New Parent with NO Common Sense

[MamaBear]

A new 5 month old boy started at my daycare yesterday. First day went pretty good. He slept well, ate well and all around had a good first day.

TODAY is another story. I was expecting a sweet baby and he arrived grumpy. I figured he was just sleepy. After the mom left I realized that she brought this brand new Avent bottle and not the bottle he had the day before. Soon later I made him a bottle - which she wants to be 1/2 formula that she brings & 1/2 her breast milk. I made it and he hated it. He was gagging on it and would not latch onto the bottle like he did the other yesterday. An hour or so goes by and he gets worse... he won't take that bottle whatever I try.

I call the mom at work and tell her. She says "Oh, Yeah thats a new bottle and he doesn't really like those kinds. He only likes the other one. And he's never had formula mixed with the breast milk - I was just hoping he wouldn't mind" What the frig??? I told her that I would really need his bottle that he likes and if she could only provide me with what she KNOWS he likes because I can't really be "experimenting" with what he likes here. Because now he is grumpy and really gone over the edge because of being hungry & tired now. She said maybe its just his teething. errrrr...

She says she'll go home & bring me back his bottle. Then she shows up at my house and says she decided she'll just take him home, breastfeed him and bring him back with his bottle. Errrr... Ok. So she picked him up at 11am... Now its 2 hours later and she's not back. So at this point why doesn't she just keep him home the rest of the day?!?!?! By the time she'll get to work, she'll only have 2 hrs of work left before she has to come all the way back. And now she's probably letting him sleep at home before he returns so he won't nap for me at all.

I'm SO irritated. This mom has no common sense. First you bring your baby with a bottle that you know he doesn't like... Then you instruct me to mix his formula & bm in a bottle... but you've never tried that with him before... then you come pick him up to feed him at home? and are really screwing up the flow of my day.

I'm wondering if she'll make it thru this trial period... Errr

[Heidi]

...not laughing at your...really...

I have one of those mom's too, at least some days she is.

Hey wait, I might be one of those moms on occasion!

[Angelwings36]

Nan's Rule: ONE drop off...ONE pick up. In all honesty when I found out the mom was trying to experiment with baby on my time I would have asked for her to pick him up for the day at that point. You did right though, do NOT let her back in without the bottle he prefers and the milk he likes.

[MrsB]

So sorry MommaBear! I think most of us have had those moms too. Hopefully, she just had a crazy first day at work and lost her brain today. I will praying for her to find her common sense tomorrow!

[MamaBear]

Thanks guys. So she brings the baby back and he was sound asleep. She said he was starving and so tired. Well duh! She left back to work which is really dumb since she gets off 2 hrs later anyway. She was being really loud when she came in and I told her I had others napping and she still talked loud. Errr...

Then she calls me from her cell phone like 2 minutes later. She says there were 3 things she needed to tell me... First that she referred me to a friend of hers at work... I said thanks... I knew she was trying to butter me up for something... because then she says, 2nd if I could put more formula in the bottle with the breastmilk because maybe he needs the breast milk taste to disappear? What the heck? Oh and please don't shake the bottle when the breast milk is in there because she says it messes up the breast milk if you do... I've NEVER heard this before. But Okayyyy... And 3rd - If I could please not put his diaper on so tight because when she got home she changed him and his diaper was a little snug and she said left wrinkle marks on his legs. Oh my Lord.

I told her I didn't think I had it on too tight but ok. She said "please just try to do it like I have on him now... very loose". Errrrrrr...

I SHOULD have known this would happen though. This mom had some red flags at the tour. She pulled him from his last daycare just a few days before because she said the daycare lady would just pick his chew toy off the floor and give it back to him.... She asked if I could wash his chew toys EVERY time he drops them - even on the carpet - with hot water and soap. OH BOY! I was in a really good mood that day and said "oh sure". So I should have known she was a high maintenance annoying type mom.

[Blackcat31]

Ok I am probably going to be the bad guy here but I don't think it is fair that you are making this all the dcm's fault. Sounds to me like you didn't really do a good job communitcating with her so part of this lies with you.

When you saw the red flags during the interview, you should have addressed the issues with her so that you both were completely "schooled" on how what the other expects and how you both do things. Feeding, napping and drop off/pick ups are something I spend a good deal of time discussing so that I can avoid situations like this.

I also think that when the daycare mom said she was going to pick up the child and feed him at home, you should have taken that time to tell her when you expected her back and to not nap him if she planned on returning him to daycare during your nap time.

as far as the bottle, I would have called mom the second I realized he had a different bottle (to see why and to see if he took it ok) and not have waited until he was hungry and needing to be fed. I require parents to bring me two bottles to be left at daycare.

I am sorry that you are stressed about this whole situation and I do feel bad for you so please don't think I am trying to be harsh or rude, I just think the blame does not lie 100% with the parent.

