Mom Complains About Everything!!

[cheerfuldom]

yes you can term her. Tell her "from your comments, it doesn't seem like you are getting the care you are looking for for Amy. We want to give you the opportunity to find someone you do trust with her care and so have given you two weeks notice in order to have the chance to find a daycare that you are perfectly happy with. We wish you the best of luck in your search. Here is your termination notice, itemized list of fees due. Your last day will be...."

I would not be sighing, rolling my eyes or giving passive aggressive comments. no matter what she is doing, those response are not professional. either talk with her and get the problem solved or just let her go

For the bottle thing, I would have said "We are fully up to date with the state requirements. I am happy to address the particulars of Amy's care with you but not open to discussing the details on the care of any other children. Since that is not Amy's bottle, it's not something that you need to be concerned about". I guess I am just really straight forward at this point but I also no longer have the micro managing moms any more.

[snowball]

Yes, you can terminate. You don't need a reason. I would say that the fact that you dread seeing her everyday would be an indication that you NEED to terminate.

The day I start not wanting to be around a family, is the day I let them go. Life is too short to hate your job because of other people.

[dave4him]

You have enough to deal with, just remove her

[BigMama]

Is this a state paid client by any chance?

[QUOTE=New Sheriff;172612]Hi, everyone!


I wanted to thank all of you for the fantastic (and amusing) suggestions on how to deal with this mother. (And Yes, NanyDE, she IS a state-paid client!) How did you ever guess? I'm sure you all have experienced this, but I have more problems with the state-paid clients than any of my private-pays. The sense of entitlement, the demands, the ridiculous expectations!!! UGH!


Ok, I totally understand that this parent was REALLY disrespectful and difficult to deal with, but I am annoyed and disgusted with the assumptions and attitudes towards parents who utilize child care subsidies. I understand that some people do have a ridiculous sense of entitlement, however, this isn't a class issue. I have come across middle and upper class parents with "the world owes me" attitude just as often as I have had "state-paid" parents with the same attitude. I can say though, that in my experience, the parents that have been subsidized have been some of my best clients! Their kids came clean and prepared everyday, followed all of my policies, and were never late. I think that many of us, including many people on this forum, are just one paycheck or two away from qualifying for a state child care subsidy. It wouldn't change who who are as people or the fact that we deserve respect.

[Unregistered]

This mom is just trying to assert her "control" or have "control"

I would tell her that she is making you uncomfortable and your staff with her negativity and always finding something to pick at you about, that you have been in business for many years and your best interest is in the children. Explain to her that her child is in group care, not one on one care. If she wants to look for care somewhere else that would better suit what she wants for her daughter that is fine but for the time that she is here she needs to stop with the comments and call after hours if she has issues to discuss with you. It's making staff and other parents uncomfortable.

A lot of Single parents/moms of parents that the child has been taken away for a time- these parents always feel they are on guard and bring up the smallest things to "show" that they are "good" parents. They usually focus on rashes- the tiniest little bump will need to be seen by a doctor- for one thing they have the free health card that can get them in to see a Dr. anytime they have a sniffle or sneeze and it makes them look like "good" caring parents, because they took charge, when actually they have failed somewhere along the line to cause the circumstances they are in. It's the only control they have in their falling apart world.

Don't take it personally and don't allow it. Either thank her for bringing it to your attention or tell her to please have a little faith in your care abilities or find other care that would be more suited to her needs. Explain to her that good communication is essential to the caregiver/parent relationship. If it continues let her go- she could become a liability-turn on you and make a bad rep for your daycare. You don't need that. I agree with not making the eyes and faces- keep it professional. Hard to do at times when your dealing with the difficult.

Another thing is tell her no bows at nap time, they fall out, get lost and can be dangerous if the little guys get them. Only send her in play clothes and expect her to get messy at times- because she has played hard. Ask her for two changes of play clothes in case she gets wet or has a food mess. Even with bibs often the clothes get stuff on them. Give her a list of what is acceptable for lunch foods to be brought into daycare or go on the food program and that will be solved. Explain your policies for everything she says and have a copy handy in case. Make sure they are clear. Next time she comments on something that doesn't concern her(nicely) say to her, Do you know how long I have been doing childcare for? Thank you for your concern. End it.

Good luck and sorry for the run on sentences

[Meeko]

[QUOTE=BigMama;172902]

Hi, everyone!


I wanted to thank all of you for the fantastic (and amusing) suggestions on how to deal with this mother. (And Yes, NanyDE, she IS a state-paid client!) How did you ever guess? I'm sure you all have experienced this, but I have more problems with the state-paid clients than any of my private-pays. The sense of entitlement, the demands, the ridiculous expectations!!! UGH!


