Dear Stay-At-Home Mom...VENT!

[Ariana]

Blackcat I'm pretty sure we all know it's "her perogative" and most of us don't really care we just think it's funny and ironic. Everyone is in a different situaton and views things differently. I don't like being judged for my point of view on it either. Judgement about being judgmental is also funny and ironic

[Blackcat31]

Blackcat I'm pretty sure we all know it's "her perogative" and most of us don't really care we just think it's funny and ironic. Everyone is in a different situaton and views things differently. I don't like being judged for my point of view on it either. Judgement about being judgmental is also funny and ironic

:::: touche :::: You are so very right....

I guess I am playing parent advocate today and opinionized according to how offended I would be if I were a parent reading this thread.

....I just get a little bent out of shape when I read so many vents about not having clients and not being able to make it financially and yet on the other side of it, providers complain about what paying clients are doing when they are using their services..... we just can't have it both ways.

[My3cents]

Hi all,

I am the one who started this thread, and I really was just venting about the situation yesterday. I have no problem watching children of stay at home moms, as long as they follow my rules. I probably wouldn't choose to put my child in daycare full time if I had the option of being home, but every family has it's own style of parenting.

What frustrated me yesterday was that the mom lay the groundwork in the morning that she would be late due to the weather. I know she had the capability of being here early, or at least on time, but she was trying to finagle a way to extend her child's already super long day. She tends to push the envelope a lot with my policies, and it is unnecessary as I know she has the ability to follow them and make it here on a schedule.

I have nothing against stay at home moms - I envy them! I just wish that she could be a bit more respectful of the fact that I am also a mom, and that I treasure my family time as much as she treasures her alone time. Being late is never ok with me - but being held up at a meeting is a bit more tolerable than being late because you were prepping your dinner. I have a dinner to cook, too!

I understand how you feel- but you are offering a service. If you don't want to extend beyond certain hours, then you should make that plain. If she is paying you for your services, well you work!

Our own families have to understand that we work. Even thou we are home, we are home working. Our day ends at closing time. It's no different then being at an office and counting down the time till you get to go home- except your home, counting down your time till you close. Parents mentality is that they are paying for a service, they are not looking at the providers life outside of work.

I do understand how you feel- What helps me is to treasure those very few and far between times when pick ups are early. Stop resenting and think of yourself as a working parent. Make sure your being paid well/fair so that you don't build up resentments.
Hope this helps-

[cheerfuldom]

I think this is an interesting thread....I find it odd that providers are supposed to act completely neutral on every topic so as not to offend. I feel differently. Of course, here I would just say what I think. If i was speaking to a potential client, I would try and be professional in my response. BUT that doesn't change how I feel. I don't offer childcare to any family for 12 hours a day. 10 is my max. Sure they can just go find someone else to watch the kids while mom tans all day.....BUT I refuse to be a part of that type of scenario. It goes against my moral standards to knowingly be a part of a family that is okay with parents being away from kids for that long, all day, every day when there is not a legitimate reason for it (like school, work, serious illness or handicaps, etc). I am not going to change my values just to make a dollar.

[Ariana]

:::: touche :::: You are so very right....

I guess I am playing parent advocate today and opinionized according to how offended I would be if I were a parent reading this thread.

....I just get a little bent out of shape when I read so many vents about not having clients and not being able to make it financially and yet on the other side of it, providers complain about what paying clients are doing when they are using their services..... we just can't have it both ways.

I totally get it!! And eventhough we have these judgements doesn't mean we're bad providers or that we treat our clients with disrespect, it just means we're humans who have different ways of looking at situations. I'm sure the mom judges me on all sorts of points too...maybe she thinks I'm obsessed with my kid, or that I'm trying t win "mother of the year award" etc.!!

Also the people complaining about not being able to make it financially might not be the same people complaining about parents. I also know that I'm a damn good provider and if your child is with me they get treated with the utmost respect and care. If people are reading posts on here and thinking "oh that person is a crappy provider because she has judgments on parents" then they're deluding themselves. My particular issues with parents have NOTHING to do with the kids in my care and the care they receive.

[My3cents]

Sorry to Offend anyone, again. First time I test the waters and post again.....Seems like everytime I speak on here, it is taken the wrong way. No problem. I just go back to lurk mode and keep all my thoughts to myself.

