Dear Stay-At-Home Mom...VENT!

[saved4always]

I was a SAHM. I chose to put my 2 DD's in Mother's Day Out two mornings a week. This was for both of us. Them to socialize with other kids and me some free time to run errands, kid free.

That is called "keeping your sanity" as a stay at home mom. You can get things done and actually be able to enjoy your kids. Wish I could have done that!

[Ariana]

Ummmmm How are you at Stay at home MOM, if your kids aren't there?

That makes you a stay at home female, not stay at home Mom.

Best statement I've heard all day!!

I have a mom who works 3 hrs a day. She originally took a part-time job so "she could be there for my kids". Her kid is with me 5 days a week full-time

I completely get the 'keeping your sanity' and getting a break from your kids but some moms aren't really doing that.

[countrymom]

I'm a sahm/wahm I stay at home which is considered work but watch other people children who call me mom. So I think I qualify.

[saved4always]

Best statement I've heard all day!!

I have a mom who works 3 hrs a day. She originally took a part-time job so "she could be there for my kids". Her kid is with me 5 days a week full-time

I completely get the 'keeping your sanity' and getting a break from your kids but some moms aren't really doing that.

Yep...keeping your sanity is getting a sitter a couple of mornings a week to do errands (never a fun time for parents or the kids), not dropping the kids at daycare every day from open til close.

[My3cents]

I have a DCM that works but seems to take off when she wants. She is private pay so I can't say her kids can't come unless she is working (subsidy I can. no work, no daycare, state rule. At least i got something to my benefit right? ) So I too get kinda upset When I get the text "I didn't go into work but I still want you to pick up Johnny after school. I need to hit the tanner and get my hair done should be there by closing"

Kinda bugs me because I always want to be with my child but then again this is what I get paid for doesn't really matter what Mom is doing I guess. If the kids aren't here I don't get paid so it rolls off my back usually.

Now when I have a fussy child ranting all over the house and find out subsidy Mom took the day off to go to a theme park for the day instead of work and brought the child for free daycare. Yeah I'm mad!

yes you can say that......I have learned that here. Put it in your policy book if your not working, or going to school your child should be with you. (unless you have prearranged this ahead of time with parents) I am providing a service to you for when you can't be with your child. Tell them up front at your interview what your policies are. It is all in what your rules are. There are parents that will take advantage and there are parents that work hard but just want a day off knowing that their child is well taken care of. Some providers even don't allow for that- saying that is what a baby sitter is for. I do contracted hours and have so many spots available. If I have a parent, that wants to pay me to bring her child so she can run errands, clean house, etc.... fine. I know that is why the child is here. Maybe you should ask subsidy mom if whoever is paying for the childcare knows that she is using it for a park day. It could be. They call them mental health days. I don't care what program a parent is on, if they don't come they would still be paying even if the program they are on doesn't allow for this, or they would be locked into certain days, they are accountable for. I have policies and they are coming into my program- so to me that should be what is carried out, IF they want to be in my program. I have to be able to have a dependable income. I am just rambling on, but my point is that I have learned a lot in this forum and having contracts, policies,rules is the best way to go and be respected and run a business in the most professional way.

I too am irritated with people that like to abuse, no matter if it is the system or what- We need to stop allowing it as a society.

Keep in mind and this is hard to fathom, that not everyone cares to parent the same as we do. We are ChildCARE providers and we CARE. We do care all day. Our level of care for our families and these kids is at a different level. I am not saying that parents don't care about their children. They do- It's just at a different level and because of so many variables

[Blackcat31]

I am a little surprised by this thread...it seems very judgmental of parents

There are 1,000's of threads on this forum talking about how hard it is to fill spaces and get kids and how it is tough to make ends meet without having a steady income yet there are comments judging parents for using services that are being offered....that confuses me.

I guess I feel like I offer a service and whoever buys that service is entitled to use it however they see fit. It isn't my place to tell them how and when they can use something they are paying for.

From what I can tell, the OP's intent was to vent about a mom who may be late picking up her child and the fact that she was at home and not at work should have made it a doable thing to do yet it somehow turned into a thread about how mom's shouldn't be considered moms if they aren't directly parenting their child. :confused:

Ummmmm How are you at Stay at home MOM, if your kids aren't there?

That makes you a stay at home female, not stay at home Mom.