Ok, I totally understand that this parent was REALLY disrespectful and difficult to deal with, but I am annoyed and disgusted with the assumptions and attitudes towards parents who utilize child care subsidies. I understand that some people do have a ridiculous sense of entitlement, however, this isn't a class issue. I have come across middle and upper class parents with "the world owes me" attitude just as often as I have had "state-paid" parents with the same attitude. I can say though, that in my experience, the parents that have been subsidized have been some of my best clients! Their kids came clean and prepared everyday, followed all of my policies, and were never late. I think that many of us, including many people on this forum, are just one paycheck or two away from qualifying for a state child care subsidy. It wouldn't change who who are as people or the fact that we deserve respect.

I have had state parents who are the salt of the earth. Great parents, well behaved kids etc. I respect them a lot. It's hard for some to ask for help.

But sadly they are VERY much the minority. You are very, very lucky if you have had good state pay parents all the time.

I'm going to be completely honest and say the majority of state pay clients I have had (and they are MANY over 27 years) are lucky the state hasn't taken their kids altogether. The kids would be better off if they did. Mothers who want to spend as little time with their offspring as possibe (yes I know self-pay do that too) because they weren't really wanted in the first place. More kids = more benefits and less work. I have tended children who are simply a means to a bigger check for their mothers. Mothers in their 20's with 4 kids all with different last names or some don't even KNOW who the father is.

I tend 6 siblings who's home life is dreadful. Filthy home. Only fed good food when they are here. They are here at least 50 hours a week even though their mother only makes sure to work 30 (more would mean less benefits...and she gladly tells me that) The kids all have various dad's. They have no stability in their lives except when at day care. Their mother...quite honestly...is a waste of skin. She's a nasty person and a a bad parent.

I keep these kids because I love them all, but I am soooooo sick of their mother whining about how she doesn't get this or that from the state and what is she supposed to do because she has 6 kids??

Work more hours and SUPPORT them!!! Or how about figuring out how birth control works???

I have friends on state assistance. I know they are grateful for it, but have told me that when they call to ask a question, the state workers are cold and almost rude to them. I have had to explain to them that these poor folks deal with the ungrateful and entitled EVERY SINGLE DAY. They spend hours and hours on the phone with rude, ungrateful, demanding parents who assume all they have to do is hold out their hand and it will be filled. So please excuse them if they sound jaded and tend to treat all callers with indifference after a while. They get tired of the "woe is me" mind-set.

Don't get me wrong.....some NEED the help. But it is supposed to temporary. Not a way of life.

I just got rid of a state family (see my recent thread on getting rid of state clients!)

That was typical behavior. Couldn't be bothered to fill out a few forms to make sure benefits were issued for child care. Then they were very upset I wouldn't tend for free. It was all about them and what they "had" to have. They really truly believed I was supposed to help them out simply because they are state clients. They believed they were supposed to get special treatment.

The mom is pregnant with her 4th child, but says she can't cope with the 3 she already has (that's why the state were paying for day care....she sits at home all day, while the dad works part-time..yet the kids were here 6-6 M-F) She supposedly has mental problems, but I get the feeling they are milking the system for all they can get. Why would any decent father get his wife pregnant again if he knows she genuinely can't take care of it???

Why are they having another child? Bigger benefits check. And they admitted as much with comments they made.

It enrages me. I raised 4 kids with not much money. We went without. We budgeted. And yet funnily enough these welfare parents have nice cars, big screen TV's etc etc. The mother of 6 I just mentioned, buys SEASON ski passes every year. She proudly wears the tag on her coat and goes most weekends. All compliments of me and the taxes I pay to support her.

I just bite my tongue to the parents as much as I can and try and provide the kids with love and stability. A bath when needed as they don't get them at home and extra clothes my girls have outgrown etc. The kids say thank you...the mom never does. Not that I expect it from her. Entitlement is her middle name and she EXPECTS it.

[e.j.]

This mom is just trying to assert her "control" or have "control"

Don't take it personally and don't allow it.

I agree. I've run into this situation twice before and neither mom was state paid or single. Neither wanted to work outside the home but had to help support the family. I think they were just trying to assure themselves that they were still good moms (better moms) and in control of the care being given to their child.

