New Parent with NO Common Sense

[saved4always]

Just tell her tonight that you have decided that your daycare is not a good fit for the baby and last day of care will be Friday. No need for explanations, especially if this was a trial period. Then give a big sigh of relief that you can relax and enjoy your toddlers. happyface

[Greenplasticwateringcans]

[QUOTE=My3cents;205087]No- I don't feel you have to go into a long reason of why. I wouldn't. The more you say, the more she has to go and run her mouth with. Have her leave on good terms if possible. I would just tell her it's not working out, maybe give her a list of other providers you know of that may be able to help her, or a referral service that can direct her in the right direction. If she ask you more...... just tell her I am finding out that he is not a good fit for the group as a whole. It was a pleasure working with you and I wish you good luck.

If you do want to keep her on, then tell her she can't be micro managing you and that it makes you feel that she feels you are incompetent. Speak up for what you believe in and do. Have your policy/handbook ready to show her how you do things.

I plan to put in my pb, that due to lack of space, please bring your childs items in and no diaper bags, car seats, or strollers to be left at my home.

Best-[/

Are you disagreeing with me or just quoted me by accident?

I still think she does not have to give a reason but might want to have a short and firm responce to "buuttttt whyyy?".


Good luck OP

[MamaBear]

Wow... the rest of my day today was rough. The baby cried a loooot. He cried to & from the school and then again in the afternoon's wagon ride. It was embarrassing because all the parents were looking at the poor crying baby in the wagon. It was pretty stressful.

When the mom came to pick up, I basically told her that today was a tough day and all that happened... She said that he's usually a happy baby and not sure why he's been so fussy during the walks, etc etc. I said "Yeah about that... I need to let you know that this situation is just not working out. I'm going to have to make Friday his last day here, since you paid till then. He is having a really hard time during the walks, and those walks are not really optional for me here. So I'm really sorry but its just not going to work out".

She looked at me with a smile like she really thought I was joking and then all of a sudden I could see her face turning really red! I wasn't sure if she was getting pissed off or what. She said "really? are you serious?" I said (as nice as I possibly could), "yeah unfortunately I am. I'm really sorry. I was hoping this temporary situation would work out, but I feel like he would be better off with a daycare provider OR a babysitter (like how I threw that in? teehee) that doesn't have to do 2 daily walks & not interrupting his nap time for that too".

She said she is off work Friday and she would think tonight about what to do. I was a little confused by that because I just told her his last day would be Friday so I'm assuming she just meant she had to think about if she'd bring him to me tomorrow (Thursday) or not. I think she is because she doesn't have anything else set up yet.

Anyway, I felt way better after she left. I hate those confrontational moments. I've termed before but it never gets easier for me. I didn't get a chance to read all of your guys advice until now! I got busy with the baby crying so much and didn't get a chance to log in. You all had great advice. I didn't even think about not giving her a reason because I knew she would ask why anyway. I just knew I needed to get this done before the week was over because she was talking about paying me for a whole month come Monday.

So glad thats over! We'll see what happens tomorrow - if she brings him or not. I'll let you know!

[cheerfuldom]

Sounds like you did the right thing and FYI, terming doesnt really get easier for anyway. But at least it is done now.

[Blackcat31]

Well, atleast the hardest part is over with and you have a light at the end of the tunnel now.

Sometimes kids just aren't the right fit and it is hard to have to term anyone even if it is for the right reasons.

[MrsB]

So sorry it was a stressful day. But I am glad you followed through with the terming!happyfacehappyfacehappyface

I dont really think it gets easier. IME you just get better at weeding out the issues before enrollment, so the terming is less. You'll get there!

It took me along time to realize but remind yourself:

Just because a child is not a good fit doesnt mean that you are incompetent or couldn't handle it.

[MamaBear]

So I was feeling good last night looking forward to this arrangement being over. I was kind of hoping the mom would call this morning and say she was keeping him home or something. But she shows up and OMG... she was on a roll.

She comes in and says that she thought long & hard last night about how he's doing here & how confused she is because he's always SUCH a happy baby (don't they all say that??) and that she made a list of things to "instruct" me on how to care for him to see if it will help. Instruct me???? Oh boy.

So I said "okaaaay... lets hear it" basically. She pulls out her iPhone with this huge list!!! Then it begins... She asks me again how I heat up his bottle. I do it the old school way like I told her before --- heat it up in a hot pot of water... well she brought this bottle warmer for me because she said maybe he doesn't like the temperature of the bottle I'm giving him. Is it hot, warm or cold. DUH lady - warm. Oh okay she says. And am I giving him the same bottle all day because maybe its giving him an upset stomach? I was in shock that she was telling me these things like I'm an idiot. I tell her again how I heat up the bottle and that of course I make him a fresh bottle every time.

Then she proceeds to tell me that she wants to demonstrate to me the best baby holding techniques for when he is upset. Oh my Lord. I wanted to just kick her out at this point. I already terminated you woman! Why are you doing this? (thats what I SHOULD have said). She sits on my couch and shows me the ways he likes to be held. YES I tell her i've tried that... and that... and that. The funny thing is that he was crying the whole time she was doing it!

