Did I Do the Right Thing?

[Lucy]

Waaayyyyy too much drama for me. I would tell her that you can't work under these conditions and she'll have to find someone else. I don't term people on a whim, but for this situation, I would. I've been through the divorced parent thing, and it was not fun. Never again.

[JenNJ]

I think you did the right thing in that situation. Never let a child go to anyone who isn't listed on the authorized pick up forms!!

However, do you typically just let unknown adults into your daycare when they accompany parents? I ask for ID from ANYONE who shows up with or without a dc parent. If they come without a daycare parent, I need it IN WRITING from the daycare parent who is picking up that day AND that person MUST be listed on the authorized pick up list. And I NEVER open the door to anyone I don't know. I have pick ups show me their ID through the window before I even open the door.

[Unregistered]

legally, though, if the father is not listed on the paperwork, does that count? if you don't know his name or anything, how can you be sure that this is the child's father, biological or otherwise? This child's father's information was not available to the provider. He was not listed as an allowed pick-up person. I would say that the law would likely protect the provider in this instance.

this is correct... sad but true. If the mom did not list the dad, then dad will have to go out of his way to prove that he is the father and that he has rights.

One thing that I have learned is that when people have drama like this, words are just words. the only thing that speaks words to the provider is the legal documents.

I would be terming this mom if she did this to me. she tired to put you in a really really bad situation. YOu can never be to careful when you are dealing with your business and the safety of all of the chlidren. at the end of the day, it will all come back on you...

[Mandy_Jane]

Ok, so I thought I'd give a little update here. I decided to call dcm at about 11:45 am just to make sure everything was ok since I hadn't heard from her at all. I had to leave a message, but she called me right back and said she had slept in and didn't wake up until 10:00 am. She said she was on the way and was that ok. I said, yeah that's fine, I just wanted to make sure you were alright since I hadn't heard from you. I guess I need to give her a reminder to call when she is going to be late. I got up an hour earlier than I needed to since she didn't come at her scheduled time.

So, I asked her if everything was ok with her and the baby's dad and she said yes. She said her mom and friend are really mad at her for getting back together with the dad, but she says she's sure he's "changed" since he got out of jail. Poor woman. I hope she's right, but there's a 99% chance he's not changed at all. Every man says they've "changed" and then they just go right back to doing whatever it was. In her case, he was apparently violent with her, but she says it was probably because he was on drugs at the time.

So, I told her she is going to need to fill out new paperwork for me with all of the dad's info on it if he is allowed to pick up his daughter. And she agreed to that. She said she is going to the courthouse today to see if she can get the order of protection dropped against him. Sheesh. But this little baby girl is so darned cute and she's such a sweetie. I hope I don't lose her, because I think my girls and I might be one of the only good things she has in life right now.

[Heidi]

legally, though, if the father is not listed on the paperwork, does that count? if you don't know his name or anything, how can you be sure that this is the child's father, biological or otherwise? This child's father's information was not available to the provider. He was not listed as an allowed pick-up person. I would say that the law would likely protect the provider in this instance.

I agree with this. If he is not listed as the father, then you have no way of knowing WHO he is. Although a court order is supposed to be required, that doesn't mean any guy can just walk into the house and say "hey, that's my kid".

I would ask your licenser, but leaving that part blank on the form may cause YOU trouble, because the form is not complete. She either has to list him, and then provide you with a copy of the court order, or list him, and then he is authorized to pick up the child.

I absolutely think you did the right thing in this situation. But, check with the powers-that-be for more information. Oh, and GET IT IN WRITING... Anything I ask my licenser, I email, so that I have a written response. You don't know how many people in our state have gotten different answers from different regulators, then taken the blame. sheeeshh...

[MarinaVanessa]

If he is not listed as the father, then you have no way of knowing WHO he is. Although a court order is supposed to be required, that doesn't mean any guy can just walk into the house and say "hey, that's my kid".

I guess the point that I'm trying to make is that the DCM brought the dad to the DC and introduced him as such to the provider. Wether or not his name is on the contract is irrelevent. I have clients that come and only one of the parents sign the contract. Does that mean that because my DCM signed the paperwork that the dad can't pick up his children ... no. If the provider didn't know who the dad was then yes, it would be ok to call the mom to make sure and then ask for ID and all that, but the DC provider was introduced to him that morning and he showed up later to pick the DC girl up and as of that day she knew who the child's father was.

