How Do You Accept A Child Who Is Not Smart?

[erinalexmom]

Silver Sabre thanks I was wondering about the Auditory Processing myself. I will look more into that.

e.j. thank you for that viewpoint. I appreciate it.


Daycare, what you have said about your niece is my daycare boy all the way!

[e.j.]

I have a ds who had "issues" when he was young (still does) - turned out he is slightly autistic. He tests very high on IQ tests but has no "common sense". He is now 19 and he still frustrates me at times but I accept that he will always be different and remind myself that he can't help it.

I look at it as God knew I needed to learn more patience, which I have.

I was just going to post another reply very similar to this.

My 21 yr old son, who has Asperger's is also highly intelligent but I still find myself having to be very careful about what I say when I give him instructions to do something. I'm not sure if it's so much a lack of common sense as it is a thought process that is different from neurotypical thinking. When I was researching his diagnosis, I kept reading over and over again that one of the red flags for parents of kids with AS is always saying or thinking, "I shouldn't have to tell you this....."

[erinalexmom]

I have offended many people on this board and I do most time I post it seems so I will just ask Michael to remove this whole post. Thank You to the people who really tried to help me.

[WImom]

I have a set of twins that are three and sat in front of the tv all day for 3 years. Just keep up with him. After 6 months now I see a big difference in them. They still melt to the ground ALL THE TIME over nothing and I continue to say use your words many times a day but I'm hoping in another 6 months they will end that too. (EXCEPT at home I think the melt downs get attention, atleast at pick up/drop off they do) but I see alot of change in them. It was super frustrating at first but using short sentences really does help as well too.

[erinalexmom]

I have a set of twins that are three and sat in front of the tv all day for 3 years. Just keep up with him. After 6 months now I see a big difference in them. They still melt to the ground ALL THE TIME over nothing and I continue to say use your words many times a day but I'm hoping in another 6 months they will end that too. (EXCEPT at home I think the melt downs get attention, atleast at pick up/drop off they do) but I see alot of change in them. It was super frustrating at first but using short sentences really does help as well too.

Thank you! This is great advice!

[Blackcat31]

I am not sure there is anything "wrong" with the child. I think the parents don't care that he is behind and they never will. I think that if his parents would wake up and do what is right for the child, he could get caught up to his peer group and all would be well. But instead, they will wait until the school holds him back and labels him.
For the record. I care about this child or I wouldn't try as hard as I do. I have offended many people on this board and I do most time I post it seems so I will just ask Michael to remove this whole post. Thank You to the people who really tried to help me.

You didn't offend anyone. This is exactly why this forum is here....so people can get advice, help and support. Sometimes people are offended by the manner in which the problem is presented but we have to remember that we all come from different walks of life and use different words and actions to do or say the same things.

Other than one poster, who's response seemed very reactive in an emotional way, everyone else seems to be trying to help.

I had a child just like the one you are describing. He knew every single commercial jingle on TV and the only physical activity he received was pushing the buttons on his Gameboy. No matter how many times I talked to mom or tried to get her on board with trying to help this child, she did nothing.

In reality, all you can really do is try to make a point of spending some one on one time with him. Help him learn the things you know he is capable of learning. Every kid is a jogsaw puzzle and you have to figure out where all his pieces go. It isn't your problem to fix, but if you can do something tohelp him...I would jump at the chance. YOU may someday be the person who made the difference in his life.

You are right though, whatever he has going on at home will always have an effect on him, but you CAN change that. Set up activities that are developmentally appropriate for him to do and praise him for doing well. Speak in a language he understands. That could be showing him or telling him with only one or two words what you want him to do. In still in him a love for learning and he will take pride inhimself and in trying to please you..

Start a developmental checklist of things he can and cannot do. Set up some short and long term goals from that list. Do some observing and see what areas he is lacking in (social, language, etc) and work at developing those skills. If you start with one small daily goal and one long term goal, you might be pleasantly surprised to find that he is in there...you just need to find a way to help him out.

[e.j.]

I am not sure there is anything "wrong" with the child. I think the parents don't care that he is behind and they never will. I think that if his parents would wake up and do what is right for the child, he could get caught up to his peer group and all would be well. But instead, they will wait until the school holds him back and labels him.

It can be very frustrating. It may be that they don't care, they don't know any better, they don't recognize the problem or they may be in denial. Unfortunately, we can make suggestions but we can't make parents follow through on them. If you think you can make a difference for this little boy, I'd say keep trying. If the situation is causing you stress, it's okay to acknowledge that and sever ties with this family.

For the record. I care about this child or I wouldn't try as hard as I do. I have offended many people on this board and I do most time I post it seems so I will just ask Michael to remove this whole post. Thank You to the people who really tried to help me.

It always bothers me when someone posts a message asking for help and leaves feeling misunderstood or attacked. I hope you reconsider asking to have this post removed. It could help someone else who may be struggling with the same problem to know they aren't the only ones. Take the replies that are useful and supportive to you and ignore those that aren't.

[SilverSabre25]

Silver Sabre thanks I was wondering about the Auditory Processing myself. I will look more into that.

I keep thinking about your post and I am really, really wondering if his hearing is all right.

