Just Drafted The Letter Of All Letters For The Daycare Parents

[wdmmom]

I am so stressed out, and tired of picking up all the slack here, while they drop the ball at home, so I am laying it all out there for them. Things have to change or I will start weeding out kids and families! I have an entire new set of kids on my waiting list, so no problem filling spots. I know many of you would say that it is too personal, but you know what, they want me to care for their children, they are going to see things from my side and how it is affecting me as a person. Here is the letter:

Dear Daycare families,

This summer, I passed out income sheets for the food program, and I am told that not everyone handed theirs in. When they aren't handed in, I do not receive as much as I would if they were turned in. I strive to serve very healthy, unprocessed foods. If I am going to continue to do this, I have to have each of you fill your paperwork out and send it in. If I have to give you a stamp, I will. Or I will have to start asking that each family bring their own food. (Which would cause a whole other problem because this kid would want that kids food and etc). I can't find out who didn't turn theirs in because it is confidential, so if you think your sheet may be one that may not have been turned in, please ask for another form and get it in asap.

We have had many behavioral issues at daycare lately, and we have spent far too much non-daycare hours brainstorming on what we can do to improve things. It has become a great source of stress, and we have spent far too much time being upset because after hours about it all. These are things that we have observed that must change or we will no longer be able to continue care:

Parents MUST run the show. You are the parent, you must take charge of your child when you come to pick them up. Pick up time is chaotic, so we cannot allow children to run around the house. When you come to pick up your child, promptly put their shoes and coats on and enforce the rules of the house which are:

1. No jumping on the furniture
2. No hitting of any kind
3. No going outside without permission
4. Be respectful and talk kindly
5. No running upstairs
6. Quiet during nap/rest time
7. Use indoor voices while indoors
8. Clean up toys before you leave

There is far too much running around the house being allowed, and we would rather not have to continue to discipline your child when you are here. The kids need to know that even though changing of the authority figure is happening, the rules do not change. I see far too much hitting of the parent being allowed, yelling and running around my house being allowed by the parents. We still have other children to care for, and some possibly sleeping, so when you come to retrieve your children, we would appreciate it if you made it as smooth as possible. Also, when our “child is sleeping” sign is up, please be respectful when you come to the door and enforce the quiet during nap/rest time rule with your child.

We have done away with the prize box. Kids were becoming ungrateful for the little gifts they were receiving. Plus their behaviors take a nose dive when parents arrive, which is also prompting the above paragraph. Makes us sad, because it felt good to reward good days.

We have noticed that many of the kids seem to be way over tired when they come to daycare. Either they were up thru the night watching tv, or went to bed too late or up too early. We have a schedule we follow here. Each child can't have their own schedule when in a daycare. We have to think about the daycare as a whole. As much as we would like to hold and snuggle an over tired child all day long, we just can't. Please do what you can to ensure that your child is getting a good nights sleep each night, and napping consistantly on the weekend when they are not in care so that it isn't such a chore to keep them on a good schedule here. Right now naps are a disaster here. We try to separate the good sleepers from the not so good sleepers. But most days we spend our “break” running from room to room trying to keep kids quiet so the others can sleep. Over ten hours a day with very little break becomes exhausting, so enforcing good naps at home may make the difference here. Getting a break in our 10 hour day makes for much happier providers.

Respect. Even toddlers can learn respect. We don't allow hitting of any kind here, whether it be towards another child, a pet, and certainly not towards an adult. If you are experiencing rough playing and hitting in your home, whether it be in fun, or frustration from your child, we are asking you to do your part to put an end to it at home, as we are doing our part here. Kids are going to test the limits, but they have to be made to know, that hitting is NOT ok. This is a phrase we use each time a child hits or hurts another child. “X, you just hit Y, and that is NOT ok. You hurt your friend. Time out for hitting.” After the time out, we explain in kid language, short phrases, why they cannot hurt other people. We also say the phrase, “We use our big kid words, no hitting.” Each and every time. Consistency is key. A normal part of being a toddler is pushing limits, but if we stay on the same page, and stay consistent, we can influence the children in a positive way.