Then she goes on with how I have him in the wagon... Because he doesn't like to lay down she says. Well he's not laying down - he's propped up with the Boppy but he moves all around and like I've told her - I am constantly re propping him and he's having such a fit that its nearly impossible to get him in there right for long. Then she asks if I can give him his pacifier or a toy in the wagon and maybe that would help. Done that!

She then instructs me HOW to rock him to sleep. I don't do the "rocking to sleep" thing here. And then she tells me if he cries to be held to just say "no". Really? egads.

I'm not sure what she was trying to do besides just REALLY trying not to be terminated. Like maybe she was hoping I'd try longer to make it work. It's not going to make a difference to me now because she really was pushing it this morning beyond the point of no return. I felt like she was instructing me like I was a 16 yr old kid babysitting for the first time. Soooo annoying.

I'm definitely making today his last day. Period.

[cheerfuldom]

Does she know that today is his last day for sure?

I think that she is clearly blaming this all on you. After he gets kicked out of multiple daycares, she will either give up and stay home or finally see that her expectations are crazy. This best thing you can do for her at this point is let them go.

[DCMom]

Wow. Poor you Sorry this has been so difficult.

One word...nanny. And honestly, I would pity that person too. Nothing will ever be right for her.

[My3cents]

[QUOTE=Greenplasticwateringcans;205257]

No- I don't feel you have to go into a long reason of why. I wouldn't. The more you say, the more she has to go and run her mouth with. Have her leave on good terms if possible. I would just tell her it's not working out, maybe give her a list of other providers you know of that may be able to help her, or a referral service that can direct her in the right direction. If she ask you more...... just tell her I am finding out that he is not a good fit for the group as a whole. It was a pleasure working with you and I wish you good luck.

If you do want to keep her on, then tell her she can't be micro managing you and that it makes you feel that she feels you are incompetent. Speak up for what you believe in and do. Have your policy/handbook ready to show her how you do things.

I plan to put in my pb, that due to lack of space, please bring your childs items in and no diaper bags, car seats, or strollers to be left at my home.

Best-[/

Are you disagreeing with me or just quoted me by accident?

I still think she does not have to give a reason but might want to have a short and firm responce to "buuttttt whyyy?".


Good luck OP

I was agreeing with you but I did read it as most people will tell you that you have to give a reason....... I was agreeing that you don't. You shouldn't give a long drawn out reason. Now I even agree with you more.:: Have a back up for the buttttttt whyyy and make it short and firmlovethis

Sorry when I typed this out yesterday I was up and down all day with my littles and their needs. I am a fast skimmer and responder. I have to be.

Anywhoooo I feel your response was right on and I agree and that is how I would try to handle it. Short, sweet and to the point, and as nice as possible.

[My3cents]

Wow... the rest of my day today was rough. The baby cried a loooot. He cried to & from the school and then again in the afternoon's wagon ride. It was embarrassing because all the parents were looking at the poor crying baby in the wagon. It was pretty stressful.

When the mom came to pick up, I basically told her that today was a tough day and all that happened... She said that he's usually a happy baby and not sure why he's been so fussy during the walks, etc etc. I said "Yeah about that... I need to let you know that this situation is just not working out. I'm going to have to make Friday his last day here, since you paid till then. He is having a really hard time during the walks, and those walks are not really optional for me here. So I'm really sorry but its just not going to work out".

She looked at me with a smile like she really thought I was joking and then all of a sudden I could see her face turning really red! I wasn't sure if she was getting pissed off or what. She said "really? are you serious?" I said (as nice as I possibly could), "yeah unfortunately I am. I'm really sorry. I was hoping this temporary situation would work out, but I feel like he would be better off with a daycare provider OR a babysitter (like how I threw that in? teehee) that doesn't have to do 2 daily walks & not interrupting his nap time for that too".

She said she is off work Friday and she would think tonight about what to do. I was a little confused by that because I just told her his last day would be Friday so I'm assuming she just meant she had to think about if she'd bring him to me tomorrow (Thursday) or not. I think she is because she doesn't have anything else set up yet.

Anyway, I felt way better after she left. I hate those confrontational moments. I've termed before but it never gets easier for me. I didn't get a chance to read all of your guys advice until now! I got busy with the baby crying so much and didn't get a chance to log in. You all had great advice. I didn't even think about not giving her a reason because I knew she would ask why anyway. I just knew I needed to get this done before the week was over because she was talking about paying me for a whole month come Monday.

So glad thats over! We'll see what happens tomorrow - if she brings him or not. I'll let you know!

As hard as that was for you.

Bravo- I think you nailed it. Way to gohappyface

[My3cents]

So I was feeling good last night looking forward to this arrangement being over. I was kind of hoping the mom would call this morning and say she was keeping him home or something. But she shows up and OMG... she was on a roll.

She comes in and says that she thought long & hard last night about how he's doing here & how confused she is because he's always SUCH a happy baby (don't they all say that??) and that she made a list of things to "instruct" me on how to care for him to see if it will help. Instruct me???? Oh boy.

