Time Away From the Children

[SilverSabre25]

I said that we only get nights TOGETHER without our kids a couple of times a year. However, DH and I often will do things individually while the other stays at home. DH is an avid gym goer and I participate in a Bunco group one evening per month. I'll take them with me shopping so that he can play a computer game, or he'll take them somewhere for the afternoon so that I can read a book... and at least once per year, I go to the beach with my Mom for the weekend while DH stays home, and at least once per year, DH will go somewhere for the weekend while I stay at home.

We definitely have our time alone, and I don't think anyone is a bad parent, no matter whether they work at home or outside of the home, for needing a break now and then.

I DO think that if you CHOOSE to spend every evening, every weekend, every vacation, etc. without your child, it is a sad situation. The opposite is also true. If you NEVER take a break, that's sad as well, because no one benefits from that situation.

Thank you--this clarifies things nicely.

[laundrymom]

. The opposite is also true. If you NEVER take a break, that's sad as well, because no one benefits from that situation.

I don't agree. I do nothing without my children. I don't feel we aren't benefitting. I feel it suits us well.

[nannyde]

To stand up for parents who are getting bashed here and give a parent's perspective. It makes me sad that so many daycare providers seem to despise the parents.

What you are reading is providers who are dealing with clients who are behaving badly, doing a poor job parenting, shuning their children, and are not paying their bills.

We SHOULD have a place to go to to discuss parents with poor behavior, poor parenting, and who are delinquent with money.

Just because someone has a child and can access free child care or pay for child care it doesn't mean they come to the relationship with excellent behavior. Having a child and accessing day care is NOT an indication of decent behavior in ANY way shape or form. It has NOTHING to do with decent behavior. NOTHING. You don't get respect because you have had a child. You don't get respect because you can get free child care or pay for child care.

You get respect by being a good parent, behaving yourself in public, and paying your bills.

You are reading posts about adults who are NOT doing the above. It exists and we have a right to discuss it with our colleagues.

[Unregistered]

There are so many ways to see it

I'm a home daycare provider and I am a mother, too. I've worked in daycare centers and I've had jobs that were not related to childcare. I've sent my daughter to daycare and I didn't beat myself up for it. What I did instead was find a daycare provider who would care for her and be my partner in raising her. I knew that I had to work and that meant that I had to send her to daycare. There was no way around it because my husband and I both worked the same hours. When I had days off, I kept her with me because I wanted more time with her. I wouldn't begrudge anyone their right to have some "me time", I just wasn't one of those people. When I worked at a center, she came to work with me but she was in a different class and even though we were in the same building, I only saw her at drop off and pick up times. I wanted to each lunch with her every day so that I would have some time with her but her teacher didn't want me to do that and explained that if I did that, it would be so much harder for her because she would want to stay with me. I respected her teacher for keeping my DD's best interest ahead of letting me have my way, which might have been nice for me until lunch was over and I had to drop her off again. We just made sure to have time together before and after work and on the weekends. As a home daycare provider, while I do get to work from home and I can see my DD after school and over school vacations, it's not the same as having time with her one on one. She has to share me with a bunch of other kids and since I'm working, I have an obligation to care for the kids in my daycare, and she gets that. It still hurts both of us. We're in the same house and sometimes the same room but there is a distance between us until the last dck leaves. That's when my DD and I get our time together.

What I'm trying to say is that there are so many factors involved and each situation iis unique. As far as parents not taking their kids shopping with them, it might be because they have behavior issues when they take their kids with them. I know that I did! My DD was a nightmare to shop with so I asked for help. I asked her provider to help me by giving me advice on how to deal with the behavior issues when we were out shopping. At first, I didn't want to ask because I felt like asking her for advice about my DD would make it seem like her provider was the real mom and I was the provider. Once I got past thinking that way, I was able to ask her provider for advice and that was helpful for all of us. The lack of communication between the parents and the providers is the source of most problems.

[Blackcat31]

The lack of communication between the parents and the providers is the source of most problems.

Ding Ding Ding !!!! THIS!!!!!!

[AfterSchoolMom]

I don't agree. I do nothing without my children. I don't feel we aren't benefitting. I feel it suits us well.

Laundry, you've NEVER gone to dinner, or a movie, or for a walk, or sat and read a book, or gone to the grocery store without your children?

If not, and that works for you, then GREAT. I'm not "bashing", as some have said. I'm thinking of those parents who would like a break but never get one, and so are stressed out because of it. No one benefits from that.

With that said...do you think less of those who DO do things without their kids?


I think the whole point of this whole thread needs to be that no matter what your job, whether in the home or out of it, that we all find a balance of alone time and family time that works for us and benefits our children as well.

[jen]

I agree.

I know I have it much better.

I agree with both of you. When my oldest was young, I felt like all I said was "hurry!"

Hurry, we need to get to work/daycare
Hurry, we need to get home for dinner
Hurry, we need to get your bath in
Hurry, lets read our story for bed

so that I could...