I have a 2.5 yo boy who has speech issues. Has had many ear infections, tubes have been mentioned but nothing has been done. He keeps staying juuuust ahead of the threshold where they will do anything about it . He reminds me of your dcb: sometimes it feels like I am talking to myself, or to a brick wall. I say something and my dcb just stares at me, or repeats part of what I said, or goes to do something entirely different from what I said, or follows someone ELSE I just told to do something. I honestly think that my dcb has some hearing troubles in addition to some other stuff going on. You dcb may, too. Think about it: bedroom and bathroom sound VERY similar, especially if he has hearing issues. I would push for a hearing check.

Could you give us more examples of what makes you think that your dcb is "not smart"?

[youretooloud]

I always get a few kids who are not as bright as the other kids. But, they usually have something that they are better at than all the others.

J is just never going to be an honor's student...but, he's awesome at helping and knowing when someone needs help with something. He's willing to do anything for anyone. None of the other kids are as generous as he is.

But, I have had two kids who were very slow, and were never going to do well in school without a LOT of help. Both were diagnosed in school as having severe learning disabilities.

Otherwise, I just take them as I get them. If they are slow, we find out what they are good at, and I put energy into their strengths instead of focusing on their weaknesses...but I still work on their weaknesses too. It's just not the most important thing. If they can't learn letters, we don't stress out about it... I tell that child all the things he's really good at instead. I never allow a kid to leave my care thinking he's not good at something.... he or she always leaves my care knowing what he is good at.

[Zoe]

I do have one girl who just doesn't "get it" as quickly as the others. And yes. It's frustrating! I find myself not trying as hard sometimes just because if I get too frustrated, I'll just end up pushing her too hard and she'll end up not wanting to participate in learning time. So I've backed off a little bit.

No real advice for you, I just wanted you to know that you're not alone. It can be challenging to work with children who learn at a slower pace than the others.

[PitterPatter]

Ok I have a little boy who causes me stress. Now he is a sweet boy. Listens to me when I ask him something and doesn't cause problems with the other children. However, he is just not smart. Most of it is his parents fault. They will never help him live up to his potential and they actually hold him back from it. But he also just isn't a "smart kid"
Anyway, all my other kids are bright (even the ornery ones! ) and I really enjoy teaching them and working with them but I feel with this one, whats the point? No matter what I do the parents will just undo it. So help me if you have ever run into this situation and how did you overcome it?
Keep in mind my weekend job is a home health nurse and I work with children with special needs. I can accept that but their parents care and at least try to help their child and do what is in the best interest of the child.

That comes across harsh. I'm thinking maybe you didn't mean it as it sounded? I accept all children ESPECIALLY those that need more care. I have 2 kids like this right now. I have been working with them for months and it is a very slow process. They can't retain anything like colors, shapes, letters etc. I will hold up color cards and say "Red" Then I ask what color it is. They will shrug their shoulders. I will go through lay cards down maybe 4 colors and name them slowly. I ask them to point to red they still don't get it. I hold it up and say "red this is the color red" Then I ask what color it wa and 1 said blue the other shrugged. This is just 1 of my examples. My ages are 2 and 4 yrs.

I know how frustrating it is but if we are willing to give up and pass on them as the parents have then WHO will be there for them? I personally like seeing my kids grow up and have fond memories of their time with me. I try very hard because I want to make a difference not only for the children to enter kindergarten knowing the basics but so they know someone cared enough to dedicate quality time to them when others didn't. Maybe you could set aside some 1 on 1 time with this child during free play time to help them progress. That's what I am trying now, 1 on 1.

Just a little experince I had:
I saw a Mother and child signing up for kindergarten 4 years ago. The Mom sat beside me filling out the forms for registration and couldn't read most of it so she called someone on her cell, she starts spelling things and asking how to spell the answer. Her little girl was so sweet beautiful black hair and the face of a china doll with the brightest smile. Sadly at the end of the year she was held back as the rest of the class passed because she didn't understand the basics. Sadly sometimes it's passed down from parents who don't know enough themselves. I remember thinking this poor child was probably never given the experience of being read bedtime stories since the Mom couldn't read a single sentence on those forms.

May you find the patience and answers you need to help this child. Good luck!

[erinalexmom]

Deleting my posts

[Blackcat31]

I've posted this example before but one thing is I'll say "go pick a toy and go play" and he will literally choose 1 block and sit down!:confused:

In his mind, he is doing EXACTLY what you asked him to do. He picked a toy (the block) and is playing with it.

You have to find language that works for him. If he isn't interacting with any one at home but the TV, he has no one to model for him what he is suppose to do. Do you have an older child you could have be a "classroom buddy"? Sometimes that helps when a peer is showing them what to do.

Instead of saying "Go pick a toy and go play" you could try "Get the cars out and drive them them on the rug over there." Try being a bit more instructive and state exactly what it is you want him to do. You may have to demonstrate or assist him until he starts picking up on those kinds of instructions. He is young so he still has plenty of time.

[erinalexmom]

Deleting my posts

[PitterPatter]

I've posted this example before but one thing is I'll say "go pick a toy and go play" and he will literally choose 1 block and sit down!:confused:

Maybe he is taking you literally as for the "go pick a toy". I have been in a situation just like that!! When I then said "sally honey you can have more, would you like to play with more beads?" she smiled and got up and collected more beads for her string.

I would pick out his favorite items and spend some time just talking with him about the toy. Ask questions about it like is that hard or soft? What color is that? This is my approach it seems to be helping with 1 of mine.

HTH