Have You Ever Lost A Baby In Your Care?

[Sunchimes]

My sister and I were talking over the holidays about when my mom did day care back in the 1960's. There were no licenses required then, and basically, the dc kids did what we did. In the suburbs in those days, that meant that they ran up and down the street with the rest of the neighborhood kids.

One time, she had a baby, and came so, so close to losing him--a few hours in fact. His family was rather casual about his care. They liked to spend the entire weekend at the lake, and on Mondays, he came in with sunburn, mosquite bites, and diaper rash. Mom spent all week getting him well, only to repeat the whole thing. She finally offered to keep him all weekend at no cost. So, we had him from Friday morning until Monday evening every week. We had known for months that something was wrong with him. At a year old, he couldn't sit up alone. Mom kept telling her that wasn't right, but she swore she had seen the doctor and he told her he was just a little slower than the other babies. That last week, our sweet, placid little baby screamed non-stop. He went home on Monday evening, and during the night, he died. It turns out that he had something wrong with his brain (I can't remember what), had a seizure and either died from the seizure or smothered from becoming trapped between the crib and mattress. The doctors said that was irrelevant because the seizure would have killed him within minutes anyway. To this day, we think that he was home alone or with his siblings because his parents said they heard nothing from a baby sleeping in the same room.

Anyway, it nearly killed my mother, and if it had happened at our house, I don't think she ever would have gotten over it.

I'm getting a newborn soon, and it's bringing back some of this (Gee, thanks Sis!)

I know that if it has happened to you, you probably won't want to discuss it, but we hear so much about the danger, and I wonder how often it actually happens in care.

[AfterSchoolMom]

How awful!!!

I've never had it happen, but just wanted to say that if it did, I'd be devastated, and would probably never work in child care again. Those that do must be brave, strong ladies.

[Zoe]

I can't say how often it happens, but I do know a woman who this happened to on her watch. The baby died from SIDS. It was nothing she could have done, but she didn't want it to ever happen again in her care so she just doesn't take infants anymore.

I can't imagine the pain that had caused you and your family. And I'm sorry you went through that. If it is honestly something too painful or stressful for you, maybe you shouldn't take care of infants.

On the other hand, because of your experience I would imagine that you would be a GREAT provider for an infant because you know how vigilant you would be with that baby.

I think it comes down to your comfort level. Don't do anything you're uncomfortable with!

[Countrygal]

I have never had anything like this happen. Nothing past the usual scrapes and scratches. I know for certain if it ever did happen I would never be able to do daycare again.

I worked on an ambulance crew for a few years and had to give it up because it just made me too sad to see people dying so frequently. I have never worked on an ambulance since.

I am in daycare because life is beginning - not ending. I thank God every day for that! I know that things happen, and that life is life. I have learned to try not to worry about what MIGHT happen, just to enjoy the day! Tomorrow I might not be here to enjoy it! I am attempting to apply this to my daycare as well.

[youretooloud]

I have had kids who died, but not while in my care. I had one who was never going to survive past age three... she died just after her first birthday.

Another fell out of his car on his way to my house, and died when he hit the pavement. That was before carseats were really popular, and before computers... dad thought it was a good idea to let R sit on a stack of files he'd brought home from work, and R either opened the car door during a left turn, or Dad had never closed it all the way... the door flew open and R slid out.

Several have died as young adults or adults. Most in car accidents.

[Sunchimes]

Thanks Zoe. I'm not traumatized by it or anything--it was over 40 years ago--gosh, closer to 50 years, now that I count it up. With the new baby starting, I'm a bit nervous--I've never had one that young. My step-kids were all potty trained and had all their teeth before I was in the picture.

I just mentioned to Sis that I was nervous (not even really about SIDS, just about doing the right things), and it led us to thinking about James which led to this post.

I'll be fine. DCM and I have always worked well as a team (I've had #1 dcg since she was a few months old). She never hesitates to let me know how she wants things done and I don't hesitate to tell her if I can't do it that way.