So I said "okaaaay... lets hear it" basically. She pulls out her iPhone with this huge list!!! Then it begins... She asks me again how I heat up his bottle. I do it the old school way like I told her before --- heat it up in a hot pot of water... well she brought this bottle warmer for me because she said maybe he doesn't like the temperature of the bottle I'm giving him. Is it hot, warm or cold. DUH lady - warm. Oh okay she says. And am I giving him the same bottle all day because maybe its giving him an upset stomach? I was in shock that she was telling me these things like I'm an idiot. I tell her again how I heat up the bottle and that of course I make him a fresh bottle every time.

Then she proceeds to tell me that she wants to demonstrate to me the best baby holding techniques for when he is upset. Oh my Lord. I wanted to just kick her out at this point. I already terminated you woman! Why are you doing this? (thats what I SHOULD have said). She sits on my couch and shows me the ways he likes to be held. YES I tell her i've tried that... and that... and that. The funny thing is that he was crying the whole time she was doing it!

Then she goes on with how I have him in the wagon... Because he doesn't like to lay down she says. Well he's not laying down - he's propped up with the Boppy but he moves all around and like I've told her - I am constantly re propping him and he's having such a fit that its nearly impossible to get him in there right for long. Then she asks if I can give him his pacifier or a toy in the wagon and maybe that would help. Done that!

She then instructs me HOW to rock him to sleep. I don't do the "rocking to sleep" thing here. And then she tells me if he cries to be held to just say "no". Really? egads.

I'm not sure what she was trying to do besides just REALLY trying not to be terminated. Like maybe she was hoping I'd try longer to make it work. It's not going to make a difference to me now because she really was pushing it this morning beyond the point of no return. I felt like she was instructing me like I was a 16 yr old kid babysitting for the first time. Soooo annoying.

I'm definitely making today his last day. Period.

Wow- How long have you been in business? I think I would have come unglued at this point and told her it's just not going to work out. We are done. Here are his things. A few words of ......I have been in business for blah blah blah....years and I have never had a parent come in and talk to me the way you have. We are done and I am sorry this did not work out. Give the baby back to her and show her to the door. She was rude to you- Ugh!!! Have his stuff packed for pick up and make it known he is done

[Hunni Bee]

Wow- How long have you been in business? I think I would have come unglued at this point and told her it's just not going to work out. We are done. Here are his things. A few words of ......I have been in business for blah blah blah....years and I have never had a parent come in and talk to me the way you have. We are done and I am sorry this did not work out. Give the baby back to her and show her to the door. She was rude to you- Ugh!!! Have his stuff packed for pick up and make it known he is done

Yeah me too . I don't think I would have thrown her out that second, but I would have stopped her in her tracks and said "you know, dcm, I appreciate your concern, but really all of this isn't necessary because dck's last day is Friday. I'll do everything possible to make sure he's comfortable til then. See ya at pick-up."

I really dislike condescending parents.

[MamaBear]

My3Cents: I've been in business for 6+ years now. I know ~ you'd think I would have just told her off right then after doing daycare for this long. But I think I was just in shock of what she was saying! I felt like I was in the Twilight Zone. I did tell her that I've been caring for babies for a very long time now and know how to hold them and that I have 3 sons of my own and the oldest is 19 now... so I've got experience and usually can make a fussy baby happy. She said "oh I'm sorry - I don't want you to think I'm telling you what to do but just want to make sure you know how HE likes to be held"... What??? egads

Anyway - What a day... After my "demonstration on how to hold a baby" class with the mom this morning, I was irked all day. The baby still had a hard day and I just couldn't wait to end the last day with him.

She came to pick up and I told her right away that I had all of his personal items in his baby bag along with a receipt and sorry it didn't work out & good luck to you. She just kind of stood there like a weirdoh. She says to me "I'm sorry but could you just demonstrate to me how it is with him in the wagon because I'm having a hard time figuring out whats going wrong with him in it". Really lady? Your terminated... go away! But then I thought this is good - she can see how her son acts like a devil baby in the wagon.

So she looks at the wagon and right away says "oh it is nicely padded and he can't bump his head or anything". Yes I know this I say. Then she says "oh theres a shade so the suns not in his eyes" No theres not I say. I put the baby in the wagon the exact way I do normally with the Boppy around him all sitting up & the baby did exactly what I said he does. He instantly does the back arch tantrum, flips all around screaming & crying. She actually seems shocked. She says "oh my goodness - I'm so sorry. I didn't know it was that bad!" Duh lady. I reminded her that these wagon walks are not optional... this is a mandatory part of my day... twice a day ~ so obviously this is why it won't work out.

Anyway - she took forever to leave and even asked if she didn't find someone else to help her if she could bring him back on Monday!!! I said uhhh no sorry. She then slipped & said something she probably didn't mean to. She says "Ah man this is the 2nd daycare you were naughty at, now we have to find another one"... She had been telling me that she pulled him out of the other daycare. Hmmm...

Oh and right before she leaves she offers if I ever want to go to a movie or dinner while my husband is deployed to call her (What the heck???) I just smiled and said "oh thanks ~ goodbye!"

I feel very relieved to be done with her. She was so controlling & manipulative, it was insane!!!