How To Tell Parents To Bathe Their Kids?

[PitterPatter]

Hun, I feel for you but honestly you have only a few choices;

bathe them yourself
just ignore issue and deal with it

Neither of which you will see VERY quickly doesn't really solve anything and in all honestly you just can't save them all.. I have BTDT and I really do know how you feel but if this mom chooses to parent (or not parent) this way, there is really nothing you can do or say that will change her style. You can be firm and tell her they MUST be bathed before care and have clean socks and clothing but if she is just going to lie then you will be beating a dead horse. If she gets really angry then as you said, she will pull the kids and ship them elsewhere.

Your other option is to term or make rules you strictly enforce, but....
I hate to say it, but if that is something you can afford financially (losing her kids) I would take the chance because you and your other DCK's shouldn't have to deal with it. I know in public school, there are kids like this and the schools couldn't care less about being blunt and honest. They either tell them to bathe and turn them in or they ignore it and just go about their business.

It really is sad but as much as you want to, you cannot save every kid that comes your way. If you want to take on the responsibilty of bathing them and providing clean clothes, then good for you and you might actually make a difference in these kids' lives. You will be enabling mom though to continue not being responsible for her kids. So you are just going to have to decide what YOU are and are not willing to do and go from there.

I am sorry and wish I had an easy answer for you but when it comes to this kind of situation, we only have so much control and what happens at home with a parent will AWAYS over rule whatever habits, schedules and rituals you have at your child care.

(((((hugs)))) for caring though. lovethis

You are right I guess I was just looking for some miracle word, some statment that would make a light go on. I tried again to be blunt when she just came for pick up a few minutes ago and I couldn't.
I said "Johnny keeps pointing to the ink on his body again today and I told him maybe Mommy would let him soak in the tub longer tonight"
She said "we'll see"
I said "well I worry what ink does after sitting on the skin so long."
She said "well thats what happens when he gets into my pens"

That really burned my biscuits!!! I about snapped but just then another child was misbehaving and needed my attention. To which SHE chimed in and tried to correct the child. I wanted to say B mind your own business!

I do need them financially but I have alos grown attached to them. They are a screaming mess when I hear them from home over the phone but here they are calm and follow directions. I don't get it but I'm thankful I have good kids. I just wish they were clean.

I am going to bathe them myself I just don't know how to explain it to DCM when she claims she already bathes them. I will worry she will accuse me of being some sort of perv or something. I just hate that SHE KNOWS she doesnt bathe them and SHE KNOW I KNOW and stands there lying in my face! The clothing I have bought them 5 outfits as well as PJs socks and shoes. They come back dirty so that wont work. I am going to change them dialy into clean sets and back to their own sets when it's time to leave. I just hope I don't get caught how would I explain it?

Thank you Cat for all your help. I always trust your opinions

[Breezy]

You could always go on a field trip to a community center and go swimming and then shower off after to get the chlorine off!

I know, I know totally far fetched since I am sure that would not be an option but I want so desperately to think of an excuse to get these kids in the tub!

[PitterPatter]

I want to bathe them myself! happyface
My kids get baths when they need them and I use this really good smelling shampoo/conditioner from Victoria's secret and rub baby lotion all over them..
Then I wash their clothes with liquid fabric softener and they look so brand new.

What do you mean you can't bathe them because of the monitor?
(not judging at all) different states have different rules...

Every year wen the state comes in for inspection they go over a huge check list about 20 pages long. On that list is the question will children be bathing.... He always asks will I be bathing children. I tell him no and he marks in the no box and does not inspect any of the items under that category. I'm just thinking she will know her kids are bathed and if she takes offense then she can report me. Will that raise some sort of suspicion. A person has to be careful these days because you just never know. KWIM?

[Breezy]

Every year wen the state comes in for inspection they go over a huge check list about 20 pages long. On that list is the question will children be bathing.... He always asks will I be bathing children. I tell him no and he marks in the no box and does not inspect any of the items under that category. I'm just thinking she will know her kids are bathed and if she takes offense then she can report me. Will that raise some sort of suspicion. A person has to be careful these days because you just never know. KWIM?

