Time Away From the Children

[mac60]

Been trying to figure out.....Just how a "mom" could need time to "get away from her children", when I have them from 7:30 to 4:45, 5 days per week. Just how could she "need a break" from something she has very little of. Just wondering.

[laundrymom]

Right there with you. I have had 13 days in 20 years that I wasn't with my children. Hated every moment.

[Meyou]

I really think some parents get so good at avoiding their children that they just don't know what the heck to do with them when they have them. The kids behavior escalates, they still don't know how to deal with it so they start needing more and more breaks to survive.

I have a family that max their time here but Mom works mostly evenings and weekends. Dad has a grandparent watch them on the weekends so he can run errands and neither of them have the ability to cope anymore IMO. Even the kids play tells me what happens at home. They pretend to throw tantrums and then pretend to give in to get it to stop during their play.


ETA: My kids go with their father most weekends and I miss them like crazy. He and I both want them as much as possible but I let him have most weekends because it's next to impossible for him to get them to school during the week.

[Sunchimes]

I know!! On Tuesday, one of my moms asked me to keep her daughter while she ran errands. That was fine-she pays f/t, but I usually only have her 3-4 days a week, and I "owed" her a day. The amazing part to me was that this baby had been with her dad, out of town, from Saturday until Monday night. She had the day off on Monday, why didn't she run errands then and enjoy her baby on Tuesday? I often keep her on her days off when she has a big test to study for, and I understand that, but errands?

Here's the kicker--I run a pretty informal place, and treat them like my grandkids. If I need to run to Walmart or the bank or the library, I throw them in the car or the stroller and go. I took 2 of them to the State Fair. I've taken them to family reunions and out to lunch. If I need to go somewhere, I generally have a baby on my hip, and it's no big deal. If I can do it, why can't they?

I guess I'm glad it's that way--money in my pocket, but I'll never understand it.

[Cat Herder]

No cry parenting is exhausting.

[MARSTELAC]

I have 7 families. Only two of those are anxious to get to the kids at the end of the day (or drop them off at the last minute). The other 5 families leave those kids here at the first minute the door opens until the last minute before the late charges start. They always whine that they don't have enough "me" time and cannot get anything done with the kids.

I don't understand it either because I have 12 here plus my own 3 and I can take them out to eat, to the post office, etc. (on foot) and manage them all! I get paid as well but I just don't get it. I can only recall 2 days in the past 10 years or so that I was gone from my kids and I also missed them horribly. Maybe they will regret it later?

[awestbrook713]

I have a 9 month old son I haven't been away from besides a few hours of training or a trip to the store, I was away from him all monday due to me being in the hospital and all I could think about was how much I missed him, I just don't get it either, what better way to spend my time then with the loves of my life!!!

[Solandia]

Because work & commute time "doesn't count" as being away from your children. I have been told this, and then in the next breath being told how lucky I am to stay at home with my kids. My reply: "I have daycare kids, so it doesn't count at being able to stay at home with mine."

[mismatchedsocks]

When I first got divorced I had to split time with me and their dad. I didnt know what to do with myself, i was bored shopping by myself, even housework or lifetime was not the same without the interruptions. Now that he is not in their lives I have them all the time, which I love, except when I am at school once a month, but they come with me to campus and play in the gym, eat in town, visit me on breaks. I love spending time with them.

I cant imagine being away from them 8-1o hours a day, THEN still wanting time away. I would be rushing to pick them up.

[AfterSchoolMom]

Our kids spend the night away from home with family an average of 3-4 nights per year. I miss them like crazy when they're gone, and I miss them when they're at school. I LOVE school breaks and the summer when they're home.

I do remember feeling overwhelmed by their constant needs when they were small though. However, I stayed at home so they were with me all day. I remember, also, feeling super stressed for the first few hours after they came home whenever DH and I had a weekend to ourselves (that happened probably 3 times in ten years). Maybe it's like that, but every day?

I have nothing whatsoever against women who work outside the home, but I don't think the answer is MORE time without them when your child is already at the DC for 9-12 hours per day. If you like constant alone time, then maybe having children isn't the best idea.

