How Do You Accept A Child Who Is Not Smart?

[erinalexmom]

This thread opened a whole can of worms when I really just wanted some help. Thank you to those who did help. I will be deleting any posts I am allowed.

[daycare]

Ok I have a little boy who causes me stress. Now he is a sweet boy. Listens to me when I ask him something and doesn't cause problems with the other children. However, he is just not smart. Most of it is his parents fault. They will never help him live up to his potential and they actually hold him back from it. But he also just isn't a "smart kid"
Anyway, all my other kids are bright (even the ornery ones! ) and I really enjoy teaching them and working with them but I feel with this one, whats the point? No matter what I do the parents will just undo it. So help me if you have ever run into this situation and how did you overcome it?
Keep in mind my weekend job is a home health nurse and I work with children with special needs. I can accept that but their parents care and at least try to help their child and do what is in the best interest of the child.

how old is the child that you are able to say that he is or is NOT smart?

[Blackcat31]

Ok I have a little boy who causes me stress. Now he is a sweet boy. Listens to me when I ask him something and doesn't cause problems with the other children. However, he is just not smart. Most of it is his parents fault. They will never help him live up to his potential and they actually hold him back from it. But he also just isn't a "smart kid"
Anyway, all my other kids are bright (even the ornery ones! ) and I really enjoy teaching them and working with them but I feel with this one, whats the point? No matter what I do the parents will just undo it. So help me if you have ever run into this situation and how did you overcome it?
Keep in mind my weekend job is a home health nurse and I work with children with special needs. I can accept that but their parents care and at least try to help their child and do what is in the best interest of the child.

Those are the kids who need us the most...

[jessrlee]

Wow, really? You need to term this family tomorrow. Let them find a provider that can love and accept them just the way they are. I hope your boss reads this post. I wouldn't want you working with my special needs, regular, or exceptional child!

[Oneluckymom]

I'm so confused right now. Like PP ...how old is this child?

Also, when a child absorbs information during learning, the info is in there no matter what happens at home. Nobody can "undo" learning that will take place at DC.

Sounds like no one is giving the kid a chance, but just "writing him off" as unintelligent!

Seriously is this post for real

[erinalexmom]

Deleting my posts

[erinalexmom]

Nevermind please just ignore this post. Sorry I asked.

[SilverSabre25]

With the example you gave...I'm wondering...

hearing problem?

Auditory processing problem?

Perhaps instead of reminding him before he even has a chance to remember, give him a chance and then correct him if he forgets or notice him if he remembers ("I see you left the door open; thank you!")

[jessrlee]

He's 3!!! You are using way too many words for one, and I have no idea what this has to do with working with him, or his intelligence. I am incredibly intelligent and I have been known to mis interpret what someone asked me to do when my mind is on something else!

Try " leave the door open please". Or better yet train them to leave it open, or leave it closed and do it yourself if you want it to be done differently.

[e.j.]

Ok I have a little boy who causes me stress. Now he is a sweet boy. Listens to me when I ask him something and doesn't cause problems with the other children. However, he is just not smart. Most of it is his parents fault. They will never help him live up to his potential and they actually hold him back from it. But he also just isn't a "smart kid"
Anyway, all my other kids are bright (even the ornery ones! ) and I really enjoy teaching them and working with them but I feel with this one, whats the point? No matter what I do the parents will just undo it. So help me if you have ever run into this situation and how did you overcome it?
Keep in mind my weekend job is a home health nurse and I work with children with special needs. I can accept that but their parents care and at least try to help their child and do what is in the best interest of the child.

I would try to focus on his many good qualities and remind myself that it's possible this child, through no fault of his own, has a developmental/learning disability and needs all the love and attention I can give him, especially since his parents can't or won't help him.

Can you be more specific about what he does that causes you stress and what you feel the parents are doing or not doing to to undo your work with him? Is it possible the parents have their own developmental/learning disability and can't/don't know how to help their child?

[daycare]

I know that it is frustrating, but you just need to keep working with him. It sounds like maybe no one works with him at home.

My niece is 4 and she would not understand what you meant. She is a product of a TV baby from birth to age 4. Never was exposed to DC or other social environments. We thought that something was wrong with her and we all had her go through tons of evaluations. I even tried her in my DC and I could not help. If you told her to go and get her shoes, she would give you a blank stare.

She also could not communicate either. You would ask her a question and most of the time she would repeat it.

Finally after 7 months of being in a good preschool, she is finally talking and she can comprehend what is being asked of her. Now if I tell her something she responds and does what is asked.

Little boys are slower in general than girls. I have a little one who is 3.5 and cannot put his own shoes on. I know its because no one ever showed him how and everyone does everything for him.

Try to show show show show show him what you want him to do and be patient. I bet you he will come around.

[familyschoolcare]

Nevermind please just ignore this post. Sorry I asked.

You do not need to be sorry people are trying to be helpfull. Your orginal pst did not give enougph information. How are you qualified to detrime that a

three year old is smart vrses showing signs of a learning/brain porcess disorder. Also you said all of your children are smart so maybe by comparing

them you are think this child is not smart when realy he is average.


The amount of words that you used wastoo many for a child that age lets break it down "when you come out of the bathroom leave the door open"

saying it this way has two parts to remember to do the first part is when the secound part is what. If the child was truely leaving the bathroom when you

spoke to him you could easily leave off the when part. "Please, leave the door open."


Without other examples or knowing why you are quailified to decied something I was taught in "teacher" school to never voice. It is hard to understand what

you are getting at. saying he is not smart is a very powerfull statement. While it may been the samthing to you it would have been better to say he does not

come by simple concepts easily.

[Mary Poppins]

I have a ds who had "issues" when he was young (still does) - turned out he is slightly autistic. He tests very high on IQ tests but has no "common sense". He is now 19 and he still frustrates me at times but I accept that he will always be different and remind myself that he can't help it.

I look at it as God knew I needed to learn more patience, which I have.

[Miss Karena]

Keep it up!

Ok I have a little boy who causes me stress. Now he is a sweet boy. Listens to me when I ask him something and doesn't cause problems with the other children. However, he is just not smart. Most of it is his parents fault. They will never help him live up to his potential and they actually hold him back from it. But he also just isn't a "smart kid"
Anyway, all my other kids are bright (even the ornery ones! ) and I really enjoy teaching them and working with them but I feel with this one, whats the point? No matter what I do the parents will just undo it. So help me if you have ever run into this situation and how did you overcome it?
Keep in mind my weekend job is a home health nurse and I work with children with special needs. I can accept that but their parents care and at least try to help their child and do what is in the best interest of the child.

I agree that there were too many words used. Try going with him at the point of finishing up at the sink, and when you go out together say, "Leave the door open." After your out, give a little side hug and say "Thank you!" Go along side throught the day or when making requests at different trouble spots, and make simple commands while helping if necessary, and let him know thru different ways you value him; with hugs, winks, hi-fives, verbal praises... this may encourage him to respond to directions better. How long do you help him succeed this way? As long as you have him in your care.
Blessings!

[bgmeyers]

I get it! Really!
I've had these kids and all you can do is love them to the best of your ability and just let it go.
You are not responsible for getting them ready for the world.
Your job is to keep them safe, love them as best you can, and teach them through everyday experiences. What they take from you is up to the parents and themselves.