Mom Complains About Everything!!

**nannyde** · 11-13-2011, 02:58 PM

Sistah you need to learn the art of escalation.

Mom: Little Amy slept with her shoes on at nap
You: Oh my goodness. We probably did permanent damage. She needs to see a pediatric podiatrist before she returns. We can't care for her until we know she's okay.

Mom: She has food on her clothes from lunch. She keeps her bib on at my house.
You: Oh my goodness. She is obviously way more advanced at home then she is in child care. I think she has some sort of social performance disorder. She must see a child psychiatrist before she can return to care. Something is definitely wrong with her ability to adapt in our environment. We need a care plan for her before she returns to make sure we don't further the damage.

Mom: Amy fell asleep with a sippy cup.
You: She didn't but that is a very serious situation. She needs to see a pediatric dentist before she returns to care. He will be able to tell you if we have caused tooth rot.

Get it?

Now the next phase is to do a COMPLETE head to toe exam of her EVERY day upon arrival. Have a clipboard JUST for her. Document and have the Mom sign for every bug bite, scratch, dirty fingernail. Make the Mom stay while you document EVERY SINGLE thing that is not normal or happened at home including ANY hygene issues or clothing issues. You need to start placing concrete expectations on her that she bring the child completely clean in clothing and shoes that FIT. She can't attend if she doesn't have a clean body and clothing that fits.

TAKE HER ON. The care of Amy needs to be perfect in every way every day.

What she's doing to you is forcing you to DO Mom. Start doing Mom. Start devoting yourself to MOM and placing expectations on MOM so that the care of Amy is as perfect as she claims it should be.

Join her in her quest to have the perfect Amy.

**Michael** · 11-13-2011, 03:41 PM

I also noticed this is your sixth comment here since Mar 2010?

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**Lucy** · 11-13-2011, 04:33 PM

"So, keeping all these things in mind, it boggles my mind that not only does Mom have the nerve to complain about little things, but that if she's so dissatisfied with our 'care' of her daughter, why she continues to send her daughter to our daycare. I wrote her a letter on Friday, basically telling her that since we can't do anything to her satisfaction, it would be best for all of us if she sought child care elsewhere. I even included the phone number of another daycare that's actually much closer to her home. Unfortunately, one of my board members talked me out of sending it home with her."

You should have sent it home. You will never meet her expectations, so it's best she move on.

**daycare** · 11-13-2011, 04:35 PM

Unless you have Nannyde's backbone I agree with above.

Let her go..

**mommiesherie** · 11-13-2011, 08:20 PM

We had a mother like this at a center I worked at in the past. No other teacher or owner would deal with her but me. Lol. I am like nannyde kinda. I would just give it back to her with a smile. If she siad oh my goodness you have dirt in your shoe. Did they let you get dirty today? I would reply something like oh you know dirt is gonna kill her we will have to be sure she never goes outside or see's any sun light. With a cheesy grin. Then I said something like you know the state law says that we must provide the children with outside time each day weather permitting. Sorry but take it up with the state. Besides children really need it. Once she came in and I was busy doing something else so another teacher had to greet her. She gets her and says omg look at this punctire wound!! Runs to me and says look at this puncture wound on my baby! We lay her down and I look and can't see anything. I finally said is these two tiny bumps what you are talking about? Yes she says. I say wow they are tiny tiny bumps. Who knows what they are from but that is not a puncture wound and you know it. She gets in the floor and picks up every toy and inspects it to see it they could harm her child. Guess what she found nothing wrong at all. People like this you just have to be blunt with. She would come to me with problems and I have not idea why because I would just set her straight. Everyone seemed afraid of her. A bully does like to push around people who are afraid of them I guess but I offered her reassurance that her child was ok. Good luck with her. Either put it to her or let her go. This mom did get better over a few months of this behavior.

**misspollywog** · 11-13-2011, 10:02 PM

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You already got really great advice so I just wanted to say I love the tags for this post!

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**DCMom** · 11-14-2011, 08:26 AM

Originally posted by Joyce

"So, keeping all these things in mind, it boggles my mind that not only does Mom have the nerve to complain about little things, but that if she's so dissatisfied with our 'care' of her daughter, why she continues to send her daughter to our daycare. I wrote her a letter on Friday, basically telling her that since we can't do anything to her satisfaction, it would be best for all of us if she sought child care elsewhere. I even included the phone number of another daycare that's actually much closer to her home. Unfortunately, one of my board members talked me out of sending it home with her."

You should have sent it home. You will never meet her expectations, so it's best she move on.

I agree. Puts the ball in her court.

I had/have a mom like this...she is still here, but it took a letter worded very similar to the above during her 4 week trial period to get her to stop voicing her 'concerns'. She still has her moments, but she is much more tolerable ~ she tries hard not to be a pita now. When ever she borders on the ridiculous, I give her the 'are you kiddin' me?' look and she backs off.

Lucky her kids are sweeties and her hours changed so I only see her about 3 times a week, otherwise she would have been outta here! :

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**nannyde** · 11-14-2011, 10:13 AM

Originally posted by misspollywog

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You already got really great advice so I just wanted to say I love the tags for this post!