We have lots of littles in care. We know how much you all cherish your time with your kiddos in the evenings, and want to do lots of snuggling and holding. We can't fault anyone for that. We feel for all of you working parents, and feel very grateful that you all have chosen us to care for your precious children. That being said, we have a few little ones who absolutely cannot be put down. This causes lots of stress here, not only on us, but on the other kiddos who have to listen to the constant crying. We just can't physically hold them all the time. It wouldn't be good for them either. They all need to learn to explore, play with and manipulate toys, and play with others. Encourage independent play at home as much as possible.

Although this letter may seem harsh, it comes only from a place of love for all the children in our care. We know that it takes a village to raise a child, and know that much of this must start at home for us to be able to carry it through here. We are trying to do whatever we can to ensure that your child's day is full of fun and learning!

Thank you,

Miss X and Miss Y

What do you think. I am sure many will say too preachy, but I feel like I have to spell it out for them all. We have issues with each and every family and child, and the issues are all in this letter, so everyone is getting one. I am ready for the firestorm, or children being pulled.

I'd revise it to this:

Dear Families:

I have been informed that some of you did not turn in your food program paperwork. Without families completing the food program paperwork, they provide me with less money to provide your child with wholesome, nutritious and unprocessed meals. Attached is another form, if you did not previously submit your form, please send this in using the postage paid envelope promptly. Anyone failing to submit the paperwork may be subject to a rate increase to cover the costs.

Pick up and drop off times can be very chaotic. Starting next Monday we will be using the "Buh-bye Birdie" (I just made that up) system. Buh-bye Birdie means your child will have his coat and shoes put on 5 minutes before pick up time. Upon arrival of the parents, your child will be escorted out the door. We are spending far too much time chasing children and continuously monitor them while parents want to chat. You are welcome to a conference but it must be done after hours. If you are wanting to know how his day went, please ask us to provide a daily sheet.

To make arrivals and departures easier, we will no longer be permitting anyone to come or go during nap/rest time. (1pm - 3pm) If your child needs to be picked up during these times, please notify us ahead of time and be respectful that other children are resting during this time and it needs to remain quiet. This brings us to a new policy that we are instilling. All children must nap or rest during nap/rest time. If your child doesn't nap, he/she will be required to lay down for 1 hour and rest. We do not offer quiet play during this time.

I'd leave it at that. Parents don't need to know whether the prize box is something you've continued with or not. They also don't need to be told how to parent their child at night.

The way your letter sounds is that you want the parents to do all of these things and that these kids are out of control. However, your letter comes off as though you don't have any control either.

I definitely would revise and not send the original.

[cheerfuldom]

well sometimes replacing a family IS the answer but in this case, the OP has said that EVERY family is having similar issues so at that point, it really is up to the provider to see their part in the dynamics of the situation. Perhaps a good start would be to list out exactly what you want to see changed and have comments from the other providers on this board. I have gotten some very simple but effective advice and have been able to solve a few issues without even mentioning a thing to the parents.

[Michelle]

I agree with everyone, this letter sounds like a letter you would have posted on the bulletin board for your employees to read so that things run more smoothly.
Parents will never change the way they do things at home to make your job easier. They really think these things are your issues.

I think to help with nap time just don't allow any drop offs after 9 a.m.
Definitely do the bye bye routine at closing.
Then as far as hitting, they will catch on. Your post reminded me of a kid I just recently had. He was punching his mom in the stomach when she picked him up and she just laughed and said, "That don't hurt". This explained a lot.
I have seen dads/older siblings play this way with their kids and that's why they do it usually.

I am right there with you, I wish I could send a letter to parents like this but it does sound like complaints and too general for everyone.

