Time Away From the Children

[Unregistered]

I'm not the previous unregistered poster but I agree with her 100%. I feel guilty every day and try to spend as much time as I can with my daughter and as a result never get "me" time. I see what you are saying, AfterSchoolMom, but...you can see how it doesn't come across that way in the OP. She goes so far as to even put "mom" in quotes, implying that working moms don't even deserved to be called moms. That's pretty crappy. Respect is a two-way street, and I see a lot of providers saying that they want respect from the parents, but I'm not seeing it given back. I'm really happy that I don't have a daycare provider who doesn't respect me. I think she is amazing and appreciate everything she does for us, and she respects me as a mom.

[cheerfuldom]

No matter your job, there just isn't a lot of "me" time when you have kids. Thats just the facts of life. If you needs hours and hours of me-time a week, you should think very hard about having kids. The only time I am ever away from the kids is if I happen to run an errand by myself and dad is watching all three at home. It's been over a year since I had any me-time. The closest I get is a shower to myself. But thats just the way it is. I'm a mom, it's my job to be there when my kids need me and as they are all under 4, thats ALL the time. I really don't have a ton of sympathy for any mom no matter what your job. A movie with a girlfriend every now and then, sure....but hours and hours every week is just not realistic and not what is best for the kids.

[Crazy8]

No matter your job, there just isn't a lot of "me" time when you have kids. Thats just the facts of life. If you needs hours and hours of me-time a week, you should think very hard about having kids. The only time I am ever away from the kids is if I happen to run an errand by myself and dad is watching all three at home. It's been over a year since I had any me-time. The closest I get is a shower to myself. But thats just the way it is. I'm a mom, it's my job to be there when my kids need me and as they are all under 4, thats ALL the time. I really don't have a ton of sympathy for any mom no matter what your job. A movie with a girlfriend every now and then, sure....but hours and hours every week is just not realistic and not what is best for the kids.

I agree 100% with this post. I've done both - I worked outside the home when my DD was little, only started the daycare when I knew I'd have a 2nd child. I KNOW working outside the home is exhausting and stressful and all that. Not going to argue that fact or even debate how it compares to what we do. BUT you have a child, a child who is away from you 40-50 hours a week already - you need to make the most of the time you have with them. Unregistered - sounds like you do that and I agree that the occassional "me time" is nice and warranted. But too many times we see the kids that are with us 50 hours a week, go home at 5pm and have a 7:30 bedtime (and you don't know how many complaints that I get that I'm not open later despite parents getting out of work at 3:30-4pm) and how often I hear on a monday morning how parents went to concerts, parties, whatever and how kids spent the weekend at grandma's because mom's needed a "break" from them. It all boils down to the child, parents need to spend time with their kids. Your "me time" comes when they are older and want nothing to do with you!!

I have no issues with the parent who takes an occassional personal day and the child still comes to me, but I do feel bad for the child who's parent has an ENTIRE weeks vacation and the child comes all day everyday because the parent "has stuff to do" and the child who gets shipped off to grandma every weekend because mom had such a stressful week at work.

[Cat Herder]

I'm not the previous unregistered poster but I agree with her 100%. I feel guilty every day and try to spend as much time as I can with my daughter and as a result never get "me" time. I see what you are saying, AfterSchoolMom, but...you can see how it doesn't come across that way in the OP. She goes so far as to even put "mom" in quotes, implying that working moms don't even deserved to be called moms. That's pretty crappy. Respect is a two-way street, and I see a lot of providers saying that they want respect from the parents, but I'm not seeing it given back. I'm really happy that I don't have a daycare provider who doesn't respect me. I think she is amazing and appreciate everything she does for us, and she respects me as a mom.

I understand what you are saying. I do. OP was talking to an audience of daycare providers and we knew exactly the "type" parent she was referring to.

"to get away from her children" was the money shot.

I LOVE when Moms tell me they are sneaking off for a late lunch with their own Mother/Husband. I get excited for them when they tell me they are taking a class just for fun. Sometimes I hand them a $20 and a short list when they say they have to run to the grocery store after work....YKWIM?

"Rarely" or "Occasional" parents don't even make us take notice... It is the "Often", "Constant" and "I have to get away from these kids" ones that make us sad. Repetitive "Sad" for a child/ren makes us angry after a while... Then we vent to each other about it so we don't say something ugly to the parent.

Not much different than at your job I'd bet? I work a second job...many of us do.