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I wish I knew how to add tags. I'd add "tag-your're-it"

**SilverSabre25** · 11-14-2011, 10:19 AM

Originally posted by nannyde

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I wish I knew how to add tags. I'd add "tag-your're-it"

Nanny, scroll down to the tags. In the box with the tags, in the upper right-hand corner, it says, "edit tags". Click that.

**youretooloud** · 11-14-2011, 11:30 AM

I love the idea of doing a head to toe check each day.

"Ooh... I notice her sleeves are a little tight... they are leaving marks on her arm... hold on.. let me make a note of this..... here, can you initial right nex to my notations?"

**SilverSabre25** · 11-14-2011, 11:31 AM

Originally posted by youretooloud

I love the idea of doing a head to toe check each day.

"Ooh... I notice her sleeves are a little tight... they are leaving marks on her arm... hold on.. let me make a note of this..... here, can you initial right nex to my notations?"

Nah, initials are too easy. Make her sign her full name and time/date it!

**wdmmom** · 11-14-2011, 11:40 AM

Originally posted by New Sheriff

Hi, all,

I'm having a problem with one of my parents, and am wondering if anyone else has had a similar situation and how you handled it. Any perspective/advice would be greatly appreciated.

So....Mom enrolled her 18-month-old daughter, 'Amy,' three months ago. It's no exaggeration to say that Mom has voiced a complaint/issue nearly every day since then...and they're such ridiculous issues that I feel stupid even repeating them. Yet, to give you an idea of what I've been dealing with...

Mom complained because daughter's bow came out of her hair during her nap. Child has very fine hair to begin with; bow was placed in her diaper bag.
Mom was quite unhappy about this. (??????)

Mom complained because 'Amy' had some dried food on her shirt at pickup. (The child WILL NOT keep a bib on), even though Mom insists she does at home. I'd like to mention that the lunch Mom sends with her is always some kind of Chinese food (no, I'm not making that up), tomato sauce-pasta and/or cheese sauce, berry (purple) applesauce or other messy/staining food that an adult would have trouble keeping off their clothing.

Mom complained because 'Amy' was put down for her nap with her shoes on. 'Amy' is an extremely light sleeper, and she tends to be rather whiny in general. The staff member who put the child down for nap left her shoes on because 'Amy' had fallen asleep in her high chair, and she didn't want to risk waking her up. (Like she never falls asleep at home with her shoes on???)

Mom was unhappy because she thought 'Amy' had fallen asleep with her sippy cup. This did not happen, but when the staff member replied, "so you don't want her to sleep with a cup?" The Mom gave her a withering stare and said, very slowly, "no child should. It rots their teeth."

These are only a few examples of the things she complains about. I could handle it better if she didn't have an issue EVERY SINGLE DAY, or if she didn't talk in such a condescending way. My staff, myself included, are all mothers with children from 5-38 years old, and two of us are retired school teachers with over 30 years of experience. I like to think we know a little bit about taking care of children.

In the meantime, this same mother strolled into the facility a whole hour late one day without letting us know what was going on. When a staff member nicely told her that we require a phone call when a child will be late, Mom copped an attitude and replied, "ummmm, yeahhhh....when I'm running errands and have a bunch of stuff to do in the morning, I don't have TIME to make phone calls." (??????????) I called her out on that one, and she actually 'behaved' herself for a few days after that.

I guess my main issue with this Mom is that she has all these complaints, yet she feeds the child adult food (Chinese food? Tough meat-type meals for an 18-month-old???), the little girl's hair and fingernails are in desperate need of a serious trim; she shows up with at least five to seven insect bites of some kind every week, and picks and scratches at them until they bleed (Mom doesn't medicate or dress these). The little girl is on the chubby side, but Mom continually dresses her in too-small/too-tight clothing that actually leaves indentations on her body. She also crams her chubby little feet in shoes that are woefully small, and ignores the little girl's crying when she does so. Little girl also has cracks in the skin on the bottoms of both of her big toes; these sometimes crack open and bleed. Again; no medication or dressing on these. After three months, these are still there.

So, keeping all these things in mind, it boggles my mind that not only does Mom have the nerve to complain about little things, but that if she's so dissatisfied with our 'care' of her daughter, why she continues to send her daughter to our daycare. I wrote her a letter on Friday, basically telling her that since we can't do anything to her satisfaction, it would be best for all of us if she sought child care elsewhere. I even included the phone number of another daycare that's actually much closer to her home. Unfortunately, one of my board members talked me out of sending it home with her.

Has anyone ever dealt with this before? I hate to lose the $$, of course, but it's just not worth it to me to listen to these constant complaints, in addition to being made to feel like some kind of incompetent moron. If anyone has any ideas, please share, before I lose my patience (or my sanity).

Thanks!

To solve your problems...no hair ties or bows. They are choking hazards. No bows or ponytails, no discussion.

