A Good CIO Article

[sharlan]

I wish that my youngest daughter believed in letting her babies cio. She is so sleep deprived after 6 years that it has taken a severe toll on her mentally and physically. She is in a constant state of exhaustion. She's been in several accidents due to her mental state. Her kids are 3 1/2 and 6, neither one sleeps through the night on a regular basis. Yet when they spend the night here, both sleep through the night.

Crying it out is not the same as letting an infant cry and scream until they vomit. You have to find a happy medium that works for you.

As a person who gets physically ill from hearing a baby cry, it's difficult, but it has to be done.

[Ariana]

I don't know why it has to be "a can of worms" Why can it not just be an adult discussion? Comments like this do not generate adult discussion, just animosity and arguing.

It was a joke. Hence the face


Moving along now......

[christinaskids]

At what age do you guys think its ok to let a baby stary to cio? I think newborns need to be coddled but after a few months then they can start to learn to self soothe or am i wrong?

[AfterSchoolMom]

Ok, as long as I'm stepping on the worms...

I just wanted to say, I did CIO with my oldest, and he is now a perfectly healthy, normal, happy school ager. We have a very loving relationship and he's still a fantastic sleeper. As a matter of fact, one of his first sentences was "want to go night-night". I think that teaching a child to self soothe and to sleep on their own is better for them in the long run.

Whenever people say "I think that CIO has negative long term effects", I always wonder what kind of effects they mean.

[Ariana]

At what age do you guys think its ok to let a baby stary to cio? I think newborns need to be coddled but after a few months then they can start to learn to self soothe or am i wrong?

The Sleep Easy Solution says as long as the baby is 4 months AND 14 lbs they no longer need to eat during the night and can learn to self soothe.

I personally didn't feel comfortable until 8 months....that's kinda when I hit my wall.

[Zoe]

At what age do you guys think its ok to let a baby stary to cio? I think newborns need to be coddled but after a few months then they can start to learn to self soothe or am i wrong?

Like a PP mentioned, they need to be of an age and certain weight where they SHOULD be sleeping through the night. I'm sure that would apply for naps too. At least 4 months, but the youngest I've done is a 6 month old. And I didn't let them get so upset that they screamed or vomited. I checked on them every 5 minutes, then lengthened the time gradually.

I would still check on the child without them knowing just to make sure they were ok.

[frgsonmysox]

I'm not a fan of any version of sleep training or CIO. I love Dr. Sears take on the matter. With my 4 (soon to be 5) kids we've never sleep trained. We co-slept and nursed on demand and they all learned to self soothe and go to sleep on there own somewhere between 12-24 months.

I don't cease being a nurturing and attentive parent just because the sun is down. I couldn't imagine ignoring my child for any length of time just to get them to sleep better.

[Meeko]

I'm not a fan of any version of sleep training or CIO. I love Dr. Sears take on the matter. With my 4 (soon to be 5) kids we've never sleep trained. We co-slept and nursed on demand and they all learned to self soothe and go to sleep on there own somewhere between 12-24 months.

I don't cease being a nurturing and attentive parent just because the sun is down. I couldn't imagine ignoring my child for any length of time just to get them to sleep better.

I'm glad it worked for you. But those of us who don't co-sleep etc don't "cease to be nurturing and attentive parents when the sun goes down". That's a pretty harsh statement.

I was getting seriously ill because I wasn't getting good sleep. I looked like I'd been punched in the face due to dark circles around my eyes. Twelve months of an hour here and there just isn't enough to stay healthy. My hair started falling out...I looked like I had cancer.
We didn't just ignore our son. We checked on him, talked to him etc.....but kept him in his crib. (He was 12 months old) Within a few days he was sleeping right through the night and was MUCH happier during the day too. And I was a better mother and wife because I wasn't worn out. For some of the time my husband was deployed (Air Force) and I was alone, which didn't help either.

I guess what I am trying say is that different strokes for different folks. You are not wrong at all to parent your children the way you do.

