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Sounds to me like this is an odd situation. OP~ you said, they just got back from the airport late last night so I am assuming they don't always bring dcb in PJ's and with a dirty bottle?
If they are normally good parents (whether they would take advantage or not if you let them aside) then I wouldn't make a big dealout of todays situation. However if they are always bringing him in PJ's and such then I would simply speak up and say something to them.
I have no problem telling my parents when I am unhappy or wanting to discuss something with them but I do understand that it isn't that easy for everyone so like Ariana said, try the e-mail or text route to break the ice and get the conversation started.
If this is a regular occurence with them, you need to just NOT accept child in the door in the morning. When mom comes in with tired, sick or undressed child, you say "Mom you know I require kids to be dressed, fed and ready for the day. I am sorry but he will not be allowed to stay until those requirements are met." then you just smile and do nothing.
Don't try to fill the silence or address the blank look she gives. Just say nothing. Walk away if necessary but do NOT just smile and take the child in because that is sending her mixed messages....."I want you to do certain things but I am not going to do anything about it" know what I mean?
Having a backbone seems tough but really it isn't. Stop and ask yourself, why is it you are not speaking up? What are you afraid or not afraid of? Why is the person you are speaking to make you feel as though you shouldn't be able to say something? What is the worst thing that could happen?
When you actually put it all into perspective you see that we are the ones who are allowing these parents to take advatage.
I guess I have never ever viewed my job or role as the one without the power. That is how I have a backbone. I realized from the get go that it is ME who actually has the power.
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Thank you! You hit the spot when you said not to try to fill in the silence. I am a silence-filler by habit. I am trying to figure out why I am not speaking up... I suppose I don't want them to think badly of me. For some reason, I am always worried about what other people think. DH is always on me about that. Who knows why- like their thoughts have power or something? I don't know. I DO have the power.... now to just verbalize it.If this is a regular occurence with them, you need to just NOT accept child in the door in the morning. When mom comes in with tired, sick or undressed child, you say "Mom you know I require kids to be dressed, fed and ready for the day. I am sorry but he will not be allowed to stay until those requirements are met." then you just smile and do nothing.
Don't try to fill the silence or address the blank look she gives. Just say nothing. Walk away if necessary but do NOT just smile and take the child in because that is sending her mixed messages....."I want you to do certain things but I am not going to do anything about it" know what I mean?
Having a backbone seems tough but really it isn't. Stop and ask yourself, why is it you are not speaking up? What are you afraid or not afraid of? Why is the person you are speaking to make you feel as though you shouldn't be able to say something? What is the worst thing that could happen?
I guess I have never ever viewed my job or role as the one without the power. That is how I have a backbone. I realized from the get go that it is ME who actually has the power.Comment
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its ok....as I always say to make myself feel better... We learn through our mistakes and the more we make the better we will become at our jobs. As each mistake we make is a lesson that we will learn and grow from.
I look back with no regrets to those that tried and did walk all over me and thank them now for the back bone they gave me.
A back bone is usually something that takes time to develop. So make mistakes and learn from them. One day you will feel so good about yourself for all that you have learned and the mistakes will become distant memories....Comment
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I think that what is so hard about this business is that from what I can tell is sounds like just about all of us are soft heart, people pleasers. We melt at the thought of anything that has to do with children. So it makes it hard to stand up for ourselves with the children in thought.
I also used to worry about what others thought of me too. But I don't have time to convince the world that I am a good loving business woman. So now I show them and as long as I am doing it with pride and self respect, then I really don't care what anyone thinks of me. I am not here to please them, I am here to provide a service and my services are not for everyone....Comment
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Learn to enjoy the sweet sound of silence. :
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You have just pinpointed the root of the problem.....you are silence filler.
Address that issue and the rest will come naturally and easily. It does take practice but try it out with parents during pick up and drop offs when you are all just talking about everyday stuff and simply socializing.
Practice waiting a few extra seconds before responding or answering or even just adding a comment. Just count silently in your head and each time make the silence last a few seconds longer. Pretty soon, you will see that staying silent is easy.