Hurry and get the laundry done
Hurry and do the dishes
Hurry and pay a couple bills
etc., etc.

It's hard to be a working parent. That is one of the reasons I started doing daycare. I didn't want to hurry through my kids lives.

I'm back to work outside the home, but still pretty much home when my youngest gets off the bus and we pick up my Middle Schooler. Here's the thing, guess why I'm here posting away...

My oldest went to get new glasses...he took my insurance and credit card, then having dinner out with a friend...no need for me. Although, he did text me a picture to see what I thought.

My middle is spending the night with a friend...

My youngest is at gymnastics, its a 3 hour practice, Mom's don't go...

It all goes by way too fast...enjoy every last second. Before you know it, you'll have a lot more time on your hands! Well, in between drop off and pick up anyway!

[dave4him]

If i could trade my job with hers, i would. I know how stressful mine is but its rewards are so much greater. She hates her, but i dont really think she could mentally deal with the three we have plus any more. And i feel guilty every day for not being a better husband who could provide so she could be at home with these darlings

[MyAngels]

I agree with both of you. When my oldest was young, I felt like all I said was "hurry!"

Hurry, we need to get to work/daycare
Hurry, we need to get home for dinner
Hurry, we need to get your bath in
Hurry, lets read our story for bed

so that I could...

Hurry and get the laundry done
Hurry and do the dishes
Hurry and pay a couple bills
etc., etc.

It's hard to be a working parent. That is one of the reasons I started doing daycare. I didn't want to hurry through my kids lives.

I'm back to work outside the home, but still pretty much home when my youngest gets off the bus and we pick up my Middle Schooler. Here's the thing, guess why I'm here posting away...

My oldest went to get new glasses...he took my insurance and credit card, then having dinner out with a friend...no need for me. Although, he did text me a picture to see what I thought.

My middle is spending the night with a friend...

My youngest is at gymnastics, its a 3 hour practice, Mom's don't go...

It all goes by way too fast...enjoy every last second. Before you know it, you'll have a lot more time on your hands! Well, in between drop off and pick up anyway!

I kept nodding and say umm-hmm, umm-hmm while reading this . I'm even past the point of drop offs and pick ups, though.

I am glad I can look back and feel good that I was able to be present for the most important things in my kids' lives. I'm not sure I could say the same if I had continued to work outside the home. That's why I have such empathy for all of my families, I know they are doing the best they can.

I've never had a family like the OP describes, fortunately.

[Hunni Bee]

To stand up for parents who are getting bashed here and give a parent's perspective. It makes me sad that so many daycare providers seem to despise the parents. Why is it that when parents post here they are often told to leave? I see it says "daycare.com, a service for parents and providers."

We don't despise "the parents".

Its the ones who are waiting outside in the car when the lights come on in the morning in their pajamas to drop off their kid. Who go back home for two hours and get ready for work. Who get off at 4, but go to Wal-Mart, the mall, the nail shop and them come streaming into the parking lot at 5:55 to pick the kid back up. Who then plop the kid in front of Spongebob with a McDonalds bag til they fall asleep, then rinse and repeat 5 days a week. Only to have them say on Friday "Whooo, I can't wait to get you to your grandma's, its Mommy time!!".

Or the ones who push the kid out of the door to the van at 6:20 am and go back to sleep. Then when they are dropped back off, grandma or auntie or big sister greets them, and they tell you the next day "I didn't see my mommy last night".

You may think I'm making these up. I wish I were.

And we don't even despise THOSE moms. They hurt our feelings, and its because they hurt their child's feelings.

[daycare]

If i could trade my job with hers, i would. I know how stressful mine is but its rewards are so much greater. She hates her, but i dont really think she could mentally deal with the three we have plus any more. And i feel guilty every day for not being a better husband who could provide so she could be at home with these darlings

what are you crazy.... I wish my husband could deal with children better than he does.. NO offense to him, but before I did daycare I worked in consulting internationally and I made way more money than him and he works as a PA (physician assistant).

But I love what I do. I love teaching and I love taking on the roll of MOM...

[daycare]

We don't despise "the parents".

Its the ones who are waiting outside in the car when the lights come on in the morning in their pajamas to drop off their kid. Who go back home for two hours and get ready for work. Who get off at 4, but go to Wal-Mart, the mall, the nail shop and them come streaming into the parking lot at 5:55 to pick the kid back up. Who then plop the kid in front of Spongebob with a McDonalds bag til they fall asleep, then rinse and repeat 5 days a week. Only to have them say on Friday "Whooo, I can't wait to get you to your grandma's, its Mommy time!!".

Or the ones who push the kid out of the door to the van at 6:20 am and go back to sleep. Then when they are dropped back off, grandma or auntie or big sister greets them, and they tell you the next day "I didn't see my mommy last night".

