But, in order to find a part time job outside of the home I would need to work opposite my husbands hours.

I WANT to just be a stay at home mom, do some college classes, go on outings with my child during the day. Be able to spend the day cleaning if I need to. Meet my husband for lunch. Just have the flexibility during the day to be MOM.

My husband would not be on board with it though and we need my income because he's not willing to give up luxuries. He is on me to lose weight to be healthier and happier and to go to the gym but when would I have time for that? He is upset when the laundry doesn't get folded for days after washing it but I am just so tired by the time my child goes to bed that I can't bring myself to stay up to do it.

In the past when I didn't have DC kids and was trying to fill spots he was always stressed about money and thought I was lazy and not contributing to anything. He said he felt like I was just leaching off of his earnings.

He sounds awful but he's not except when it comes to money......

So I'm stuck in a rut doing something I used to love but now loathe. Losing my identity in the process. I sometimes don't even know how to socialize with adults because I've been such a hermit the last few years. I used to be so socialable.

Sorry this became so long, it was just going to be a short paragraph but I'm feeling all emotional.

Sounds like to me you are trying to do 2 jobs. That since you work from home, you are being expected to do the SAHM job which includes all the household chores and the daycare job.

about 3 years after I started doing daycare, I felt much of the same feelings you were feeling. I had to sit down with my husband and come to an understanding. Basically, I had to explain to him that during daycare hours, it was the same as being at a job away from home. We made a list of all the household chores and duties and split them up (50/50). Yes on occasion during nap time I can make a phone call or pay bills or fold a load of laundry but my break was my break and I got to choose what I did with my break. So just because I am able sometimes to do household chores during work hours, doesnt mean I am required to.

These parents are paying you to work, not paying you to fold laundry. Your husband can't expect parents to pay you to be a stay at home mom. It doesnt work that way. Either you are a stay at home mom (with no job) where you have time to do all the household chores and such or you work from home in which case your job duties take priority over your house duties.

I think maybe you might need to talk with your husband about making a separation from job duties and household duties.

[jhoward9]

To be a great provider I feel that you have to love what you do, if you dont love it then go and find something that you love! When other mothers ask me if I think its a good idea for them to start a daycare I ask one simple question : "Would you do this job even if you didnt have to financially?" If the answer is No then you need to find something else. Not everybody is cut out for this line of work, so dont feel bad. Life is too short to be miserable, no matter what context it is. You need to do what makes you happy!!

[CheekyChick]

Personally, I feel it's your husband who is putting TONS of pressure on you. Does he not realize that:

A) YOU work full time?
B) YOU are a full time mom?
C) YOU are a full time housewife?
D) YOU carry the load and he expects you to find time to go to the gym when you have not an ounce of energy left?

I think you need to sit down and have a LONG talk with hubby. He needs to either let you quit your job OR pitch in and help. If he were to help you clean at night, take care of your child(ren), fold laundry - you may have the energy to go to the gym.

I think the problem starts with HIM and the pressure he puts on you.

Last but not least, instead of quitting your job, could you hire a part time assistant to give you a break? She could do a lot of the cleaning, diaper changes, and manual labor. You will still probably come out ahead of a part time job at Walmart. Just a thought...

[Unregistered]

Jen, you may be right about my DH too. We live on the otherside of the country from my family as his job is here. I miss my family so badly always and would give anything to be able to live there. I don't think any of this stuff would really bother me that much if I had the ability to see my family and spend time with my friends on a regular basis. I am so isolated and doing DC makes me feel even more isolated from the world. Just going to Walmart last night made me feel like an outsider!

My husband is very controlling financially though he claims he is not. I could not even tell you how much money is in any of our accounts right now or how much of the money I make per month is allocated to what bill. I have asked, begged, demanded to be included and I never am. Or he attempts to get me to sit down and discuss it when I have a million other things to do. But because he is sitting down playing video games and relaxing, he has time to talk.