Nor was I. It's been 30 years now, but I still know I did what was right for my son and me. I wasn't being a good mother by being at his side 24/7. A few months longer and I would have snapped either physically or mentally or both.

[Christian Mother]

Not everyone is comfortable with CIO. But for those that are..me included. I believe it works. And I def. don't by in that it mentally and physically hurts a child by using it. And I don't at all feel that I'm a bad provider for using the CIO method. It works...I have used it with my children and with my first DCB and he's one that loves nap time...well ashually all but one love nap time. That particular boy that doesn't like to sleep is my part timer and has a dif. routine at home which allows him to sleep if he wants to and if not mom keeps him up so he'll go to bed at a good time. Normally bedtime is 11pm. Mom doesn't understand how I am able to get him to nap but he feels comfortable here sleeping its just the first 2 min that he whines for mom. Soft music and me checking in every 7min...he's out.

I now use it for my newest dcg..she's 5 mos and she sleeps through the night for mom is up most the day for me. If she is here early in the morning there are 2 naps if she is later in the day just 1. I won't force her to sleep I can read the signs pretty well. But I will let them cry it out for up to 7min and then go in to sooth and then walk right back out to repeat the process. It took almost 2 wks to get a routine and now she is great. She wakes up and is all smiles. As soon as I hear her wake up I am opening the door already talking to her and then when I get to her I cuddle and kiss and out of the room we go. Its been a great experience for me using it and I'll tell you what...I wouldn't use it if it wasn't successful. Who said anyway that you had to do it exactly from the book. I make it work for me by adjusting to my comfort zone.

[AnneCordelia]

Thank you.

I cosleep with my babies for the first 6 months and then we gradually transition to a crib in my room. My own 15mo is still sleeping in a crib in my room. I extended breastfeed...nursing my toddler still and my 3yo weaned just a few short months ago. I wear my babies and try to be AP.

One thing I do believe in is teaching my children to sleep well. At about 9-12mo is when we 'sleep train' here with a modified CIO approach like Ferberizing. I am a firm believer that my children's quality of life improved drastically once they started sleeping better at night and nap.

Sleep is as crucial to development as nutrition but is given much less emphasis. Yes, a newborn and young baby needs to wake often to keep them safe, but I don't believe that to be so for toddlers+.

I also love the works of Dr Marc Weissbluth. I definitely take the advice of pediatric sleep experts over that of Dr Sears (as much as I love Dr Sears) because this is their specialty. Dr Weissbluth and Dr Ferber both have extensive histories heading up Pediatric Sleep Centers out of major hospitals and have both done mucho more research on the effects of infant sleep than Dr Sears. I trust their expert opinion and have seen the benefits work in my own home.

ETA: I have four children of my own and this is what works for us.

[Heidi]

One thing the article makes clear is that Dr. Ferber does not use the term "Cry it out".

[mismatchedsocks]

Update on my situation with new child who is 7 months today, been at a daycare before and the provider had 2 children. She held each of them the WHOLE time that they slept. Rocked and held. Mom and Dad have been letting him "cry it out" or as we call it self soothe, at home.
I am on day 5 of him being here. First day was a loud screaming crying, day two was crying and whimpering. Day 3 was a little whimpering. Day 4 he fussed, no tears. Today he laid down and fell asleep within minutes. No crying, whimpering, etc.

Did i let him cry it out? Maybe, but i call it "self soothe" and getting into my routine. Gotta be hard on little guy to be held all day at other daycare then at night parents let him self soothe, now new daycare he is here 9 hours a day 5 days a week, and have to self soothe here. I do know that last night and night before have been the easiest on mom and dad at home to get him to bed. Could it be because we are approaching this the same way and he IS self soothing just fine. ??

[Ariana]

I'm not a fan of any version of sleep training or CIO. I love Dr. Sears take on the matter. With my 4 (soon to be 5) kids we've never sleep trained. We co-slept and nursed on demand and they all learned to self soothe and go to sleep on there own somewhere between 12-24 months.

