Dealing With Siblings...

[learn-n-grow]

I signed up 4 siblings over the weekend and they start Monday. There is a 5 mth old, 4 yr old, 6 yr old and 11 yr old. My problem is that the baby is really spoiled. Mom admitted to it. She told me that they hold him a lot. Well, all throughout the day whenever he would cry, his sibs felt like they always had to come get me (as if I cannot hear a crying baby). They would go sit in his face all day. I would have to tell them to go play. I put the baby to sleep in a separate room because it was his first day and I didn't want him to wake up crying and then wake everybody up. Also, I had the baby on the floor, one of the toddlers came by and hit him. I redirected the toddler and everything was fine.....so I thought.


When she drops the kids off this AM, she asks me if the baby was sleeping in another room because her other son made a big deal about baby sleeping in a different room, I told her yes and she asked me to let him sleep in the open room and I explained to her why and you could tell she still had a problem with my response. Then she asked if I could not put him on the floor unless I am sitting right beside him and again I said no because he needs to explore and I don't need to be right by his side. She told me her older son was really upset that the toddler hit baby and she wants the baby to be protected (in my opinion sheltered).

I am tempted to term already. If I am going to have to deal with the kids "telling" on me every day, we are going to have a problem. I told her that if baby is crying and I have fed and diapered and nothing else appears to be wrong that I will let him cry it out. I will not sit and hold him all day.

I do plan to talk to mom again to let her know I do things. I also plan to tell her that I will not allow the sibs to pick him up cuz if they drop him, that's on me...what have I gotten myself into?!?!:confused:

[caligirl]

Ok, I have only read your first line..........I haven't even finished the rest but had to say 'FOUR?????????????? FOUR????????????? I YI YI you are BRAVE~~~"
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[caligirl]

The problem I have when I watch siblings, when one is a good deal older than the other, is they want to tell me how things are done, at THEIR home, or how mommy does things.......then they go home and 'tattle' to mommy if they don't think I did something right..............like, letting the baby cry for 5 minutes while I'm busy with another child.......silly things like that......... I just don't like starting siblings at the same time because of that one thing.... Now, when I have a child and a baby comes along later, that's great......but that's because I've already been watching the older one.

GOOD LUCK to you!

[learn-n-grow]

The problem I have when I watch siblings, when one is a good deal older than the other, is they want to tell me how things are done, at THEIR home, or how mommy does things.......then they go home and 'tattle' to mommy if they don't think I did something right..............like, letting the baby cry for 5 minutes while I'm busy with another child.......silly things like that......... I just don't like starting siblings at the same time because of that one thing.... Now, when I have a child and a baby comes along later, that's great......but that's because I've already been watching the older one.

GOOD LUCK to you!

I think that is exactly the problem. They see what I am doing as a problem because I don't do things like home. I am just trying to figure out how to explain this to her without possibly being offensive.

[learn-n-grow]

Ok, I have only read your first line..........I haven't even finished the rest but had to say 'FOUR?????????????? FOUR????????????? I YI YI you are BRAVE~~~"
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...well 2 of them are school agers so they are only here for a couple hours in the afternoon.

[nannyde]

I have to go with the Mom on the floor thing. It's SO risky to have a baby out with bigger kids. I would NEVER allow a baby on the floor while toddlers and PreK kids were up and running. All it would take is one trip on a toy and have a toddler fall the right way on the babies head or trunk and you could have serious damage not to mention intentional harm.

The babies don't join the big kids until they are walking well. I use superyards to separate.

I wouldn't agree with the deal of having him sleep in the main room. I provide a separate sleeping area for infants so they can have uninterupted sleep in a dark cool room.

I also wouldn't allow the sibs to TOUCH or interact with the baby at all. "MY" baby during the day... go play toys and "leave it". When the sibs are in the house they are no different than the other kids. They don't have access to the baby.

When a parent has THIS many kids in care they feel VERY powerful over the provider ESPECIALLY if they are state funded. You have a situation where for free or near free the parent is getting to have an employee who will rely very heavily on the income of the sib group to survive. The Mom is most likely used to having a LOT of say over what happens with her kids in care because she rules and rules for free with the sheer percentage of income she holds over the provider.

You may be dealing with someone who didn't do a single thing to deserve that much power... didn't work for it... didn't get educated for it... just had one kid after another for it. Free and power usually don't work too well together.

I don't know if she is state funded but if she is then you may be dealing with this dynamic. The fact that she was able to access child care on a weekend and start Monday tells me she most likely is state funded and left over issues on whatever care she had last week. Could be wrong though... just guessing.

Get her in check NOW and be done with it. Your way or the highway... just listen to her safety concerns and do what you feel comfortable being responsible for. If she doesn't like your ways she can ease on down the road.

[learn-n-grow]

I have to go with the Mom on the floor thing. It's SO risky to have a baby out with bigger kids. I would NEVER allow a baby on the floor while toddlers and PreK kids were up and running. All it would take is one trip on a toy and have a toddler fall the right way on the babies head or trunk and you could have serious damage not to mention intentional harm.

The babies don't join the big kids until they are walking well. I use superyards to separate.

I wouldn't agree with the deal of having him sleep in the main room. I provide a separate sleeping area for infants so they can have uninterupted sleep in a dark cool room.