[My Daycare]

I'd revise it to this:

Dear Families:

I have been informed that some of you did not turn in your food program paperwork. Without families completing the food program paperwork, they provide me with less money to provide your child with wholesome, nutritious and unprocessed meals. Attached is another form, if you did not previously submit your form, please send this in using the postage paid envelope promptly. Anyone failing to submit the paperwork may be subject to a rate increase to cover the costs.

Pick up and drop off times can be very chaotic. Starting next Monday we will be using the "Buh-bye Birdie" (I just made that up) system. Buh-bye Birdie means your child will have his coat and shoes put on 5 minutes before pick up time. Upon arrival of the parents, your child will be escorted out the door. We are spending far too much time chasing children and continuously monitor them while parents want to chat. You are welcome to a conference but it must be done after hours. If you are wanting to know how his day went, please ask us to provide a daily sheet.

To make arrivals and departures easier, we will no longer be permitting anyone to come or go during nap/rest time. (1pm - 3pm) If your child needs to be picked up during these times, please notify us ahead of time and be respectful that other children are resting during this time and it needs to remain quiet. This brings us to a new policy that we are instilling. All children must nap or rest during nap/rest time. If your child doesn't nap, he/she will be required to lay down for 1 hour and rest. We do not offer quiet play during this time.

I'd leave it at that. Parents don't need to know whether the prize box is something you've continued with or not. They also don't need to be told how to parent their child at night.

The way your letter sounds is that you want the parents to do all of these things and that these kids are out of control. However, your letter comes off as though you don't have any control either.

I definitely would revise and not send the original.

Great letter!

I do remember recently reading somewhere that it is not OK to raise rates for that specific reason, or to raise them to completely cover the cost of food when you are on the food program.

Rates can be raised, but she can get in trouble for using that reason in order to do it.

I can't find exactly what it says, but I'll look for it.

[Growing1atime]

Hi. I don't have time to read the responses, so maybe someone said this. I find it easier to have them ALL ready to go at pickup time. I go so far as to put their belongings by the door. (backpack, diaper bag, toy, whatever). I have their shoes & coats on. They are ready to just walk out the door when Mom arrives. Anyway, just my two cents.

I too have started doing this. I found the parents actually appreciated it. They are tired from work and just want to get going most of the time. My new families will want to chat a little, but the rest are just ready to go.

[sahm2three]

Oh friend, please don't send this letter. Instead, ask for help. Ask here on the forum about how to get some of these things done. Deal with one issue at a time, so that you can deal with it.

Never admit to a parent - especially in writing - that you are at your wit's end. If you send out this letter, and next week a child gets hurt, even if you were not at fault, you've set yourself up to be reported, because you could no longer handle the stress, and CPS will find you at fault.

As mentioned, you are still in control when the parents are at your home. Have a talk with the children, let them know what you expect, and then with calm voices, enforce the new rules. I have a little guy that acts out occasionally when his mom comes, the next day we go back to square one: put on your shoes and wait in this chair till she gets here. Then he does well for a time.

As for the food program, just say to each parent individually: The food program tells me that some parents have not yet turned in their form. Do you need a new form? Did you mail yours? I'd be happy to provide a stamp. That's so much more pro-active.

Replacing the families is not the answer. Making changes in your program is.

There is no way I can change the way things are here without the parents making changes. Parenting has gone down the pooper I have decided, and they all want to just do what is easy for THEM. They don't want to do the hard work involved in raising a good upstanding citizen. I have had parents tell me that their child didn't sleep well and at 5 AM heard them yell "Show's over!" because they have a movie looped to run all night long! Then I have parents who allow their child to hit them while they are helping get shoes on. I can only say so many times, "No X, we don't hit!" Or "don't hit your mom. That isn't ok." I have done time outs with parents here, and they don't get it. I feel like I absolutely have to spell it out! I may leave a few things out, but I do feel like it needs to be said. They come to me complaining that their child is tired in the evenings. Yeah, well they are SOOOOOOO over tired that they won't sleep here either.