I think as child care providers it is our responsibility to communicate clearly and openly about our expectations before they become frustrations and then vents and then terminations.....kwim?

[Ariana]

Just smile and nod....and then do what works for you. As for the BM and formula I could never get my DD to take formula so I would suggest she try it on the weekend or take some time off to get him used to formula on her own time. Then tell her that next time he refuses a bottle and freaks out you'll be calling her to come pick up for the day. Let her know that you don't appreictae what she did to you today. Why is she doing all the talking in this situation?? I'd be telling her a thing or two for sure

[saved4always]

Thanks guys. So she brings the baby back and he was sound asleep. She said he was starving and so tired. Well duh! She left back to work which is really dumb since she gets off 2 hrs later anyway. She was being really loud when she came in and I told her I had others napping and she still talked loud. Errr...

Then she calls me from her cell phone like 2 minutes later. She says there were 3 things she needed to tell me... First that she referred me to a friend of hers at work... I said thanks... I knew she was trying to butter me up for something... because then she says, 2nd if I could put more formula in the bottle with the breastmilk because maybe he needs the breast milk taste to disappear? What the heck? Oh and please don't shake the bottle when the breast milk is in there because she says it messes up the breast milk if you do... I've NEVER heard this before. But Okayyyy... And 3rd - If I could please not put his diaper on so tight because when she got home she changed him and his diaper was a little snug and she said left wrinkle marks on his legs. Oh my Lord.

I told her I didn't think I had it on too tight but ok. She said "please just try to do it like I have on him now... very loose". Errrrrrr...

I SHOULD have known this would happen though. This mom had some red flags at the tour. She pulled him from his last daycare just a few days before because she said the daycare lady would just pick his chew toy off the floor and give it back to him.... She asked if I could wash his chew toys EVERY time he drops them - even on the carpet - with hot water and soap. OH BOY! I was in a really good mood that day and said "oh sure". So I should have known she was a high maintenance annoying type mom.

I breastfed my youngest and never heard of not shaking the breast milk. Does that mean I should not have jumped around too much before feeding her??? :::: I would put the diaper on correctly...if she puts it on too loose, you are going to have a mess. And...you need to make it clear that mom needs to "experiment" at home. New bottles, new formula, new foods all need to be used AT HOME first. What if this kid is allergic to something in the future? I would not want to be the one to find out! I am sorry that this mom is aggravating you. Hopefully she will settle down over time.

[Heidi]

Mamabear-

get in your head exactly what and how you want to say it, and call her tongiht. Tell her you were thinking about the things that happened today, and you just don't want to start off on the wrong foot.

Then tell her very kindly those policies that you need to enforce (the nap in and out thing and the changing bottles and foods suddenly thing stand out to me, I'd just ignore the whole diaper conversation). Say something nice, first, like you are really enjoying getting to know little dcb, and you are sure that this is going to be a good fit, but....

I'm one of those first-the-good-news people..it softens the blow...then put the hammer down, woman!

[Soupyszoo]

I think we all learn a lot as we go. In situations like this where you can pin point the red flags in your interview... I bet next time you interview you'll be a lot quicker to speak up! I know I can see red flags in some of my past interviews and each interview afterwards gets more and more clear and I stick up for my program more each time. I was VERY "accommodating" in the beginning!! Now when I meet a new family I tell them how it is and if they don't like it, it's better to know up front then the second day! It's so true that if you give special treatment even once they think they deserve it on a regular basis! Is this her first child?

[Soupyszoo]

I breastfed my youngest and never heard of not shaking the breast milk. Does that mean I should not have jumped around too much before feeding her??? :::: I would put the diaper on correctly...if she puts it on too loose, you are going to have a mess. And...you need to make it clear that mom needs to "experiment" at home. New bottles, new formula, new foods all need to be used AT HOME first. What if this kid is allergic to something in the future? I would not want to be the one to find out! I am sorry that this mom is aggravating you. Hopefully she will settle down over time.

I've heard about not shaking breast milk before. I've also heard not to microwave it. But then I've also heard the opposite to those as well! So shake it? Don't shake it? Microwave? Don't microwave? who knows what's really real sometimes. Something about destroying the cells in the breast milk if you shake it. But like I said I've also heard and read it doesn't matter. Oh! I also heard it goes bad after an hour, and then heard its good all day... Go figure that one! So maybe a shaken bottle of microwaved breastmilk that has been out 4.5 hours should be used... Or not... Wait what?! Lol ::

[cheerfuldom]

oh boy....you should have used those red flags to NOT accept him in the first place. If you aren't ready for the daily baby drama, then you really should just let him go. Plus once you start accepting the discussions on things like the diaper being too tight, that will have her amp up the micro managing so likely, things will get worse.