Today I am expected to do DC until 6:45 and then write his 8 page paper for his film class. Why you ask, am I writing HIS paper? Well, because he makes me feel guilty that he works 12 hour days and is exhausted when he comes home and doesn't have the time to write it. But, I am home all day so I have time AND the ability to take a nap if I want. HA, as if. I made the mistake of writing a few papers for him because I really didn't have anything else to do and I was pregnant and had no DC kids at the time. The paper is due tonight at midnight and of course he gives me no notice when he asks me to do it. He has known about it for weeks, yet he couldn't do it the nights he didn't work 12 hour shifts or over the weekend. No, video games were more important.

He comes home from work and I make dinner and we sit down to eat, I get our child to bed and then comment on the millions of things I have to do before I go to bed and he says why do you have to do them tonight? The house looks fine. Evidently he is blind if he thinks that with toys strewn all over the floor from our toddler playing, dishes in the sink, bottles not washed. He does help out his fair share but the deep cleaning- the important cleaning is left to me. Which is fine, I do it better anyhow.

I am in my early 20's (he is 29) and I keep thinking to myself is this what the rest of my life is going to be? If I had things that I enjoy doing then maybe I would feel differently about everything. He always says I can not be satisfied with anything. I have daycare kids and I am unhappy, I have a job outside of the home and I am unhappy. But, I am unhappy because the things and the people that make me happy are not even in this state. I HATE it here. I have considered just moving home a billion times. Maybe even once a day. I even had my things packed in November to do it. Car packed and stayed in a hotel.

I bring ANY of this stuff up and he gets defensive and denies everything. He says that I am just unsatisfied with everything. That I need to lose weight and get a college degree so I can get a better job and be happy. But, I don't see it that way. So, I am stuck. Stuck doing daycare because in order to keep the peace in my home I need to bring X amount of money in per month.

And, I resent him. I resent the DC kids. The infant constantly cries and can't be happy for 2 seconds alone. If I were to walk out of this room right now she would screech at the job of her lungs until I came back. Won't sleep unless I lay with her like her mom does so she is over tired today. I could say more but I might give away my identity if I say more about my DC.

[Country Kids]

To be a great provider I feel that you have to love what you do, if you dont love it then go and find something that you love! When other mothers ask me if I think its a good idea for them to start a daycare I ask one simple question : "Would you do this job even if you didnt have to financially?" If the answer is No then you need to find something else. Not everybody is cut out for this line of work, so dont feel bad. Life is too short to be miserable, no matter what context it is. You need to do what makes you happy!!

The thing is I don't seriously know alot of people who would do any job if they didn't have to financially. I would love, love, love to be a stay at home mom but financially I can't. I know very few people who do their jobs just because they love love to. Most people like/love their jobs but there usually is the money part attached to it.

I started this job many moons ago, because I wanted to stay home and with my own and I loved teaching little ones. I actually made more at that time working outside the home, even with paying childcare. So no, I didn't go into this for a financial reason. Times have changed though and more and more people are going into jobs even if they wouldn't normally because of needing to do it for a financial reason.

[JenNJ]

The first part of this post says they are tired of the crying, wear and tear, clutter, no time for them, child, hubby, constant cleaning, etc. that daycare isn't allowing for her to do. The second part is about the hubby and its sounds like the daycare is wearing them both down.

The overall take of the situation as I read it is that in *this* situation -- she may be depressed and that her marriage has some fundamental problems.

She is being put down for almost everything she does -- from cleaning, to laundry, to her money making abilities, and her physical attributes. Her husband is controlling her financially and abusing her emotionally (with the weight loss and lazy comments).

I am even more disturbed that she said she was once social and now feels like a hermit. Abusers thrive on distancing their victims from friends and family.

Op, please understand that the feelings of burnout aren't just from work, they are from a relationship that is not healthy. You have the choice to make it healthy or to get out. If you ever need to talk, please PM me.

[mooredmm]

I think that everyone gets burnt out from their job once in awhile even people who work outside the home. I have found the best way to keep from being burnt out is to make sure my routines are in place...www.flylady.net especially the pampering missions. I also make sure I take a 2 week vacation every year & go away from my home. Even if it is something super cheap. I've learned how to say no & I've learned how to ask my husband for help. He is always willing to help, but is not a self starter when it comes to the house.