None of these things are going to be a surprise to the parents. I have talked to each of them face to face. It goes in one ear and out the other. At least with a letter, they have a written warning and if they get a term letter a week later, they won't be surprised and I can say, I gave you a letter telling you what I expected.

I wish I could do more. I really do. I worry myself SICK over all of this. I am done being the only one worrying about it and doing the hard work!

I get where everyone is coming from. But I HAVE to do/say something!!!!

[daycare]

Yes this is correct, while on the food program we can't use the reason for increased rates is because of food cost. The food program does an annual review of the cost of food and will increase rates when and if needed.

You can use any other excuse.

[sahm2three]

I too have started doing this. I found the parents actually appreciated it. They are tired from work and just want to get going most of the time. My new families will want to chat a little, but the rest are just ready to go.

No one shows up at the same time. I don't want to have to sit by the door for 20 mins with a child waiting for their parents.

[daycare]

No one shows up at the same time. I don't want to have to sit by the door for 20 mins with a child waiting for their parents.

Do you work on contracted hours?

[sahm2three]

Do you work on contracted hours?

Yes. And no one shows up on time. Ever.

[daycare]

So start with that right there.
You need to enforce your late policy. If you don't have one get one now. Smack it down right now. Effective tomorrow morning.
Then when you have this under control you will know what tome each child needs to be ready to go.

You have a helper? Have them in charge of getting the kids ready to go and have that person wait with them. Read a book or draw a picture while waiting.

You just need to take the control back.

[sahm1225]

I'd revise it to this:

Dear Families:

I have been informed that some of you did not turn in your food program paperwork. Without families completing the food program paperwork, they provide me with less money to provide your child with wholesome, nutritious and unprocessed meals. Attached is another form, if you did not previously submit your form, please send this in using the postage paid envelope promptly. Anyone failing to submit the paperwork may be subject to a rate increase to cover the costs.

Pick up and drop off times can be very chaotic. Starting next Monday we will be using the "Buh-bye Birdie" (I just made that up) system. Buh-bye Birdie means your child will have his coat and shoes put on 5 minutes before pick up time. Upon arrival of the parents, your child will be escorted out the door. We are spending far too much time chasing children and continuously monitor them while parents want to chat. You are welcome to a conference but it must be done after hours. If you are wanting to know how his day went, please ask us to provide a daily sheet.

To make arrivals and departures easier, we will no longer be permitting anyone to come or go during nap/rest time. (1pm - 3pm) If your child needs to be picked up during these times, please notify us ahead of time and be respectful that other children are resting during this time and it needs to remain quiet. This brings us to a new policy that we are instilling. All children must nap or rest during nap/rest time. If your child doesn't nap, he/she will be required to lay down for 1 hour and rest. We do not offer quiet play during this time.

I'd leave it at that. Parents don't need to know whether the prize box is something you've continued with or not. They also don't need to be told how to parent their child at night.

The way your letter sounds is that you want the parents to do all of these things and that these kids are out of control. However, your letter comes off as though you don't have any control either.

I definitely would revise and not send the original.

I like this one better.. I understand where you are coming from, but the letter is just too all over the place and really sounds like you are frustrated. Is this letter meant to be a 1st warning for all the families? It came accross as more of a general complaint and very defensive (which is going to get you nowhere by the way). If you have a waiting list, start using it.

The parent that let their kids stay up until 5am shouldve received a phone call to come pick up their child since they were unable to participate in the day.

If everyone is coming in late all the time, I would actually start by sending out a 'reminders' letter (what their contracted times are, what the late fees are, acceptable and unacceptable behavior etc.) and then start enforcing your rules.

