A Good CIO Article

[sahm2three]

I'm not a fan of any version of sleep training or CIO. I love Dr. Sears take on the matter. With my 4 (soon to be 5) kids we've never sleep trained. We co-slept and nursed on demand and they all learned to self soothe and go to sleep on there own somewhere between 12-24 months.

I don't cease being a nurturing and attentive parent just because the sun is down. I couldn't imagine ignoring my child for any length of time just to get them to sleep better.

For a newbie you are kind of judgemental. To be a better parent you have to sleep. To be a safe parent, safe driver, etc, you NEED sleep. I had a ds who slept NO MORE than 3 hours a night for almost 2 years. I have never recovered, and he is 10. I feel like I lost sooooooooo many brain cells from that time. It isn't always selfish. Sometimes it is merely so you can function so that you may care for your other children. I didn't cease to be nurturing of attentive just because the sun was down, I did my children a favor and TAUGHT them how to self sooth. It isn't ignoring. I cried at the door along with him. He refused to cosleep. I tried EVERYTHING. So don't judge.

[Meeko]

For a newbie you are kind of judgemental. To be a better parent you have to sleep. To be a safe parent, safe driver, etc, you NEED sleep. I had a ds who slept NO MORE than 3 hours a night for almost 2 years. I have never recovered, and he is 10. I feel like I lost sooooooooo many brain cells from that time. It isn't always selfish. Sometimes it is merely so you can function so that you may care for your other children. I didn't cease to be nurturing of attentive just because the sun was down, I did my children a favor and TAUGHT them how to self sooth. It isn't ignoring. I cried at the door along with him. He refused to cosleep. I tried EVERYTHING. So don't judge.

[frgsonmysox]

I think thats wonderful for you!! If you felt rested and alert the next day then great!!

Would you have done the same thing if you were suffering from sleep deprivation which is a very serious affliction? What if you didn't feel safe to drive a car? What if you were zoning out during the day while your child was with you? What if you started seeing things that weren't there? How would you have handled it?

Everyone's body is different. You might take a sleeping pill and it knocks you out, I might take one and it does nothing. Your body might thrive on 4 hours of sleep and my body might not. Does this make me a bad parent because I chose my own health for the betterment of both myself and my daughters well being? Do you think that any parent likes to hear their child cry (for the record my DD hardly cried! the longest she fussed was 12 minutes!!)

This close mindedness is not the way a "nurturing" person conducts themselves in the reality of the world. If you truly are nurturing, isn't compassion in order. Perhaps understanding where your fellow moms are coming from and what lead to their choices? Hopefully you will model that for your child instead of preaching what you see as "right" vs. "wrong".

That comment wasn't directed at anyone. I didn't mean for it to come off as mean or judgmental. I was talking more about the way I parent during the day (attachment style) continues into the night. My parenting doesn't go from nurture, hold, babywear, respond immediately to suns down and your on your own, I'll come in every 15 minutes and pat you but thats it. To me the two don't go together.

I had severe PPD after my daughter was born, and my husband was deployed. I think the fact that I never just let her cry is what saved our relationship. It would have been very easy for me to just put her down and walk away, because thats what I wanted to do. I couldn't though. After 6 months I woke up and we are incredibly bonded to this day. I really think had I not attended her night and day it would have affected us.

I have a connective tissue disorder that makes it more difficult to move if I don't get sleep, but I still am not a fan of CIO. I just can't wrap my head around it. I'm sorry if I offended anyone, I used a poor choice of words but it wasn't my intention to direct them at you. It was directed at me, and my style of parenting.

[dEHmom]

When a mother isn't sleeping, is getting ill, and possibly seeing things that aren't there, the risks to the child is far greater. Mom could be depressed, slow reactions, or pushed right over the edge. Lets face it, not every husband is there to help with crying kids, poopy diapers, vomiting, feedings, etc. I know mine wasn't. I went through depression because of lack of sleep, I couldn't eat properly because I was so exhausted I didn't even have the energy to cook.
And it was affecting my older children as well. Mommy was too tired to play with them, too sick to take them outside or to the park.

CIO isn't for everyone. But when you have a child who has never self soothed themselves because mommy goes running everytime they make a whimper, that child is in for a rude awakening when they go to daycare, preschool or school.

When I knew my babies were old enough to make it through the night without a feeding, I would go in quietly, make sure nothing was wrong without them knowing, and then i'd let them cry. 2 days and they slept through the night. Then when they did cry, I KNEW something was wrong.

[frgsonmysox]

I have to wonder if the ignoring kids while crying is what causes adults to have issues with displaying emotions? I've seen studies that have suggested as much, and it makes sense. To tell a baby that their crying isn't important enough to be dealt with is setting that person up to believe that their emotions are not valued.

All my AP friends have very independent children. Studies have also shown that kids are MORE independent when the AP style is used and crying is attended to night and day. Security fosters independence. Sure, my 18 month old might still be crying at night and waking while yours sleep, but by 4 our kids are both sleeping through the night and doing it on their own. It took mine longer to get there but they DID get there when THEY were ready.

[Country Kids]

What I find funny is the amount of problems children have now compared to when I was growing up. Children born from the 90's on seem to have soooooo many struggles. This seems to be about the time all parenting styles changed-no spankings, let the children be the parent, little Johnny has feelings don't let him cry, parents should be friends not parents, etc.

When is this maddness going to stop and we become parents again! If a child needs to cry for a little bit because mom needs a break or the child just needs to go to sleep its fine. I'm not talking full blown screaming for hours but if its just a mad cry and everything is fine the child needs to learn that its time for sleep and move on.

I fear for when I'm older and this generation of children are running the world. Everyone will have something wrong with them, there will be noooo boundaries, if things don't go their way what are they going to do, imagine the crime rate!

I know we all parent different which is fine. Our goal is to raise healthy, well behaved children, that can grow up into well adjusted functioning adults. Arguing over the forum doesn't solve anything, being insinctint that one way is the only way reminds me of a bitty old woman that is very grouchy and no one likes to be around. Please throw ideas out there but lets not judge each other and tell others that they feel is totally wrong.