All too often providers get ****ed in or end up taking on more work then necessary or going above and beyond because they were quick to fill the awkward silence when mom or dad is venting....kwim?Comment
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I know how you feel. I hated confrontation! Even if it was for something simple to fix, I just couldn't stand up for myself. And when I made myself do it, my hands would be shaking right before and then my voice would shake during, and then I would pretty much be in tears afterward. Despite whether or not the confrontation went well (which it usually did).
I think what gave me my backbone is repeated sticking up for myself. I just kept doing it. Last year I had a very trying dcm and I started hating my job and dreading every drop off and every pick up. I knew that things would have to change, so I just kept bringing up whatever was bugging me. 100% of the time she was perfectly fine with whatever I needed to say! That really helped.
Keep it up and that backbone will happen. I think the dirty bottle thing was a little disrespectful, and if you feel that way too, then just kindly ask the parents "you know I know it was a late night for you, so if you need to feed him before daycare that's totally fine. Just don't put dirty bottles in the diaper bag, cuz I might not be able to get to it right away and it could get gross and smelly." Just be honest!Comment
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Oh. And the silence thing works so well! I just kinda stop and mentally think of how I'm going to say no to a parent, and the silence while I'm thinking is enough for them to back off before I can even say anything! It's so cool! ::::
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I think this is one of those situations when you have to choose your backbone. If this was a family that was typically respectful and nice, I would just change the child and wash the bottle with a big ol' smile. They had a long night, and it is part of being a good provider. On the other hand, if it was a family that continuously pushed the limits, I would be less likely to accomodate the request.
It's one of those times when what goes around comes around...Comment
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Kinda looking forward to the next opportunity to try the silence-thing!Learn to enjoy the sweet sound of silence. ::
You have just pinpointed the root of the problem.....you are silence filler.
Address that issue and the rest will come naturally and easily. It does take practice but try it out with parents during pick up and drop offs when you are all just talking about everyday stuff and simply socializing.
Practice waiting a few extra seconds before responding or answering or even just adding a comment. Just count silently in your head and each time make the silence last a few seconds longer. Pretty soon, you will see that staying silent is easy.
All too often providers get ****ed in or end up taking on more work then necessary or going above and beyond because they were quick to fill the awkward silence when mom or dad is venting....kwim?Comment
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Sunshine Mama- I feel the exact same way you do- I do not like confrontation, I have had a hard time finding my backbone, and I am a TOTAL silence filler. Any awkward silence, I find myself saying something stupid.
For instance, today DCB woke up from nap feeling very warm. I thought it might have been due to the warm day and his nap; so I waited 30 min to take his temp. It was 100.4--- time to call mom and send him home for fever for a full 24 hrs or until he is fever free for 24 hrs without fever reducing meds. First thought that comes in my head... "I know DCM will think it's a teething fever since he is getting teeth right now. Will she be mad that I am sending him home anyway? And will she be mad when I remind her to keep him home for 24 hrs?"
Then the other logical side of my brain speaks up and says "Your contract states that even if the child IS teething, they still are excluded from daycare for at least 24 hrs if their fever is over 100.4. The chance that this could be (and probably is) a virus of some kind; and that he could spread it to everyone else here; is too great to make an exception this time just b/c you feel bad for sending him home!" So I called her. Explained he had a temp of 100.4 and she needed to pick him up. She said "I wonder what it could be." I then explained the 24 hr policy as stated in my contract. She was silent. To fill the silence, I said "I'm sorry." And then I apologized AGAIN when she picked him up!! Why do I feel the need to apologize when her son has a fever and I ask that she stay home with him?? Why am I the one that feels bad?? I am kicking myself for saying sorry; there was really no need to apologize. DCM did seem a little upset; but again, it isn't my fault he had a fever.Comment
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I do that too- apologize even when no apology is needed.
This forum is helpful to me- I am getting a little better. I did put my foot down last time they tried coming early at 5:45 am... only after they did it for a week straight with no explanation or apology, and it was affecting my morning time directly with my children. I got the courage from this forum to do that.
But I still have a looooooong way to go, obviously, based on my posts
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