Personally, I also would have called DCM to make sure it was ok but if she had said no and that it was not ok for DCD to take the child and the dad wanted to take her anyway LEGALLY I wouldn't be able to refuse him of his own child knowing that he was the father (and the OP did say that she knew he was the father) ... otherwise I would be kidnapping. It's sad but at a legal standpoint this is what it would be. This is why I urge for DCP's to require legal documents that say when a non-custodial parent can or can't see their child. Without a legal order you are keeping a parent from their child and that's illegal regardless of who is listed in the contract.

Without an order the DCD can't "kidnap" his own child, there has to be an order showing that he isn't supposed to have the child in order to be able to legally deny him of the child.

[MarinaVanessa]

Ok, so I thought I'd give a little update here. I decided to call dcm at about 11:45 am just to make sure everything was ok since I hadn't heard from her at all. I had to leave a message, but she called me right back and said she had slept in and didn't wake up until 10:00 am. She said she was on the way and was that ok. I said, yeah that's fine, I just wanted to make sure you were alright since I hadn't heard from you. I guess I need to give her a reminder to call when she is going to be late. I got up an hour earlier than I needed to since she didn't come at her scheduled time.

So, I asked her if everything was ok with her and the baby's dad and she said yes. She said her mom and friend are really mad at her for getting back together with the dad, but she says she's sure he's "changed" since he got out of jail. Poor woman. I hope she's right, but there's a 99% chance he's not changed at all. Every man says they've "changed" and then they just go right back to doing whatever it was. In her case, he was apparently violent with her, but she says it was probably because he was on drugs at the time.

So, I told her she is going to need to fill out new paperwork for me with all of the dad's info on it if he is allowed to pick up his daughter. And she agreed to that. She said she is going to the courthouse today to see if she can get the order of protection dropped against him. Sheesh. But this little baby girl is so darned cute and she's such a sweetie. I hope I don't lose her, because I think my girls and I might be one of the only good things she has in life right now.

I think it's great that everything is looking good for your in regards to this child. Hopefully everything works out for yourself and for the DCM and their family. Hopefully the DCD has paid his debt to society and really has changed for the better and I hope they end up being a great DCF for you .

If things don't work out between the 2 of them you should really think about requiring her to provide you with a custody agreement should they decide to get one.

[grandmom]

You did the right thing, because this man's name was not on the pick up list.

There are two huge issues here.

1. NEVER allow someone who is NOT on the list, take a child. EVER. Even if they are driving the mom's car.

2. NEVER keep a child from his parents without a copy of the protection order. If you do, you are guilty of kidnapping. You have no legal right to keep a child from the parent. If this man comes in with a birth certificate and identification, you are required by law to give the child up. You can still make the calls, whatever, but do not refuse the child.

Demand that the mom give you a copy of the protection order.

Good luck.

[Michelle]

If he was in jail for abusing her, she can lose that baby for allowing him back with her.
There is a law about this. I wish I had a link about it but she better be careful.
I think they give you 2-3 chances and they will put the baby in foster care.

[lisa@tinytots]

Yes!

You did the right thing! I would have done the same thing! What a buch of drama! I hope this isn't gonna be a sneak preview of what kind of experience you are going to have with this family.I had a fresh out of jail dad come to my daycare once. He sat and waited till the mom came. I was so nervous having him here. I thought It was really weird that he came 30 minutes early and just waited out back on my swingset. Probably the weirdest thing I have ever had happen.I phoned someone to come over until he was gone.

[Ariana]

I would term her on the spot. No questions asked, do not pass go and collect $200!! Her treatment of you and her child is not something I'd ever want to deal with again. I think you were VERY lucky this guy wasn't crazy and didn't try to harm you.

Yep she'd be gone....

[kidkair]

You should call/email your licensor and talk with him/her about the situation so you know what to do in the future and have it documented somewhere as to what he/she said for you to do. Also start checking the baby head to toe every single day and document any bruises or cuts and reasons they are there. I had a similar situation so I know how intensely scary that can be. I called and talked to my licensor the following day and felt much better knowing I had done the right thing and found out what documents the mother could provide me to ensure the police would enforce my right to hold the children from their father.