[Country Kids]

Our kids spend the night away from home with family an average of 3-4 nights per year. I miss them like crazy when they're gone, and I miss them when they're at school. I LOVE school breaks and the summer when they're home.

I do remember feeling overwhelmed by their constant needs when they were small though. However, I stayed at home so they were with me all day. I remember, also, feeling super stressed for the first few hours after they came home whenever DH and I had a weekend to ourselves (that happened probably 3 times in ten years). Maybe it's like that, but every day?

I have nothing whatsoever against women who work outside the home, but I don't think the answer is MORE time without them when your child is already at the DC for 9-12 hours per day. If you like constant alone time, then maybe having children isn't the best idea.

You sound just like me! I morn the time when my kids have to go back to school. I am the same way though about stressing out after being without them. It was like they were overboard about needing me to see them but they all needed my attention at once (four of them). It was almost to much for my mind after it had just been me, my husband and a quiet weekend.

I know my husband can be like tha when he gets home sometimes. Its almost like you have to get into a whole new mindset for the noise and the kids wanting attention. Especially if you are tired after working and need time to regroup.

[Unregistered]

I think that you guys are forgetting what it was like to work outside the home. I don't mean that in a rude way but just to give you another perspective. I also, rarely take time away from my kids but sometimes I really need it--so, I get it. We wake up at 5am to hurry and get ourselves ready only to hurry and wake our poor kids up early to get them to daycare, drive a horrible traffic for an hour, work all day, drive in horrible traffic at night to pick up, make dinner, give baths and that whole time trying to make THE MOST of those 3 hours you have at night with your kid. Nonstop playing, interacting, reading, rocking, kissing and cuddling until 8:30 when you get them to bed. Then making lunches, cleaning the house (because you didn't do it when the kids were awake because you want to be with them), laundry only to finally collapse in your own bed at 10:30.

I know all you ladies work very hard so this isn't meant to be a put a down but working outside of the home is exhausting too. For most parents, when you work outside the home you try your best to absolutely maximize your time with them and the time they are sleeping is 100% spent on getting caught up on cleaning, bills etc. So you truly NEVER have downtime. When you work outside the home you don't have 15 mins here to throw in a load of laundry or 5 mins there to pick up toys. It all needs to be done in the evenings.

Again, I never take time away from my kids though I do need it sometimes.

Also, when you aren't doing something all day and getting good at it, it can be hard. You all work with kids all day, are great at it, so you might not think it is a huge deal to take 4 kids shopping at Target. But, you might think that it was really difficult to sit at a desk all day and juggle phone calls and excel spreadsheets and managing other people. You know? It is all what you are good at and get practice at.

Anyways, jsut wanted to offer another perspective.

[hoopinglady]

I think that you guys are forgetting what it was like to work outside the home. I don't mean that in a rude way but just to give you another perspective. I also, rarely take time away from my kids but sometimes I really need it--so, I get it. We wake up at 5am to hurry and get ourselves ready only to hurry and wake our poor kids up early to get them to daycare, drive a horrible traffic for an hour, work all day, drive in horrible traffic at night to pick up, make dinner, give baths and that whole time trying to make THE MOST of those 3 hours you have at night with your kid. Nonstop playing, interacting, reading, rocking, kissing and cuddling until 8:30 when you get them to bed. Then making lunches, cleaning the house (because you didn't do it when the kids were awake because you want to be with them), laundry only to finally collapse in your own bed at 10:30.

I know all you ladies work very hard so this isn't meant to be a put a down but working outside of the home is exhausting too. For most parents, when you work outside the home you try your best to absolutely maximize your time with them and the time they are sleeping is 100% spent on getting caught up on cleaning, bills etc. So you truly NEVER have downtime. When you work outside the home you don't have 15 mins here to throw in a load of laundry or 5 mins there to pick up toys. It all needs to be done in the evenings.

Again, I never take time away from my kids though I do need it sometimes.