Sandee, I know you didn't mean this statement the way I am taking it but according to your words, I wouldn't be considered a mom either then because my kids aren't here.

No matter where my kids are and whether I am with them or not, I am still mom!

[daycare]

I am a little surprised by this thread...it seems very judgmental of parents

There are 1,000's of threads on this forum talking about how hard it is to fill spaces and get kids and how it is tough to make ends meet without having a steady income yet there are comments judging parents for using services that are being offered....that confuses me.

I guess I feel like I offer a service and whoever buys that service is entitled to use it however they see fit. It isn't my place to tell them how and when they can use something they are paying for.

From what I can tell, the OP's intent was to vent about a mom who may be late picking up her child and the fact that she was at home and not at work should have made it a doable thing to do yet it somehow turned into a thread about how mom's shouldn't be considered moms if they aren't directly parenting their child. :confused:




Sandee, I know you didn't mean this statement the way I am taking it but according to your words, I wouldn't be considered a mom either then because my kids aren't here.

No matter where my kids are and whether I am with them or not, I am still mom!

I thought that same thing you did about sandee's post, but then understood what she meant.

I am one who does not care what parents are doing. I have parents that are SAHM that have their kids here full time or even part time.

To be fair, we can't say that all SAHM are what is being described. BUT I have been victim to one and let me say that it was the worst time of my life.

I watched her kids for her almost 11.5 hours a day, fed them every meal and all the SAHM (with no kids at home) had to do was come to my house pick up and then go home and put them to bed. So SandeeAR statement fit this mom to a T

I also thought about what you are talking about too. People complain that they have no clients, but then come on this thread and complain.

[Blackcat31]

I thought that same thing you did about sandee's post, but then understood what she meant.

I am one who does not care what parents are doing. I have parents that are SAHM that have their kids here full time or even part time.

To be fair, we can't say that all SAHM are what is being described. BUT I have been victim to one and let me say that it was the worst time of my life.

I watched her kids for her almost 11.5 hours a day, fed them every meal and all the SAHM (with no kids at home) had to do was come to my house pick up and then go home and put them to bed. So SandeeAR statement fit this mom to a T

I also thought about what you are talking about too. People complain that they have no clients, but then come on this thread and complain.

I agree, I know Sandee didn't mean it the way I took it (I know her better than that ) so I knew it isn't what she necessarily meant...however, I did think this thread was a bit judgmental and I think if I were a parent who stumbled across this thread and read some of the comments without "knowing" the posters, I would be really offended and I can honestly see why some parents feel so negatively towards daycare providers.

I think this thread would have been better in the off topic area.....kwim?

[bunnyslippers]

Hi all,

I am the one who started this thread, and I really was just venting about the situation yesterday. I have no problem watching children of stay at home moms, as long as they follow my rules. I probably wouldn't choose to put my child in daycare full time if I had the option of being home, but every family has it's own style of parenting.

What frustrated me yesterday was that the mom lay the groundwork in the morning that she would be late due to the weather. I know she had the capability of being here early, or at least on time, but she was trying to finagle a way to extend her child's already super long day. She tends to push the envelope a lot with my policies, and it is unnecessary as I know she has the ability to follow them and make it here on a schedule.

I have nothing against stay at home moms - I envy them! I just wish that she could be a bit more respectful of the fact that I am also a mom, and that I treasure my family time as much as she treasures her alone time. Being late is never ok with me - but being held up at a meeting is a bit more tolerable than being late because you were prepping your dinner. I have a dinner to cook, too!

[cheerfuldom]

I think there is a huge difference between a SAHM using a "mommy's morning out" program and a SAHM who kids are in daycare a lot and the mom is still late to pick them up. I would not feel comfortable working with a family where I watch the kids so mom can have hours and hours (we are taking 15+) of kid free time. Any mom that is okay with that, is not okay with me. Yes this is judgmental. I am okay with that.

[daycare]

I agree, I know Sandee didn't mean it the way I took it (I know her better than that ) so I knew it isn't what she necessarily meant...however, I did think this thread was a bit judgmental and I think if I were a parent who stumbled across this thread and read some of the comments without "knowing" the posters, I would be really offended and I can honestly see why some parents feel so negatively towards daycare providers.

I think this thread would have been better in the off topic area.....kwim?

I do see what you are saying here BUT...Just as we have to read parents complaints about us, they see what we have to deal with too.