Just for the record.....
I was a SAHM....from when my children were born to the school years.
I was a WAHM....From High School to College. (Had a full time craft business with 27 booth in 7 states. I could no longer be considered a SAHM)

I was just a MOM....Once they were out of the house.

I don't think anyone took you the wrong way, maybe just have different opinions or views. Keep posting it makes things interesting and its how we all learn. Don't cop a tude

[countrymom]

I think this is an interesting thread....I find it odd that providers are supposed to act completely neutral on every topic so as not to offend. I feel differently. Of course, here I would just say what I think. If i was speaking to a potential client, I would try and be professional in my response. BUT that doesn't change how I feel. I don't offer childcare to any family for 12 hours a day. 10 is my max. Sure they can just go find someone else to watch the kids while mom tans all day.....BUT I refuse to be a part of that type of scenario. It goes against my moral standards to knowingly be a part of a family that is okay with parents being away from kids for that long, all day, every day when there is not a legitimate reason for it (like school, work, serious illness or handicaps, etc). I am not going to change my values just to make a dollar.

and this is me, i even wrote it in my contract, that i only work for families who need me, not go tanning. I don't mind watching kids of my reg. who need to get things done because they don't abuse my service, they come and go at reg. time. I think thats why I dont' get stressed at my job. I control who is in my house. I did have parents in the past who loved to abuse my job and it made me resent them. I got tired of hearing how they went tanning, got a hair cut, got their nails done....it was like they were rubbing it in my face, I put a stop to it. If you needed all the "me time" then they shouldn't have had kids.

[countrymom]

oh and we are all sahm's HELLO PEOPLE, we are surrogate mothers to all the children in our care.

[My3cents]

I sell a service. Parents are free to buy that service. What they do while using it, is nobody's business but theirs. I disagree with this, it is my business too. I want to know where they are in case I need to get a hold of them in an emergency situation. Cell phones don't always cut if they are off or out of battery power.

Do I personally think that children should be in day care 12 hours a day? No. In fact I think it's horrendous. But that's my opinion.

I advertise that I am open 6AM to 6PM. Just like a store. The mall is open 9-9. What time of day people shop or how many hours they shop there is not the mall's business. Just be out by 9PM.

Be gone from my day care by 6PM and I'm happy.

Yes, I have had days where everyone is gone except that one child who's mom is getting her nails done. Would I like to be at home instead of waiting on her? Of course! But she's paying for me to be here until 6PM......so I just **** it up.

I bet there's time's a store in the mall is empty from 6PM to 8:45PM and the clerks want to shut down and go home....and yet here comes a shopper at 8:45PM. Too bad. They have a right to be there.Tee Hee that shopper is usually me- and why, because during the day I am working-

Now if the parent is late picking up.........LATE FEES baby!!!!!!!::::lovethis

lovethis

I agree with most of this but if you have contracted hours you can avoid a lot of this. I tell my parents during interview that if they are going to be late past 5 to come in hand with cash and we will have no worries, never to rush getting here because I don't want someone getting in an accident to be here on time. You have those that abuse and those that are sincere and then you have those that just follow the rules and bring cash in hand......makes me sooooooo :::::::::: It's like getting a tip, and I don't feel resentments. The parent understands right from the get go how I feel. I also put it right out there in the interview that I don't like to have to chase for late fees or to be paid. The human side of me understands we don't live in a perfect world, the don't abuse me side understands that extra cash is nice::

[daycare]

I agree that it shouldn't be directed at ALL SAHM's but I also think that if a mom wants to buy my services every day for as many hours as I allow so she can go home and watch TV or have "me" time, that is her perogative.

I might feel sorry for her kid and I might feel bad that she is missing out on all the fun things about being a parent but I am not going to judge her for it and say she is a bad parent. No one can know what really goes on in someone's private life.

I have several kids here who have parents that buy my services so the parent can have all day every day at home alone. Yes, I feel bad but part of me feels they (the kids) are better off here. kwim?

I also answered in bold above

I agree that the kids might be better off with the provider if a SAHM has NO intentions of being with their child.

I don't think anyone called SAHMs bad, but it is very sad and wrong when they are not following the rules and are showing up late for pick ups or early for drop offs because of reasons as we listed..

I have had moms tell me oh I feel asleep watching soaps, sorry I am 3 hours late for pick up
Or I am late because my nail polish was still wet and I could not get my keys out of my purse....
I think we all know those kind and yes they are not bad, but they are not right either.