<<HUGS>> things will get better, just take a deep breath

[MarinaVanessa]

Even though you havn't lost control of your DC this letter may give the parents the idea that you have. If the kids are acting up when parents arrive then insist that ALL of the children sit down and behave. If it means asking the adult that just walked in to step back outside so be it. The DC kids are testing the authorative figure and if the parents don't take charge then that means that you have to draw the line and I'm talking about drawing the line with the parents also.

If I saw a DC child hitting his parent and the parent said nothing you better believe that I deffinetely would. "Little Timmy!" look him square in the eyes "We do not hit. Gentle touches. No hit." (i have mostly 2 yo's) then a stern look at the parent "We do not allow hitting here. You cannot allow your child to hit you here especially not in front of the other children. It is inapropriate behavior that needs to be addressed, not ignored". You need to make it clear to the parent that THEY must take control.

As for the food program problem I would have them all FILL OUT THE SHEET IN YOUR DAYCARE. Then YOU mail it in.

As for the letter, I think it's way to long and way too detailed. If you shorten it and state only succinct facts the point will be better made.
If I were to write a letter about these issues I would have written it like this (everything else I would handle one-on-one with each individual parent):

Dear Daycare families,

There have been several reoccurring issues that have come to my attention that need to be rectified which I will cover in this notice.

In the summer new food program forms needed to be filled out and returned by the daycare families. Not everyone turned one in to the food program and therefore I will not be reimbursed for meals for those families. Because of this all families must fill out another form here at daycare by [date] which I will personally mail to the food program. Any families that do not fill out a form by the designated date will have a fee of [amount] added to their weekly daycare rate to cover the difference of that loss.

Secondly I would like to address that there have been issues with daycare children not following the rules while their parents are present. I would like to remind everyone of the daycare rules and recommend that you remind your children of these rules if you see any of these issues arise when you drop-off or pick-up your child.

1. No jumping on the furniture
2. No hitting of any kind
3. No going outside without permission
4. Be respectful and talk kindly
5. No running upstairs
6. Quiet during nap/rest time
7. Use indoor voices while indoors
8. Clean up toys before you leave

These rules are in place to maintain order and the safety of all children in the daycare. If I observe any behavior that does not follow our guidelines then [daycare providers] will intervene and remind both you and your child of the rules. Hitting another child in daycare or an adult (even a parent) will not be tolerated.

We have noticed that some children arrive unrested and are overly tired. Unfortunately because we always have other children in our care we are unable to provide specialized individual care for them. We recommend that all children get the required 10-13 hours of sleep at night that pediatricians recommend. Children that do not get enough sleep during the night may become highly irritable and may need to be picked up early from daycare.

We would also like to remind all families that when our “child is sleeping” sign is up, you must be respectful of the resting children and enforce the quiet during nap/rest time rule with your child.

If you have any questions or concerns do not hesitate to contact us.

Thank you,

Miss X and Miss Y

[Growing1atime]

No one shows up at the same time. I don't want to have to sit by the door for 20 mins with a child waiting for their parents.

None of my parents show up at the same time either. But I know approximately when they will be here and I plan for it. I get their things ready by the door, get their shoes on and all the parents have to do is grab and go. When they come, I call the child put on their jacket and say bye bye little Johnny.

[renodeb]

I would NOT send that..
Sounds like you have lost complete control of your daycare and now are wanting the parents to take fault and action.

Of course you need a back bone, but I think you need some change. Like start the nannyde bye bye outside program, and putting an end to things as they happen.

Trust me I've done my share of trying to get parents to see things my way, but they are only going to care about what works for them abs their child at home. As they see it, what happens at your house is your problem.

Im afraid I have to agree. Number one most parents wont read it. If there are really this many issues then set up conferences with each parent and adress them in private. Make notes on the things you talk about with each parent.
Maybe try having there shoes on and ready to leave, hold them by the hand and escort them to the front door and hand them off to the parent.
Raisng your rates may be a better idea than having each parent bring there lunch. Let us know how it goes. If you do loose kids I hope you can replace them soon.
Debbie