[cheerfuldom]

I think you and your husband need to seek counseling regarding financial decisions. The disagreement on necessity versus luxury is causing all sorts of issues and needs to be decided. You cannot go on forever when you are obviously unhappy with your job and the ramifications of it. But you cannot go a different direction happily unless you and your husband get on the same page for finances.

[Blackcat31]

The overall take of the situation as I read it is that in *this* situation -- she may be depressed and that her marriage has some fundamental problems.

She is being put down for almost everything she does -- from cleaning, to laundry, to her money making abilities, and her physical attributes. Her husband is controlling her financially and abusing her emotionally (with the weight loss and lazy comments).

I am even more disturbed that she said she was once social and now feels like a hermit. Abusers thrive on distancing their victims from friends and family.

Op, please understand that the feelings of burnout aren't just from work, they are from a relationship that is not healthy. You have the choice to make it healthy or to get out. If you ever need to talk, please PM me.

I think daycare is only one thin and it might or might not be making things worse.

I think your real issues are everything JenNJ touched on.

I agree that you need to take certain steps to either make your relationship a healthy one or get out. You owe that to not only your kids but to yourself as well.

[Breezy]

Jen, you may be right about my DH too. We live on the otherside of the country from my family as his job is here. I miss my family so badly always and would give anything to be able to live there. I don't think any of this stuff would really bother me that much if I had the ability to see my family and spend time with my friends on a regular basis. I am so isolated and doing DC makes me feel even more isolated from the world. Just going to Walmart last night made me feel like an outsider!

My husband is very controlling financially though he claims he is not. I could not even tell you how much money is in any of our accounts right now or how much of the money I make per month is allocated to what bill. I have asked, begged, demanded to be included and I never am. Or he attempts to get me to sit down and discuss it when I have a million other things to do. But because he is sitting down playing video games and relaxing, he has time to talk.

Today I am expected to do DC until 6:45 and then write his 8 page paper for his film class. Why you ask, am I writing HIS paper? Well, because he makes me feel guilty that he works 12 hour days and is exhausted when he comes home and doesn't have the time to write it. But, I am home all day so I have time AND the ability to take a nap if I want. HA, as if. I made the mistake of writing a few papers for him because I really didn't have anything else to do and I was pregnant and had no DC kids at the time. The paper is due tonight at midnight and of course he gives me no notice when he asks me to do it. He has known about it for weeks, yet he couldn't do it the nights he didn't work 12 hour shifts or over the weekend. No, video games were more important.

He comes home from work and I make dinner and we sit down to eat, I get our child to bed and then comment on the millions of things I have to do before I go to bed and he says why do you have to do them tonight? The house looks fine. Evidently he is blind if he thinks that with toys strewn all over the floor from our toddler playing, dishes in the sink, bottles not washed. He does help out his fair share but the deep cleaning- the important cleaning is left to me. Which is fine, I do it better anyhow.

I am in my early 20's (he is 29) and I keep thinking to myself is this what the rest of my life is going to be? If I had things that I enjoy doing then maybe I would feel differently about everything. He always says I can not be satisfied with anything. I have daycare kids and I am unhappy, I have a job outside of the home and I am unhappy. But, I am unhappy because the things and the people that make me happy are not even in this state. I HATE it here. I have considered just moving home a billion times. Maybe even once a day. I even had my things packed in November to do it. Car packed and stayed in a hotel.

I bring ANY of this stuff up and he gets defensive and denies everything. He says that I am just unsatisfied with everything. That I need to lose weight and get a college degree so I can get a better job and be happy. But, I don't see it that way. So, I am stuck. Stuck doing daycare because in order to keep the peace in my home I need to bring X amount of money in per month.

And, I resent him. I resent the DC kids. The infant constantly cries and can't be happy for 2 seconds alone. If I were to walk out of this room right now she would screech at the job of her lungs until I came back. Won't sleep unless I lay with her like her mom does so she is over tired today. I could say more but I might give away my identity if I say more about my DC.

Just wanted to bump up her reply for those that didnt see it after it was approved.