[bunnyslippers]

I do not resent the families that I work with - I love most of them. I have a waiting list, and I am particular about who I accept. I am well paid, and run a tight ship. This one particular mom, who is here from a recommendation od another DCM, just pushes the envelope. I am incredibly clear about my policies, and she knows that I close at 4:00. She didn't come at her contracted ending time - she came 10 minutes later. I also made it a point in the morning to tell her to plan accordingly to ensure an on-time pick-up. She really is just an entitled, self important woman.

I have no problem having the children here during my paid, working hours. I just am tired of being disrespected by this particular mother when it comes to my own personal time. I also get tired of the attempted manipulation ("I may be late due to the snowstorm." "I have a doctor's appointment and he ALWAYS runs late.") I am an intelligent person - when I hear these statements from parents, I know they are laying groundwork for a late pickup later. Drop the disclaimers and be a responsible parent who is entered into a mutual contract for the safe and loving care of your child.

My family is supportive of the work I do each day. I have developed my program to meet our needs as a family, and that includes my contracted hours. I treat each child and family here with respect. I just would like to be treated with the same respect. I deserve it - I am taking care of their most important people every day.

[MrsB]

I do not resent the families that I work with - I love most of them. I have a waiting list, and I am particular about who I accept. I am well paid, and run a tight ship. This one particular mom, who is here from a recommendation od another DCM, just pushes the envelope. I am incredibly clear about my policies, and she knows that I close at 4:00. She didn't come at her contracted ending time - she came 10 minutes later. I also made it a point in the morning to tell her to plan accordingly to ensure an on-time pick-up. She really is just an entitled, self important woman.

I have no problem having the children here during my paid, working hours. I just am tired of being disrespected by this particular mother when it comes to my own personal time. I also get tired of the attempted manipulation ("I may be late due to the snowstorm." "I have a doctor's appointment and he ALWAYS runs late.") I am an intelligent person - when I hear these statements from parents, I know they are laying groundwork for a late pickup later. Drop the disclaimers and be a responsible parent who is entered into a mutual contract for the safe and loving care of your child.

My family is supportive of the work I do each day. I have developed my program to meet our needs as a family, and that includes my contracted hours. I treat each child and family here with respect. I just would like to be treated with the same respect. I deserve it - I am taking care of their most important people every day.

AMEN SISTER!!!!happyfacehappyfacehappyface

[bunnyslippers]

AMEN SISTER!!!!happyfacehappyfacehappyface

Well, thanks! I sure am interested in the discussion this thread has lead to ~ I really was just having a moment yesterday when I needed to vent ~

[Cat Herder]

OP, I understand your frustration, and it is only human to resent her taking advantage of you when our perspective tells us she has it so easy (may not be true, she may be married to an *** and sneaking around getting an education with plans to get out).

It DOES add a bit more salt in the wound than a young couple working 4 jobs between them, making the same mistakes.

Off topic a tad. So the term Housewife is no longer PC? :confused:

I know a local home daycare provider who sends her own two kids to another provider (1 hr before her opening, 45 minutes past her closing) because they make it too hard to do her job. The other provider charges less for her two kids than she charges for one. Here, our own kids count into our ratios.

I don't think the issue is Moms vs. Providers.... we are all the same.

I am just a bit more jealous of some than others....::::

I love my kids, I love my life, I love the freedom that comes with earning my own income but if you think I would not jump at the opportunity to have Alice (Brady Bunch for you younger folks) here with me all day.... Your crazy. ::::

[SunshineMama]

My first inclination when reading the initial post was, "What kind of mother would leave her children in daycare all day when she doesn't work?" That is just a reflection of my personal bias, because if I only was a SAHM and didn't have to WAH, I would be SOOOO Happy!

But then I read the other replies and I came to the conclusion that one does not really know what that other mother is doing during the day. Sure, she could be tanning and sleeping and watching soaps- but, as someone mentioned, maybe she is getting an education? Maybe shes padding her stats to escape an abusive marriage, etc? Who really knows, therefore we should not judge. I also agreed with the post that stated that the parents are paying for a service that we offer, and that what they do during that time is not our business. That is very true.

Sure, little Johnny looks out of my window and sees dad sitting on the porch with the newspaper all morning and wonders why he's at daycare while daddy's home. And Katie is missing out on the love of a mother while she goes shopping for 12 hours a day, 5 days a week... That's not always the case, obviously, but I guess that's what makes our role as providers that much more important. We have to be there for that child when their own parents can't (or won't) be.