[Unregistered]

Do I vent online about my job, co-workers, or clients? Absolutely not. To do so would be considered unprofessional and if I were found out, I would be fired.

[dEHmom]

I have to say, I'm on the opposite side of this. BUT I am with my children nearly 24/7 (except my oldest is full time in school now). And I have been a full time parent 24/7 for the last 7.5 years. I have in the last 8 yrs, gone out 3 times without my children. I missed them greatly, but I think in my position, there is far too much quantity not quality. You can't miss someone if they never go away.
My dh and I got in a small disagreement yesterday over me being able to go somewhere without taking the kids with me. His point of view was "well when I go somewhere I usually take at least 1 kid" and in my defence I said, yes, but I am with them everyday all day. Why am I not entitled to 2 hours once every couple of months to not lug the kids around with me?" When I go out in the evening grocery shopping, he expects me to take, and often will just tell 1 or 2 kids to go with mom. For me, now not only do I have to buckle and unbuckle in car seats 10 times (I make several stops in a row), I've also got to load and unload groceries, etc.

I work from home, or was on mat leave before, so it's not the same scenario as it is for moms who work outside of the home.

So far I am lucky because ALL of my parents cannot wait to get their kids and go home. I even have one mom giving me the guilt trip because she's missing so much of her daughter (she's been in daycare for 5 days). First time mom, sad, etc, but I just told her at least she's already walking before starting daycare. Most parents are upset when they miss the first steps or first words.

[Unregistered]

No matter your job, there just isn't a lot of "me" time when you have kids. Thats just the facts of life. If you needs hours and hours of me-time a week, you should think very hard about having kids. The only time I am ever away from the kids is if I happen to run an errand by myself and dad is watching all three at home. It's been over a year since I had any me-time. The closest I get is a shower to myself. But thats just the way it is. I'm a mom, it's my job to be there when my kids need me and as they are all under 4, thats ALL the time. I really don't have a ton of sympathy for any mom no matter what your job. A movie with a girlfriend every now and then, sure....but hours and hours every week is just not realistic and not what is best for the kids.

I think there has to be a balance.

We all know the parent's that are all about themselves, and for those of you that can't fathom, there are a lot of them out there!!! I know, I have worked in all avenues of Childcare. They are your Welfare parents, but they are also your parents that have high class jobs- they don't discriminate.

Just as bad as the selfish parent, is the parent that doesn't enjoy life and lives completely through the kids. It's ok to take some time for yourself. It makes you a better parent and teaches children that other people besides them have needs. It's like coming up for a breath of fresh air. When my parents tell me they are not working but are taking a "me" day I encourage that. Some parent's don't have outside help to rely on, and they figure they are already paying so why not use the service.

The teeter totter works both ways here.....and in a perfect world it would be even.

Most parents don't think of our perspective, they can't. They are busy trying to manage their own lives of work, kids,nights, weekends, home, family etc..

[BigMama]

I think the post from the unregistered mom was great. I have parents just like her at my daycare. Moms who miss their child terribly while they are at work and who can't wait to pick them up at the end of the day. Even these moms occasionally leave their kids late so they can run to the grocery store, go to the post office, get a hair cut, etc. I'd rather the child was here playing and comfortable for an extra hour or two than being cranky in a car seat or mall.
Yes, we all have parents who leave their child everyday from open to close, never take them on errands, and let the TV do the childcare at home, but I think these parents are rare.

[Springdaze]

I can see it a small amount. My kids are in school but it sure would be nice to have a little time to myself when not working. I am actually almost looking forward to first aid class all day tomorrow without my kids. I could drive myself insane worrying about the parents and what they are missing out on, but i cant get upset.

[Cat Herder]

Do I vent online about my job, co-workers, or clients? Absolutely not. To do so would be considered unprofessional and if I were found out, I would be fired.

Then WHY are you on a vent thread?

[countrymom]

I think unreg. op's what you ladies are missing is that many of us have our own children, so once your children are gone we still have our own to deal with. Oh and I worked as a nurse for many years, so yes I did work outside my home.