In each case, I sat down with them and discussed the things they had said that were making me feel upset and defensive. In both cases, I told them I had been doing day care long enough to know and accept the fact that I could not be all things to all people and that if they were unhappy with the care I was providing to their children, there would be no hard feelings on my part if they decided to end our child care agreement as long as they gave proper notice. They were both caught a little off-guard and it was clear to me they hadn't though about how their comments were coming across to me. The little digs and comments stopped immediately. They both kept their kids in my care and they became two of my best long-term clients.

I'd have a talk with her. She may not realize how her comments are coming across to you. If she doesn't stop, then I'd think about suggesting she find someone else to care for her kid. Life is too short!

[Ariana]

I think it's moms who HATE having their kids in someone else's care and nothing you do will ever measure up. It's their own guilt that causes them to act like this really and it has nothing to do with you!!

I wouldn't take it personally but it does sound uber annoying!!!

[Unregistered]

[QUOTE=Meeko60;172944]

I have had state parents who are the salt of the earth. Great parents, well behaved kids etc. I respect them a lot. It's hard for some to ask for help.

But sadly they are VERY much the minority. You are very, very lucky if you have had good state pay parents all the time.

I'm going to be completely honest and say the majority of state pay clients I have had (and they are MANY over 27 years) are lucky the state hasn't taken their kids altogether. The kids would be better off if they did. Mothers who want to spend as little time with their offspring as possibe (yes I know self-pay do that too) because they weren't really wanted in the first place. More kids = more benefits and less work. I have tended children who are simply a means to a bigger check for their mothers. Mothers in their 20's with 4 kids all with different last names or some don't even KNOW who the father is.

I tend 6 siblings who's home life is dreadful. Filthy home. Only fed good food when they are here. They are here at least 50 hours a week even though their mother only makes sure to work 30 (more would mean less benefits...and she gladly tells me that) The kids all have various dad's. They have no stability in their lives except when at day care. Their mother...quite honestly...is a waste of skin. She's a nasty person and a a bad parent.

I keep these kids because I love them all, but I am soooooo sick of their mother whining about how she doesn't get this or that from the state and what is she supposed to do because she has 6 kids??

Work more hours and SUPPORT them!!! Or how about figuring out how birth control works???

I have friends on state assistance. I know they are grateful for it, but have told me that when they call to ask a question, the state workers are cold and almost rude to them. I have had to explain to them that these poor folks deal with the ungrateful and entitled EVERY SINGLE DAY. They spend hours and hours on the phone with rude, ungrateful, demanding parents who assume all they have to do is hold out their hand and it will be filled. So please excuse them if they sound jaded and tend to treat all callers with indifference after a while. They get tired of the "woe is me" mind-set.

Don't get me wrong.....some NEED the help. But it is supposed to temporary. Not a way of life.

I just got rid of a state family (see my recent thread on getting rid of state clients!)

That was typical behavior. Couldn't be bothered to fill out a few forms to make sure benefits were issued for child care. Then they were very upset I wouldn't tend for free. It was all about them and what they "had" to have. They really truly believed I was supposed to help them out simply because they are state clients. They believed they were supposed to get special treatment.

The mom is pregnant with her 4th child, but says she can't cope with the 3 she already has (that's why the state were paying for day care....she sits at home all day, while the dad works part-time..yet the kids were here 6-6 M-F) She supposedly has mental problems, but I get the feeling they are milking the system for all they can get. Why would any decent father get his wife pregnant again if he knows she genuinely can't take care of it???

Why are they having another child? Bigger benefits check. And they admitted as much with comments they made.

It enrages me. I raised 4 kids with not much money. We went without. We budgeted. And yet funnily enough these welfare parents have nice cars, big screen TV's etc etc. The mother of 6 I just mentioned, buys SEASON ski passes every year. She proudly wears the tag on her coat and goes most weekends. All compliments of me and the taxes I pay to support her.

I just bite my tongue to the parents as much as I can and try and provide the kids with love and stability. A bath when needed as they don't get them at home and extra clothes my girls have outgrown etc. The kids say thank you...the mom never does. Not that I expect it from her. Entitlement is her middle name and she EXPECTS it.

Can we have an Amen to this post!!! When are we going to smarten up as a country and stop this??? Its supposed to be a hand up to help not a way of life!!! Thank you for posting

[Christian Mother]

A lot of Single parents/moms of parents that the child has been taken away for a time- these parents always feel they are on guard and bring up the smallest things to "show" that they are "good" parents. They usually focus on rashes- the tiniest little bump will need to be seen by a doctor- for one thing they have the free health card that can get them in to see a Dr. anytime they have a sniffle or sneeze and it makes them look like "good" caring parents, because they took charge, when actually they have failed somewhere along the line to cause the circumstances they are in. It's the only control they have in their falling apart world.