I don't cease being a nurturing and attentive parent just because the sun is down. I couldn't imagine ignoring my child for any length of time just to get them to sleep better.

I think thats wonderful for you!! If you felt rested and alert the next day then great!!

Would you have done the same thing if you were suffering from sleep deprivation which is a very serious affliction? What if you didn't feel safe to drive a car? What if you were zoning out during the day while your child was with you? What if you started seeing things that weren't there? How would you have handled it?

Everyone's body is different. You might take a sleeping pill and it knocks you out, I might take one and it does nothing. Your body might thrive on 4 hours of sleep and my body might not. Does this make me a bad parent because I chose my own health for the betterment of both myself and my daughters well being? Do you think that any parent likes to hear their child cry (for the record my DD hardly cried! the longest she fussed was 12 minutes!!)

This close mindedness is not the way a "nurturing" person conducts themselves in the reality of the world. If you truly are nurturing, isn't compassion in order. Perhaps understanding where your fellow moms are coming from and what lead to their choices? Hopefully you will model that for your child instead of preaching what you see as "right" vs. "wrong".

[Meeko]

I think thats wonderful for you!! If you felt rested and alert the next day then great!!

Would you have done the same thing if you were suffering from sleep deprivation which is a very serious affliction? What if you didn't feel safe to drive a car? What if you were zoning out during the day while your child was with you? What if you started seeing things that weren't there? How would you have handled it?

Everyone's body is different. You might take a sleeping pill and it knocks you out, I might take one and it does nothing. Your body might thrive on 4 hours of sleep and my body might not. Does this make me a bad parent because I chose my own health for the betterment of both myself and my daughters well being? Do you think that any parent likes to hear their child cry (for the record my DD hardly cried! the longest she fussed was 12 minutes!!)

This close mindedness is not the way a "nurturing" person conducts themselves in the reality of the world. If you truly are nurturing, isn't compassion in order. Perhaps understanding where your fellow moms are coming from and what lead to their choices? Hopefully you will model that for your child instead of preaching what you see as "right" vs. "wrong".

Thanks Ariana. Very well put.

I was actually quite hurt by the "I don't cease being a nurturing and attentive parent just because the sun is down" comment.

The implication that you and I and any other exhausted mother is a non-nurturing and in-attentive one is offensive. And no...I am not "taking it the wrong way". It was a snide remark and was meant to be as self-righteous as it sounds.

A baby isn't going to die because it's allowed to cry for 15 minutes. But very sadly...babies DO die when their parents reach exhaustion point. Being terribly tired is like being drunk. Judgement is not good. I could feel myself falling apart more and more as the months went by. My husband was deployed. My family were on the other side of the world and I had nobody to call at 3AM in the morning as I sobbed my eyes out and literally begged my son to go to sleep. I drove around in that state with my son in the car! It makes me shudder now.

I wasn't being a nurturing and attentive parent simply because I was with him 24/7!!!! My tiredness actually put both his life and mine in danger!

[Country Kids]

Thanks Ariana. Very well put.

I was actually quite hurt by the "I don't cease being a nurturing and attentive parent just because the sun is down" comment.

The implication that you and I and any other exhausted mother is a non-nurturing and in-attentive one is offensive. And no...I am not "taking it the wrong way". It was a snide remark and was meant to be as self-righteous as it sounds.

A baby isn't going to die because it's allowed to cry for 15 minutes. But very sadly...babies DO die when their parents reach exhaustion point. Being terribly tired is like being drunk. Judgement is not good. I could feel myself falling apart more and more as the months went by. My husband was deployed. My family were on the other side of the world and I had nobody to call at 3AM in the morning as I sobbed my eyes out and literally begged my son to go to sleep. I drove around in that state with my son in the car! It makes me shudder now.

I wasn't being a nurturing and attentive parent simply because I was with him 24/7!!!! My tiredness actually put both his life and mine in danger!