You may think I'm making these up. I wish I were.

And we don't even despise THOSE moms. They hurt our feelings, and its because they hurt their child's feelings.

Go girl...you explained this so well..'

When I see children hurting because of the bad decisions( obviously bad decisions)that their parents make ( and I am not perfect, no one is) it makes me really dislike their parents.

Nothing worse than to hear a child say, When am I ever going to see my mom? Or dad?
Because they are here for 12 hours a day while mom or dad hang out with friends, go shopping, or just hang out at home....

[cheerfuldom]

I second whoever said it was a balance. And the balance is different for each family and each child.

nobody is suggesting that the only option is to be physically glued to your children 24/7. its important to avoid both extremes.

[greenhouse]

I was a working mom for the first year, I took a pay cut to go p/t and then used every excuse and sick day I had to squeeze my work week lower. I worked weekends so my son could stay with dad. When he started day care it was so awful that my husband and decided a serious financial sacrifice was worth it. Every day I worked I missed my son terribly. I always left work early because every extra minute was a blessing. I would guess a lot of providers had similar feelings with their own babies and that's why we got into this job. That is why it's a hot debate and it feels personal when we see DCP who'd rather spend weekends with friends than with their children. Different strokes for different folks. Our family is having tough times, but we're getting by with sacrifice- knowing we did not sacrifice away these precious years WHICH YOU CAN ONLY DO ONCE. Another job will be out there later, my child's development is priceless. Only a year in and being a provider makes me upset to the core when I get calls for a 6 week old f/t. We so need better maternity leave in this country.

[HeatherJ]

Before my son was born, I worked VERY long hours. I decided when I was pregnant with him that I was going down to 8 hours a day after he was born, and that is what I did. After I pick my son up from daycare, we go to the library to bring back books and we have about 30-45 mins to find and check out new ones. Or, we might go to the park for that amount of time, and there is a great little kids gym that we often visit for an hour at the most. When we get home, we have dinner (I admit that most of the time our dinners are from the crockpot. If I started dinner right when we got home it would take way too long). After dinner, he helps me load the dishwasher, we put a movie in and we either watch it or we drag out toys to the living room to play while the movie is on, but don't really watch it. About 7:30 or 7:45 I start his bath water and after bath he drinks a glass of milk and we pick up toys. Then it's bedtime by 8:30.
Now, sometimes we may skip the after-daycare/work activity because I've got to go to the bank or the post office, or the store. But usually that stuff can wait until the weekend.
I am up until at least 1:00am EVERY night. After he goes to sleep I take a shower, I find what clothes we will wear the next day and I pick up any remaining messes in the house. I do a couple loads of laundry and I may even scrub the bathtub and toilet or sweep and mop my floor. THEN I get to finish work from my job. Because even though I went down to only being AT work for 8 hours, my workload @ my job did not decrease, at all. It still requires that I dedicate 12+ hours per day to it.
Weekends I am in heaven. I make sure that I finish anything work-related during the week. If I have a huge thing going on at work, I may stay up EXTREMELY late during the week to get it done. I refuse to even touch that stuff on my weekends. On the weekends, we have a freaking blast!!! We will go eat pizza, play for awhile at the arcade there, we will go the science museum, we spent 4 HOURS at the lego store once. We both LOVE legos. We go play miniature golf, we go ride go-carts, we seriously party down on the weekends. We also do our grocery shopping and errands on the weekends. I don't have "me" time anymore, really. But my little boy is all I need. I KNOW he is going to want to hang out with just his friends when he gets older, so I am squeezing every drop of "mommy is my best friend" time I can get. I know there are so many moms out there like me. I don't see many parents that want to be without their kids.
I guess, really, I have a little bit of "me" time after he goes to bed on Fri & Sat night. I still have to clean and do laundry at that time, but I am so used to staying up so late, I will read a book or magazine or watch a grown up movie during that time. And I will just chill for a little bit.
I think parents really don't see the big picture. Their kids are going to get big, they don't wanna hang out with Mommy when they are teenagers. They need to have fun with their kids while they still can!!
We just got back from the pizza place for an early dinner/late lunch, we raced those big plastic motorcycles in a video game. It was so freaking fun. Here in about an hour or so we are going to the movies to see Puss in Boots.
Wish us luck with that, because last time I took him he whined the ENTIRE time and we had to leave before the movie was over. But I am trying it again, it's been about 8 mos since the last movie. I am not sure if he is really old enough to sit in a dark theater and watch a movie without interruption for 2 hours. He is 4. If it turns out like last time, we will just go home and watch a movie. But I REALLY want to see Puss in Boots so I hope he can make it thru the whole movie.
& see? I've scored about 15 mins or so of "me" time just now, & I used it to read this thread and type this up. He is playing with legos right beside me and talking about the arcade games, and it's all good & I absolutely love it

***NOTE: Living my kind of life requires several gallons of caffeine daily.***