Ummm I can totally disagree with that statement!

Are there people that set them selves up for failure...sure...I...but there are some very smart people out there that know very well how to use the system. The system should be regulating better I think..

But, to get back to my point...I am in the amists of apply for aid. My husband lost his job of 12 yrs. Where a young couple married almost 10 yrs and can probably start over and be ok. But that doesn't mean that we where the cause of what happened or that we earned it some way or another. Things happen and there not always good. I believe that everything happens for a reason. Does this **** for us...yes, bc it's scary and it's embarrassing! We are ones that help others and now we are the ones in need. Even to this day we are providing for 2 children that are with out for xmas. I can't seem to get pasted the fact that we are about to loss everything and we're out helping others. Its just a weird way of thinking...I guess I am more sympathetic bc we're going through it our selves.

Listen, if I had this family...and I did at one time...I would have a straight forward talk. I am not sure if you are a in home daycare or facility. But this is my business and if I felt I was being questioned about how I ran things and felt disrespected to the point that my rules where constantly being broken I'd term. Point blank. You just need to get to a point in your discussions that you take control back. Be fair but also compassionate...try finding out why she is so needy in her care for her child. I understand from day 1 that my needy parents where bc dcd told me he is ocd, that dcm was stressed out bc of dcd's condition, that mom ran her own in home daycare and had a hard time relinquishing control. I had a talk with dcd since dcm told me that dcd is the who is to be talked to about any problems. So the conversation I had was they needed to fully trust me otherwise our relationship was not going to work. There would be nothing I could do to make that better for them. Understanding that my background in children was over 20+ yrs. I have my own children I am raising as well. Am I bound to make mistakes..of course we all do and they will to...that is ok..as long as we are all working together and can communicate with out getting offending we will do just fine. ultimately this family was term. over respect issues.

[Unregistered]

Listen, if I had this family...and I did at one time...I would have a straight forward talk. I am not sure if you are a in home daycare or facility. But this is my business and if I felt I was being questioned about how I ran things and felt disrespected to the point that my rules where constantly being broken I'd term. Point blank.

You just need to get to a point in your discussions that you take control back. Be fair but also compassionate...try finding out why she is so needy in her care for her child.

Am I bound to make mistakes..of course we all do and they will to...that is ok..as long as we are all working together and can communicate with out getting offending we will do just fine. ultimately this family was term. over respect issues.

This!! I honestly believe that 99.9% of the issues we have with daycare parents can be solved by direct, honest, open communication. It doesn't mean we have to cave and bend our rules or that we have to take the short end of the stick but we DO have to find a way to work TOGETHER and make sure we (both parent and provider) are clear about what our responsibilities and expectations are and that we each do our part.

If that doesn't or can't happen, then it is time to part ways. It isn't fair to a child, a parent or a provider to continue in a reationship that is building resentment on either side. No matter how much providers need the money or parents need the care, it isn't right to not talk about things just because they are uncomfortable. It needs to be discussed it until a solution is found.

I hear a lot of providers on here say things like,"I am just not good at confrontation or I don't like to be so upfront about things" etc...

Well, in all honestly, TOUGH! It is part of the job. It is our responsibility as child care providers to do what is best. Especially for the child. It is our responsibility to be the one who has to address uncomfortabe situations...it comes with the territory. If we continue to avoid it, then we end up being very unhappy in what we do and that makes for very unhappy children and that is not fair to them at all.

Communication is absolutely the key!!!!

[Michelle]

I think it's moms who HATE having their kids in someone else's care and nothing you do will ever measure up. It's their own guilt that causes them to act like this really and it has nothing to do with you!!

I wouldn't take it personally but it does sound uber annoying!!!

I totally agree with you!
There are some moms that don't want their child in daycare.
In Calif. they are forced to either go to work or school and get off welfare. (which I totally agree with btw)
I'm not talking about all moms, just some that don't want them in daycare.

They kinda think, "I can take take care of my childbetter than anyone on this earth so I am going to nick pick this daycare to death because I feel so threatened and sad"
I also agree with all the other posts about the state pay moms but also consider how you would feel in this situation.
Also, Nan!
You Rock and you are hilarious ::::::

[renodeb]

I would send the letter home, I have had super picky moms through here, it can be a drain. I had one mom who insisted on putting a big bow on her daughter every day, and every day it would endup coming out or the child would pull it out. Needless to say it would up in her cubby every day. Mom persisted though.
I always have to remember that we cant be all things to all parents. This mom will probably never be satisfied anywhere she goes. Let us know what happens.
Debbie