AGAIN I don't think it's fair to throw this around at all SAHM....only the ones that ABUSE the daycare rules and privileges.

[SandeeAR]

Sorry to Offend anyone, again. First time I test the waters and post again.....Seems like everytime I speak on here, it is taken the wrong way. No problem. I just go back to lurk mode and keep all my thoughts to myself.

Just for the record.....
I was a SAHM....from when my children were born to the school years.
I was a WAHM....From High School to College. (Had a full time craft business with 27 booth in 7 states. I could no longer be considered a SAHM)

I was just a MOM....Once they were out of the house.

[Blackcat31]

Hi all,

I am the one who started this thread, and I really was just venting about the situation yesterday. I have no problem watching children of stay at home moms, as long as they follow my rules. I probably wouldn't choose to put my child in daycare full time if I had the option of being home, but every family has it's own style of parenting.

What frustrated me yesterday was that the mom lay the groundwork in the morning that she would be late due to the weather. I know she had the capability of being here early, or at least on time, but she was trying to finagle a way to extend her child's already super long day. She tends to push the envelope a lot with my policies, and it is unnecessary as I know she has the ability to follow them and make it here on a schedule.

I have nothing against stay at home moms - I envy them! I just wish that she could be a bit more respectful of the fact that I am also a mom, and that I treasure my family time as much as she treasures her alone time. Being late is never ok with me - but being held up at a meeting is a bit more tolerable than being late because you were prepping your dinner. I have a dinner to cook, too!

OP~ I understand your vent....you had a right to it. You weren't focusing on the fact that she was/is a SAHM, that was just a factor that made it harder to understand why she couldn't be on time. I have zero issues with the fact that you vented...

My issue is with people judging. I think that is very unfair. What we each find acceptable or not acceptable as far as parenting is our own opinions..... I just feel that as child care providers we have a moral obligation to not behave as if we are better than others or that we think one person's style of parenting is better or bad.

If a mom wants to put her kid in daycare for 10 hours a day every day of the week and go back home to watch Jerry Springer and shop QVC, then that is her right as a parent.... I am in NO position to judge that. I can feel sad for the child and I can think the mom is a horrible parent but I surely am not going to tell her she cannot buy my services.....not unless I am honest in how I advertise.

I mean there are a lot of providers here who say they only provide services to parents that work, I get that and that is their choice, but then they better be honest in advertising that way. It isn't fair to sell a service and then complain about how it is used....that was basically my point.

[Blackcat31]

I do see what you are saying here BUT...Just as we have to read parents complaints about us, they see what we have to deal with too.

I disagree, that seems alot like the "he hit me so I hit him back" way of thinking. I personally, think as child care providers we have more of an obligation to be non-judgmental and accepting. We are role models for many children (and sometimes parents too) so I think we should be above stuff like that.

AGAIN I don't think it's fair to throw this around at all SAHM....only the ones that ABUSE the daycare rules and privileges.

I agree that it shouldn't be directed at ALL SAHM's but I also think that if a mom wants to buy my services every day for as many hours as I allow so she can go home and watch TV or have "me" time, that is her perogative.

I might feel sorry for her kid and I might feel bad that she is missing out on all the fun things about being a parent but I am not going to judge her for it and say she is a bad parent. No one can know what really goes on in someone's private life.

I have several kids here who have parents that buy my services so the parent can have all day every day at home alone. Yes, I feel bad but part of me feels they (the kids) are better off here. kwim?

I also answered in bold above

[Meeko]

I sell a service. Parents are free to buy that service. What they do while using it, is nobody's business but theirs.

Do I personally think that children should be in day care 12 hours a day? No. In fact I think it's horrendous. But that's my opinion.

I advertise that I am open 6AM to 6PM. Just like a store. The mall is open 9-9. What time of day people shop or how many hours they shop there is not the mall's business. Just be out by 9PM.

Be gone from my day care by 6PM and I'm happy.

Yes, I have had days where everyone is gone except that one child who's mom is getting her nails done. Would I like to be at home instead of waiting on her? Of course! But she's paying for me to be here until 6PM......so I just **** it up.

I bet there's time's a store in the mall is empty from 6PM to 8:45PM and the clerks want to shut down and go home....and yet here comes a shopper at 8:45PM. Too bad. They have a right to be there.

Now if the parent is late picking up.........LATE FEES baby!!!!!!!::::