How old are they again? Could you finger paint with them and then say that they got really messy and needed to have a quick bath?

[Michelle]

Every year wen the state comes in for inspection they go over a huge check list about 20 pages long. On that list is the question will children be bathing.... He always asks will I be bathing children. I tell him no and he marks in the no box and does not inspect any of the items under that category. I'm just thinking she will know her kids are bathed and if she takes offense then she can report me. Will that raise some sort of suspicion. A person has to be careful these days because you just never know. KWIM?

OMG! can you imagine that conversation?
"Yea, I only bathe my kids like once a month and my provider thinks that's somehow wrong and she gave them a bath... can you go over there and get her in trouble cause I'm really really mad at her !

[PitterPatter]

You could always go on a field trip to a community center and go swimming and then shower off after to get the chlorine off!

I know, I know totally far fetched since I am sure that would not be an option but I want so desperately to think of an excuse to get these kids in the tub!

I feel the same way. Thats why I loved it when summer came. I put them in a small wading pool and put a bunch of kids bath/body wash in it and told them it was bubble bath!!
At 1st they were afraid of the water!! But I gradually got them used to it. Now we are back to square 1.

DCM even caught me 1 day, picked it up and read the bottle "Sponge Bob body wash????" and made a face like WHY??? I said oh yeah sorry I ran out of Mr. Bubble. She had to know what I was doing! I swear to God I will never understand her!

I feel a tad nuts because I tried to think of everything. I even thought maybe I could febreez them when they arrive! Terrible I know! I do Febreeze the beds and carpets. I no longer allow them on my sofa because it smells bad at the end of the day so I spend a lot of the time on the floor or the kids cozy couches with them so they don't feel uncomfortable.

[PitterPatter]

How old are they again? Could you finger paint with them and then say that they got really messy and needed to have a quick bath?

I have done that to use the excuse of changing their clothes and wiping them down. DCG told DCM I wiped them off. That must be how DCM does it. I could risk popping them in the tub but I couldnt do it often without questions. We dont paint everyday just a couple times per week. Good idea tho!!

[PitterPatter]

OMG! can you imagine that conversation?
"Yea, I only bathe my kids like once a month and my provider thinks that's somehow wrong and she gave them a bath... can you go over there and get her in trouble cause I'm really really mad at her !

LOL She would NEVER admit that! She wont even admit it to me after all I do for them. It would be more like "I bathe my kids every day so why is she making them take baths hmmm?" That scares me!

I went so far as to put a note in the newsletter saying something like with winter here most of us allow our kids to skip baths every other night or so but please make sure the children arrive to daycare cleaned up with a fresh diaper. ( I was mainly aiming at the diaper issue at that point) I was embarrased after I handed it out. Another parent asked what that was about, her child is always bathed.

[Blackcat31]

.....another thought, could you possibly try approaching the subject by telling Mom the other kids are beginning to exclude her child and/or are making fun of her because of the smelly issues.... don't know if it'll work or if she will care but sometimes parents will step up when they do finally realize how things are affecting their kids.

[PitterPatter]

.....another thought, could you possibly try approaching the subject by telling Mom the other kids are beginning to exclude her child and/or are making fun of her because of the smelly issues.... don't know if it'll work or if she will care but sometimes parents will step up when they do finally realize how things are affecting their kids.

I tried that too. Someone else here suggested that in the summer I think it was.

I told DCM back then something like... The kids have been playing pretty hard and have been having a sweaty odor about them. Another child commented on the odor and wouldn't play with them and made your kids feel bad so could you make sure they get a bath tonight? ... All DCM got from that was who was the mean kid and were they punnished? :confused:

Cat honestly I have never met anyone like her in all my life. She just does not care! Yet she lies about it all. Usually if someone hasnt cared in the past they tell me to mind my business or so what, I don't have time, etc. She is constantly complaining about everyone else doing wrong to her yet she does no wrong. I would never tell anyone that the DHHS has sanctioned me AGAIN and is on my back about the kids and the way my home is kept! She has no embarrasment. Yet she lies. Makes no sense in my brain.

