How To Tell Parents To Bathe Their Kids?

[PitterPatter]

How do you tell a DCM she has to bathe her kids? I have been battling with this family for almost a year now. Summer was very hard but I managed to get them in the pool with "bubbles" etc. The cruddy fingernails I can only get clean by letting them "play" in a tote of water every day. They havent even been playing outside so where does this black crud even come from I have no idea. Now I have been noticing their "odor" again and know it's from them not bathing. I can walk out of the room for a few minutues and when I walk back in this odor smacks me in the face. The other kids notice it too, They keep telling me they think so and so pooped. And now the sheets smell like them when the wake from nap. Usually I only wash the sheets once or twice a week. Lately it's been everyday or they stink.

I know for a fact it has had to be at least 5-6 days since they bathed because DCB came here with pen drawn all over his chest and down his legs on Friday. It is still there now!! Thier belly buttons are black and grimey too. What do I say without being rude and offending DCM? I'm sure she knows she has to bathe her kids but just doesnt care to. I'm afraid I will offend her and she will take them out of daycare and go elsewhere. They are good kids. I tried to drop hints and mention things in a nice way like I bought them Elmo PJs for Christmas and they wanted to put them on right then. I told them in front of her that they had to go home and get their baths 1st. After they were all clean they could put the PJs on and snuggle up. She never bathed them that night. That was the 1st day I saw the ink and it's still there! No way are they even getting wiped down it would be wiped off by now. Who wouldn't at least bathe their kids for Christmas??? What can I say?

[melskids]

That is such a tough topic to have to bring up.

Maybe send a note home with each family, (as to not single them out.)

"For the health and safety of all the children, Please bring your child freshly bathed, clean, and appropriately dressed for daycare each day."

If that doesn't work, you may have to just be blunt and tell her face to face.

[laundrymom]

I would ask her, Sara, I hate to bring this up but what soap are you using each night for the kids baths,? Ive noticed the past month or so a different smell and im afraid it's affecting my allergies. Yesterday I had eyes watering when I was holding billy it started but when I finished it stopped what soaps are you using for their nightly bath and laundry?

Could you give them an extra rinse after soap each night to get any residue off? See if that helps. ?

[littlemissmuffet]

https://www.daycare.com/forum/showthread.php?t=32373&highlight=bath

Wow, is this the same family you were talking about here??

There were some good ideas/was some good advice in this original thread.

I feel bad for these kiddos and for you too

[MN Mom]

I would start being firm. No bath. No care. Obviously hints have not been working with mom. It's time to be blunt, imho. These kids are walking germ factories.

[Breezy]

How sad that her poor kids arent being bathed. I cant believe that!

[Blackcat31]

I will repeat what I said in July; "Sometimes real honesty and the blunt truth is just what is necessary. It may be tough or uncomfortable to say those words but I'm am wagering that those are the only words she will understand so time to start speaking up."

I know this is hard and I know it is uncomfortable but in all honesty, THIS IS PART OF THE JOB. It comes with the territory.

Especially since most of us welcome these kids in our homes which requires a lot more personal contact with them. It may be tough for the mom to hear but in reality, you are doing it for the kids. Please, speak up.

[SilverSabre25]

Gross.

I mean, I don't believe that children, or even adults for that matter, need a bath every single day unless they are doing something that truly gets them dirty ( i.e summer, playing outside everyday.)

I only bathe my daughter when I feel like she needs it and only bathe my son when I think he needs it.

BUT--they don't smell. If they have black crud under their nails I mostly know it's time to trim their nails (because really, shouldn't regular handwashing take care of that?!). If they get dirty, they get a bath that day. If my DD's hair looks yucky, I bathe her. If DS has a blow-out diaper, I bathe him.

Without playing it takes about ten minutes (undressing and turning on the water to her being clean, dry, jammied, and brushing teeth) to bathe DD and about five to bathe DS (longer now that he's a big squirmy crawling dude). Any parent who can't carve 15 minutes out of their evening on any given day is...well, lazy.

I should add, I aim for bathing DS about every third day and DD about every other day.

[mommiesherie]

I honestly don't think mentioning it to her is gona work. I would just have all the kids wash up at nap time and give them an extra good scrub. Lol get the wash cloth out and soap and wash them down. I just don't think she cares what anyone thinks or she would be giving them a bath already.

[Ariana]

Isn't this neglect? Shouldn't you be calling Children's Aid or something? We learned that this is child abuse and needs to be reported.

[PitterPatter]

https://www.daycare.com/forum/showth...highlight=bath

Wow, is this the same family you were talking about here??

There were some good ideas/was some good advice in this original thread.

I feel bad for these kiddos and for you too

Yes same kids I did try some ideas from there. I will have to look back for more again. TY. I thought I fixed the sock problem by buying them 18 pairs!! They still do the same with those, on Monday semi clean and same socks all week gradually getting worse. I asked the 4 yr old is she takes her socks off at night she said no. I asked when does she takes her socks off she said she doesn't. :confused: My main thing is the smell at this point and worse what germs are hiding in the hair nails etc. I tell her often they need their nails cut and she says ok but never cuts them unless I claim someone was scratched. I can't lie and say that every week. They wont let me cut them.