It didn't drive my mom out of business, but seems like there was a pretty good gap in there before she took another baby. He would have died soon anyway, and nothing could have been done, but it so easily could have happened on her watch.

[Sunchimes]

Yourtooloud, that's awful! Those poor parents.
I know that at least 2 of the kids I taught when they were 5th graders have died since then--one just a few months ago. I also know that at least 6 of the 35 kids I taught at this school I ended up seeing again when I worked at the jail. All of them are long term guests of the state. Some of them were real surprises too. Took me about two of these episodes to quit wondering what I did wrong 20 years ago when they were in my class.

[WImom]

How sad!! I just couldn't live with myself if a baby died on my watch. It's the reason I don't care for infants. I was a worry wort with my own two until they were 12m old too. I was THAT mom that checked on them all the time when they were sleeping.

[Sunchimes]

When my first dcg was under one, I spent half of her nap time standing over her with a flash light waiting to see her rib cage move. Ok, yes, sometimes I jiggled her little foot a bit to make her move. Sometimes, even though they are 1 1/2, I still use the flashlight. Just checking, you know?

[PitterPatter]

My sister and I were talking over the holidays about when my mom did day care back in the 1960's. There were no licenses required then, and basically, the dc kids did what we did. In the suburbs in those days, that meant that they ran up and down the street with the rest of the neighborhood kids.

One time, she had a baby, and came so, so close to losing him--a few hours in fact. His family was rather casual about his care. They liked to spend the entire weekend at the lake, and on Mondays, he came in with sunburn, mosquite bites, and diaper rash. Mom spent all week getting him well, only to repeat the whole thing. She finally offered to keep him all weekend at no cost. So, we had him from Friday morning until Monday evening every week. We had known for months that something was wrong with him. At a year old, he couldn't sit up alone. Mom kept telling her that wasn't right, but she swore she had seen the doctor and he told her he was just a little slower than the other babies. That last week, our sweet, placid little baby screamed non-stop. He went home on Monday evening, and during the night, he died. It turns out that he had something wrong with his brain (I can't remember what), had a seizure and either died from the seizure or smothered from becoming trapped between the crib and mattress. The doctors said that was irrelevant because the seizure would have killed him within minutes anyway. To this day, we think that he was home alone or with his siblings because his parents said they heard nothing from a baby sleeping in the same room.

Anyway, it nearly killed my mother, and if it had happened at our house, I don't think she ever would have gotten over it.

I'm getting a newborn soon, and it's bringing back some of this (Gee, thanks Sis!)

I know that if it has happened to you, you probably won't want to discuss it, but we hear so much about the danger, and I wonder how often it actually happens in care.

So sad!! This is just 1 reason why I don't take babies. You just never know what's going on with them. Yes any child can be ill or have an underlying condition but at least the toddlers can try to tell you or show signs more so than an infant.

I LOVE the babies!! I would hold them all day (and did in the past) I just don't want the additional responsibility/risk, especially with other toddlers all running around.

I don't know of any losses personally but I know accidents have happened as well as neglectful situations. So sad!

[C'est la vie.]

Not in my care, but two years later.
There was a house fire and a kindergarten child who'd been in the 4 years before that was one of the victims. It was awful. It still is. She had just left our care that year for Kindergarten. The whole community was devastated as 5 were lost in the fire.

[melskids]

i worked at a center once for a woman who's grandmother owned a center herself years earlier, and a child there choked and died while eating grapes. we were NEVER allowed to even bring grapes into the building, even for our own lunch. things like that stick with you for the rest of your life.

[Lilbutterflie]

Reading this post made me go check on the 7mo and 14mo babies that are napping right now. My stomach sinks when I think about SIDS.

I really can't imagine losing a child in my care. I would get out of the business for good; I wouldn't be able to do it any longer.

[Cat Herder]

I had a set of 18 month old twins die in a house fire with their Mother over Christmas Holidays. I kept them overnight on weekdays when I was in college.

They would be 22 this coming October.

[DaisyMamma]

On the other hand, because of your experience I would imagine that you would be a GREAT provider for an infant because you know how vigilant you would be with that baby.

Well said.