[MamaBear]

Ok I am probably going to be the bad guy here but I don't think it is fair that you are making this all the dcm's fault. Sounds to me like you didn't really do a good job communitcating with her so part of this lies with you.

When you saw the red flags during the interview, you should have addressed the issues with her so that you both were completely "schooled" on how what the other expects and how you both do things. Feeding, napping and drop off/pick ups are something I spend a good deal of time discussing so that I can avoid situations like this.

I also think that when the daycare mom said she was going to pick up the child and feed him at home, you should have taken that time to tell her when you expected her back and to not nap him if she planned on returning him to daycare during your nap time.

as far as the bottle, I would have called mom the second I realized he had a different bottle (to see why and to see if he took it ok) and not have waited until he was hungry and needing to be fed. I require parents to bring me two bottles to be left at daycare.

I am sorry that you are stressed about this whole situation and I do feel bad for you so please don't think I am trying to be harsh or rude, I just think the blame does not lie 100% with the parent.

I think as child care providers it is our responsibility to communicate clearly and openly about our expectations before they become frustrations and then vents and then terminations.....kwim?

The mom brings the baby's baby bag each day "refreshed" she says. So I didn't see the different bottle in the bottom of her bag until she left. I would have felt a little odd digging thru it in front of her at her drop off - nor would I have time to while she's quick to leave. BUT if I did see it, I would definitely have asked her - so I agree with you on that. But with it being deep in the bag, I had no idea until it was... well too late.

I never would think that a mom would bring a bottle for a baby that he didn't like. It's just setting up for disaster, so I'm not sure why that would be my fault at all. We had communicated quite a bit during the tour and we talked about how he really liked this one type of bottle she would bring because she was going to stop breastfeeding soon. So I would not expect her to change it up on his second day or experiment with formulas with me either.

She came to pick up today and I had a talk with her. Basically told her to PLEASE just bring that one bottle since now we know its the only one he likes. She apologized and said she knew he would have a hard time with it, but hoped he would like it with me... Not sure why he would but whatever. I really do have great communication with my parents, but with new ones there are always going to be bumps. Just upset me that it was big bumps because baby couldn't eat... which caused baby to be very unhappy... causing me to be very irritated with the mom.

This is a temporary family - only for 2 months of care. I did see red flags at the tour with her high maintenance issues of why she left her other daycare, but since she was short term, I let it slide. I'll decide to either deal with her or terminate if I have any other problems. We'll see.

Thank you everyone for your kind advice. I sent him home with a VERY loose diaper by the way I hope he makes a big messy poo for his mama! haha

[saved4always]

I've heard about not shaking breast milk before. I've also heard not to microwave it. But then I've also heard the opposite to those as well! So shake it? Don't shake it? Microwave? Don't microwave? who knows what's really real sometimes. Something about destroying the cells in the breast milk if you shake it. But like I said I've also heard and read it doesn't matter. Oh! I also heard it goes bad after an hour, and then heard its good all day... Go figure that one! So maybe a shaken bottle of microwaved breastmilk that has been out 4.5 hours should be used... Or not... Wait what?! Lol ::

ROTFL!!!!! ::::::

[saved4always]

The mom brings the baby's baby bag each day "refreshed" she says. So I didn't see the different bottle in the bottom of her bag until she left. I would have felt a little odd digging thru it in front of her at her drop off - nor would I have time to while she's quick to leave. BUT if I did see it, I would definitely have asked her - so I agree with you on that. But with it being deep in the bag, I had no idea until it was... well too late.

I never would think that a mom would bring a bottle for a baby that he didn't like. It's just setting up for disaster, so I'm not sure why that would be my fault at all. We had communicated quite a bit during the tour and we talked about how he really liked this one type of bottle she would bring because she was going to stop breastfeeding soon. So I would not expect her to change it up on his second day or experiment with formulas with me either.

She came to pick up today and I had a talk with her. Basically told her to PLEASE just bring that one bottle since now we know its the only one he likes. She apologized and said she knew he would have a hard time with it, but hoped he would like it with me... Not sure why he would but whatever. I really do have great communication with my parents, but with new ones there are always going to be bumps. Just upset me that it was big bumps because baby couldn't eat... which caused baby to be very unhappy... causing me to be very irritated with the mom.

This is a temporary family - only for 2 months of care. I did see red flags at the tour with her high maintenance issues of why she left her other daycare, but since she was short term, I let it slide. I'll decide to either deal with her or terminate if I have any other problems. We'll see.

Thank you everyone for your kind advice. I sent him home with a VERY loose diaper by the way I hope he makes a big messy poo for his mama! haha

:::::: Well...if he has a messy poo, maybe she will re-think that loose diaper, huh??!!! :::: I hope that is the end of the bumps for you.