Also, when you aren't doing something all day and getting good at it, it can be hard. You all work with kids all day, are great at it, so you might not think it is a huge deal to take 4 kids shopping at Target. But, you might think that it was really difficult to sit at a desk all day and juggle phone calls and excel spreadsheets and managing other people. You know? It is all what you are good at and get practice at.

Anyways, jsut wanted to offer another perspective.

I get this. The more time away, the more the kids want attention, the more the act up, the more parents retreat, the less practice parenting they get.

Now, what should we do about it?

Parents feel lost and overwhelmed and providers feel pooped on and like they are holding the weight of the world.

[Blackcat31]

I think that you guys are forgetting what it was like to work outside the home. I don't mean that in a rude way but just to give you another perspective. I also, rarely take time away from my kids but sometimes I really need it--so, I get it. We wake up at 5am to hurry and get ourselves ready only to hurry and wake our poor kids up early to get them to daycare, drive a horrible traffic for an hour, work all day, drive in horrible traffic at night to pick up, make dinner, give baths and that whole time trying to make THE MOST of those 3 hours you have at night with your kid. Nonstop playing, interacting, reading, rocking, kissing and cuddling until 8:30 when you get them to bed. Then making lunches, cleaning the house (because you didn't do it when the kids were awake because you want to be with them), laundry only to finally collapse in your own bed at 10:30.

I know all you ladies work very hard so this isn't meant to be a put a down but working outside of the home is exhausting too. For most parents, when you work outside the home you try your best to absolutely maximize your time with them and the time they are sleeping is 100% spent on getting caught up on cleaning, bills etc. So you truly NEVER have downtime. When you work outside the home you don't have 15 mins here to throw in a load of laundry or 5 mins there to pick up toys. It all needs to be done in the evenings.

Again, I never take time away from my kids though I do need it sometimes.

Also, when you aren't doing something all day and getting good at it, it can be hard. You all work with kids all day, are great at it, so you might not think it is a huge deal to take 4 kids shopping at Target. But, you might think that it was really difficult to sit at a desk all day and juggle phone calls and excel spreadsheets and managing other people. You know? It is all what you are good at and get practice at.

Anyways, jsut wanted to offer another perspective.

Thank you. We need to see both sides. We need to understand that neither side has all the answers or the abilities to do everything.

I do think you are right about a working mom having a tough time taking her kids grocery shopping or whatever. Kids act differently for their parents and I can imagine it could be hard for some. Especially ones who may be young, inexperienced or simply stressed to the point that it IS so much work to do it that it is just easier to not do it and let the kids stay at daycare.

I also understand that it IS important for parents to have time away. Away from their children when they are not at work. Time to do things for you. If moms (and dads) aren't healthy and happy then they cannot be good parents.

I don't mind when parents leave their kids at daycare to do whatever. If they are cash paying, they can do whatever they want IMHO. I think the general complaint by providers though is about the parents who do it ALL the time. It isn't about you. It isn't about parents who occassionaly leave the kids but genuinely love them and WANT to be with them the majority of time. I think it is more about the parents who (you can tell which these are) really just don't want to deal with all the hard stuff parenting brings on. It is the parents who really do not want to raise their kids or do anything that makes it hard for them (the parent). Those are the ones providers are venting about.

[AfterSchoolMom]

To the previous unregistered poster - You are definitely NOT the kind of parent that we refer to here. I wish all parents could be like you!

It's the ones that work from 8-4 but have their kids at daycare from 6-6 EVERY SINGLE DAY, the ones who don't want their kids to take a nap at daycare because they want them to go to bed right after dinner, the ones that work all week and send their kids to grandmas EVERY weekend.... those are the ones that I don't understand.

I really respect working parents that miss their kids when they work and spend every possible second with them when they're not working...and they APPRECIATE that time. I'm sure it's super, super hard to leave your child in someone else's care while you work full time. I couldn't have done it.

I can totally understand THIS kind of parent needing a break once in awhile. I can't understand it in a parent who sees their kids for an hour or so a day by their own choice and then complains about that time.