I also wouldn't allow the sibs to TOUCH or interact with the baby at all. "MY" baby during the day... go play toys and "leave it". When the sibs are in the house they are no different than the other kids. They don't have access to the baby.

I'm glad you mentioned this. How do you explain this to the sibs?

When a parent has THIS many kids in care they feel VERY powerful over the provider ESPECIALLY if they are state funded. You have a situation where for free or near free the parent is getting to have an employee who will rely very heavily on the income of the sib group to survive. The Mom is most likely used to having a LOT of say over what happens with her kids in care because she rules and rules for free with the sheer percentage of income she holds over the provider.

You may be dealing with someone who didn't do a single thing to deserve that much power... didn't work for it... didn't get educated for it... just had one kid after another for it. Free and power usually don't work too well together.

I agree with you here and I think this may be the case

I don't know if she is state funded but if she is then you may be dealing with this dynamic. The fact that she was able to access child care on a weekend and start Monday tells me she most likely is state funded and left over issues on whatever care she had last week. Could be wrong though... just guessing.

She is state funded but this is her first job in about a year so this is the baby's first time in childcare. We had been in contact for about 2 weeks prior to them starting.

Get her in check NOW and be done with it. Your way or the highway... just listen to her safety concerns and do what you feel comfortable being responsible for. If she doesn't like your ways she can ease on down the road.

You are absolutely right! I don't like when parents have that "you work for me" attitude

Thanks for posting!

[Blackcat31]

"I also wouldn't allow the sibs to TOUCH or interact with the baby at all. "MY" baby during the day... go play toys and "leave it". When the sibs are in the house they are no different than the other kids. They don't have access to the baby." (quoted from Nan)

I'm glad you mentioned this. How do you explain this to the sibs? (quoted from learn-n-grow)

I tell ALL my older kids that the baby is MY reponsibility when at my house and that they are NOT allowed any where near the child. Other dck's don't understand that someone is a sibling...all they see is someone else being allowed to touch the baby so NO ONE touches the baby while in my house! Go play somewhere else!

I really don't "explain" anything to the older sibs. I just tell them the rule and that they have to follow it. They don't require an explantion.

[cheerfuldom]

I would give it a trial period, letting mom know what to expect from your daycare and letting the big kids know that they are not in charge at daycare. Don't all those older kids go to school anyway?

[Nellie]

"I am tempted to term already. If I am going to have to deal with the kids "telling" on me every day, we are going to have a problem. I told her that if baby is crying and I have fed and diapered and nothing else appears to be wrong that I will let him cry it out. I will not sit and hold him all day."

In my opion 4 months is to young to just let baby CIO during awake hours. I can see maybe for naps, I can see if you need to be taking care of other children, and the other needs of the group.

At that age I am carring and infant around with me quite a bit yet or wearing them.

I'm probable wrong on this issue...........

[MichellesKiddos]

"I am tempted to term already. If I am going to have to deal with the kids "telling" on me every day, we are going to have a problem. I told her that if baby is crying and I have fed and diapered and nothing else appears to be wrong that I will let him cry it out. I will not sit and hold him all day."

In my opion 4 months is to young to just let baby CIO during awake hours. I can see maybe for naps, I can see if you need to be taking care of other children, and the other needs of the group.

At that age I am carring and infant around with me quite a bit yet or wearing them.

I'm probable wrong on this issue...........

IMO, babies KNOW at that young of an age what being held all day is like AND I don't think any baby should be held ALL the time period. They get used to it and expect it...and when it doesn't happen is when the nightmare screaming occurs...in my experience anyways Here, as long as all needs are met I will let them cry for a period of time. Of course, that doesn't mean that I don't hold the babies at all, I just don't hold them all day and run to their every whimper.

I would definitely remind mom what your policies are and how you do things. Let the kids know what you expect of them and also let mom know what you expect of the kids (leaving baby alone). I would give them a trial period to see if things get any better.

Hopefully things work out for you!

[nannyde]

You are absolutely right! I don't like when parents have that "you work for me" attitude

Thanks for posting!

The Mom stayed home for that long? Hmmmm are you sure they didn't just get booted out of a day care?

[learn-n-grow]

I would give it a trial period, letting mom know what to expect from your daycare and letting the big kids know that they are not in charge at daycare. Don't all those older kids go to school anyway?

yea but when they are out of school is when the problems occur.

[learn-n-grow]

IMO, babies KNOW at that young of an age what being held all day is like AND I don't think any baby should be held ALL the time period. They get used to it and expect it...and when it doesn't happen is when the nightmare screaming occurs...in my experience anyways Here, as long as all needs are met I will let them cry for a period of time. Of course, that doesn't mean that I don't hold the babies at all, I just don't hold them all day and run to their every whimper.

I would definitely remind mom what your policies are and how you do things. Let the kids know what you expect of them and also let mom know what you expect of the kids (leaving baby alone). I would give them a trial period to see if things get any better.

Hopefully things work out for you!

This is exactly my view on this. I just think that once he is "programmed" to understand that he doesn't need to be held all the time, he'll be fine. Even when I put him in the exersaucer, he cries if there is no one in his face.

Thanks, I'll give it a while to see if things change before I decide to term.

[sharlan]

FIRMLY, tell the older kids, and let Mom know, that YOU are responsible for the baby during daycare hours. The older kids HAVE to leave the baby alone.

Mom and baby have probably become dependent on the older kids interacting with the baby one on one, 24/7.