Put a sweatshirt over her clothes when eating. Let her stain a $5 sweatshirt. Nothing on her clothes, no discussion.

Unless this kid is telling her mom that she slept with shoes on, it shouldn't be brought up or mentioned. As a precautionary measure, no child sleeps with shoes on. No discussion.

As for showing up late, implement STEEP late fees. Work on contracted hours. And, if I ever had a parent talk to me or my assistant like that, they'd get some Shaniqua head boppin' attitude right back along with a term notice.

I agree with the other posters. Keep record of her bumps, bruises, bug bites, marks, scratches, fingernails, etc. Turn the tables around.

"Say Brenda, Amy's nails really need some attention." "Say Brenda, have you seen these marks on Amy? Are they bug bites?" ETC.

**nannyde** · 11-14-2011, 11:50 AM

Is this a state paid client by any chance?

**New Sheriff** · 12-01-2011, 07:04 PM

Thank you for all the great ideas!!!!

Hi, everyone!

I wanted to thank all of you for the fantastic (and amusing) suggestions on how to deal with this mother. (And Yes, NanyDE, she IS a state-paid client!) How did you ever guess? I'm sure you all have experienced this, but I have more problems with the state-paid clients than any of my private-pays. The sense of entitlement, the demands, the ridiculous expectations!!! UGH!

Anyway, here's an update on Super-Sanctimonious Mom:

She had more or less behaved herself for the past few weeks. She usually arrives in the afternoon, just as her precious angel is waking up from her nap. Of course, the little one's hair is usually messy -- she's been sleeping/rolling around, etc. First thing Mom always says is, "Look at you. You're a mess," and starts trying to fix her hair. The other day when she did this, I just sighed and said, "well, you'll have that." The next time she said it, I just rolled my eyes and walked away. She hasn't said it since.

However, she came in to pick up her daughter this afternoon -- unexpectedly, over an hour early -- and was fine initially. I told her that 'Amy' hadn't really eaten her lunch, as she'd fallen asleep in her high chair. She seemed displeased, but said nothing. She then immediately noticed that Amy wasn't wearing her socks. (Apparently she'd taken them off while in her pack n play -- out of my control, sorry), but had them in her hand.

Mom seemed really put out that I handed her a sock while I helped Amy put on the other sock. Then she suddenly said to the little girl, "you stink." Little Amy usually has two horrible BMs each day, and had either dirtied herself while sleeping, or right after waking. Again, Mom didn't say anything, but the unspoken accusation seemed to be that we'd put Amy down for her nap with a dirty diaper, which absolutely would never happen. I offered to change her diaper, even though I consider myself off the clock once mom or dad arrive. Mom said, "no, that's okay. I'll change her at home. I use cloth diapers." Okay, whatever.

Then, out of nowhere, she said, "you guys are aware that it's against the regulations to give a child a bottle that they've already drank out of." I just looked at her. I said, "what?" She said, "you're not supposed to put unfinished bottles in the refrigerator, then give them back to a child to finish. It's bacteria." I had no idea what she was talking about, honestly. Finally I said, "what do you mean?" She was like, "there's a bottle in the fridge that was in there yesterday." (??????) First of all, the bottle in question belongs to another child who was there the day before, but not today. Secondly, Perfect Mom doesn't know just by looking at said bottle whether it had ever been used by a child, how long it had been there, or why. I said, "Amy's bottle?" Amy doesn't drink out of bottles, but I was trying to make a point that, if it's not your child's bottle, you don't need to concern yourself. She, naturally, missed the point, and sighed (exasperatedly). "No; there's a bottle in the fridge that was there yesterday, and it's still in there. You're not allowed to give a child a bottle they've already drank out of. You guys know that, right?" (Can I just point out that this mom is at least 15 years younger than me, and 20-40 years younger than the rest of my staff, and to be spoken to in such a condescending manner made me want to rip her face off? Two of us have raised children to adulthood, and the other has successfully managed to keep a preschooler alive thus far, so we can't be too incompetent...right???)

Anyway, I just looked at her and said, "yeah, we do know that. We're all parents here, actually. But....thanks." I then walked away, and she left without another word. I really, really, really want to terminate her....do I have to have a reason, other than, "we can't meet your ridiculous, lofty, unattainable requirements, and you're a world-class P.I.T.A."??????

I just don't understand what her goal is, in all this. We're basically all she's got as far as child care, so I'd think she'd try a little harder to be on our good side. I personally wouldn't want to p*ss off anyone who was looking after my child. I'm just really, really tired of her coming in every single day with complaints, or instructions on how we're supposed to do our jobs. We've been at this for quite a few years now, so we really don't need her "expertise."

I hate to go on about it, because this post was supposed to just be a thank you for all the advice and support to my earlier rant, but I'll be honest, this really ruined my otherwise good day. I'm just glad for this forum, because I know that you guys understand how frustrating and often thankless child care can be. The kids aren't the stressful part at all, compared to some of these parents!

thanks for letting me vent!!!!

Mom Complains About Everything!!

Mom Complains About Everything!!

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