Another Missing Backbone Story... So Mad At Myself :(

[SunshineMama]

I am so mad at myself!

This morning, mom and dad dropped dcb off at 7am in his pajamas. They said that they got in from the airport last night at 1:30am and that dcb was tired. Then they said they fed him a bottle already this morning, so I should "be warned" that there was a dirty bottle in his bag today. (I keep his bottles here).

My mind was thinking, "Tell them to change their own child into clothes for the day. Tell them you are not their housekeeper and do not wash his bottles that THEY fed him. Say SOMETHING...ANYTHING!!!" But I just took him, smiled, and told them to have a nice day. I am so mad at myself! I am a people pleaser and avoid face to face confrontation like the plague. This is all my fault. I brought this upon myself. But I just can't make myself say anything. I honestly don't know why I let people do this to me- maybe it has to do with something from my childhood- who knows. I dont know how to mentally get over disappointing them- even though I know I am being walked all over.

These people are the type to take advantage if you let them. They always bring him when he has colds, and when I mentioned one time that he was sick they said, "Oh, we are pretty much used to him being sick all of the time. We just expect it now."

Some of you have tremendous backbones. Have you always had them?

For those of you like me, did you ever develop a backbone? How did you do it?

[wdmmom]

Don't wash the bottle and send dcb home just the way he came...in his pajamas. Theyll get the hint.

[WImom]

Don't wash the bottle and send dcb home just the way he came...in his pajamas. Theyll get the hint.

That's what I'd do too.

[SunshineMama]

Already changed him and washed it earlier today.... maybe I should change him back into the PJ's before they get here??:

[DaycareMom]

This happened to me recently ... DCM brought almost 3 yo in her pajamas and said, "She didn't feel like getting dressed, so here are her clothes"

I never dressed her, I kept her in her pjs all day and when DCM came I said, "She didn't feel like getting dressed here either"

DCM was not happy since she was going out for dinner with her family and bringing DCG ... She has not brought her in pjs since!

Def do not wash the bottle, and keep him in pjs. He would probably prefer that anyway!

[DaycareMom]

Already changed him and washed it earlier today.... maybe I should change him back into the PJ's before they get here??:

You Should! happyface

[CheekyChick]

You did EXACTLY what I would do. Putting out that extra bit of effort isn't a sign of weakness - it's a sign of GOOD BUSINESS. Plus, how much effort does it take to wash a bottle and change an outfit? A little bit of kindness goes a long way.

[Ariana]

If it's easier why not 'confront' them through e-mail or telephone to start? Tell them that you don't have time to change him or wash the bottle and that you'd appreciate it if next time they didn't bring him that way. Be very firm in the e-mail and no wishy washy words like "maybe" or "if you don't mind" etc.

The first time you stand up for yourself is always the hardest, It never really gets easier, you just get used to it! I hate confrontation but I guess I hate disrespect more!!

[Soupyszoo]

Don't wash the bottle and send dcb home just the way he came...in his pajamas. Theyll get the hint.

Yep this is what I would do too!

[Sunshine44]

In all honesty, I wouldn't have said anything or even cared. They had a long night, did not get home until late and the had to be up early. I'd cut them some slack this time. If it happens again with different circumstances, then speak up.

[JenNJ]

They didn't ask you to do these things, did they? If not, maybe they don't expect them to be done. I wouldn't be washing dishes from home. I have enough dishes to do, thank you. The PJs wouldn't bother me. And since he is so tired, I would allow him to stay in them for the day. But here my dc kids come in PJs anytime it is rainy or too cold to go outside. If we are stuck inside, we might as well be snuggly!

My biggest issue with the above scenario would be an unrested, cranky child. That tells me he is not ready to fully participate in the day. Which is grounds for exclusion. So as long as he was happy and could keep up with the group it would be ok, but if he was falling asleep during craft time and being a big, whiny mess, I would call mom and dad for a pick up.

[daycare]

how long have you been in the daycare biz??

[countrymom]

considering the circumstances, I wouldn't have said anything. But I had a dad who would bring his 3 yr old everyday in his jammies, and would want me to dress him. He would sometimes change his pull up but not his clothes. Well I had enough of this and started sending him home in his jammies, it took about 2 weeks but they got the hint. If you can change his pull up then why can't you change his clothes????

[MrsB]

Im so sorry you are having a hard time finding your backbone!

This might be against the majority... I dont really mind mine coming in their pjs. But I can certainly see why a provider would. I have little ones that show up super early 545am and go back to sleep so the pjs are fine with me. I do have a time limit on it though. 8am is breakfast time so if they arrive after 8am they need to be fed and dressed and ready for the day. If they came in their pjs after 8am they would remain in their pjs.

Now poopy diapers at drop off I dont do. If a parent drops off with a poopy diaper, I say you know where the supplies are or here I'll get you a diaper and wipes. I have never had a parent tell me they were in a hurry or no. On occasion I have had a poopy diaper "slip" through at drop off. 5-10 minutes after they arrive, I realize why mom/dad slipped out so fast at drop off!:::: So as soon as the opportunity presents itself, I return the favor. You know the one where they poop 5 minutes before mom/dad arrive. I say, "yeah I saw her in the corner hiding a couple minutes ago. I was waiting to make sure she was done. I thought it might make you chuckle I could return the favor from a month ago, when you dropped her off with presents for me." They usually laugh too.

[SunshineMama]

Maybe if they said sorry or asked....

He actually was in good spirits, surprisingly, but I have been letting him sleep whenever he wants today. He took a 3 hour nap this morning and has been down for 2 hours this afternoon and hasn't gotten up yet. I'm not going to wake him up- poor little peanut is exhausted!

I keep his bottles during the week I wash them daily. I don't mind washing them. I guess think the part that I mind was that she brought a dirty bottle with her for me to wash. They live less than 2 miles away from my house so it's not like he had to have a bottle on his way over here. Im pretty sure they gave it to him at their house- they should at least rinse it off. Or if she would have said, "I'm soooo sorry, I know you need the extra bottles, I gave him one and I am just so exhausted, do you mind...."

I think I am a bit agitated because I feel a bit disrespected, more than anything. Do I really mind washing the bottle and changing him? No. I really do love this child (why do the best children have the most difficult parents ). But at least ask me nicely, and apologize, so I know that it is not your intention to continue this behavior in the future. I get the feeling that these parents think that they are my boss or something, and that they are better than me. That may be just my interpretation, but I feel that they look down on me for being "just a babysitter," which I am not. Like when I try to talk to them about our day, I feel like they completely ignore me and just run out the door (better than lingering I suppose).

Anyway, DH just accepted a new job! Woo hoo!! It's not enough to completely close my doors quite yet, but it's enough to cut back so I can have a little more freedom. I'm going to have to start making a list of where to make my cuts...