I came right out and told her about the hair it needed brushed it was literally matted on DCG head. She blames it on the tobogan.

Cat, I want so badly to tell her flat out but she complains now to me that the welfare dept is on her telling her how to raise her kids when they need this and that and she told the welfare lady they are her kids she will raise them her way. I'm afriad she will pull them. They was in at least 2 other daycare before mine. The kids will just be shipped around. In summer I had a talk close to point blank and she got offended said she does bath her kids but I know better. She will just lie. Same with diapers. They arrive here in full diapers sometimes. Even poop up their backs twice this week and when I confronted her she said they must have went on the way because she always makes sure they are dry. It's a battle I cant win because she lies to my face.

I'm just frustrated because I cant clean them like I did summer. There is no water play

I have reported them but I was asked a lot of question like did I see them negelcting them, maybe they just smell that way. :confused: Did I see physical abuse? Did I hear verbal abuse? Are they fed? When I basically had to say no to most of it they blew me off and said so your only complaint is they are not bathed properly? They said they would pass the info on to see if it warranted further action. I don't get it. Isn't that enough?

I feel bad because when I read story books now I cant stand to have them sitting on my lap because the smell is bad and the hair odor is even worse. It makes me want to cry!! I want to put them in a tub myself but I am not set up for that with the monitor.

I am saying something today dont know what but the ink all over DCBs body for the past 6 days is proof enough they havent been in a tub!

TY everyone!!

[Blackcat31]

Hun, I feel for you but honestly you have only a few choices;

bathe them yourself
just ignore issue and deal with it

Neither of which you will see VERY quickly doesn't really solve anything and in all honestly you just can't save them all.. I have BTDT and I really do know how you feel but if this mom chooses to parent (or not parent) this way, there is really nothing you can do or say that will change her style. You can be firm and tell her they MUST be bathed before care and have clean socks and clothing but if she is just going to lie then you will be beating a dead horse. If she gets really angry then as you said, she will pull the kids and ship them elsewhere.

Your other option is to term or make rules you strictly enforce, but....
I hate to say it, but if that is something you can afford financially (losing her kids) I would take the chance because you and your other DCK's shouldn't have to deal with it. I know in public school, there are kids like this and the schools couldn't care less about being blunt and honest. They either tell them to bathe and turn them in or they ignore it and just go about their business.

It really is sad but as much as you want to, you cannot save every kid that comes your way. If you want to take on the responsibilty of bathing them and providing clean clothes, then good for you and you might actually make a difference in these kids' lives. You will be enabling mom though to continue not being responsible for her kids. So you are just going to have to decide what YOU are and are not willing to do and go from there.

I am sorry and wish I had an easy answer for you but when it comes to this kind of situation, we only have so much control and what happens at home with a parent will AWAYS over rule whatever habits, schedules and rituals you have at your child care.

(((((hugs)))) for caring though. lovethis

[daycare]

Hun, I feel for you but honestly you have only a few choices;

bathe them yourself
just ignore issue and deal with it

Neither of which you will see VERY quickly doesn't really solve anything and in all honestly you just can't save them all.. I have BTDT and I really do know how you feel but if this mom chooses to parent (or not parent) this way, there is really nothing you can do or say that will change her style. You can be firm and tell her they MUST be bathed before care and have clean socks and clothing but if she is just going to lie then you will be beating a dead horse. If she gets really angry then as you said, she will pull the kids and ship them elsewhere.

Your other option is to term or make rules you strictly enforce, but....
I hate to say it, but if that is something you can afford financially (losing her kids) I would take the chance because you and your other DCK's shouldn't have to deal with it. I know in public school, there are kids like this and the schools couldn't care less about being blunt and honest. They either tell them to bathe and turn them in or they ignore it and just go about their business.

It really is sad but as much as you want to, you cannot save every kid that comes your way. If you want to take on the responsibilty of bathing them and providing clean clothes, then good for you and you might actually make a difference in these kids' lives. You will be enabling mom though to continue not being responsible for her kids. So you are just going to have to decide what YOU are and are not willing to do and go from there.

I am sorry and wish I had an easy answer for you but when it comes to this kind of situation, we only have so much control and what happens at home with a parent will AWAYS over rule whatever habits, schedules and rituals you have at your child care.

(((((hugs)))) for caring though. lovethis

great advice...you always do give great advice..

I did have a mom that was not bathing her kids and it only took one time for me to bathe and give the child clean clothes for the mom not to do it again. She was so embarrassed. I did not say anything at all....You can try this, it may or may not work...

[Michelle]

I want to bathe them myself! happyface
My kids get baths when they need them and I use this really good smelling shampoo/conditioner from Victoria's secret and rub baby lotion all over them..
Then I wash their clothes with liquid fabric softener and they look so brand new.

What do you mean you can't bathe them because of the monitor?
(not judging at all) different states have different rules...

[Breezy]

Still feeling so horrible for these kids. I can not believe this is not a neglect issue. They need to be clean! And if they are getting bathed, their socks aren't being changed, then what else is going on that isn't seen?? Are the sheets washed on their beds? Do they have a clean and safe place to play at home? Does mom wash dishes, etc.

I almost would say you should call the police for an anonymous welfare check on these kids at home after documenting with pictures all of this!!