I will tell you that running a daycare is way harder than you think. You ladies can leave your jobs at work, you talk to adults, you get a lunch break, you get to have "down time" when you drive home...remember I was one of you ladies. It was the best. All I had to do was spend some time with my kids, feed them dinner and put them to bed when all the hard work was done for me. (I couldn't afford daycare with 4 kids thats why I run a daycare)

I have good parents who love to spend time with their families, can't wait to pick their kids up, and the kids are good to me and them. They do complain how hard its to take 2 kids to the store, and I complain how hard its to take 4 kids to the store so its nice to know that they have the same issues as I do.
Now, I did have a family who HATED spending time with their kids, I mean, the kid was 4 and twice they forgot to pick him up (he was a really good kid, so I didn't understand it) they now leave at school from 7-530 (they have a before and after school prog.) while they come home early. They just hate spending time with their kids, and they wonder why their oldest child is so out of control. They would drop the kid off to go for a haircut or put up a christmas tree, now thats awful.

[Blackcat31]

I will tell you that running a daycare is way harder than you think. You ladies can leave your jobs at work, you talk to adults, you get a lunch break, you get to have "down time" when you drive home...remember I was one of you ladies. It was the best. All I had to do was spend some time with my kids, feed them dinner and put them to bed when all the hard work was done for me. .

I actually feel sorry for my daycare parents. Not only do they work all day but then they come and pick up "my job" (their children) and go home. Their work is never done.

I also think that it is tough for them because I do have it easy as a daycare provider, I have established a good routine with the kids I care for. I have things under control. The kids are much more well behaved for me then for the parents. Many of my dck's leave in fits and tears because they want to stay and play. I feel bad that those are the kinds of kids the parent has to take home after a long day at work.

Yes, they may get adult conversation (thanks, besides this forum, I will pass on that) but it isn't necessarily with people they would choose to have a conversation with. Yes, they get a lunch break but they may not necessarily get to leave the premises or building or even take care of things they need to do. I get to color and play and basically can do whatever I want (obviously within rules and regs). I can eat what I want, when I want and with a whole bunch of people that are a ton more enlightening and enjoyable than most adults I know.

I definately do NOT think working parents have it better. If I did, I would be onbe of them instead of a child care provider.

This post was made in reference to those normal parents. I didn't mean this in reference to those parents that do not parent but ditch their kids every second they are able to.

[Cat Herder]

I definately do NOT think working parents have it better. If I did, I would be onbe of them instead of a child care provider.

This post was made in reference to those normal parents. I didn't mean this in reference to those parents that do not parent but ditch their kids every second they are able to.

I agree.

I know I have it much better.

[Unregistered]

Then WHY are you on a vent thread?

To stand up for parents who are getting bashed here and give a parent's perspective. It makes me sad that so many daycare providers seem to despise the parents. Why is it that when parents post here they are often told to leave? I see it says "daycare.com, a service for parents and providers."

[dEHmom]

I actually feel sorry for my daycare parents. Not only do they work all day but then they come and pick up "my job" (their children) and go home. Their work is never done.

I also think that it is tough for them because I do have it easy as a daycare provider, I have established a good routine with the kids I care for. I have things under control. The kids are much more well behaved for me then for the parents. Many of my dck's leave in fits and tears because they want to stay and play. I feel bad that those are the kinds of kids the parent has to take home after a long day at work.

Yes, they may get adult conversation (thanks, besides this forum, I will pass on that) but it isn't necessarily with people they would choose to have a conversation with. Yes, they get a lunch break but they may not necessarily get to leave the premises or building or even take care of things they need to do. I get to color and play and basically can do whatever I want (obviously within rules and regs). I can eat what I want, when I want and with a whole bunch of people that are a ton more enlightening and enjoyable than most adults I know.

I definately do NOT think working parents have it better. If I did, I would be onbe of them instead of a child care provider.

I do agree with this post. I love what I do, and if I can do this until the day I die I would be happy.

BUT I think that a lot of people do not understand what goes into running a daycare, keeping kids under control, teaching them, playing with them ect. It at times can be ALOT harder than other jobs. I can say, that since I took on my 3rd baby now, I am completely exhausted at the end of the day, and if I sit down when they leave, I would probably fall asleep. Gotta keep moving.

Lots of people, including my dh, think that I can sit on the couch all day and don't have to do much, and can get everything done, like laundry and what not. They don't understand that you take your eyes off the kid for 2 minutes while you flip a load of laundry you're in for a tornado in your house. If you fold a load of laundry, you will likely end up having to refold it. I know one thing that bothers me now is that before I was licensed, I had 1-2 kids, and I was able to do laundry during nap time, etc, and I was hills behind. Now that I'm licensed, it means that I will have to spend my evenings/weekends doing laundry and will likely be mountains behind.