I also dont understand why my report means nothing especially when she is already under investigation. I asked a lady (friend of a friend) that works in a different dept why reports don't get investigated and she said all she can tell me is they don't have the staff to investigate all the reports so they weigh which issues are more important.

[Blackcat31]

I had a DCM similar to this in the past. turned out she suffered from a mental illness and when it all came to light it made sense but at the time I didn't understand why my reports weren't being looked in to either. I am betting htey are watching her and the non-bathed kids are the least of her issues. I would assume that DHS knows how this mom parents but must address the big issues first.

In the mean time, I suggest you document EVERYTHING. Keep a file folder and perhaps photograph the child's appearance upon arrival and write down EVERYTHING the DCM says to you in regards to her "parenting".

I would also call your licensor and talk with her about this situation. She could have some more advice about what to do and not do. One thing I did want to mention is to be careful what the rules and regs in your state say about bathing dck's. Just because you care and want to help won't exclude you from being in trouble for breaking the rules...kwim?

I can't say it enough but document, document, document.

In my case, after three and half years of documenting, reporting and stressing out my DCM had her children removed from her custody and to date does not have them back but is receiving care for her illness. It doesn't change what happened and I can bet her kids will have life long repercussions from what happened but in my heart of hearts, I know I did the right thing by being patient and documenting everything, even if it seemed like no big deal.

All those "no big deals" added up to a file folder 5 inches thick and was the deciding factor for the judge to remove the kids from her care.

It was/is emtionally heart wrenching and I will say that it did affect me to the point that I will never again become so involved in a situation like that.

So chin up....and start a notebook (if you haven't already) that documents every conversation, the kids' appearance/condition and anything you thing "might" be relavant later on if it became necessary. I think your DCM is just looking for attention and has figured out how to get it...I hate to say it but she isn't the first and won't be the last. Hang in there....

[sharlan]

Blackcat has good advice.

I've forgotten, how old are these kids? Can you give them a quick wash up in the kitchen sink?

I would do whatever it took to bathe these kids. Finger painting, spilling milk or juice, whatever excuse you could use.

[Ariana]

I can't believe the children's Aid didn't take this issue more seriously. Makes you wonder what else is going on at home.

I really think you need to enforce some rules here about these kids. Tell her you want them bathed 2X a week or you will begin bathing them and charging her an extra fee. I would then threaten to term if she doesn't comply. These kids need to be bathed. It's a major health issue IMO. The last thing I'd be worried about is offending this mom. Think only about the kids here and their well being.

I should also add that I've washed clothes and the mom didn't even notice. A snowsuit that was FILTHY went home looking brand new and the mom didn't even notice or care

[Ariana]

I had a DCM similar to this in the past. turned out she suffered from a mental illness and when it all came to light it made sense but at the time I didn't understand why my reports weren't being looked in to either. I am betting htey are watching her and the non-bathed kids are the least of her issues. I would assume that DHS knows how this mom parents but must address the big issues first.

In the mean time, I suggest you document EVERYTHING. Keep a file folder and perhaps photograph the child's appearance upon arrival and write down EVERYTHING the DCM says to you in regards to her "parenting".

I would also call your licensor and talk with her about this situation. She could have some more advice about what to do and not do. One thing I did want to mention is to be careful what the rules and regs in your state say about bathing dck's. Just because you care and want to help won't exclude you from being in trouble for breaking the rules...kwim?

I can't say it enough but document, document, document.

In my case, after three and half years of documenting, reporting and stressing out my DCM had her children removed from her custody and to date does not have them back but is receiving care for her illness. It doesn't change what happened and I can bet her kids will have life long repercussions from what happened but in my heart of hearts, I know I did the right thing by being patient and documenting everything, even if it seemed like no big deal.

All those "no big deals" added up to a file folder 5 inches thick and was the deciding factor for the judge to remove the kids from her care.

It was/is emtionally heart wrenching and I will say that it did affect me to the point that I will never again become so involved in a situation like that.

So chin up....and start a notebook (if you haven't already) that documents every conversation, the kids' appearance/condition and anything you thing "might" be relavant later on if it became necessary. I think your DCM is just looking for attention and has figured out how to get it...I hate to say it but she isn't the first and won't be the last. Hang in there....

[PitterPatter]

I had a DCM similar to this in the past. turned out she suffered from a mental illness and when it all came to light it made sense but at the time I didn't understand why my reports weren't being looked in to either. I am betting htey are watching her and the non-bathed kids are the least of her issues. I would assume that DHS knows how this mom parents but must address the big issues first.

In the mean time, I suggest you document EVERYTHING. Keep a file folder and perhaps photograph the child's appearance upon arrival and write down EVERYTHING the DCM says to you in regards to her "parenting".

I would also call your licensor and talk with her about this situation. She could have some more advice about what to do and not do. One thing I did want to mention is to be careful what the rules and regs in your state say about bathing dck's. Just because you care and want to help won't exclude you from being in trouble for breaking the rules...kwim?

I can't say it enough but document, document, document.

In my case, after three and half years of documenting, reporting and stressing out my DCM had her children removed from her custody and to date does not have them back but is receiving care for her illness. It doesn't change what happened and I can bet her kids will have life long repercussions from what happened but in my heart of hearts, I know I did the right thing by being patient and documenting everything, even if it seemed like no big deal.

All those "no big deals" added up to a file folder 5 inches thick and was the deciding factor for the judge to remove the kids from her care.

It was/is emtionally heart wrenching and I will say that it did affect me to the point that I will never again become so involved in a situation like that.

So chin up....and start a notebook (if you haven't already) that documents every conversation, the kids' appearance/condition and anything you thing "might" be relavant later on if it became necessary. I think your DCM is just looking for attention and has figured out how to get it...I hate to say it but she isn't the first and won't be the last. Hang in there....

Thank you Cat!! I know I'm not the only person with this situation but what you say makes a lot of sense. Mental issues and all. I think that to myself all the time this woman must be crazy but never really thought it serious kwim? I have documented some but not everything. I have pics in my cell right now of the crud under the nails that make me sick just looking at it. I will save that pic as well as the ink pics taken last Friday. I should ahve taken some today too to show the ink has been there for 6 days. Oh and I asked what kind of ink pen it was because I would love to have a permanant ink like that. She shurgged and said it's just a dollar store bic.

Thank you again Cat!!!

Blackcat has good advice.

I've forgotten, how old are these kids? Can you give them a quick wash up in the kitchen sink?

I would do whatever it took to bathe these kids. Finger painting, spilling milk or juice, whatever excuse you could use.

2 and 4 yrs old. I did almost put the 4 yr old in the tub this week because she came with mashed poop up clear up her back and her back is kinda hairy. I used a dozen wipes or more getting her cleaned up! I told DCM about it and gave her the shirt that had even gotten poop on it because the poop had squished right up out of the diaper. She said she must have pooed on the way and she didnt know it. Yeah that's why it was also dried on around some edges? Come on!!

The 1st time I went to check and put my bare fingers right in it because I didn't imagine it would be there like that. GAG!! I bleached my hand 3 times with straight bleach and scrubbed it with a potato scrubber I was so sick, and all before breakfast! I kept gloves on all day that day and the kids laughed but I was so afraid I would contaminate something. I'm so sick of changing poopy diapers upon arrival before I can even get breakfast on the table. That makes for a genuine Craptastic day!

I am going to talk to the monitor again and see what he suggests for the bathing. I know her she wants people to do everything for her such as the diapers and her sitting on her ass while I dress the kids and put shoes on etc. It would be better for everyone if I could just bathe them. I should charge her a bathing fee! She doesn't even pay her portion fees otherwise I would try it. Sorry rambling

TY everyone!!